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"The Struggle For TMA" (Read 12101 times)
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"The Struggle For TMA"
08/15/10 at 16:21:48
 
Hello everyone. This is the Comedy Fic that I have all told you about at one point or another. For all you newer people, you might not get the gist of some of the humor, due to the fact this is written about the old TMA site.

I also put in newer stuff that wasn't in it before, since I had to start from scratch again. The foundation was always there. It was always how was I going to build it?

So without further ado.......for your reading pleasure. It's a long story so, get a pillow cause your gonna be biting it for awhile. Seriously. Enjoy!   Smiley
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« Last Edit: 03/04/17 at 13:20:54 by Magnum »  

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Re: "The Struggle For TMA"
Reply #1 - 08/15/10 at 16:22:42
 
This tale is about struggle. About adversity. It’s also about the indomitable spirit of men to overcome huge obstacles when some fucking douchebag wants to ruin your day. This is the story of a few, that had to save many. This; is The Struggle for TMA. ::::::.orchestra music plays::::::::

Scene focuses onto a restaurant called Hairy’s Hamburgers. 2 men are sitting at a table enjoying a meal as camera focuses in.

X-Man -- So I said to the noob, look. Don’t make it any worse than it is. Your posting sucks, you suck, and your config sucks. So the next reply from him was, “Well U sux more’s LOLZ1111111 I so ownz joo!” I just deleted his shit after that.

Evil Ed-- Yea. I got the feeling that TMforever was gonna be a problem. Just another leftover cumstain from Blair.

X-Man -- Well. I’m not sweating it. I made Scold put on some rubber gloves to wipe him off my monitor after I blasted him. He should be done by now. These 69 fries are awesome. :::::::X-Man reaches for drink::::::

Ed-- Wait a minute. Hold up a sec. ::::::::sniffs X-Mans soda::::: Yo X!!! They fucking pissed in your drink man!!!

Immediately Ed and X-Man start kicking ass Matrix style on anyone that is in the restaurant. Bodies go flying across tables, and out windows. Then the manager comes out to the counter, as his customers and employees try and run away, failing miserably.

Manager -- WTF IS GOING ON OUT HERE?!?!?!

X-Man deftly lands in front of the manager like he jumped from 10 stories high, cracking pavement. “Was it you who pissed in my soda?”

Manager-- Yes it was me!! I was getting tired of you and your friend coming in here with ridiculous demands! All the time!!! I refuse to put PIE on my hamburgers!!

As Evil Ed keeps kicking ass -- Uhhh ohhhh. Wrong answer.

X-Man quickly snap roundhouse kicks Matrix style. The manager’s head flies off, and lands in the garbage can.

X-Man-- Well. So much for that. I think we’ve wrapped this bitch up. Lets roll Ed. We got Xizor and Hellbent meeting us for cards. ::::::::grabs some more 69 fries::::::::

Evil Ed wipes some sweat off his brow. “That was almost as fun as kicking Blair in the teeth. You could try and kick him in the nuts but, he don‘t have any.”

X-Man-- Lets keep that name a little lower man. I’m confident he’s gone too but, you just never know. Could be like some fag Harry Potter shit, and poof…..show up.

Evil Ed-- Yea. Your right. Lets roll.

Scene now cuts to a dark and dirty room filled with a pool of raw sewage. It’s a room in the local sewage treatment plant. A man can be seen at it’s edges. He slowly stirs a pole with a net on the end to collect the larger pieces that are in the goop. His demeanor is one of despair as he shakes the large pieces into an incinerator.

Blair-- I knew it. I just knew it. My Grandpa said I wouldn’t be shit. My Dad said I wouldn’t be shit. Everyone told me I wouldn’t amount to shit, and here I am. Shoveling shit. THANKS GRANDPA FOR MOLESTING ME!!! Fucking always putting your ass boil in my face.

As Blair starts to cry again, a large turd pops to the surface of the pool. “Ohhhhhhhhh woooooow. I can’t believe I made it! I need to be called ‘Shit Pipe Conductor!”  It curiously starts to “swim” itself toward the unsuspecting Blair.  “OMG Jesus! I hope he sees me!”  Lord help him hear me!

Blair-- Ohhhhhh…this is just great. Now I’m hearing voices too! What kinda shit is this?!?! :::::::sobs harder::::: NO TAG TEAM TONIGHT WITH UNCLE!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!

