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The Battle For TMA (Read 122 times)
Magnum
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The Battle For TMA
03/04/17 at 13:01:27
 
So this is an old Comedy Fiction I wrote a long time ago before "Struggle" I had it named What's Up Shortie?" but this new title seems better.

Hope you guys hate it and down vote it to hell. Yes I'm self promoting, and I copy and pasted this off one of my links.

Eat my ass

Scene focuses on living room with expensive furniture and fine décor. Apartment is expansive, as it leads to a half open bedroom door. 2 beautiful women and a man can be seen in bed.

Dim Shades-- YEAAAAAAA OHHH FUCKING YEA!!!! WHO’S FUCKING BOSS?!?!?!

Both ladies quiver, as they fall into Dim’s arms.
Whore 1-- Ohhhh Dim…..I’m so fucking full.
Whore 2-- My holes are plowed.
Dim Shades-- Yea ladies. It’s bout time you get  wiped up and GTFO. I got a lot of work to do. Like getting ready for another 2 bitches scheduled to come over later.

Both ladies get dressed with a frown as Dim lights a cigarette.

Whore 1-- We love you Dim!!!
Dim Shades--Yea yea yea. Now GTFO.
Whore 2-- Ohhh Dim. We’re not even gonna get a tip?
Dim Shades-- A fucking tip? You already got the tip of my dick. 20 fucking dollars for both of you should be enough to buy some tampons. Now GTFO before I really cock slap you.

Whores start walking out the door. Whore 2-- If he wasn’t so King, I’d be mad.
Sound of  “Easy Lover” from Phil Collins starts playing.  As this is going on, sounds of a car accident just outside are coming through the window.

Scene cuts to Hellbent getting out of mangled car with the police in hot pursuit.
Hellbent-- FUCK YOU PIGS!!!! I CAN POST WHATEVER I WANT!!!!
Hellbent quickly runs upstairs to Dims apartment, and crashes through door busting it down.
Dim Shades-- WTF MAN??? You couldn’t just knock?
Hellbent-- The door was glowing so I thought I had to use my Level 5 Alpha force to get in.
Dim Shades-- For fucks sake Hellbent. Now what the hell am I gonna do about keeping  Blair out?
Hellbent-- I wouldn’t worry about him. It’s V-Wing that’s a problem. He’s to fucking GAY for his own good.

Broom closet door burst open and Venom comes storming out.
Venom-- I KILL GAY FAGGOTS IN UNLIMS!!! I WILL ELIMINATE ALL!!!
Venom then runs , and jumps out 2nd floor window breaking it.

Dim Shades-- OF ALL THE GAY LEFT WING CONSERVATIVE BULLSHIT!!! MY FUCKING WINDOW!!!!
Hellbent-- I still have those cops on me. Keep em busy will ya?

Helbent then closes the broom closet door Venom burst out of.
Hellbent-- Why the fuck does it smell GAY in here?

Cops  run into Dims living room
Dim Shades-- I thought I smelled bacon. Hello piggies. 
Cop 1 -- I know he came up here. I saw him! 
Cop 2-- I can smell FAG from a mile away.
::::::closet door vibrates violently:::::
Cop 1-- What was that?
Dim Shades-- Uhhhhh….that was my super powered DILDO for when I have more than 5 women at a time. You assholes got a warrant?
Cop 2-- He went out the window!!! I got him!!

Cop 2 busts out the other window followed by Cop 1.
Dim Shades-- MOTHER FUCKING RIGHT WING ABORTED BABYS!! I SHOULD FUCKING KILL YOU!! My apartment is getting smashed by all these stupid fucks.

Magnum stumbles through door, followed by Xizor.
Dim Shades-- Speaking of stupid fucks….
Xizor-- That’s why Magnum walked trough 1st. I’m to Alpha for that bullshit.
Magnum-- I’m the one who got us those hookers. Gimmie some credit.
Magnum wobbles back and forth.
Xizor-- Yea sure. And the only reason they wanted to do anything is because of me. 20 bucks for grandma crack heads. You need to take them beer goggles off.
Magnum-- At least I got double teamed.
Xizor-- Yea, and at least mine were under 30.
Magnum-- Son ofva….
Dim Shades-- WTF are you guys doing here anyway? I got some hookers coming over really soon and I can’t have anyone messing with my mo-jo.
Xizor-- We heard Blair was trying to run loose again at TMA. For all we know, he could be anywhere. We figured we should let you know.
Magnum-- Hey Dim. Using your toilet.
Dim Shades-- Just watch when you go through the bedroom. There is cum all over the walls. I went a little crazy.

