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Comedy Fanfiction: Fixxor Gets Laid (Read 3839 times)
Dim Shades 2010
Ex Member


Comedy Fanfiction: Fixxor Gets Laid
12/23/10 at 22:36:59
 
[Continued from previous story]

"Avenging 9/11?" replied Algier whose look on his face resembled the reaction to someone who farted while watching a serious news broadcast. "You're an idiot."

CPF, obviously offended by this very weak barb, jumped up from the bed with a very pissed off look slapped on his face.

"You know what, fag?" replied CPF, his face puffing up. "At least when I go to your house, I don't eat all the stoned wheat crackers and vodka sauce."

"Hey, fuck you." replied Algier in a hurt tone. "Those crackers tasted like shit. It helped sculpt my accent - shit mouth."

CPF waved his hand in the air in a "fuck this" kind of way as he stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him. As he walks to his Vette, he hears a woman across the street screaming. As he walks over to the house, the screaming suddenly subsided. As CPF began to inch back to the Vette, the screaming began again. He runs to the house, kicks in the door and begins to inspect.

"Shut up, you fucking whore." said a voice. "One more outta you and I'm going to tear your ass into little pieces."

CPF looked to the coffee table, where he seen a bloody tampon smeared across the light wood finish. Holding his mouth to avoid puking, he began to walk up the stairs and hear the commotion coming from a slightly agape door. As he peeks inside, he sees a short guy, about 5'6'' with a chili bowl haircut, his sideburns as thick as his mouth get up.

"Oh, Cory." said the female voice. "You know exactly how to put a little more mileage on my old cunt."

Cory lit up a cigarette as he cracked a smile of sheer satisfaction. As he took a puff and blew some smoke rings, the females hand was seen trying to grab it.

"You want a smoke, bitch?" asked Cory, his big brown eyes piercing her. "Have a drag on me" as he pushed the lit cigarette on her thigh and began to drag it, causing another orgasm to lift off from the feeling of the cigarettes burn.

CPF kicks in the door and starts to eyeball the females tits.

"Hi fags" said CPF as began to unbutton his pants. "Room for one more?"

Cory slowly turned around with a look of fire in his eyes. He swung around and tackled CPF, who was still at that point trying to unbutton his pants. CPF swung his foot around and kicked Cory in the head, knocking him out.

"What a fag." said CPF "I wanted the chick - not you, homo." as he began to brush off his Orioles jersey as he got up.

"Who the fuck are you?" asked the woman, obviously distressed.

CPF began to look at the woman from head to toe with a look of disgust. Her blonde hair looked like it was conditioned with fry grease and her pink contact lenses reminded him of a grapefruit urine. She began to smile at CPF exposing her rotten, decaying teeth that looked like small, old school can openers.

"WHAT the fuck are you?" replied CPF "You look like the trailer trash version of Jabba the Hut."

"You don't remember me, CPF?" asked the woman, shining her cruddy, decayed teeth "It's me, Bunnie."

"Wow. I knew you were a ho bag and all, but wow...you look like shit." replied CPF who began to tiptoe to the balcony.

Bunnie began to put on her robe as she approached CPF with a kissy-face, showing off her gross, rotten teeth and her piss colored eyes. As she walked, cockroaches began to come from under her robe. CPF, obviously flustered falls out of the way as Bunnie begins to run to him. As CPF falls, Bunnie goes over the balcony and lets out a brief scream until she hits the lawn below. CPF looks over the balcony and notices that Bunnie is not moving at all. 

[Fixxor's Apt. - 2:00 PM - next day]

"Yeah, your brother was laying some fat bitch." said CPF, whose brown eyes looked like chocolate drops. "Her tits looked like fried eggs."

"Ok, fegz." replied Fixxor. "I'm sick of hearing how my brother bangs a lot of chicks. Half of them are Jerry Springer rejects." as he began to stroke his goatee.

"Yeah, but your brother actually GETS laid" replied CPF who crossed his arms, smiling. "So anyway, you a fag?"

A long, awkward pause for about 10 second ensues --

"No" replied Fixxor. "He gets laid all the time because alcohol can make even make you attractive."

"Fuck you, Fixxor!" replied CPF "I'm handsome you fag!" as he pointed his thumb at his chest.

