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How's Life? (Read 10740 times)
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How's Life?
01/19/16 at 21:40:41
 
I dunno how many people are lurking around here but I figured it might be interesting to catch up with you bunch of bastards since it's been a few years. How's life? Careers, relationships, travel, hobbies, passions, moves, etc.
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Re: How's Life?
Reply #1 - 01/19/16 at 22:12:01
 
*clears throat*

About a year ago I dated my highschool sweetheart, she got pregnant left me for another man.manipulated me and broke me. I lost my job at walmart became a alcoholic. Few months I tried to move on with a new girl and my roommate ended up cheating on his old lady with her and I kicked her out and quit being his friend. Went jobless for a few months then my daughter was born on October 31st I straightened all of my shit out for her and got a job at taco bell to get back on my feet. That little girl means everything to me. I recently started dating a older woman which is new to me, but its better to date someone who has their shit together and is mature than those crazy ass young girls.

Hobbies are game design, book writing and world building.

Feel like I'm applying for a dating site.
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Re: How's Life?
Reply #2 - 01/20/16 at 00:05:35
 
†Adonael wrote on 01/19/16 at 22:12:01:
*clears throat*

About a year ago I dated my highschool sweetheart, she got pregnant left me for another man.manipulated me and broke me. I lost my job at walmart became a alcoholic. Few months I tried to move on with a new girl and my roommate ended up cheating on his old lady with her and I kicked her out and quit being his friend. Went jobless for a few months then my daughter was born on October 31st I straightened all of my shit out for her and got a job at taco bell to get back on my feet. That little girl means everything to me. I recently started dating a older woman which is new to me, but its better to date someone who has their shit together and is mature than those crazy ass young girls.

Hobbies are game design, book writing and world building.

Feel like I'm applying for a dating site.


*Swipes left*

Really though, that sounds like quite a rollercoaster, but it sounds like being a father is certainly a positive thing, so congrats!

Here's me - one of these following things is not true. Can you tell which it is?

As for me, last summer I started taking improv classes which have been pretty awesome. I'm currently in level 4 (of 5) and may be joining a troupe soon. I'm still pretty self-conscious and not especially confident on stage, but you don't have to look at the audience and can say any sort of ridiculous bullshit you want and your scene partner(s) have to play along. I've been in and out of relationships but in the process of doing this improv, I happened to meet the sister of someone I'm in classes with that seems pretty awesome. We've been out a few times but it seems promising. I've been out with a number of other people lately too, but the girl from improv is definitely the most awesome. My company got bought by a massive Fortune 500 company and restructured, so my role is kind of bouncing around, but there may be a promotion to "eCommerce manager" incoming. I'm not entirely how excited I am about that because I like the creative aspect of web design, but I'm sure I'd have a lot of control over that in that role too. Also it could be smoke and mirrors anyway - there has been a lot of uncertainty and instabliity here. I've been doing some comedy writing with the friend I have the podcast with, but he's in LA now so some of our collaborations have become trickier, though the concept we're working on and what we've written thus far I'm kind of excited about. Got a new apartment recently too, which is pretty nice. However, this one time a salesman came to the door and I was SO not in the mood, so I kicked my own door down on top of him, and before he could react, I wrapped an extension cord around his neck and tossed him over the handrail of the stairs, hanging him. I let him go after a few seconds, but his neck was definitely permanantly damaged. He was pretty cool about it though, and we've become good friends. I still play Xbox One and PS4 and PC games pretty regularly, though I'm fairly backed up from Christmas. I'm probably going to get on board the VR bandwagon, but I haven't decided which one yet. I swam with manta rays in Hawaii last summer too which was badass.
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Re: How's Life?
Reply #3 - 01/20/16 at 06:49:23
 
NightShade wrote on 01/20/16 at 00:05:35:
*Swipes left*

Really though, that sounds like quite a rollercoaster, but it sounds like being a father is certainly a positive thing, so congrats!

Here's me - one of these following things is not true. Can you tell which it is?