Turd in cesspool-- HEY!! YOU CAN HEAR ME?!?!?!? HELP ME!!! OHHHHHH JESUS HELP ME!!!  

Blair-- OHHH JESUS HELP ME!!! A FUCKING TURD IS TALKING TO ME!!!!

Turd-- No no no!! It’s me!!! It’s V-Wing!! Remember me?!?! We went to church together a few months back!

Blair-- OMFG!!! NOW THAT GIRL IS HAUNTING ME TO KISS HER AGAIN!!!

Turd jumps out of the pool like a dolphin, and lands at Blair’s feet.  “Blair!!! It’s me V-Wing!! Ed and X-Man tricked me and….and…..I was eaten by Magnum and…now I’m nothing but a piece of shit now. You have to help me!!”

Blair suddenly stops crying and turns deadly serious. He looks at turd. “Did you just say the names Evil Ed and X-Man?” Starts to shake and fit.

Turd bounces up and down. “Yes!!! All I wanted was some belts but, they tricked me and got me killed. Now this is all that’s left of me.”

Blair under his breath-- Not much has changed….

V-Wing-- What? What was that?

Blair coughs-- I must be deranged. Talking to a turd. You said you wanted belts. Is that right?

V-Wing-- YES!! That’s all I want! I just want some flashy belts so I can look cool like everyone else at TMA. They never give me any nice ones. I’d like to get “Pajama Party!”

Blair smiles mischievously-- Well….how do you propose we attack TMA?

V-Wing turd bounces closer to Blair-- Just relax a minute.

Blair’s body goes ridged as a curling smoke rises out of turd, and envelops all around his body. When the smoke clears after going fully up Blair’s nose, he opens his eyes and feels slightly lightheaded. Blair tries to clear his head by shaking it.

Voice of V-Wing -- Go to a mirror.

Blair woozily stumbles to a mirror in an adjoining bathroom. He suddenly jumps back a few feet by what he sees there!

V-Wing standing in front of the mirror!!!  “You see?!?! I can now help you get control of TMA by using your body to sneak around as me! If no one sees you, you can infiltrate them and then give me all the belts I could ever ask for! I’m sooooooo loving meeeeeeeee!”

As V-Wings image fades, Blair’s features come back. V-Wings voice as a ghost -- “I can’t stay in the physical realm to long. I have to do it in small amounts. Unless you loose control of your temper, I might pop back in to help.”  

Blair-- Thanks God it’s not permanent. This sounds good to me. I will definitely help you, to help me. You have better be right about this. I’ll make sure you get all the belts you want, so long as I make all of them pay for what they did to me!!!

Lightning flashes many times violently outside, and Blair’s maniacal laughter rings throughout the sewage treatment plant. “I HAVE RETURNED!!!!!!”

Scene cuts to Evil Ed and X-Man walking down a city street with ice pops.

Ed-- Dude. I love these fucking things! These pussy pops are fucking awesome. I’m loving this virgin cherry. Nice and tart.

X-Man-- I’m really digging the new flavor of Jessica Simpson. I think next I’ll try the……..AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

X-Man drops his ice pop and grabs his head in pain. “AHHHHHH FUCK!!!! FUCK!!! THAT FUCKING FAG!!!!!

Ed rushes to his side-- X!! WTF MAN?!?! You ok?? WTF is going on?

X-Man-- You didn’t feel that?!? Dammit. That bastard is back.

Ed-- I felt something seriously wrong but, it didn’t hurt like that. WTF you mean he’s back?

Small orchestra runs out from side alley  :::::::::.DUNN DUNN DUNNN!!!!:::::

Ed-- No. No way dude. Shit! We’re gonna have to do something. Quick.

X-Man slowly gets to his feet. “ It’s because your not as hyper allergic to FAG like I am. We’re just gonna go back to my house. We’ll figure something out with Hellbent and Xizor, and make him pay for making me drop my Jessie”

Scene quickly cuts to a small shack in New Zealand. A form can be seen hunched over a computer terminal furiously typing code. Then the figure stops suddenly, and turns around to face camera.

Mort-- I be feeling a disturbance in the TMA……..::::::: raises eyebrows and pops a tattie in his mouth:::::::

Scene then quickly cuts to an immaculate sewer hole somewhere in Texas.

Nightshade-- Wow. Either the shit level in here rose to ghastly proportions, or Blair has come back.
I think I’m gonna need some boots! Texas Style!! Shit Kickers that is!!

