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The Undead Zombie Whore (Fixxor Gets Laid Pt. 2/2) (Read 3668 times)
Dim Shades -
Ex Member

The Undead Zombie Whore (Fixxor Gets Laid Pt. 2/2)
12/27/10 at 02:30:16
The charred, decaying hand grips into a fist and knocks the trunk hatch clean off like a boxer’s winning KO punch.
The decaying hand turns into an oversized, scorched and decaying shell of a former plumper. Bunnie’s mid-section looked like a green flap of flesh, exposing her oversized ribs and dried up guts. Her face was burnt beyond recognition as one eye was missing and her lips looking like smashed worms. Looking closer at her mid-section, Bunnie notices a latter term fetus inside her body, which was also resurrected.

As she begins to realize her real life waddle had adapted well into her current “afterlife”, she began her trek to revenge.

[Cory’s House – 10:00 PM]

All the guys were hanging out watching various pornos. CPF is sitting on the piss yellow couch, stuffing popcorn down his mouth, complete with bugged out eyes. Fixxor watches the chick get impaled by a 10 inch penis and not even release a moan, which breaks the silence.

“Ok” said Fixxor who began to get irritated. “How come these bitches can take a yard of cock in their ass and not even twitch?” as his face reddened up with frustration.

“Dude, that’s showing weakness.” Replied CPF as he spit out a kernel. “If you want to make it in porn, you got to be grown up.” As he chewed his fingernails, eyes bugged out.

“You don’t seem to get it, stupid.” Replied Fixxor, obviously more frustrated. “If you had a 10 inch dildo up your ass, you would cry and bleed, dumbfuck.”

CPF dropped the popcorn bowl, looked at Fixxor and employed a thunderous slap to the back of his head, knocking his face on the coffee table.

“Fuck you, fag.” Said CPF who was obviously offended. “You act like a girly man because you have a dildo up your ass 23 hours a day.” He continued.

“What the fuck does he do the other hour?” asked Squid as he walked in from the swinging kitchen door.

“He sucks on his dads balls.”

“You suck on frozen hot dogs for practice, feg.” Replied Fixxor who was rubbing his mildly injured forehead.

While Fixxor, Squid and CPF were hanging out in the house, outside was a different story. Cory stood above the grave, cigarette planted in mouth, puffing on it like no tomorrow.

“What’s with the luck of the men in this fucked up family?” he asked himself, smoking the cig down to nothing. “Every chick we lay ends up dead.” He continued as his mouth slowly went agape, dropping the cig on the grass.

As Cory looks to the ground, he sees the soil making movement. As he looks on with a ‘what the fuck’ look on his face, he simply backs off from it and goes back into the house like nothing happened.

[Int. Cory’s House – 10:15 PM]

“I want a friggin’ pizza.” Said Numis “Look into my eyeballs…I’m hungry.”

“Yeah, a pineapple and pepperoni sounds king right about now.” replied Cory who rubbed his stomach.

“Wait” said CPF, who pointed his finger at Cory in an accusatory way, eyes flaring up in anger.

“What?” he replied, complete with deer in headlights.

“Don’t be stealing my lines, you fucking asshole!” screamed CPF who threw the popcorn bowl on the coffee table, shattering it into a million pieces. “That is my fucking line!” He screamed.

“What the hell are you talking about, you fucking paranoid idiot?” said Fixxor who was plucking glass out of his goatee.

“Dude, only I can say fucking ‘king’.” Replied CPF who had a look of fire in the eyes. “He says it again and I’ll fucking kick his ass until he’s brain dead, unhook him off life support, throw his limp, lifeless body down the fucking stairs and then shit on his face.”

Cory looked at CPF with a look of shock – as if he’s never heard the words ‘shit’, ‘fucking’ or ‘until’ in his life and then laughs at him.

“Dude” said Cory. “You drink Seabreezes. Enough said.” as he gave a ‘talk to the hand’ pose

Squid just looked at them, rolled his eyes and called in the pizza.