As for me, last summer I started taking improv classes which have been pretty awesome. I'm currently in level 4 (of 5) and may be joining a troupe soon. I'm still pretty self-conscious and not especially confident on stage, but you don't have to look at the audience and can say any sort of ridiculous bullshit you want and your scene partner(s) have to play along. I've been in and out of relationships but in the process of doing this improv, I happened to meet the sister of someone I'm in classes with that seems pretty awesome. We've been out a few times but it seems promising. I've been out with a number of other people lately too, but the girl from improv is definitely the most awesome. My company got bought by a massive Fortune 500 company and restructured, so my role is kind of bouncing around, but there may be a promotion to "eCommerce manager" incoming. I'm not entirely how excited I am about that because I like the creative aspect of web design, but I'm sure I'd have a lot of control over that in that role too. Also it could be smoke and mirrors anyway - there has been a lot of uncertainty and instabliity here. I've been doing some comedy writing with the friend I have the podcast with, but he's in LA now so some of our collaborations have become trickier, though the concept we're working on and what we've written thus far I'm kind of excited about. Got a new apartment recently too, which is pretty nice. However, this one time a salesman came to the door and I was SO not in the mood, so I kicked my own door down on top of him, and before he could react, I wrapped an extension cord around his neck and tossed him over the handrail of the stairs, hanging him. I let him go after a few seconds, but his neck was definitely permanantly damaged. He was pretty cool about it though, and we've become good friends. I still play Xbox One and PS4 and PC games pretty regularly, though I'm fairly backed up from Christmas. I'm probably going to get on board the VR bandwagon, but I haven't decided which one yet. I swam with manta rays in Hawaii last summer too which was badass.



I believe the attempted murder of the salesman thing but the X-box One is bullshit no sane person would buy one of those right now.

Glad to hear you hit it off with a coworker! Work related tension has a way of not just breaking the ice but fucking evaporating it! Plus you build a lot of trust right off the bat since you can already depend on each other in the workplace.

I can defiantly seeing you doing improv and also having issues with a large audience haha. My advice for the audience is to just not worry about having to impress them. Do what you think is cool and funny and you'll have better results than if you worry about what other people think. Also don't fret about getting a groan or in anyway fucking things up. The more you focus on that the more forced everything you do is going to come off. After all at the end of the day improv comes from you, and if you aren't comfortable being you, then your improv will suffer for it.

Though i can totally get the anxiety you feel. When i work now i have to do it knowing I'm speaking to more people than a football stadium can fill. Personally i get around it just knowing that most of them think the apex of entertainment is watching some jackoff play Minecraft and get pretend afraid. Nobody is going to be a more apt critic of your work than yourself. Also some people are just going to flat out hate you no matter what. It's just how audiences work. Do what you think is good. It's the only honest bar of measurement you can count on.

If i ever take a vacation from my current jobs i'll have to drive over and see one of your shows.


†Adonael wrote Yesterday at 22:12:01:

*clears throat*

About a year ago I dated my highschool sweetheart, she got pregnant left me for another man.manipulated me and broke me. I lost my job at walmart became a alcoholic. Few months I tried to move on with a new girl and my roommate ended up cheating on his old lady with her and I kicked her out and quit being his friend. Went jobless for a few months then my daughter was born on October 31st I straightened all of my shit out for her and got a job at taco bell to get back on my feet. That little girl means everything to me. I recently started dating a older woman which is new to me, but its better to date someone who has their shit together and is mature than those crazy ass young girls.

Hobbies are game design, book writing and world building.

Feel like I'm applying for a dating site.




Oh man getting your highschool sweetheart pregnant is a fucking horror story. I mean the kid is cool. But god damn I've never heard of that working well for anyone on an emotional level. Glad to hear you are taking it better now though. Plus like you said the kid is awesome. So while that is a fucking tremendous responsibility. At least you got a little clone of yourself you can be proud of and happy about.

Though that cheating roommate is just twisting the knife. But i commend you for dealing with those low wage jobs and picking your self up by your bootstraps for your kid. Too many deadbeats out there as it is.

Also you're probably smart to date an older woman. They've dealt with a lot of younger men that aren't any different from your former girlfriends. The older people get the less prone they are to infidelity because they're sick of games and bullshit. So while young girls are tempting, even if you do find a loyal one, their lack of life experience honestly makes them a bit boring and far more prone to doing crazy shit out of sheer emotional weakness.

Keep working on your hobbies. If you really love doing that stuff you can defiantly turn it into a career and find some happiness of your own. If you're happy you can make a woman even happier.

Though i really gotta give you props for braving the taco bell gig. Most people would just give up and go on welfare or some shit like that. Good on ya for taking the harder route and providing for yourself and your kid. A lot of people don't have that gumption. Keep working hard and like i said work hard on your hobbies too. Indie development can be very lucrative if you have a great idea.




As far as myself. The bar is doing well. Though the more successful it gets the more work there is. It's surprisingly hard to find employees that don't have some kind of fucked up issue. Having access to all that liquor and money brings the worst out in people almost instantly. But the money is solid and they are dumping tons of money into the tourist area I'm at. So it looks uphill from here. I hope to lease the place out someday for around $6000 a month, if the employees can't make it work without my help anyways. I'd make more running the place but I'm fucking sick of the bar business. Too much violence and drama for a tender lil fella like me.

