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Twisted Metal Insanity (REMAKE) (Read 4362 times)
X.Needles_Kane.X
Ex Member


Twisted Metal Insanity (REMAKE)
01/18/11 at 07:52:21
 
Chapter One
Part One of Three
Needles Kane

An old, beaten ice cream truck sits at the side of a lonely country road. Inside, a man with a flaming head and a cracked old clown mask was busy cutting his latest murder victim into tiny peices with his knife. He would put the sliced body parts in his ice box, and then dump them in the next town to spark panic among the populace. The man looked up. He heard a car coming. He quickly opened the back doors of his truck and jumped out. He walked over to the driver's door and got in, and tried to start his vehicle. But the other driver was already upon him.

The man grabbed his knife and held it tight, ready to kill. The car stopped next to him, and the driver got out. A tall, bald man with a missing eye approached the driver-side window and knocked on it. "Hello, Needles". The man said. Needles Kane rolled down his window and stared at the man, before asking "What do you want, Calypso?" Calypso smiled and said, in a joyful tone, "Oh, I want to see if you want to play a little...game." "Game?" Needles asked. "Yes!" Calypso replied. "A game." "Does it involve me killing?" Needles asked, curiously. "Yes, Needles, it does." Calypso stared him in the eyes and then announced "I want you to be in the next Twisted Metal."

Needles laughed maniacally. "Count me in, Calypso!"
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X.Needles_Kane.X
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Re: Twisted Metal Insanity (REMAKE)
Reply #1 - 01/18/11 at 08:20:48
 
Twisted Metal Insanity
Chapter Two
Part One of Three

The two vehicles drove to an abandoned junkyard on the edge of Midtown. Calypso and Needles got out of their vehicles, and Calypso entered a small building. Needles followed him. "Ok, Needles," Calypso said as he looked over some paperwork. "Right now we have twelve contests. All we need is one more and we should be good." "Fuck the thirteenth guy!" Needles yelled, throwing his arms in the air. "We can do this without a thirteenth man!" Calypso put the papers down on a desk and turned around to face Needles. "Perhaps you're right. You can stay here for the night; tommorow is when the Contest starts." Needle's eyes widened. "Tommorow!? But my vehicle isn't even armed!" Needles screamed. He knew he would never be able to survive one round of Twisted Metal without weapons. "Don't worry, Needles. My men will take care of your vehicle. They'll have it armed in the morning." Calypso reassured him.

"They'd better not snoop around too much." Needles mumbled. "Seeya in the morning, Needles." Calypso said, and then he shut the door to the building, leaving Needles enveloped in the darkness. The only light was coming from the flames on his head. Needles hated the flames. They hurt. They left him with constant migraines. And worst of all, the pain could knock him out at any given moment. But he had to look oon the bright side. He would never need a flashlight to see in the dark. Needles heard Calypso's men driving his ice cream truck into a garage. He heard the garage door slowly shut. Then there was silence. Needles sat down in a chair and went to sleep. That night, Needles had a nightmare. It was about his execution. He had been captured by the Midtown Police Department after a shot from an officer's revolver had hit him in the back. His trial was quick. The judge sentenced him to death. He had but three days to live. In those three days, a preacher by the name of Jebediah visited him every three hours to see if he would repent to save his soul. But every time, Needles refused.

The police strapped Needles down into the electric chair, and the last thing he saw before the black bag was placed over his head was the preacher, grimacing at him with his Bible in hand. He heard the flick of a switch, and then pain shot throughout his body. And on his head, flames sprouted out, burning him. The preacher had put a curse on him! Needles broke free of the straps, and four officers ran over and began hitting him with their batons. Needles heard the preacher yelled "My God!" as he got up and killed each officer one by one by snapping their necks. He ran out of the room. An officer tried to pull out his service revolver, but Needles was too quick. He snapped the officer's neck and searched his corpse. He found a knife. "Yes!" He exclaimed. He ran out of the execution chamber, and climbed the fence to the Impound Lot. Police officers were shooting at with their rifles from the gaurd towers, but they weren't doing a very good job of shooting. An officer with an M16A1 tried to fire a round at Needles, but Needles picked up a brick and threw it at the officer's face, smashing his skull. Needles took the assault rifle and climbed into his truck.

The keys weren't there though. Needles ran into the Impound Lot's office, and shot the man at the desk with his M16. He looked through the cabinets and found the keys to his truck. He got back into his ice cream truck, and put the keys in the ignition. He turned them, and then the preacher's face appeared before him, cursing him. Damning him to Hell. Needles awoke with a scream.
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maxamillionaire
Hurricane Wrangler
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Is the answer to this
question no?

Posts: 139
Re: Twisted Metal Insanity (REMAKE)
Reply #2 - 01/18/11 at 17:09:25
 
I read the first chapter, but after that my interest wasn't piqued enough to read the second part. Not that it was bad writing, just by this time so much stuff seguing from the basic Sweet Tooth storyline has been made that this doesn't strike me as anything fresh. I don't doubt that you have some interesting twist to put on it, I'm just saying that the beginning is very important, as it will leave the reader with his impression. And you're beginning didn't do much for me, I'm afraid. I'm not saying this to be a jerk, just to offer some helpful pointers.
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And like a fly to the fire, you lie Consumed by desire, confused by the sky And like a moth to the flame you came Broken and mesmerized
 
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Obliverate
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Re: Twisted Metal Insanity (REMAKE)
Reply #3 - 01/18/11 at 23:58:04
 
You made Needles into a pussy, then copied part of his story from Black, and then made him into Rambo.
Meh.
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X.Needles_Kane.X
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Re: Twisted Metal Insanity (REMAKE)
Reply #4 - 01/19/11 at 00:35:55
 
To Max- I understand.
And to Obliverate- Lol, I decided to fuck around with his mind some.
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Obliverate
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Re: Twisted Metal Insanity (REMAKE)
Reply #5 - 01/19/11 at 04:06:49
 
Yeah... let's not do that.
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X.Needles_Kane.X
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Re: Twisted Metal Insanity (REMAKE)
Reply #6 - 01/20/11 at 00:33:48
 
Yes sir. Sorry sir.
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Margit Huss
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I Love Space Jam!

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Re: Twisted Metal Insanity (REMAKE)
Reply #7 - 03/29/11 at 09:52:40
 
ShockedTwisted Metal Insanity (REMAKE)??







____________________________
ps3 controller, xbox 360 controller, wii accessories, wii remote
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Obliverate
Ex Member


Re: Twisted Metal Insanity (REMAKE)
Reply #8 - 04/09/11 at 01:20:51
 
Yes, bot, that is the title.
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