[11:05 PM]

“Where the fuck is the pizza man?” asked Fixxor. “It’s been close to an hour. How long does it take to put pineapple on fucking cheese?”

“How long does it take you to find a condom small enough to fit your dick?” replied Numis.

“Not long.” Replied Fixxor, who at this point was in no mood for an exchange. “Not long.”

As Cory was inside the kitchen, opening a bottle of booze, he looks out the window to see that the neighbor’s dog, a large Doberman was walking around the grave with a human limb in his mouth.

“Fag dog.”

Squid walks into the kitchen and steals the bottle from Cory, chugs it until the bottom and leaves a small trace of backwash for him to have. Cory looks at Squid with sharp, angry eyes then tongues the inside of the bottle like a queer.

“Ok, I’m out of here.” Said Squid. “Your brother is not just a fucking wigger – he’s also a sick fuck.” He continued as he walked outside the door.

Bunnie’s corpse watches outside as Squid leaves the house and steals Cory’s moped and drives off into the night. The corpse staggered to the window and saw CPF, Fixxor and Cory blasting the song “Stuck In The Middle With You” while dancing around – throwing their arms in the air, spinning around and jumping and touching the ceiling.

[11:20 PM]

A motorcycle with a sidecar pulls up with a dark haired man holding a pizza box up in the air with his right hand. Sporting a green camouflage uniform and a yellow hat with red pepperoni pieces on it, the man’s hat has the name “Sonic Boom Pizza” shining on the front.

The man knocks on the door to the beat of the Dragnet theme. Moments later, Cory walked to the door with a pissed off look plastered on his face.

“Where the hell have you been, you douche?” screamed Cory. “I ought to have you fired, you fucking snail.”

“I’ll fire something off in you.” Said the pizza man as he shoves the pizza into Cory’s face, pushing him on the floor and kicking the door closed behind him. “You keep your fucking ass down.” He continued, pulling a six shooter from his pants.

“Dude, I was going to give you a tip.” Quipped Cory as he peeled the pineapple pieces from his face like chicken skin.

“Here’s a tip: Shut your fucking mouth.” Replied the pizza man as he cocked the gun. “Anyone else here?”

“My brother and his flaming Italian fag friend.” replied Cory who was somewhere in a state of complete disbelief mixed with a hard cocked smart ass center.

“Fags? I fucking hate faggots.” Said the pizza man with anger in his eyes. “I eat faggots for fucking breakfast.”

Meanwhile, upstairs, CPF was taking a piss on Cory’s pillow while the TV was playing. A newscast came on.

“Breaking news! A suspect in the murder of local porn writer, Hades Lane, is on the run tonight. He is a Caucasian male around 5’10’’, dark brown hair, and may be in the local area. He has a tattoo of a dead pig on his right arm.”

“Who the fuck has a dead pig on their arm?” asked Fixxor as he looked off the balcony.

“Someone who was brave enough to nail your mother and take enough pride in it to get a tattoo.” Quipped CPF.

“Very  funny, asshole.”

“Private Snowball thought it was.” Said the Pizza Man as he pointed the gun at Fixxor while CPF lay on the bed with a dirty set of socks stuffed in his mouth, muffling the sounds of ‘fuck you, fag’.

“Who the hell are you?!” screamed Fixxor. “You look like a fucking bum.”

“Which one of you is the faggot?” asked Snowball, huffing and wheezing like a maniac. “I’m going to fuck up your faggot ass and make you eat the dick of my gun.”

“Where the fuck is my brother?” asked Fixxor whose eyes were as big as Olympic sized swimming pools. “Where the fuck is he?”

“What?” replied Snowball, whose frown sank lower. “Your brother is a fag? I knew by his wigger look that he had to be.” He continued, breathing heavily like a boozed up, drugged up phone sex operator who had no soul or drive in their life.

“Ok, twinkle toes” said Snowball as he pointed the gun at Fixxor and CPF. “March your asses in the living room.”

Snowball very cautiously tiptoed behind CPF and Fixxor as they walked down the stairs and seen Cory tied to a kitchen chair, squirming for dear life only for the chair to fall on its side, prompting CPF to spit out the socks and laugh.