Other than that I've been giving the whole YouTube thing a strong effort and it's paid off pretty well. In addition to my own channel I'm doing lots of freelance voice work. My portfolio kicks ass now. I also have a permanent position with a popular countdown channel. Which is a blast since they let me add whatever i want over the scripts. They've even made an animated character for me that'll be featured soon on the animated Q&A channel targeted at younger viewers. Just a few glimpses of the character has already resulted in a torrent of offensive and crude fan art. I fucking love that.

I'd say the best part is I've made friends with some seriously talented people. Hit it off with a voice actress. Made good friends with 3 very talented animators. I consider everyone there good friends at this point. One of the script writers is going to have me do the trailer for his indie film. Also the guy that runs the whole operation is easily the nicest boss I've ever had.

Ideally I'd like to make the whole YouTube personality thing work and do that for a living. Even if i manage to lease the bar out or get it operating on a level that I'm not constantly needed up there. I have so much fun with voice work and running a little talk show. I'd want to succeed at that even without the financial incentive.

I find being an entertainer is the most rewarding work I've ever done. I can let loose whatever is on my mind, and also provide entertainment to people who just need something to listen to after a hard day of work. It's a nice boost to hear people say the entertainment actually helps them get through the day. Much more rewarding then when people say the same shit about my beer prices. I hate that the bar contributes to horrible shit like alcoholism.

Got over my drinking and prescription medication abuse about a year ago. I miss just getting smashed whenever depression kicked in. But i have to admit good friends goes a lot farther than good drugs when it comes to coping with things. I feel a lot less effected by my mortality after all the near death experiences. Anytime i get reminders of the violence of physical pain. Just having a group of people who all share the same interest of being entertainers is a good relief. I feel better about mortality knowing i get to work with a bunch of talented people to create entertainment instead of just consuming it.

I don't embrace the chance of being killed anymore thanks to that. I like the money from the bar and being able to buy fancy shit. But I'd trade all of that for a meager living being a legitimate entertainer. Things as they are i might have both in the end. So I'm doing everything i can to get away from the violence and embrace entertainment. It's a happier way to live.
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Re: How's Life?
Reply #4 - 01/20/16 at 12:07:05
 
I know what thing isn't true from Nightshade! He forgot to mention he's got a Godzilla egg on incubation in case shit goes to hell. That's why he strangled that guy. CIA operative looking for it.

Adoneal has had some tough shit happen and got back up. Good to see man.

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Re: How's Life?
Reply #5 - 01/20/16 at 18:11:13
 
NightShade wrote on 01/19/16 at 21:40:41:
I dunno how many people are lurking around here but I figured it might be interesting to catch up with you bunch of bastards since it's been a few years. How's life? Careers, relationships, travel, hobbies, passions, moves, etc.


Hi Night! Toasty here...

Yeah I've had an eventful 2015 with despairs, setbacks, frustrations and the sort. But, everything found it's own redemption some point towards the end of the year. Like getting hired at Wal-Mart during the summer and lasting for one whole night and a half before quitting. Then getting picked up by Dollar Tree for the seasonal haul and staying the whole 2 1/2 months before being dropped.

Spent about $222 even between the Autumn/Winter 2015 Steam Sales, coming out with $500 left to sit on until I can secure another job. I'm setting myself up with a possible job in the IT field where $28/hr is the pay. So, things are just surfing along for 2016.

Figure I'd drop by here really and put up some activity before possibly disappearing again somepoint. Still love TM and nice to see some of you guys still keeping it where it matters.
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Re: How's Life?
Reply #6 - 01/28/16 at 22:23:43
 
FYI, anybody that doesn't reply to this is gonna get murdered.
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Re: How's Life?
Reply #7 - 01/29/16 at 03:24:41
 
Nightshade, you aren't seeing a female. Stop lying to us. I would believe you choked a man with an extension chord before I believed a female would let you near them though I liked how you tried to throw everyone off with the salesman story.


"I'm probably going to get on board the VR bandwagon, but I haven't decided which one yet."

Also, I don't want to derail this thread with VR talk but we should do that else where because I'm totally on board.

As for me I'm probably the most stable I've ever been in my adult life right now.

I manage a Jimmy John's at the moment. I said I would never get back into the food service industry but after taking a second job at a Jimmy John's for some extra cash I eventually ended up working there full time after I realized the family who runs the franchises that I work at are really fucking cool and wanted me to help run their business. It's not a glamorous job, but I'm able to get up and do it day after day because it isn't that hard and I mostly just work with a bunch of cool people. We work hard to run the business well because we all want money but we also like to fuck off and insult each other and talk shit all day.

We have this ongoing gag at work where we try to turn every new male employee gay by pushing the boundaries of what is acceptable/comfortable behavior between two or more straight males in the work place. The running joke in our franchise is that you have to be a bisexual male to work there. We consider it a badge of honor when we've "gay'ed up" a fellow male employee to the point that they just accept it and join in. Sometimes it gets out of control and we end up creating a huge flaming fag monster that just constantly tries to play grab ass and then we end up threatening to fire him for being a fucking homo. 

