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Charred Remains & Scrap Metal (Read 9950 times)
Ghastly
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Re: Charred Remains & Scrap Metal
Reply #15 - 05/02/11 at 15:41:15
 
I'm on a fucking roll guys. At the moment I'm adapting the first chapter into comic book format. It's almost done, I just need to touch up the pages and color them.

A guard walks Sam Barlow to a black Bugatti Veyron SS where a man with a black sleeveless tee and spiked brown hair stands smiling until he gets a good look at his company.

"That'll be a fun car ride" Murmurs a guard to Calypso

Calypso laughs and walks back to his all black 2011 Audi Q7 and heads back to the landing strip where a pretty and most uncomfortable stewardess is waiting for him. As they make the drive to the landing strip Calypso looks out the window and loses himself as he watches a white Ford Taurus go by.

In the back seat of the Ford Taurus are two children. One a teenage boy and the other a young girl of maybe nine. Suddenly their appearances shift and it's himself and his little sister in his parent's station wagon. His sister has her hand out the window holding her doll by the hand as it dangles above the blacktop. Then his sister turns and sees him and after giving him a pained expression screams, she rots away and his young self catches fire in the back seat of the station wagon. Suddenly the clouds become dark and the sky turns red.

Then immediately after the station wagon smashes into the side of the Audi. Calypso jostles in his seat and looks at the driver of the station wagon. It's Minion, and he is beyond pissed. The shocked Calypso turns but Black and his guards are not there. The Audi is driving itself and he is alone in hell. He looks back at the station wagon to see the demon lunging at him.

Calypso jerks to consciousness and looks to the front passenger seat where the guard who uttered the words "fun car ride" sits and pulls out his Glock without saying a word and puts two in his skull.  Calypso lets out a deep sigh and shakes his head and runs his fingers through his gray hair and looks at Black who is sitting beside him.

"I ever tell you I fucking hate dreaming?"

Black nods.

"Well I'm saying it again. I fucking hate dreaming."

As the car drives off, the front passenger door opens and the body of the guard tumbles out of the car where it will lie for ten hours in the hot Arizona sun. By the time someone cleans up the mess, his eyes will have been pecked away by crows, he will have bloated and his left leg will have been gnawed off by a coyote.

"We've got two weeks before the competition starts and we still have room for six more entries, and I think I know just where to look."

PART EIGHT COMING SOON!
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“Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.” http://thefoodmonster.com/cgi-bin/tma/YaBB.pl?num=1253569866 ^ FANFIC ^
GhastlyDeath@rocketmail.com xxghastlydeathxx  
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Re: Charred Remains & Scrap Metal
Reply #16 - 05/03/11 at 18:16:25
 
I like how much unnecessary detail you go into describing cars.
Not just a Bugatti Veryon, a black Bugatti Veryon SS.
Not just a black crossover. A black 2011 Audi Q7.
Not just a white station wagon. A white Ford Taurus.
It doesn't necessarily hurt the fanfic, it just slows the pace a little. Other than that, good read.
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Ghastly
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Re: Charred Remains & Scrap Metal
Reply #17 - 05/06/11 at 18:29:12
 
Yeah I thought it would paint a better picture than simply black suv, but yeah I can understand about the Bugatti, I suppose it is a little excessive.

Los Angeles, California

Outside the Top Summit bank are six police cruisers and a swat van filled with sixteen trained police officers who are figuring out how to take out a group of former soldiers turned criminals who have taken the patrons of the bank hostage. Among the cruisers with her Glock trained on the entrance is officer Jamie Roberts, veteran of the force for eleven years. Her brother, Carl, is one of the swat team.

Three bodies lay face down on the stone steps at the front of the bank, hostages. The criminals have not been very kind to the police's lack of motivation to get their demands. Commissioner Daniel Morris is screaming at the negotiator who has been unable to reason with the perpetrators.

"THEY WON'T LISTEN TO ME! YOU HAVE TO GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT OR YOU HAVE TO WATCH ANOTHER GROUP OF HOSTAGES GET BLOWN AWAY!" Barks the negotiator

"WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DO?! NOT LIKE WE CAN JUST LET THEM WALK OUT OF THERE!"

"There is another option." Pipes in Jamie as she strolls over to the commissioner.

"What is it Roberts?"

"This bank was built a long time ago, it's probably connected to the old sewer line. We could send the SWAT through the sewers and flank them while we take them from the front distracting them and closing them in."

The commissioner thinks for a minute and nods. He picks up his radio and switches it on, it hisses for a brief moment.

"Alright, I want alpha company to take the sewers under Grant Street and we'll storm the front when we get word that they're in place."

The SWAT van opens and the alpha team pours out in the direction of Grant Street. Jamie walks back to the cruiser where her partner, Officer Cole Dunbar is standing poised and ready to go. She reaches into the passenger seat of the cruiser and pulls out a Remington 12 gauge and ducks behind a wall next to the steps up to the bank. She cocks the shotgun and waits.

The alpha team treads through the sewer water, Carl Roberts taking point with a MP5-K. He trains his sight on the pathway, passing intersecting tunnels until he finds a turn to go left and there stands a ladder into an open building. He steps up quietly, his team right behind him. Little does he know that former marine Ethan Remar is standing at the top of the ladder with a Heckler & Koch. He throws a flashbang up to the surface. But when officer Roberts pops up he steps on the rungs of the ladder a little too loud and two nine millimeter rounds hit him, one in the shoulder and one in the gut despite Ethan's temporary blindness. Carl falls and smacks into the sewer water.