Hellbent comes out of closet.
Xizor-- Damn Hellbent. You smell GAY.
Hellbent -- And your dick is on backwards. You look like you have a pussy.
Xizor-- Blair has been spotted in towns near us. I think we should use Dims apartment as a headquarters.
Dim Shades-- That FAG has always had a bone for me. I can’t take the chance with my door being busted down.
Xizor-- Why don’t you call maintenance?
Dim Shades-- Because they take fucking forever, and the bull dyke bitch that fixes shit is a real cunt.
Xizor-- So PS7 works here?
Dim Shades-- Fuck it. I’ll call.
Magnum walks out of bathroom
Magnum-- Sorry Dim, I had to puke too.
Dim Shades-- Just fucking great.

10 seconds later…..Angelique walks into the apartment with tools and replacement parts. She is also wearing a elegant nightgown. All men in room have their jaws dropped open.

Magnum-- OMFG. I’m stiff.
Dim Shades-- Wow. Now that’s fucking King.
Angelique-- Hello gents. Please let me do my job.

Angelique works and bends over in various sexy positions and 15 minutes later…..

Angelique-- Thank you gents. Have a nice day. Please put your eyes back in your sockets.
Magnum-- I think I need a towel.
Xizor-- You really need a diaper. She wasn’t all that. I’ve had hotter.
Hellbent-- I need to get going . I can’t believe you can’t just go around punching  random people. It’s fucking racist.
Dim Shades-- Yea. Them Bush boys got a lot of things tied up.
Xizor-- Well, if were gonna stay here for a bit, I gotta get some alcohol and food.
Magnum-- Yea. I’m fucking starving.   

Meanwhile on the other side of town, our Moderators X-Man and Evil Ed are trying desperately to avoid being caught by the fluffy V-Wing.
Evil Ed-- I swear to God man. I dunno how he does it. I’ve never seen anyone with that much determination. Well….maybe Blair is worse but still. I’m not giving him any fucking belts.
X-Man--Don’t worry about it. We’re only running because I need to get him to a special place of mine.
Evil Ed-- Is this where I finally find out what you do with all the annoying noobs that come to TMA?
X-Man-- I thought you would’ve known by now.

Both men hustle across the street and hide in an alleyway just around the corner.
Evil Ed-- I dunno about this. He’s bound to find us here. I really don’t want to hear his whining.
X-Man-- I did it to get some space between us and him. It’s a red light, and he won’t break the rules. He thinks it’d be a sin.

Scene cuts to V-Wing looking around on the street corner, trying to figure out what to do next.
V-Wing-- I know they’re around here. I can smell the POWER. They’re really close!
V-Wing quickly runs across the street in the direction of our Mods. 
V-Wing-- I’m gonna find them. I really am. When I find em, I’m gonna ask for a “TMA Goober” Belt, a “Annoying Noob” belt, a “Fruity Fag” belt and a, and a, and, and, and,
Evil Ed quickly steps out from the corner, and lays down a massive clothesline. V-Wing is knocked out instantly.
X-Man-- Damn Ed. That was really cool. Where did you get that from?
Evil Ed-- I learned it from Shakey Leaf’s Handbook of Urban Survival Techniques. Now what do we do?
X-Man-- I got just the place for this guy. Noone has been able to find out anything about annoying, disappearing noobs.

A short while later, our Mods are in front of a Chinese restaurant.
Evil Ed-- OMFG…..I’ve eaten here before.
X-Man-- Don’t worry about it. So long as you don’t get the “Moderators Special” you’ll be fine.
Evil Ed-- Terrific. It always smelled kinda fishy to me.
X-Man-- That’s because it made with pure 100% TMA Noob pussy.
Evil Ed-- You sure these slant eyes understand you?
:::::::angry Chinese dialogue erupts:::::::
X-Man-- They understand enough. Now shut it. YO MOMMA SAN!!! FRESH MEAT FOR PLATTA!!
:::::.Dragging V-Wings body inside::::::

Scene cuts to Xizor and Magnum walking down the street with dozens of 12 packs.

Magnum-- Damn man. I can’t believe you got all this shit for 50 bucks.
Xizor-- I showed him a picture of your mom’s tits.
Magnum-- Yea right. I still can’t believe you actually got him to let us use the shopping carts.
Xizor-- That’s because I showed him your sisters tits. Wanna see your wife’s?
Magnum-- Nahhhhhh. I see em enough. I’m fucking hungry man. Where we gonna go to eat?
:::::spits empty sunflower seeds at Xizor:::::
Xizor-- There’s this Chinese place I got to that’s got really good food. Great prices too.
Magnum-- Lets do it!