Scene now fades to a scene of a man and a woman in a kitchen of an apartment. The woman is dressed as a maintenance worker but, it’s tight leather. She’s on her knee’s under the sink fixing something as the man stares at her ass in tight pants.  

Dim Shades-- I appreciate you getting here right away. I wouldn’t be able to mix my drinks if the garbage disposal was broken, and overflowing.

Angelique from under sink-- I think it’d be best if you stopped putting large metal objects into it. I just found a fork. I’m beginning to think your damaging things just to get me in here so you can stare at me.

Dim -- Who?  Mwuuuwaa? I would never do such a terrible thing!

Angel done and getting up to look Dim square in the eye, as she wipes her hands off  -- Riiiiight. And your oven door just happened to fall off  yesterday?

Dim-- Well…..we can’t have gas leaking out.

Angel turns around and goes to pick up her tool bag. As she bends over, Dims eyes light up -- You sure are full of gas. Hot as I see it. Keep this up and I’ll send the other girl instead.

Dim-- :::::::visions of 300 pound woman come to mind::::::: Uhhh…that’s ok. I’ll be a good boy. ::::::under breath:::: For now….

Angel turns around- What was that?

Dim -- Go out?? :::::both raise eyebrows at same time surprised:::::: I mean…..yea….fuck it. ::::::starts playing cool:::::: Yea…Wanna go out to dinner?

Angel sighs -- Will it get you to finally stop damaging things to get me over to fix them?

Dim-- Deal!  

Angel -- Well, I’m able to have some free time tonight. Say around 8 pm? Will you be ready?

Dim -- Ready as Charles Bronson fully loaded for 2nd Amendment justice.

Angel starts to walk to the door -- So it’s set then. I’ll be by at 8. You better impress me. :::::closes door:::::::

Dim does hip thrusts -- Fuck yea!! Who’s the man?!?!

Dim goes over to record player “Yea Angel. I’ll give you a night to remember”

Puts on Tom Jones “Sex Bomb” and starts waltzing to the bedroom.  

Scene cuts to X-Mans house. X-Man, Evil Ed, Xizor, and Hellbent are sitting around a table with mountains of empty liquor and beer bottles. A bong is wisping smoke.

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Re: "The Struggle For TMA"
Reply #2 - 08/15/10 at 16:25:14
 
X-Man -- We gotta try and come up with something to combat Blair’s return. There has to be a plan.

Ed-- We don’t really have the whole council here. I hear DSB went AWOL. Something about Plantation Patterns ruining his life.

Xizor -- Well, I say we just fucking nuke him. It can’t be that hard right?

Hellbent -- I got nukes. I also got 5 round disc blasters, proton bombs, and a dirty hobo that likes to bite ankles. 

X-Man -- That sounds good. Maybe we should also include Dim Shades in the plan. He’s always had some good bashes. I say we go after  we play this hand. Hellbent, cut the cards.

Hellbent pulls out a meat cleaver and cuts the deck cleanly in two.

Xizor -- Way to go asshole. I guess it’s settled then. Lets head out to Dims.

Scene focuses in on a police precinct with a Viper SRT10 parked right out front. As camera pans into the door, a man in a suit can be seen standing at the front desk talking to the desk cop.

Venom -- Look. I’m just here to get the man named Magnum bailed out. Money is no object.

Cop 1 -- I don’t think money is gonna be a problem. We’re more than happy to get him out of here. He’s been shitting all over the damn place. Can’t smell anything other than rotted ass.

Venom smiles at the irony -- Well. For me that comes in handy. Is that all sir? ::::::::large stack of cash changes hands:::::::::

Cop 2 comes over with Magnum still in cuffs -- Here he is fella. Don’t know why you’d want this guy. He fucking stinks.

Magnum -- You fucking kidding? I had to keep shitting to keep those bastards from ass raping me in there. That, and the Mod’s special didn’t help.

Cops raise eyebrows at that comment as cuffs come off Magnum. Venom walks over to him and puts a hand on his shoulder. “You ok buddy?”

Magnum -- Yea man. I was fucking set up dude. It was some kind of bullshit.

Venom starts to walk out to car -- It’s ok Mags. I got a job for you to do.

Magnum-- Yea? What is it?

Venom -- Get in the car.