And when we aren't doing that we are just talking about video games, movies, Star Wars, or whatever other cool nerd culture shit we want. It's basically like going to work at Brawl on the Wall everyday. I could probably find a better paying job, and the hours can be rough (I'll probably end this week with around 68 hours though that isn't usually my normal work week) but working with awesome people goes a long way for me. My position does pay well enough though that I'm finally able to rent out a nice condo, pay for a car and bills, and then buy pretty much whatever I want within reason. And since I don't have any debt or kids I splurge a lot on myself. Don't know if I'll do this forever, but going to work every day and not hating my job goes a long way for me in keeping my sanity and stress levels manageable.

Nothing else major other than I got engaged to my girlfriend of about four and a half years a couple weeks ago. Someone could probably go back and find quotes of me saying on TMA that I'd never get married and I did feel that way for a long time but I guess it just takes the right person to change your mind, though I'm still proud of the fact that I never rushed into that at a young age like so many other people.

We don't actually have a ton of shit in common but I think the reason why our relationship works so well is she is always down to fuck but also totally willing to give me my own space and has never once asked me to give up or stop doing anything I love to spend time with her. I can be a pretty uncompromising asshole when it comes to how I spend my limited free time so its nice to know that I can just go home and play video games all day if I want and she is perfectly content to do her own personal shit. Because of this understanding we never really fight about anything so it was easy to see myself being in this relationship indefinitely. At my age I don't have time for drama or insecure females that either don't know what they want or need constant validation so the idea of getting married was actually a pretty easy conclusion to come to.

Not sure when we are actually going to do it yet and honestly neither one of us really cares but I'm really just waiting until we can find a cool way to do it like running off to Vegas to get married by Elvis or something equally stupid and memorable as we don't want to have a big traditional wedding. Besides, who fucking cares anyway.
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Re: How's Life?
Reply #8 - 01/29/16 at 11:54:40
 
but also totally willing to give me my own space and has never once asked me to give up or stop doing anything I love to spend time with her.

That's a winner 4 shore!

Hey! I replied! So I didn't give up a lot of info. You with the fookin FBI or sumtin?
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Re: How's Life?
Reply #9 - 01/29/16 at 16:30:38
 
That's not good enough Magnum. Spill the beans or get murdered. That's the deal. IT'S BONDING TIME GOD DAMNIT!

HB: Congrats on the show, I'll have to go on some time and draw stupid shit. I think it's great that you're able to make money doing something where you're not in mortal danger. Being an 'entertainer' is a lot of fun. Personally I'm finding that as nerve-wracking as it is, audience laughter (and even moreso laughter of peers / fellow improvisers / people whose opinions you respect) is awfully validating.

And especially congrats on kicking drinking and pills. I'm sure that's not easy but it sounds like you're in a much better place as a result.

Toasty: Some jobs just suck. I remember working at JC Penny for a week before quitting with no notice. IT is a much better field to be in for a plethora of reasons, so I hope that works out for ya.

Xizor: I'm a damn ladies' man; in fact, I recently heard that the girl I had a meltdown on Brawl about years ago is getting married and it didn't even bother me that much. I really hope this thing with the improv girl works out. Very few women I've dated are genuinely funny, such that they can make me laugh hysterically, so that's pretty amazing. My last girlfriend was very attractive but she did have schizoaffective disorder, which is schizophrenia + bipolar disorder. I think I almost got murdered.

I think managing is probably a different animal than just being an employee, and working with cool people dramatically improves any job. I'm not sure how I'd do as a manager. I'm being pushed in that direction, but I don't know if I'm going to like actually "managing" people.

Also, as funny as that stuff sounds, it also sounds like a harassment lawsuit waiting to happen.

And of course congratulations on the engagement! I definitely remember you swearing off women altogether, but like you said, it just takes the right person to turn it around. My only advice is that instead of being married by Elvis, you get married TO Elvis in a polygamous relationship.
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Reply #10 - 01/29/16 at 17:23:18
 
Yeah congrats on finding an outlet for yourself Hellbent. I sort of wish I had the foresight a bit earlier to get into online content creation, especially with the rise of youtube, twitch, and streaming. I could still give it a go as I've had ideas bouncing around for a while now, but its hard to find the time to get anything going when I work so much.

And good for you for giving up pills and booze. So far, you seem much more balanced. I quit all the unhealthy drug use some years ago now though I still enjoy drinking quality beer. I still smoke weed or do psychedelics on occasion (usually a few times a year) but I think more than anything most people, no matter how much they enjoy that stuff, just arrive at a place in life in growing up and maintaining a steady life style where getting fucked up just doesn't really have a place in your life any more. I know I definitely don't feel as creative as I used to when I was doing more drugs but that's always a hard thing balance.