Scene cuts to Xizor and Magnum at Who Flung Poo’s Restaurant. 
Magnum--- No no no. I said I fucking want a spicy pussy platter with some hot ass on the side!
Xizor-- Your just doing it wrong.
Magnum-- Fucking gooks….
Xizor-- Speaking Chinese…..#%&)(*_(*%#%$#%^$?>{>J*%%#^
Girl nods her head and comes back with 2 huge bags of food.
Magnum-- Damn man. How the fuck did you do that?
Xizor-- If you bang enough Asian hotties, you pick up a few things. Lets fucking roll.

Scene cuts to Dims apartment

Evil Ed-- I know Dim is gonna be pretty happy about V-Wing being gone.
X-Man-- Yea. Now all we gotta do is worry about Blair. Where ever the hell that asshole is.
Dim Shades opens door.
Dim Shades-- Hey fella’s. Just in time to have a conference about what to do about Blair being sighted all over the place.
X-Man-- Yea. That little bitch needs to be put in his place. 
Ed and X-Man look over to dining room table and see Magnum and Xizor eating.
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---===THE Applejuice Guy===---
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Magnum
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How bout on the corner
of Fuck and No?

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Re: The Battle For TMA
Reply #1 - 03/04/17 at 13:05:12
 
Evil Ed-- OMFG. That shit smells like dead pussy.
X-Man snickers and looks at Dim Shades.
X-Man-- I guess Magnum got the Moderators Special.
Magnum-- Yea! How’d you guys know? I’ve only been a Mod for a little while and figured I try it.
Xizor-- You think he would’ve ordered something else after fucking 2 60 year olds.
Magnum-- It doesn’t taste THAT bad.
Xizor-- Yea. But it doesn’t smell that GOOD either.
X-Man leans over to Dim Shades and whispers something.
Magnum--OMFG….WTF?!?! My stomach is fucking doing loops!!
Magnum instantly runs into the bathroom and closes the door.
Dim Shades-- NO NO NO YOU FUCKING BASTARD!! YOUR GONNA ROT MY FUCKING PIPES!!!
X-Man-- You’ll be lucky he doesn’t melt the porcelain.
Dim Shades-- That’s the reason he doesn’t sit on the furniture. Wait a minute. Fuck it. Blow it up Mags! I’ll just have maintenance fix it!

Everyone pays attention when TV cuts to news flash

“This is Ran Dather with a breaking news report. We are at Who Flung Poo’s restaurant where a grizzly murder scene has been discovered! Not all the details have come in but, the prime suspect is a burly man running around randomly punching people calling them Niggers, Spics, Jews, and Kilrahi’s”

Camera man 1 -- RAN!! YOU CAN’T SAY THAT ON LIVE TV!!!!
Ran Dather-- Hey fuck you! I’ve been wanting to say that for years!

X-Man-- There goes that gravy train.
Evil Ed-- You think they’ll be able to connect you to it?
X-Man-- No. I kept telling them my name was Nightshade.
Dim Shades-- Damn. That’s pretty harsh.
Xizor-- Jesus. Speaking of harsh……WTF is that smell?

Magnum busts out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles.

Magnum-- OMFG!!!! HE’S ALIVE!!! OMFG!!!! IT’S A FUCKING DEMON!!!

Scene cuts to large turd in the toilet with V-Wings voice
Now I can ask for a belt called “Gastrointestinal Traveler” or maybe “Asshole By Products”  By God this water is cold!

Police Come Busting through the door
Cop 1-- There he is!! He has to be in collaboration!
Magnum-- NO NO NO!!! I WAS SET UP!!! THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!
Cop 2-- He doesn’t smell faggy but, he must know where the others are.

Police drag Magnum by his toes and shit still froths out his ass.

Dim Shades-- My fucking God man. Who the fuck is gonna clean this up?
Angelique walks through the door and everything  broken and dirty disappears.
Dim Shades-- I love you. That’s why your name is Angel.
Angelique-- You should know that’s not going to work. Have a nice day gentlemen.
X-Man-- Well, We got to go. I think me and Ed need to maybe go help Magnum out his situation.
Evil Ed-- Not until I pelt that fucker purple with footballs.

Dim Shades goes over to toilet and flushes it

V-Wing voice-- NO!! NO!!! I was just about to see how God would accept me!! I have a soul!!

To be Continued?????
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---===THE Applejuice Guy===---
Like sucks, then doesn't swallow. So throw it a towel and tell it to fuck off and get out.
WWW  
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