[Cory's House - 2:25 PM]

Cory is sitting on his couch, Bunnie lying on the recliner, her eyes almost looking sewn shut. The smell of shit and urine was strong in the air as her body laid in the recliner, motionless. Cory looked at her, a lone tear rolling down his cheek as he rips his white a-shirt/wifebeater and screams her name.

"Bunnie." said Cory as he lays her motionless head on his shoulder as he is perched at the side of the recliner. "You were quite possibly the most filthiest fuck I've ever had. Seriously, you probably took a bath once a month."

"I can't let you go, however. I've laid and dropped every girl in this two bit town. Wined 'em, dined 'em, fucked 'em and dumped 'em. I guess my own assholish nature has led to my own demise. I love how the caked up roughage of your yeast infection felt on my cock when we did it."

"You're going to have to let her go, Cory." said a man who walked into the room. "There's light at the end of the tunnel."

The man was around 6 feet tall, thin with spiked up dark hair and a green overcoat, sporting pearly white teeth. This is Robert "OpenGlock" Glockenspiel.

"There's going to be a light from the barrel of my gun if you don't get the fuck off my property." said Cory as he caressed Bunnie's greased up hair.

"You can either let life go on or you can cry the same old tears for some druggie bitch who thought you were just another dick on the blackboard." replied Openglock. "The choice is yours."

Cory began to strum his hair with his fingers as he begins to look down at the floor with indecision in his eyes and heart.

"Give me your keys." said Cory. "I need to say my final goodbyes to her." His eyes began to tear up again and his cock began to feel like a limp mushroom inside his hand.

"Go on, Cory. You'll never be free of her until you accept that its over." replied Openglock who handed him the keys. "And if you scratch my god damn car, I'll bury your ass, motherfucker."

Cory nodded as he carried her lifeless body outside and drops it in the trunk of Openglock's light blue Le Baron convertible. He wipes away a tear as he closes the trunk, gets inside and drives away.

"That boy is one fucked up individual." said Openglock as ate a chicken leg from the fridge.

[2:45 PM - Fixxor's Apt.]

Fixxor and CPF are watching a nude African tribe on the Discovery channel. Fixxor's pants were unzipped and he was obviously whacking it from CPF's POV, despite the side of the recliner and Fixxor's sleeve hiding his cock.

"All this talk about black people is making me thirsty." said Fixxor who was at this point breaking into a sweat.

"Want some Malty Malt?" asked CPF "That shit is cheap but it gets me fucked up."

"You get fucked up off one can of 3 point, little man." said Fixxor who began to laugh as he blew his load onto the floor and then falls facefirst into it, creating a shimmering sheen of lip gloss.

As CPF is laughing at Fixxor's facial malfunction, the door slams open and Openglock walks in.

"Uh, yeah." said Openglock. "Your brother is probably going to kill himself over that fat bitch he was laying."

"What a puss." said Fixxor as he blotted his lips. "I'll go after him in about 20 minutes."

"Yo Robert. Want some cheese puffs or some shit?" asked CPF who held up a bowl of them.

"You fag. Don't offer my fucking food to people!" screamed Fixxor "Fucking idiot."

"Dude, fuck you." replied CPF who turned the bowl upside down and began stepping on the cheese puffs. "No puffs for you -- fucking fat motherfucker"

CPF marches out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

A short pause occurs.

"What a fucking queer." says Fixxor, who resumes watching the African tribes documentary as Openglock simply sits where CPF was sitting.

[3:00 PM - Yemsi's Bluff]

Cory got outside the car and braced his back against the hood as he began to look into the endless drop off of the bluff. He took a sigh, lit up a cigarette and began to smoke it down to nothing. With a few more puffs left on it, he simply flicked it off into the drop.

"Why did I let this happen?" said Cory to himself. "I had to be the most wildest fuckbeast in town and tame the craziest honeys. If I wouldn't have fucked her proper, she never would've fell to her death. But then again, if I fucked her like a dead horse, she would've left me anyway."

"Life is fucking complicated." said Openglock who walked up and sat down at the edge of the bluff. "One day your penis has a gold medal around its neck -- and the next, it's lucky to get a participant ribbon."