"My last girlfriend was very attractive but she did have schizoaffective disorder, which is schizophrenia + bipolar disorder. I think I almost got murdered."

Let me tell you from experience that its best to just walk away from these kinds of things for your own sanity. I think we've talked about this on here before, but I've been in a couple relationships with chicks who had some mental shit going on. As much as you feel bad for them and want to help them and look past it you'll probably never be able to maintain a healthy relationship.


"I think managing is probably a different animal than just being an employee, and working with cool people dramatically improves any job. I'm not sure how I'd do as a manager. I'm being pushed in that direction, but I don't know if I'm going to like actually "managing" people."

Well, clearly I'm a natural born leader, an alpha, so it's easy to fit into that role. Lording over people and making them bend to my will is actually pretty fulfilling. But in all seriousness managing a sandwich shop, even though it can be stressful at times, is probably a lot easier than whatever role you are being pushed towards at your job but I have no idea really. Personally I find myself drawn to these types of positions as I do much better when I'm in charge or have more responsibilities instead of having to put up with someone else giving me orders considering that, at least from my experience, most people in positions of power don't actually deserve them or use them properly.

"Also, as funny as that stuff sounds, it also sounds like a harassment lawsuit waiting to happen."

Meh, it probably comes across as way worse than it sounds, and too be fair on paper there has been a lot of inappropriate shit that has happened in the work place, but from my experience this kind of shit just happens at most jobs like this. It's why I think we've always managed to keep and maintain a pretty cool core staff as I think most people appreciate a crazy and funny work environment. It makes coming into work interesting to say the least even if a dude did lick my neck one time. If you've ever seen the movie "Waiting" I'd say that's a pretty clear picture of what goes on at most restaurant/food service establishments. We are toying with the idea of making this our training video for new employees:



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Re: How's Life?
Reply #11 - 01/30/16 at 01:44:57
 
XIZOR wrote on 01/29/16 at 03:24:41:
Nightshade, you aren't seeing a female. Stop lying to us. I would believe you choked a man with an extension chord before I believed a female would let you near them though I liked how you tried to throw everyone off with the salesman story.


"I'm probably going to get on board the VR bandwagon, but I haven't decided which one yet."

Also, I don't want to derail this thread with VR talk but we should do that else where because I'm totally on board.

As for me I'm probably the most stable I've ever been in my adult life right now.

I manage a Jimmy John's at the moment. I said I would never get back into the food service industry but after taking a second job at a Jimmy John's for some extra cash I eventually ended up working there full time after I realized the family who runs the franchises that I work at are really fucking cool and wanted me to help run their business. It's not a glamorous job, but I'm able to get up and do it day after day because it isn't that hard and I mostly just work with a bunch of cool people. We work hard to run the business well because we all want money but we also like to fuck off and insult each other and talk shit all day.

We have this ongoing gag at work where we try to turn every new male employee gay by pushing the boundaries of what is acceptable/comfortable behavior between two or more straight males in the work place. The running joke in our franchise is that you have to be a bisexual male to work there. We consider it a badge of honor when we've "gay'ed up" a fellow male employee to the point that they just accept it and join in. Sometimes it gets out of control and we end up creating a huge flaming fag monster that just constantly tries to play grab ass and then we end up threatening to fire him for being a fucking homo. 

.....


Congrats on the solid work and relationship! It takes a lot of searching and sacrifice to get that golden combination. Any couple that doesn't have respect for each others spare time is doomed to be miserable. Good on you both for being happy without that insane codependence bullshit.

Two people who are happy on their own and enjoy each others company are pretty much set for life. When you're all fucking old and gross you'll have something besides sex and crippling fear of loneliness.

The Jimmy Johns gig sounds pretty sweet too. I like what I do. But there is something to be said about dependable work like that. I wager massive decreases or increases in customers isn't a huge concern where you are located. That kind of security along with a laid back work environment is honestly about as good as it gets. Plus your employees sound like good people which is a huge fucking plus.

Congratulations on all your success man! Looks like we all grew up a lot over the past 4 years. Amazing how success can change a person on a personal level. One moment you think marriage is bullshit, next moment you're planning out weddings in your head.

Yeah getting smashed doesn't do much for me anymore. As fun as it is, that shit gets old. Especially after a few nights of vomiting blood. Drugs made me feel good, but the cost of that feeling was just too much. I can't blame it all on the drugs though. But the stress caused by trying to keep my high up didn't make me a nicer person.


NightShade wrote on 01/29/16 at 16:30:38:
That's not good enough Magnum. Spill the beans or get murdered. That's the deal. IT'S BONDING TIME GOD DAMNIT!