“Ha. Fucking fag.” Said CPF, laughing at Cory’s injury.

“Ok, it’s bad enough that he’s gay. Don’t rub it in, asshole.” Commanded Snowball as he pushed the gun into CPF’s cheek. “Shut your yap.”

“Dude, shut your mom.” Replied CPF who spit at Snowball.

“That was retarded.” Said Fixxor. “Shut your mom? Fucking 2nd grade education.”

“Your mom teaches 2nd grade. I fucked her when I was eight years old.”

“Yeah, you fucked her for the four years you repeated.”

“Yeah, because she was a good sex teacher, you fag.”

“Alright, shut the fuck up, idiots.” Interjected Snowball.

[11:45 PM]

CPF, Fixxor and Cory are all tied to chairs as Snowball paces back and forth, bracing the gun against his side.

“Here is the game plan, fruits.” Said Snowball with a car salesman smile. “If you little ladies can keep your legs crossed, your mouths shut and your penises out of each others assholes, you’ll all live to see the sunlight.”

“I don’t cross my legs, dumb ass.” Quipped CPF with a dickhead glare in his eye. “Do I look like I have a vagina?”

“No, but your mother does.” Replied Fixxor.

For around five seconds, everyone looks at Fixxor with a look of shock, embarrassment and complete awe.

“That was really fucking dumb.” Said Snowball, who was attempting to conceal his laughter. “You’re like that dumb fuck little kid off that Schwarzenegger movie where he teaches school.”

“Ok, how about this?” Cory opened. “We’ll give you everything in our wallets and our truck if you let us go.”

“Gee, that’s a swell fucking idea there, cock boy.” Replied Snowball as he rubbed his chin with the gun. “The only bad side is…that I’m fucking being actively searched for.”

Outside the house, the zombie peeks inside to see Snowball ranting and raving. She begins to knock on the window which prompts Snowball to look out.

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Dim Shades -
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Re: The Undead Zombie Whore (Fixxor Gets Laid Pt. 2/2)
Reply #1 - 12/27/10 at 02:30:36
As Snowball looks outside the window, he just notices CPF’s Corvette across the street, outside of Sean Algier’s house. Nothing too unusual. As he turns around, the knocking happens again.

“Ok, faggots.” Said Snowball. “I’m going out there and I’m going to kill this little rabbit that is in Mr. Mac-fucking-GREGOR’s garden.” As he cocked the gun and walked outside.

As he walked outside, Snowball could hear the sound of leaves ruffling in the short distance. He proceeds to the side of the house, jumps around with gun drawn and sees nothing but darkness. He looks in the backyard at the old red shed with the creaky door as it is slapping back and forth like a pair of balls against a females ass. As he looks inside the shed, he sees a shovel, a rake and ten copies of E.T. for the Atari 2600.

As Snowball turns around, he is shocked to see the sight of Bunnie, her burnt up face and her ugly fetus hanging in her stomach like a set of nuts. As he began to fire off the gun into her decaying face and into the fetus, he throws the gun at her and begins to run for the back patio door. As he begins to tug on the door and realize it is locked, Bunnie picks up the shovel from the shed, staggers to Snowball and bashes the shovel into the back of his shed and busting him through the glass patio door like those cheap 80’s effects.

As Snowball lies on the floor, bits of glass in his arm and face, coughing up a little glass even, he looks back to see nothing but the darkness itself. As he crawls to the living room, he sees the door wide open and Fixxor, Cory and CPF running to Sean Algier’s house across the street.

“Fuck this.” Said Snowball as he crawled to the phone. “I might get life imprisonment. But it is better than being killed by that rotten whore.”

“I’m not a whore.” Said Bunnie, her voice sounding like a mix between gurgling dried over blood and smoking 3 million cigs at once. “I’m going to make you my bitch, though.”

“I’ll see you in hell, you whore!” screamed Snowball as he pulled a knife from his pocket and threw it at her, hitting her in the throat. “How you like that deep throat action, you decomposing piece of shit?” as he let out a brief laugh as he began to get up.