"Ain't that the truth." replied Cory as he began to sit next to Openglock. "I learned my lesson...for now: Don't be a great fuck nor a shit fuck - be an adequate fuck."

"That or just don't become so attached to people." said Openglock as he took a flask of whiskey from his coat and swigged it. "Attachment is like a virus in your e-mail...it fries your computer and costs you money."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" replied Cory, who grabbed the flask and took a swig himself. "Take a chick to a burger joint and make her get something on the dollar menu?"

"Yeah, kinda."

As the day began to turn into night, Cory fell asleep in the back seat of the car. When he awoke, he came to the realization that it was time to say goodbye. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, went to the trunk and looked at her body for the last time. He caressed her greasy hair and groped her rigor mortis plagued tits as he began to sigh quite heavily. As he began to pick her up, he could hear the sound of a horn blaring. As he jumps out of the way, a Corvette slams into the back of the car, knocking it off the bluff.

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Re: Comedy Fanfiction: Fixxor Gets Laid
Reply #1 - 12/23/10 at 22:37:53
 
"Noooooooo!" screams Cory. "You son of a bitch! You son of a bitch!" as he ran to the Corvette.

"You fag." said CPF "Why the fuck you parked at the end of a cliff, you fucking asshat?" as he began to put his car into park and get out. They both look over the bluff.

The light blue Le Baron plummeted hundreds of feet below until a thunderous explosion was heard. Her body obviously being torched like a flame broiled burger.

"Well, thats over." said Cory. "I need a fucking burger." as they both get into the Corvette and drive off.

- 1 year later -

Cory is seen riding a blue moped and pulling into the parking lot of Fixxor's apartment complex as CPF and Fixxor are outside, arguing as usual. CPF had a black and orange Orioles hat on backwards with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth while Fixxor donned a freshly shaved head to contrast with his goatee - his teeth gritting with anger.

"Did you just laugh at the size of Fixxor's dick?" asked Cory with a smile as he got off the bike.

"Nah." replied CPF who let out a half chuckle. "I told him I'd help him get laid. The guy is such a tight ass that he squeaks like a pussy."

Fixxor began kicking CPF in the shins repeatedly while pulling on his hair.

"Shut up, you dick." said Fixxor, who was obviously stressed to the max. "I can get more pussy than you ever will, you fuckin sleazy, overconfident dickhole."

"Dude, the only time in your life you ever got ass is when you watched "Freddy Got Fingered" when Tom Green's father smacked his ass while he was drinking fuckin' tequila and you started jerking off to his fucking asscrack" ranted CPF, obviously out of breath from this cutdown.

"Speaking of Freddy Got Fingered, Fixxor." said Cory, attempting to hold back laughter. "You kinda look like Gord's brother."

CPF laid his head onto Cory's shoulder and began to laugh.

"But seriously, Fixxor" said CPF with a heartfelt, sympathetic look in his eyes. "Give me a week with you and you will have the tools necessary to properly tweak the plumbing of a bitch."

[6:00 PM - Squid Numis' House]

CPF walks inside Squid's house - it was radically different from his last visit. The house was cleaned up and absolutely spotless. CPF sat on the green w/ black striped couch next to Fixxor. Squid walks in from the kitchen wearing a yellow t-shirt with a black outline design of Father Numis that says "One Nation Under Numis" on the front.

"Wow, this place doesn't look like a soup kitchen now." said CPF. "Speaking of that, where the fuck is Rabbi Nimbus?"

"Father Numis, you fucking queer." said Squid as he adjusted his glasses. "And if you want to know, he's at the bar promoting his new album."

"And it took what, 40 years to come out?" CPF quipped "If it takes 40 years to make an album, he's wasting his time."

"Your parents wasted time when they didn't get the morning after pill." quipped Squid.

CPF looked in a state of shock, his mouth slightly agape as he obviously had no comeback.

"Fag"

"Ok, fegz." said Fixxor who began repeatedly looking at his Ronald Mcdonald watch "Don't have time for you two's lovers spat. Can we get into this gay seminar?"

CPF began to take off his shoes, much to Squid and Fixxor's amusement. CPF began to take off his pants, stripping down to hot pink Speedo trunks and waved his hands in a 'ta da!' kind of way.