HB: Congrats on the show, I'll have to go on some time and draw stupid shit. I think it's great that you're able to make money doing something where you're not in mortal danger. Being an 'entertainer' is a lot of fun. Personally I'm finding that as nerve-wracking as it is, audience laughter (and even moreso laughter of peers / fellow improvisers / people whose opinions you respect) is awfully validating.

And especially congrats on kicking drinking and pills. I'm sure that's not easy but it sounds like you're in a much better place as a result.


It'd be great to have you on! I really enjoy the talking shit and drawing format. It's not fancy, but it encourages a lot of creativity compared to just playing video games and making everyone else watch. No pressure to perform or fill air. Just having some fun on mic and drawing fucked up shit.

I totally know the nerve wracking feeling. Luckily I get to perform at home without an audience giving me instant feedback. I can edit and all of that. But one of those videos is at 27 million views, with most averaging around the 2 million mark. So as confident as I am, it's hard to shake the fact that many people are going to hear whatever I save and send off as "complete". Any fuck up I make will be noticed and brought to my attention thousands of times over.

My trick is to just keep fun as a priority over pleasing the audience. If my priority is pleasing the audience I end up going overboard due to the massive amount of feedback I have to consider. Which I wager is similar to having a live crowd applaud or no sell a joke. You want to keep the ball rolling but if you focus too much on that it's easy to lose the charm that made everything entertaining to start. Or you can get into and endless loop of crap.

As far as being an entertainer in general goes. It's a much more rewarding line of work. There was a bit of that when I was a key component in keeping the bar running, and I liked that. But any joy I got out of making sure the band sounded good or entertaining customers was soured by all of the other shit. Felt great to lure in a line of 20 people. But the violent confrontations ruined it. Not to mention all the alcoholics, lunatics, and gangs just made the environment depressing and threatening.

Thankfully the bar pretty much runs it's self right now. I have some good employees and I don't have to be up there every day it's opened to make sure shit doesn't completely fall apart. At this point I'm able to pay myself well, and I keep the employees and musicians paid well too. Still ultimately I'd just like to lease the place out so I never have to mess with the drama of the bar industry ever again.

What I really want to do is make the whole online personality thing work. Possibly get my hooks into the talk show format, maybe mix in some video game stuff for fun. Still hitting the angles on that with my personal channel. But the freelance work right now is solid and the promotion I get is amazing. So if all else fails I have a decent enough portfolio and connections that I can legitimately freelance for fun and extra cash.

It was actually pretty easy to quit drinking. All the bad experiences with alcohol made cutting it out of my system easier than I expected. The prescription pills were rough though. Those things are extremely effective, easy to take, and seemingly designed to be addictive. I still crave them to this day. Because I know I can pop a benzo and the rest of my day is going to be amazing.

What keeps me from relapsing with the pills is knowing that the effectiveness dies out real fast. Eventually I just end up taking them to maintain a feeling of normalcy. Turns me into a bitter person no matter how well things are.

Another thing that helps is that my plan at the moment is to be so far in the black financially. That I can just move to Colorado and smoke pot legally. Can't do that anymore where I'm at due to cost and the huge level of risk now that people are literally trying to get me. If I still smoked and someone swatted me I'd be fucked. So I had to drop pot as well sadly. All I have now is caffeine, and I'm careful with that shit too because like every drug it loses it's effectiveness if you use it all the time.
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« Last Edit: 01/30/16 at 08:26:06 by Thrillho »  
 
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Re: How's Life?
Reply #12 - 01/30/16 at 13:23:05
 
Read my quote under my gif. Well murder me then! I'm kinda kidding. If you said that back in November/December of 2013, I almost done the deed for you! That's also something that is difficult to bring yourself back from a edge, along with alcohol. You all also know that I'm a very private person, and alot of what has gone on with me over the last 15 years would make alot of you go "seriously wtf?" I know Nightshade knew about me getting kicked out of my apartment. That was a grain of sand in the beach of shit that has been my life. Scold knows alot about my life but, Xizor knows much much more because well.....he's muh bromie. So yea. It's not easy. It would take alot of text and time to put 15 years into an explanation. If I were to do it, you would all understand why I've kept everything to myself for so long. Especially here. I sure as fuck didn't need someone mouthing off to me even jokingly about things going on. Not even Xizor. I had a line that shouldn't be crossed, and it was just better to keep anyone from being even close to it by not giving them the ammo to do it..

It also seems to me reading from at least Nightshade, Xizor, and Hellbent/Thrillho that if I were to info dump, I might actually start a road to recovery in a way that you guys have. I have been a plutonium bomb for so long, I just don't know. It's really personal shit, and even putting 1/4 of what is/has been wrong tears at me. 