As Snowball began to back off, eyes firmly planted on Bunnie, he began to make a run for the door. Bunnie lets out a ghastly laugh as he pries her decomposing, bony hands into her stomach and pulls her unborn fetus out like a yoyo on a string. She picks it up by the umbilical cord and swings it like a rodeo star, catching Snowball around the neck.

“Get off me, you fucking oversized wad of cum!” screamed Snowball as he began to beat the fetus in the head. “Get off!” as he began to struggle then fall to his knees, obviously dead from the eventual asphyxiation.

[Sean Algier’s House 12:15 AM]

As CPF, Fixxor and Cory walk into Sean’s living room, everything is dead quiet. The only sound they hear is the sound of an instrument playing in the upstairs. In the day of music games being in the mainstream, it was nothing unusual. As they walk up the stairs, they see Sean playing ‘Sitar Hero’, based on Ravi Shankar tunes. However, his way of playing the game WAS unusual – as he was on his knees, inserting his penis into a girl as he played the game, getting the ‘high score’ on both ends.

“Holy shit.” Said CPF, his eyes bugging out at the sight. “Look at the graphics on that game!”

Algier turns around, obviously embarrassed by the sight of his red cheeks, pulls his penis out and drops the oversized sitar controller on the girls face, who then clutches her nose.

“Sean, you son of a bitch.” Said the girl. “Hitting a girl in the nose is like kicking a guy in the nuts. It’s our balls, dude.”

“Baby” said Sean as he caressed her face. “Could you please shut up for a minute in front of the guys? You’re kind of naked.”

“And I’m kind of liking it.” Said Cory as he began to take his a-shirt off. “I’ll pinch hit for you, bro. I promise I won’t wrecking ball her.”

“That’s nice that you want to get your dick wet, Cory” said Fixxor, obviously still shaken up. “But we just about got blown away and you’re worried about having some twat gravy on your penis.”

CPF began to laugh.

“Man, Fixxor.” Said CPF, smile on face. “You’re not that big of a fag, dude. You come up with some good one liners, you fag.”

Sean Algier just looks at CPF with a look reminiscent of “I’m waiting – what the fuck are you doing here?”

“Anyways, can we use your phone, fag?” asked CPF as he brushed his hair back from the top of his forehead. “Some crazy ass pizza dude tried to kill us and he’s back across the street.”

“Don’t you idiots own a gun?” asked Algier who was visually annoyed, possibly at the aspect of a person not having a firearm in the suburbs. “Grab a 12 gauge from my gun cabinet and off his ass.”

[Algier’s front yard -  12:32 AM]

CPF walks in front, brandishing a crowbar as Fixxor holds the shotgun like a seasoned pro. Cory is in the back holding a wire hanger, walking cautiously. As they get to the front door, they all three take a deep breath and walk inside. They look in terror as Snowball’s body is sitting on the couch with the TV smashed through his skull where it looks as if his face was on TV – and it was about a mentally incapacitated criminal with the inability to breathe or speak.

“Hello, darling.” Said Bunnie as she tapped Cory on the shoulder. “Don’t you want to give me a little kiss?”

Cory turns around and terror explodes from his eyes like a pack of dynamite. Fearing for the life of himself, his brother and his friend, his fleshy lips meet the burnt, disgusting lips of Bunnie. He began to get into the kissing as he grabs her hardened, grotesque ass.

“Oh, baby.” Said Cory. “I missed you so much. I’m glad you’re back.” He continued as he began to touch her glue soaked newspaper textured tits.

“There’s someone else who wants to say hi.” Replied Bunnie as she looked toward her stomach. “It is Cory, Jr.”

“Oh hell no!” screamed Cory. “I should’ve brought a vacuum but this wire hanger will do” as he straightened out the hook and began jabbing the fetus in the eye. “Die, you fucking zombie glob.”
“Cory, get down, you fucking idiot!” screamed Fixxor as he fired the shotgun straight at the fetus, blowing it into two, a disgusting green slime shooting out of it like a nose that made extreme contact with a kleenex.