Magnum -- FOOKIN SWEET!!!

As Venom drives around town at 100MPH, he starts to explain things. “ Mort has asked me to do a very dangerous job. I just need you to try and keep a low profile for now. I can’t tell you much but, I need you to just keep an eye on things for me.

Magnum -- Uhhhhhhhh…ok. WTF do you want me to do?

Venom pulls up to Dims apartment and takes a few moments to think. “You just sitting here with me is a good sign. I just need you  to know Blair is back and your gonna be the key.”

Magnum -- key to what?

Venom opens Magnum’s door with a touch of a button. “You’ll see. Just hang around with all of TMA’s finest and we’ll get the problem solved.”

With that, Venom burns rubber laying down a long patch. Magnum still confused, starts up towards Dims apartment. “Disaster Child should learn a little something from that.”

Scene cuts to all of X-Man’s party hanging out and chilling in Dims living room. TV cuts into the chatter.

“We’ll be back to Synthr’s Silly Show in a moment but 1st in the news, a man or men, is being sought by police for screaming about not having enough Dr Pepper, and then pissing on the floor instead of the urinal. This faggotry is unacceptable in modern society, and an intensive search is on. This is Ran Dather, and fuck the news.”

Dim -- You guys can stay here until I come back later. Knowing Blair is on the loose, I know he’ll try something since my last fic made him look really bad.

X-Man -- Yea. Wax lips and missing 3 points would piss anyone off.

Dim--I got all the channels. There should be some good stuff on the Violence channel, or the Porn Network. 

Magnum knocks on door…..Irony?

Ed -- OMFG lock the bathroom.

Dim -- Well. Look who showed up. ::::::::sniffs air::::: You didn’t drop the soap in the joint did you?

Magnum -- Hell no! I kept shitting and farting to keep them fags off me. Jail is not fucking cool dude. That Mod’s special wasn’t funny either you assholes.

Ed and X-Man snicker. 

Dim -- Being in jail must be it. You got the smell of FAG on you.

Magnum -- Huh? WTF you talking about smell like fag?

Dim -- Never mind. It’s faint.  Just don’t sit on the furniture.

Hellbent -- Well. After hearing that news report, I’m just gonna have to try and take things into my own hands. ::::::::rocket launcher magically appears::::::: I’ll be out hunting if you need me.

Magnum -- Damn Hellbent! How’d you do that?

Hellbent -- Just pressed Equip.

As Hellbent walks out the door, Magnum starts to press random points on his body. “Fuck! That sucks! This never works!”

Just then Angel shows up in a beautiful evening gown. Everything gets all bright and slow motion as she walks into the room. “Hello gents. How are you this evening?

All Guys just nod their heads. Angel laughs.

Dim Shades -- Yea yea. Anyway……::::walks over to Angel and takes her arm::::: Lets go shall we?

When the couple walk out the door, guys snap back to the present.

Magnum -- Whoa. No wonder she’s called Angel.

Xizor -- Yea well. It was nice. I’m gonna go and get me some beer and get some pussy. I’m not watching the porn channel at a sausage party.

Magnum -- I’ll go with ya.

Xizor -- Dammit Mags. You need to shower 1st. Smelling like shit and FAG ain’t gonna cut it. It’s just not Alpha.

Magnum-- WTF is this smelling like fag you keep talking about? 

X-Man -- You guys do that. Me and Ed will actually go back to my place to see if we can come up with a plan. I don’t like leaving Dim’s place open like this but, it might be a good lure to get Blair out from hiding.

Ed -- I hope so. This story is getting weirder by the minute. Take a shower Fags. I mean……Mags

Magnum-- I got footballs for you buddy. ::::grabs towels::::::

Scene cuts to Blair sitting on a park bench in a garden maze. The hedges are high enough to not be seen when standing. Blair is rocking back and forth in frustration.

Blair -- Dammit! It’s bad enough that now we got the cops on us, but now TMA knows I’m back because of it. I told you not to try and swipe that Dr Pepper!

Blair phase to V-Wing -- Well it’s not my fault you lost your card. I was going to paaaaaaay for it but nooooo…….you had to get all upset about the bathroom.

Phase to Blair -- That sign was derogatory!!! It said if you can‘t reach the urinal and leave piss on the floor, you should use the women’s bathroom you pussy! That’s not fair!!

Phase to V-Wing -- Well, it is your body…..