Just for the record though. Serious congrats to Hellbent for getting off the pills and Alcohol. I quit drinking for one year just to get myself strait. that was back in 2009 before I realized that I shouldn't give up something I truly enjoy. Now it's moderation. I don't get as smashed as I used to.

Also in the female companionship department for any of you. There is nothing more to life than having a good woman have your back and be your best friend that allows you to be who you are. Nothing. You cannot replace that kind of stability. Even more emphasis on that point when both of you are fighting through some of the toughest trials in your lives. There is no doubt in the world you will argue and disagree but, it's how you 2 go about it that is important, and how those problems are resolved that will make all the difference in the world.

Nothing, nothing in the world is worth stupid drama, jealousy, mistrust, or any of the other crazy shit I read and hear about what people go through in relationships. I honestly believe it's better to be alone than have any of that to tolerate. Of course it seems some people are addicted to it, or just so used to it that they don't know anything else. That's really sad, and I really feel bad for the kids that get caught in it because they grow up thinking that's just how it rolls.     
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Re: How's Life?
Reply #13 - 01/30/16 at 22:41:43
 
Seems like we all share a common demon.

I hear you on being private about things. I've only recently started being semi-open about things as a means to keep it at bay. I've managed to keep it moderated, but at times I do fall on the crutch for a few days depending on whats going on. Life has been hell ever since my ex and not all of it is her fault, most of it. Not all of it though.

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Re: How's Life?
Reply #14 - 01/31/16 at 16:44:35
 
I guess if I hit the reply button and not just type out everything and delete it, I guess you people can consider yourself lucky. I do that a lot honestly. I did it in that last reply I did. I will type out responses, and then delete them because in a way, I've "talked" it out, or "released" what was bothering me without actually telling anyone. So a small run down.
Biological father lost job in 1982 not because of just the recession, but because he was addicted to coke, (like most 1970'ers) alcohol, and infidelity. So after about 2 years of him not working and no money, him cheating straining my parents marriage, he was taking his anger out on me. 10-12 years old getting beat up pretty much every day for most anything. What made it even more fun was he was flip flopping Catholicism like religions like suits. Protestant, Catholic, The Way, Christian Science, you name it, he worshiped it if it fit his needs at the time. Always saying that God will save us, and whooping up on me because I forgot a fucking obscure line in the fucking Bible, when each branch of that secular religion has different interpretations. So for the 1st time ever lays a hand on her and, beats my mom up, (after letting me get my ass kicked for years wtf?) she throws him out. She has no job, no money. We go on welfare. So for 4 years of my teen life, I'm white trash to everyone that knows who I am.  So of course since it's the 80's, I grew my hair long and became a metal head smoking cigs and weed, drinking at roughly 13-14 years old. So eventually my mom meets my step dad and things get better, and my therapy sessions help channel my anger. So there is the back story. Never had much money ever, and always had to fight the demon that told me I was worthless and wished I was never born, and that no matter HOW HARD YOU TRY, YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A FAILURE.

So lets keep that in mind because for very large portion of my life, I stayed a very irresponsible person pretty much up to 25 years old.   

So the year is 1993 and I move to Baltimore MD because my best friend and Bro for life mom was originally from here, than in upstate NY where I met him and where his dad lived (near town near me) and kicked him out because well.....we're long haired freaky people. So I grow some roots here, and eventually get tangled up with my eventual wife. That is a very unique story in it's self and save that for another time. So my parents don't like her at all. I tried to get her to live with me because I moved back in with my parents for a year and they were not having that. So I move back to Baltimore with her, and I have my 1st son in 97. I clean my act up alot actually when that happened.

So in November 22 2000, I have my 2nd son. Things are tough because now I'm working 2 jobs to try and make ends meet. So when he's about 3 years old, I switch jobs to a trucking company to make way more money. I'm now overnight and have to sleep during day. Did it for 6 months until I could get an afternoon shift. we potty train our 2nd son like we did our 1st and of course there is no problems with our 1st. what does that have to do with me being overnight? Well, for those 6 months in order for ne to get sleep, my wife had to get hers for work but, my 2nd son kept sneaking out at night, taking food and snacks out of our kitchen and hiding perishables, and trash remnants of what he took under the bed. So imagine when we figure out WTF is smelling why the hell are you doing this? Hide stuff under the bed, under cushions, in his clothes draws. So much so we had to buy new stuff. Well, I only make so much. She had to leave her job because it got so bad, and I was making enough at the time to cover what she made in overtime. working 50-60 hours a week. So to keep him from stealing more food and having it rot in his bedroom, (where my 1st son always had to suffer sleeping in as well) we reversed locked the door. So what he would do is constantly in the middle of the night to get out, knock and say he needs to go to the bathroom. so much so we barely got enough sleep, yet he could sleep all day! My wife had to sometimes force him to stay awake during the day to get him to sleep at night, to keep him from getting out, and taking food to rot under his bed. So she gets so fed up she doesn't let him out anymore at night. I didn't find this out until a couple months ago. She was really ashamed of it but, we didn't know WTF else to do. 
So he starts shitting himself. That now starts all of us on a very painful path. He realizes it upsets us, and continues to do it. We now have to buy diapers for a 4 year old. Trying to retrain him and get him to understand that he needs to "grow up and be a big boy" NO! No...he keeps doing it.  We think he's sick maybe. We take him to doctors, who charge us out the ass with drugs and hospital stays, barrage of tests for food allergens, constipation medication, tests upon tests to receive medical bills for 10,000. So it comes to now WTF do we do because now he's set to go to school. 5 years old and still crapping himself everyday. Also still stealing and taking anything he can get his hands on that he wants as well. This is why you guys see me joke about throwing dirty underwear at people. It was my twisted humor for dealing with it. That's where it comes from.