"First, you must realize the two female g-spots..." CPF began before Squid began to interrupt

"Um, is this going to employ use of sappy, queer shit like using the words "heart", "love" and talking about soap operas?"

"No, you fag." replied CPF who gave Squid an annoyed glare. "The two g-spots are the clitoris and the ass."

"What the fuck?" said Fixxor. "Dude, I'm not going anywhere near a chicks ass." The expression on his face showed nothing but discomfort.

"Ok, I think CPF is a douchebag and all" said Squid "But, come on - if you won't do anything with a chicks ass, you're either a germophobe or a puss - same thing."

"Dude, what if a chick doesn't wipe her ass well?" replied Fixxor as he swirled his finger around in the air. "Your fucking finger or dick is going to look like a Sugar Daddy"

"Hey Fixxor" replied CPF. "I fucked your mom in the ass with my thumbs and I'm clean." as he pointed his knuckles at each other and moved his thumbs up and down.

There was an awkward silence. Not a laugh, not a groan - not even the creeping suspicion that CPF was one sexually sadistic motherfucker.

"Anyways" said CPF, breaking the silence, obviously embarassed his attempt at humor failed. "If you can find a chick that enjoys it in the ass, it's like having the deed to a mansion - you OWN her."

Fixxor raises his hand.

"What, fag?" asked CPF as he was obviously becoming annoyed.

"What the fuck does this have to do with picking up chicks?" asked Fixxor who was also losing his cool. "Glad I'm not paying for this - otherwise, I'd walk out of it like I did with Superbad."

"Superbad was awesome." said Squid as he began tuning his guitar. "Of course - if you won't probe a chicks ass, you won't enjoy a GOOD movie."

"Thats it!" exclaimed CPF "Go to the movie theater and bang that one butt slut that works as an usher there - Bunnie Brownsville."

[Movie Theater - 11:45 PM]

Fixxor and CPF stand in line for the movie amongst the other moviegoers as a very hesitant Fixxor began to throw the dice of doubt to get out of this.

"Dude, this is a fucking bad idea." said Fixxor, who was twitching like a crank addict. "It's bad enough that she has the same name as that one slit but -- she's a redhead."

"Yeah, I know." replied CPF who was putting his hand in the pants of the girl in front of him. "Redheads have a severe case of fire crotch."

"Yeah, and I hear they are sadistic."

A chunky, red headed female with a gap in her front teeth and a somewhat piggish nose walks up to CPF and tries to grab his penis. This is Bunnie Brownsville.

"Oh, CPF, darling." said Bunnie as she began tonguing her gap and blinking her blue eyes. "You still not wanting to try some of 'Big Red'?"

"Nah, I'm good." replied CPF. "I don't feel like fucking a walking sunburn."

"Well, some people never grow up." said Fixxor, hoping to seduce her with his 2nd grade teacher charm.

"And some things never grow up - his cock." quipped Bunnie as she began pulling her dirty thong from her asscrack.

"Anyways" she continued, chewing gum like a maniac. "You're kind of cute for a greasy Italian. Want to get a free pass into the movie?"

"Cool." said Fixxor. "Now how about free popcorn and drink?" as he cracked a smile similar to a horny 14 year old at Hooters.

[Seating Area - 12:05 A.M.]

Fixxor is seated with Bunnie in the middle of the theater as CPF is quietly watching in the far back, stuffing down popcorn like it was the last day of Earth.

"This shit is better than any movie." said CPF to himself with a big eyed look. "If he gets laid, I'm making millions off the sex tape."

"Yeah, amateur porn is a goldmine." replied Openglock who magically appeared eating a burger.

“Holy shit.” Said CPF who was in a state of shock. “Where the fuck did you get that burger?”

“Magic.” Replied Openglock with a smart ass style. “Now shut up and watch the god damn movie.”

They look down to Fixxor who is sitting next to Bunnie, who is repeatedly trying to put his arm around her but keeps hesitating. Bunnie looks to him with a green jelly bean stuck in her gap.

“Just put your arm around her, you fag!” screamed CPF from the distance.

“Shut the fuck up!” said Fixxor as he was wolfing down a handful of popcorn to mask his voice.