"NOW NOW NOW!" Shouts a swat officer into his radio

Ethan is hit in the leg with three rounds, coming from a Glock 18's burst fire. He drops to the ground in agony as the officers put cuffs around his wrists. The swat team rushes the front of the bank where four other former marines wait with semi auto rifles. As they fire upon the team who has taken cover, Jamie blasts one in the spine with the shotgun. Another five officers pop off rounds into the neck and back of another thief, he chokes on his blood as he watches another comrade get a bullet in the kidney, then the lung while the other drops his gun and puts his hands behind his head.

When they get the cuffs on the surviving thief, Jamie searches for her brother. Cole walks up to her, looking pale as a ghost, which is definitely out of place given Cole's dark complexion. Immediately Jamie knows somethings wrong.

"What happened?"

"Jamie, your brother was shot during the raid. He's in bad shape, we've got an ambulance on the way."

"Oh my god!"

Jamie rushes out the front of the bank to find Carl lying on his back while two officers are putting pressure on his bleeding wound. She drops to her knees and lifts Carl's head off of the pavement. Tears are rolling down her face.

"Carl! What did they do to you?"

"I...got two bullets in me....other than that....just peach--"

Carl slumps, his eyes shut. One of the officers puts his finger underneath his nose.

"He's breathing, but it's getting fainter."

PART NINE COMING SOON!
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“Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.” http://thefoodmonster.com/cgi-bin/tma/YaBB.pl?num=1253569866 ^ FANFIC ^
GhastlyDeath@rocketmail.com xxghastlydeathxx  
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Ghastly
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Re: Charred Remains & Scrap Metal
Reply #18 - 05/28/11 at 11:17:52
 
Ten pages of the comic adaptation of this are already done. Too bad ten pages doesn't cover more than one and a half pages of the script written so far haha. Oh well. I promise you all that the next update will have the first pages.

The EMTs arrive a minute later and rush Carl as well as her sister off to Saint Antony's ER in downtown LA. When they arrive surgeons immediately begin working on him. Jamie gets pulled back by a nurse who tries to counsel her to no avail.

After two and a half hours a surgeon walks out to meet Jamie. He doesn't look happy. As a matter of fact, his heart sank into his chest the moment his eyes met Jamie's. The kid sister, the only one who really understood him. He speaks slowly and clearly with a hollowness that is not at all comforting.

"Ms. Roberts, your brother is alive, but we are not out of the woods."

She just stares at him blankly, seeing past him and into the operation room.

"His heart stopped on the table but we were able to resuscitate him. Unfortunately, he is now brain dead. Right now he's in ICU."

"Y-You're telling me he's in a coma?"

"Basically yes."

She lets out a sigh of exasperation.

"You have a choice to make as his medical file states you are his next of kin."

While staring down at the ground, Jamie utters

"Keep him alive. I have some work to do."

She stands and opens up her phone and dials the last received call as she leaves the hospital. After two rings the phone is answered by a familiar voice

"I see you wish to reconsider my offer, Ms. Roberts."

"Just shut the fuck up and put me on the roster."

"Will do. I look forward to seeing you in the tournament."

A moment later Calypso closes his phone with a smile on his face.

He's sitting at a table with Black and a few gentleman in grease monkey suits & wife beaters and a bald man with dark eyes. Calypso has a few pictures laid out on the table of various trucks and cars. The bald man puts his finger down on a photo of a prison transfer bus.

"I like your sense of taste, Mister Cage."

Calypso pauses for a moment as he takes a double shot of tequila. His sixth tonight as he sits around the table in his warehouse with his cohorts, and his guest.

"You should feel most lucky, you see, I don't normally extend this kind of offer to anyone. But seeing as how you're playing a rather special role, I'm entitling you to a vehicle of your choice."

The man slams his fist down on the table. He struggles for a second and pries his hand from it, or whatever is left. For where his left hand was is now a makeshift weapon. It's like something out of a Nightmare on Elm Street, with multiple blades jutting out in different directions all connected to a small pole that is attached to his stump.

"It's going to be a very interesting contest" Calypso says with a smile.

Cage leans into the light, he's been through hell and back. His lips are stitched at a complicated angle, leaving a hideous scar leading up to just below his left eye. He's got an eye that is beet red with the veins very much strained as it tries hard to make up for the cloudiness of his sight. He has a set of stitches that reach around the crown of his head.

"When this is all said and done, I want to mutilate that fucking circus freak, burn him alive and piss on the ashes. You can guarantee this?"

"Mr. Cage, you seem to underestimate me, even after everything I've done to help you. I've given you the gifts you need, now, go out and use them."

A moment later Cage is out the door of Calypso's warehouse and in the night. Dealing with his rage in the only way he has ever known...by murdering innocent people for what someone else has done to him. Tonight it will be a prostitute, a homeless man and a drug addict. No great loss there.

PART TEN COMING SOON!
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“Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.” http://thefoodmonster.com/cgi-bin/tma/YaBB.pl?num=1253569866 ^ FANFIC ^
GhastlyDeath@rocketmail.com xxghastlydeathxx  
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