The best (LOL!) is coming. So now my employer opens up 2 new terminals near our area taking away alot of our work. I go from making 50-60 hours a week to 30-32. So now not only do all my bills stay same, my kids is now going to a public school still doing the things he does at home and the school is now blaming us for his problems of course. . WE WARNED THEM and tried to explain it with all the doctors diagnosis and shit. Ohhh no. The prissy Principle and Nurse that staffed that school had it out for us. Would have my wife go down to the school 5-6 times a day with fresh clothes because he soiled himself again. Mrs Magnum, your child is stealing other kids snacks. Mrs Magnum, your child is doing whatever  he wants and this is unacceptable, so we are going to try our best to not only crucify you both, but try and take your kids from you too. Is that fair to my 1st son? Obviously not so, we go through EVERY FUCKING THING that the school demands we do. Psychologists, drugs for ADHD, OCD. My kids was a walking pharmacy at one point taking at least 5 different drugs. Went through 5-6 different kid psychologists because they had no idea WTF to do with him either. Ohhh BTW I'm a horrible dad because I work and can't come to the meetings. They actually sent CPS for us twice. As the years droned on, I almost wish they did take him but, again is that fair to my 1st son? No.

So I decide to better myself and get a Class A licence because drivers are still making 50-60 hours making a dollar more than a dock worker. I get roped into a 2 year contract that I cant quit if I get trained. Boy I got fucked. So that was in 2007 and I'm rolling in the money again and guess what? 2008 recession hits and I'm fucking roped in. I'm back down to 30-32 hours because we're slow, there is no freight, and I'm a fucking low man. So I tough that for a year. In the end, I got out from under that, and then went to where I work now. Making enough to get by because of how much I make, but now the wife has been home all this time because no one would hire her for all the times she would've had to leave to come to the beck and call of our son at school. (still trying to take them from us) So she has this great idea to start online college for a degree. We borrow money to help live on too. Never realizing that when the time came to pay, no one would give my wife even a glance for a job because she was out of work so long.

IT JUST KEEPS GETTING FUCKING BETTER!!

So my car blows up, I get kicked out of our apartments we were living in because a POS neighbor we didn't like made a story about our youngest son pissing at their door. Since it was documented he was a problem kid because he went into peoples cars, apartments that were not locked stealing money and food. That was when I was drinking the heaviest and literally lost my mind and kicked the shit out of him. Shades of my father where I stopped drinking for a year. Yea. So yea. We had to live at her dads for a year. So to get back on our feet, we take out more student loans and empty my 401k because we need the money for a car and a place to live. With a little help from her mom kicking the bucket and her dad hooking us up with some life insurance money, we are where we are now.

Problem. The last 3 loans we took out to help pay for college and just help with life like food, and utilities for a year, my mom cosigned for. Again, never believing the fact the economy would still be shit all these years, and her staying at home would be a huge detriment. All the while here it is, my 2nd son is almost 10 years old still shitting in his fucking pants, stealing any food or possessions he wants, hides what he steals until it rots or we find it, breaks things because he's mad. Some of the things he's broken were priceless to me, my wife and my 1st son to the point where we have pretty much given up on the fact he cannot change. After all the doctors, drugs, yelling, screaming, crying, begging, teaching, or whatever.....nothing gets through. So now after 5 years are up, the loans are coming due. Well, she's not working!! Who fucking cares?!?! I can't pay you guys. WE DON'T CARE!! Threats to my mom. My mom is broker than me. she can't handle the stress and drags my sister into it. This is roughly September of 2013. So it gets so bad that I'm not even on speaking terms with my parents or my sister.

So the Wednesday before that Thanksgiving, the pain of cutting my youngest son out of my heart, cutting my family out of my life, crushing fucking debt, was to much with the bullshit holidays for me to take. I almost ended it there. That was the lowest I've ever been

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