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MoshfieldAsylum
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Twisted Metal: LSD - A Stu Story
by MoshTMA
Stu Cochrane lives at his grandma Granny Dread's house and is wasting away another inner demon day in L.A.
Stu's older brother, Bruce Cochrane, died last Christmas in the illegal, mysterious demolition derby known as Twisted Metal; a car, or vehicular fighting contest where losers are killed and one winner claims a big prize.
Not much else is known about the contest, but it happens once a year at a random location or locations, having taken place in areas like California, New York, Nevada, Florida, and even outside the USA in places like Russia, Brazil, and Hong Kong. International Twisted Metal contests were rare though. Twisted Metal is more of an American thing. The police, National Guard, and military are unable to deal with the contest as it is cloaked in so much mystery, and the press struggles to cover it accurately - most of their coverage being considered fake news. Those police officers whom have tried to interfere while the contest was active have died in the pursuit for justice in horrific ways. The Presidents and Prime Ministers of the world are too afraid to address the Twisted Metal sport that leaves so many dead. Those who have spoken out have disappeared shortly thereafter. Twisted Metal have kept the conspiracy theorists working overtime with Alex Jones reclaiming a prominent role in media with theories about midget clowns secretly running the contest who are trying to establish a Clown World Order.
Anyway, current events aside, Stu Cochrane has been fighting depression, mental illness for about a year now, spending most of his time with his friend Mike Giam, another young stoner from the neighborhood wasting his life. Mike has also been mourning, having lost his friend Dave Jaffe, also to Twisted Metal. Dave, like Bruce, entered the contest, but unlike Bruce, Dave was not even invited, so when he interfered in battle driving his monster truck into an arena and crushing a customized dune buggy, killing off a mercenary who never saw it coming, those in charge of the contest were enraged and their security forces opened fire on Dave, killing him for interfering in the contest. The monster truck was left behind and Mike was able to save it to honor his dead friend who would have wanted the truck saved. Mike now calls the truck Hammerhead, named after Dave's favorite heavy metal band. Unlike Mike, Stu was more into funk and classic rock. He styled himself after the great guitarist Jimi Hendrix, with a similar hair style and fashion sense. Stu ignored the trends of the current time (the 90s) and lived in the 60s and 70s, whereas Mike mentally lived in the 80s and 90s.
Stu's Grandmother, Natty Dread, an old, frail looking black woman with dreadlocks is quite mean spirited, constantly complaining about any noise not coming from televisions. She is obsessed with television, from sitcoms, movies, sports, news, cooking shows, cartoons … Granny Dread is a TV addict. She watches several TVs at once and she keeps a baseball bat by her side to use on anyone dumb enough to distract her while she is engaged with a TV program, unless it's a commercial, which she despises. One time a mailman rang the bell too long while Granny Dread was watching TV and she was so upset she took her baseball bat and attacked the mailman - and then even accused him of a hate crime. Because of her angry state of mind, Stu rarely even talks to Granny Dread, but it's the only family he has, just like Mike is the only friend he has. Well, unless we count Vinnie.
Vinnie was the best friend of Bruce Cochrane, Stu's big brother. Vinnie was the one who encouraged Bruce to enter Twisted Metal. Bruce wanted to bring peace to all neighborhoods, after going through so much himself, like the kidnapping and murder of his girlfriend by the gang known as The Pizza Boys, a gang of white rappers with no freestyle skills who stuffed pizzas down the mouths of their victims. After Angel, Bruce's girlfriend, was found dead in an alley with a pepperoni slice stuffed in her mouth, Bruce and Vinnie went for revenge, using flamethrowers to torch several Pizza Boys at one of their hangout spots. They looked like burnt up pizzas after Bruce and Vinnie were done with them. They did the rap world a huge favor, but Bruce was not an evil man, he envisioned a world where there were no drive-by shootings, muggings, kidnappings, murders, rapes, gang warfare, and "Criminals Robbing Innocent Motherfuckers Everytime" (to quote a song by Wu-Tang Clan's GZA). Bruce was a dreamer and a peacemaker, but Vinnie was a coward deep down. Vinnie was offered to join Bruce in Twisted Metal but turned it down after going through the trouble of convincing Bruce to take the offer he received from someone who calls himself Calypso. Obviously a pseudonym but many think Calypso is the ringleader of the contest. Others think he is a lackey. How could one person run such an operation? Who knows? Vinnie feels guilty about it all and gives Stu money from time to time, saying that Bruce would have wanted Vinnie to look after Stu if Bruce were no longer around. Most of Vinnie's charity money goes towards buying weed, of course. But not even the best hash gets Stu feeling happy. Stu's soul is dead. Even Mr. Grimm could care less for it. Stu needs a new high, as he leaves his house to go smoke a blunt with Mike.