“Say something, my Italian sausage?” asked Bunnie as she began stuffing her hand down Fixxor’s green khaki pants. “Let me rub away the tension” as she began to stroke him off.

“Holy crap.” Said Fixxor as he began to wiggle around. “It’s like I have a paint roller flattening out my cock” he continued with a smile.

Openglock is watching from afar with a pair of theatre binoculars firmly in hand.

“Holy shit.” Said Openglock. “He’s getting a handjob – the dude’s getting a hand job.”

“Hand jobs are for babies.” Scoffed CPF. “I can give myself a hand job.”

“Yeah, too bad it falls out of your hand.” Quipped Openglock.

“Fag”

[Bunnie’s Apartment – 3am]

Her apartment was a pigsty. As Fixxor enters the cramped apartment, he notices random phone numbers on the coffee table with white powder strung across it. He looks down and sees a 20 dollar bill with the white powder on it – he bends over, grabs it and pockets it with a smile.

As Bunnie creeps up behind him entering the door, she crouches down and bites him on the ass and lets out a roar like a lion as she pushes him on top of the coffee table as she rips off her shirt, exposing her stuffed bra and man tits.

“Wow, bitch.” Said Fixxor. “I got bigger tits than you do.” As he began to scratch his head being completely bewildered by the sight of tits so flat.

“Honey.” Replied Bunnie. “You obviously haven’t sexed very many women.”

“I’ve had 3 chicks.” Said Fixxor as he began to count on his fingers. “And they at least didn’t shop for their bras at Baby Mart.”

“I got some goods down South, baby” as she pulled off her pants with her back turned to Fixxor exposing her freckled ass – that looked like strawberry ice cream with a mix of moles and boils to boot. As she turns around, Fixxor is in complete shock as he sees a big…throbbing…clitoris that resembled a lizard on crack.

“Holy fuck!” screams Fixxor who is beginning to retch. “You have a dick!”

Being a dumb whore that she is, Bunnie looks down and scratches her head. She giggles, noticing her clit.

“I get injections into my clit to make it meatier.” replied Bunnie “You might as well tongue bang the boat, baby. You’ll know why.”

[Bunnie’s Bedroom – 3:15 A.M.]

The cold, dark atmosphere of Bunnie’s bedroom was only lit by the bright moonlight that struck Fixxor’s shaved head. As he lays on top of Bunnie, slowly thrusting her, she just stares blindly at the ceiling,
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Re: Comedy Fanfiction: Fixxor Gets Laid
Reply #2 - 12/23/10 at 22:38:59
 
going through the motions as she ogled in the otherworld goodness of her glow in the dark stars.

“Umm, you enjoying this…at all?” asked Fixxor who was becoming frustrated and ass hurt.

“Oh yeah. Loving it.” Replied Bunnie who let out a sarcastic moan.

As Fixxor pulled out, you could visually see that Bunnie’s vagina was like a cave that could fit 4 cocks.

“Wow, bitch.” Said Fixxor as he began to put on his pants. “My friends said you were a butt slut but I didn’t realize you fucked an elephant.”

Bunnie began to cry as Fixxor began to walk out of the bedroom. She grabbed a syringe from under her pillow and stuck it in her arm as she began to lay back on the bed. Fixxor looked back and screamed.

“Holy shit.” Said Fixxor. “Heroin? Heroin?” as he couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Mrs. H has always been good to me.” Bunnie replied with a sickeningly pathetic smile on her face.

As Fixxor began to scan Bunnie’s fat arm, he noticed a trail of track marks that lead down to her knuckles. With a look of disgust on his face, he picks up the syringe and throws it out the window and begins to cry like a bitch.

“What the fuck has led you to shoot heroin?” screamed Fixxor as he shook her. “What the fuck?”

“I only have one thing to say to you, my Italian sausage.” Said Bunnie. “Wear this” as she stuck a post-it note with Fixxor’s name on his forehead.

[Bunnie’s Apartment – 9:45 am]

As Fixxor awakes on the front room couch naked, he looks up and sees CPF “motor boating” Bunnie’s tits on the kitchen table while the plates had eggs hanging off them. CPF looks toward Fixxor and laughs.