“You’re the one who got me pregnant, you son of a bitch” screamed Bunnie as she picks Cory up his neck and throws him through the front window. “You killed your own child, you fucking wigger piece of shit.” As she began to kick him in the ribs.

“Fuck this, I’m calling the cops.” Thought CPF to himself as he pulled out his cell phone and dialed emergency services. He began to run off through the front door and ran to Algiers house as he made the call, leaving Fixxor and Cory to fend for themselves.

Cory lay on the ground, blood coming from mouth as Bunnie continued to kick him in the stomach. She smiles at him in her own grim, undead way, braces her arm back and goes straight for his cock and balls, ripping them out as he screams in the most girlish, high pitched scream one can achieve.

“That was my money maker.” Said Cory as he began to obtain a hand full of blood from the area where his cock and balls once were connected. “I hope you rot in hell, you fat fucking whore.”

“I’ll be right there besides you, baby” said Bunnie as she began to laugh. As the laughing subsided, she jumps on his throat to finish him off. She picks him up as she walks toward Fixxor and puts her arm around him.

“I should have went for the better looking, brother.” Said Bunnie as she began to caress his face. “His little two inch dick was like getting poked by a sewing needle with two moth balls.”

“Well, that’s nice of you to supplement the fact that my brother is dead and that he had a small penis.”

[Cory’s House – 1:00 A.M.]

Fixxor sits at the kitchen table, tied down as Bunnie sits on the opposite end while Cory’s corpse is laying on the table like a Thanksgiving turkey. Fixxor looks at his dead brother on the table as Bunnie looks at Fixxor’s pulsating temple.

“You are quite tense, my dear.” Said Bunnie as she began to smile. “Don’t worry. He will be back with us real soon.”

-This was a fic that was in development hell for close to a year. I decided to post it here as a permanent resting place for it…as it became more gross out than comedy. Cory was supposed to come back as a zombie, CPF would have to kill him, etc. etc. Got too formulaic and boring so I axed it…here’s the unfinished product.-

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On the corners Blow and

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Re: The Undead Zombie Whore (Fixxor Gets Laid Pt. 2/2)
Reply #2 - 12/28/10 at 13:47:39
Finally got some time to sit down with it.

It's definately nothing like what you ussually do, but still funny in alot of parts. It's ok.

Your right. It is disturbing. I was sorta like....."Where's he going?"
It'd been nice if Burnie sat on his face to sufficate Cory.
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---===THE Applejuice Guy===---
Who wants the undies? Anyone? Come on man......they're only dirty on the inside.
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Dim Shades -
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Re: The Undead Zombie Whore (Fixxor Gets Laid Pt. 2/2)
Reply #3 - 12/28/10 at 18:15:19
Yeah, agreed. I just have to be in a certain mindset to do a fic. I was intending for all the CPF fanfics to "blend" together and take up where the last one left off. Problem was - was that I had a generally fun idea about a zombie slut then I got bored with it...sat around with it, tried to finish it and forced in jokes just to finish it and hence the mediocre, axed final product.

Same thing with this years 'CPF Saves Christmas'. I started it on the 18th and by the 23rd I said fuck it. I have to take time to write a fic out...I hate time limits. But it was going to be a really dark Christmas story. Santa gets drunk and wrecks the sleigh, the reindeer break free and fall to their death from the sky...was wild.
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On the corners Blow and

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Re: The Undead Zombie Whore (Fixxor Gets Laid Pt. 2/2)
Reply #4 - 12/29/10 at 13:29:29
I know what your saying. I have that very same problem.

Maybe what you can do is save it on Word, then get back to it when you got the bug. It works for me. I know it's sitting there unfinished, and it actually helps me want to write something out. It's worth a try. 

If your really not interested in it, it shows. Crazy how you say your heart wasn't into it but, it's still got it's funny parts.
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---===THE Applejuice Guy===---
Who wants the undies? Anyone? Come on man......they're only dirty on the inside.
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