And so starts a new Twisted Metal, as Calypso is currently finishing off the roster. Calypso decides he'd reach out to both Stu and Mike to be the final contestants. Stu gets to try and avenge his brother who fought bravely last year and Mike can get the chance his friend never did. Calypso is pleased with his decision and makes his call to Stu and Mike while they are smoking a blunt in a playground. Instead of a phone call Calypso instead appears as a hallucination.
Stu and Mike are used to hallucinations, so they were not shocked at all to see a cloud of smoke change into a human form and start speaking. They agree to drive Hammerhead in the contest, much to the delight of the Calypso cloud hallucination.
The two, Stu and Mike, get in Hammerhead, and follow Calypso's directions to the battleground location. Before they fight they stop at a garage where masked armed guards are as well as car mechanics. Hammerhead gets upgraded with machine guns mounted on each side, a missile launcher on the top and a mine dropper mechanism installed on the rear, along with some other goodies, a grenade launcher, flamethrower, and an electrical weapon, plus a few shotguns for the drivers if they want to get up, close, and personal with their opponent.
The first battleground is in the San Diego Zoo at night. The night guards are not so lucky, as Calypso's forces decide to feed them to the lions and crocodiles. They also free the primates and elephants, just to make the fight more fun. One of the Twisted Metal drivers is not so lucky… driving an ATV into a pack of gorillas - not the brightest idea Gene Ruttish ever had, but the last idea he ever had.
And an elephant has a bit of an edge over a motorcycle driver, even one that shoots flaming skulls, as if by magic. The elephant crushed the helmeted motorcycle driver… crushed into a pile of broken bones shortly after the motorcycle quickly destroyed the trash man driving the garbage truck and the hippie chick driving the Volvo who had been in a duel near the part of the zoo where the giraffes were.
A monster truck like Hammerhead had a huge advantage in a zoo fight, scaring off the animals instead of inviting their wrath. Round 1 of this Twisted Metal contest goes to Stu and Mike as they clinch the win by launching grenades into a double decker bus driven by some asshole dressed in a T-Rex dinosaur costume. He kept roaring throughout the fight until he blew up. Too bad we'll never know more about the dino dude who died at a zoo.
Round 2 and 3 happened elsewhere without Hammerhead, as Stu and Mike awaited the winners of those rounds that they would fight in Round 4, the semi-finals round. The fifth round had the winner of round 4 against the winner of the previous contest. At least according to the instruction manual that was given to them by Calypso's security at the garage. Stu and Mike wondered who even won the previous contest.
Round 4 is at the parking lot of 3Com Park at Candlestick Point, formerly known as Candlestick Park - the home of the San Francisco Giants baseball team, and the last place The Beatles had a concert at. Calypso is apparently a big baseball fan. His favorite player of all time was Willie Mays. Who knew? His hallucinatory appearances were amusing to Stu and Mike. Calypso was weird in a good way, they thought.
The battle near the bay started off to an intense start. The Front Loader construction vehicle
was the clear frontrunner this round but Hammerhead's big wheels were too strong for the front loader's teeth. It was an epic brawl that lasted many minutes and left craters where parking spots were. Napalm was added to the inventory this round, and the stadium was set afire near the bay where seagulls began to flee for their lives. While the front loader could not grab the monster truck, the monster truck could not finish the fight - so someone else did, a speed racer driving a Formula IndyCar speed racer, used a special ability to generate a twister out of her vehicle, and by doing so on the front loader managed to shoot it towards the ocean where it drowned. It happened so fast.
The Twister generating IndyCar racer then attempted the same trick on Hammerhead only to have it backfire. Stu and Mike used their electrical weapon, zapping the Indy racer and knocking the speed racer back, freeing Hammerhead from the twister. Hammerhead landed, and turbo'd into the speed racer, wheels crushing and stopping it for good.
Hammerhead wins the pennant! Hammerhead wins the pennant!
Calypso tells Stu and Mike to prepare for the final round.
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