“Hi fags.” Said CPF as he looked at Fixxor. “Don’t mind me. Just getting my morning fix.” He said with a smile.

“You’re having sex with her?” asked Fixxor as his eyeballs got bigger than his balls.

“I’m just rubbing my face in her tits.” Replied CPF. “It’s not like I’m putting my cock in her puss.”

“Well, she does shoot heroin there, needle dick.” Quips Fixxor.

“Fag”

As Bunnie bent over, Fixxor looked at CPF and then at some fried eggs on the plate. He picks up the fried eggs with a spatula and smacks them on Bunnie’s ass, who looks around with a surprised smile.

CPF laughs. “Fucking fag”

As Fixxor goes behind Bunnie and starts dry humping her, her head falls onto the burner and begins scalding her. Her screams bellowed out as CPF and Fixxor pull her off. As she falls to the floor and gets back up, she is stricken with a burnt up face.

“Well, this bitch has hit rock bottom.” Said CPF who just stood there smiling. “Fuck her one last time before she sees what she looks like.”

Fixxor picks her naked body up and throws her on her floor level mattress, puts a paper bag on her face and begins thrusting her. In the middle of the thrusting, she began moaning – from himself or the burns, Fixxor did not know. As he finished up and began to walk off, she chased him.

“You can’t leave me.” She said with tears soaking the paper bag. “You can’t ever leave me.”

“Yeah, I can, ho.” Replied Fixxor who pointed at the front door. “The exit is right there. Catch on the flipside, slut.” As he shook his ass walking out the door.

Bunnie lunges at Fixxor with a scream of bloody murder prompting him to turn around and stab him in the shoulder with a syringe.

“You fucking crazy bitch!” he screamed as he pulled the syringe out and threw it. He proceeds to her and punches her in the face, knocking her clean on her ass. He grabs a razor off the coffee table next to the white powder and stabs her in the shoulder repeatedly, the blood squirting out of her like an explosive ketchup bottle.
As she lay there groaning, Fixxor runs out of the apartment and makes way to the parking lot below, hailing a taxi and driving away.

[Cory’s house – 11:00 AM]

Fixxor walks into Cory’s house a nervous wreck. He looks around, screaming his name, to find the house was empty. He locks the door behind him and begins looking for a form of protection. He pulls out the couch bed and finds the .357 magnum – with the “suicide” bullet.

Within moments, a very unique, rhythmic knock was being pounded on the door. Fixxor cowered in fear at the side of the couch until the door was kicked in – where Openglock walked in carrying Bunnie. As Fixxor got up, his face in a state somewhere between horror and relief, he began to walk toward Openglock.

“She offed herself” said Openglock as he pointed to her throat.

Her throat was slashed open as the dried blood was like finger paint that ran on her chest. Openglock began to lose his balance and falls backwards.

“That’s a fat bitch.” He said as he pushed her off. “Either it’s the rigor mortis or the all you can eat she had last night.” He continued with a smile.

“Fucking bitch.” Said Fixxor as he rubbed his injured shoulder. “I bet 90% of her weight is her clit.”

“I believe its time you say goodbye.” Said Openglock. “I left the tools you will need in the backyard. Goodbye.”

Openglock walked outside the door as Fixxor picked up Bunnie’s corpse and headed to the backyard. As he got to the back, he noticed a shovel that was spiked into the ground. As Fixxor threw Bunnie’s corpse onto the ground, making a loud thud, despite being 4 foot off the ground, he began to dig.

As the afternoon grew into evening, a sound of a vehicle could be heard slightly in the distance. Fixxor looked back in terror as he seen Squid Numis, CPF and Cory all watching him attempting to bury Bunnie like a dog with a bone.

“Wow, dude.” Said CPF “I knew you were a dead fuck and all but this is ridiculous.”

“Whoa, hold up.” Replied Numis. “You actually fucked this whore? She’s banged every dude in town”

Cory looked at Fixxor with a look of disappointment in his eyes.

“Wow, bro. Wow.” Said Cory who turned to a smile. “You’re burying her the wrong way, dumbass”

Cory walks to the shed and picks up a hacksaw.

“Let me show you the right way to off a bitch.” Said Cory as he positioned it to her throat and began to saw it.

CPF laid back his head and laughed while Numis began to gag.

“This is funny” said CPF with a chuckle. “You buried your bone in her and now you’re burying her like a bone. Fag.”

As her head was sawn off, Fixxor picks it up and throws it at CPF who shrieks like a girl, prompting Numis to laugh.

Fixxor tosses her head into the hole as the four pick up her corpse and shove it down the hole. They each take a shovel and begin laying dirt on her lifeless body, each shred of dirt hiding the slutty, excessive person she once was.

After the body was buried, all of the guys except for CPF went back inside the house. He stood back, looked at the burial, unbuttoned his pants and took a piss all over it. As he zipped his pants back up, he got his cock caught in the zipper.

“Aw, fuck shit damn it motherfucker!” screamed CPF. “It’s like she sucked my cock with her acid whore lips.” As he pulled his cock from the zipper and ran back inside the house.

[Inside the house]

“Bunnie?” said Cory. “I once dated a girl named Bunnie – she was a filthy fuck too..but she too, died.” As he began to break down.

“How did she die?” asked Fixxor who was seriously intrigued. “She off herself after fucking you?”

“Nah” said CPF. “She kind of fell to her death and landed in a piss puddle.”

“How the fuck would you know?” replied Fixxor who didn’t believe a word. “You didn’t know her.”

“Nah, but I tried saving her…saving it.” CPF explained. “Between the maggots crawling from her cunt and her rotten ass teeth, I’d rather go back in time and save my virginity.” He continued with a smile.

“Dude, I read the newspapers about Father Numis mentions all the time and I don’t ever recall her being in the papers – the obituaries.” Said Numis who was also intrigued. “Did you even report her death?”

“Not really.” Said Cory. “I kind of disposed of the body.”

“Where the hell did you toss it?” asked Fixxor “Throw her in a compactor? She was white trash!”

Everything fades back to the base of Yemsi’s Bluff where the blue Le Baron convertible was nothing but broken car parts and rusted out paint. The trunk of the car was barely agape in the inescapable night as from the middle of nowhere, a charred, decaying hand pops out of the trunk.

                 The End?





                                      
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Re: Comedy Fanfiction: Fixxor Gets Laid
Reply #3 - 12/24/10 at 14:27:40
 
"You get fucked up off one can of 3 point, little man." said Fixxor who began to laugh as he blew his load onto the floor and then falls facefirst into it, creating a shimmering sheen of lip gloss.

"Dude, the only time in your life you ever got ass is when you watched "Freddy Got Fingered" when Tom Green's father smacked his ass while he was drinking fuckin' tequila and you started jerking off to his fucking asscrack" ranted CPF, obviously out of breath from this cutdown.

"Yeah, amateur porn is a goldmine." replied Openglock who magically appeared eating a burger.

“Holy shit.” Said CPF who was in a state of shock. “Where the fuck did you get that burger?”

“Magic.” Replied Openglock with a smart ass style. “Now shut up and watch the god damn movie.”

Some of the many fucking LMAO lines. 4 thumbs up! Classic Dim Shades!

Fucking awesome FAG!!!
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---===THE Applejuice Guy===---
Wtf does a guy got to do around here to get a fucking beer? FUCK A FRUIT BASKET!!
WWW  
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On the plaza of eat and
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Re: Comedy Fanfiction: Fixxor Gets Laid
Reply #4 - 12/26/10 at 14:49:17
 
One more thing.

This is classic Comedy Fic action here people. The professor is at work.

Please continue.
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---===THE Applejuice Guy===---
Wtf does a guy got to do around here to get a fucking beer? FUCK A FRUIT BASKET!!
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Billy Mays Reincarnated as a Centaur
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Re: Comedy Fanfiction: Fixxor Gets Laid
Reply #5 - 12/27/10 at 04:33:18
 
Wait, where's the previous story?
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---===Will Shut The Hell Up From Now On===---
"I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold. I'll be fine once I get it. I'll be good." ... ...
 
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Re: Comedy Fanfiction: Fixxor Gets Laid
Reply #6 - 12/27/10 at 13:31:53
 
CPF vs. Bin Laden was the previous story. I'll have to find it on my PC and post.
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