Phase to Blair -- STFU!!!! I WILL NOT STAND TO BE INSULTED ABOUT MY SMALL DICK!! :::::::punches self:::::::

::::::::a couple of people start to walk away scared:::::::::

Phase to V-Wing -- This isn’t helping you know. Pleeeeeeeese lets stop fighting.

Phase to Blair -- NO!!! I’M THE ONE IN CONTROL!!! I’M THE MASTER!!! :::::punches self:::::::

Phase to V-Wing -- Thiiiiiiiiis isn’t helping! Your just going to geeeeeeet us caught!

Phase to Blair -- Ok look. You want me to help you right? Buy me some liquor and drugs so I can go to a brothel and get laid. It’s been so long. I need to get my mo-jo on. I’ll also need a squirt gun.

Phase to V-Wing -- But you should wait until your married! You should know as much as me it’s the Lords will!

Phase to Blair -- IT’S MY FUCKING WILL AND BODY!!!!!  I WANT HOOKERS OR NO BELTS FOR YOU!!!

Phase to V-Wing -- Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay. Your sooooooooo grouchy . Besides, I didn’t know your kind liked girls.

Phase to Blair -- What was that?

Voice of V-Wing -- Didn’t know you kinda liked curls. Curly hair…..yea.

Blair -- Yes yes. TMA will be mine when I get laid!! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!

Scene cuts to X-Man’s house. Inside X-Man and Evil Ed are talking to Venom. Venom is close to an exit due to his “mission”

X-Man angrily -- So what your telling us is, just let Blair come to us. You have everything covered? Is that what your telling us?

Venom -- Yes. I know it’s hard to understand when I can’t tell you much but, it’s for the best. It needs to be covert or Blair will slip away again. Mort was explicit in his requests. I also could not risk getting close to all of you at once.

Evil Ed is starting to shake in a rage -- You know man, I always knew you were cool but, I just wanna pelt you with footballs. YOU LIKE BALLS FAG?!?!?!?!

X-Man -- It’s all I can do, to not fucking rip your fucking head off.

Venom -- Well. At least you know now. It’s unfortunate I can’t stay around strait males to long. They get very offensive as you can see. ::::::::Venom jumps out window breaking it, and sprints to car::::::

Ed and X-Man -- FAG!!!! :::::::Ed and X-Man furiously chase after Venom’s car::::::::

Scene quickly cuts to Monkey King sitting in a tree watching X-Man and Ed running down the street.

MK turns to camera -- Now that….was 2 bananas. 

Scene focuses to liquor store called Nuts to Butts, Butts to Nuts. Behind the counter is a very stoned shopkeeper named Evil Adolph. He has a lit joint and picks is fingernails of dirt as he watches the 2 men load up on stuff to make sure they ain’t stealing.

Magnum -- I’m not a fucking pack mule dude.

Xizor -- STFU man. I got this. Just stay cool.  Ok. We’ll take this case, this case, that bottle, that bottle, and this. Ohhh….and a pound of Jamaican Red.
 
EA -- That’d be $1245.75. Cash, cash, or cash?

Xizor-- I got credit.

EA-- You got ID?

Xizor starts to unzip his pants.

EA -- I mean picture ID asshole. You some kinda fag?

Xizor -- You wish you could suck this bitch. ::::::shows ID on credit card::::::

EA squints at picture. “That doesn’t look like you.”   Just then, Xizor makes a face like he just licked a dirty public toilet.

EA -- Ok. That’s you.

As Xizor and Magnum walk out store, Magnum is carrying everything.

Magnum -- That wasn’t you on the card. Who was it?

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Re: "The Struggle For TMA"
Reply #3 - 08/15/10 at 16:27:20
 
Xizor -- I swiped it from Blair when he jumped out Dim’s window in some other story. It pays to Discover. Speaking of discovery, lets get to that brothel.

Magnum -- Xizor you asshole! He had fucking carts!

Now Camera focuses on a fancy French restaurant. People can be seen dining on fine food and drink. The kind that is outrageously priced, and is only a few small pieces that barely covers the plate. Camera pans to couple waiting in line.

Dim -- This is a really nice place huh?

Angel -- Yes Dim. You have me impressed so far. I hope your charm is as good as the food.

Dim cracks a slight smile -- Of course it is. You’ll be floating on a cloud by the end of the night. ::::::::a little picture of a temprapedic bed hovers over his head::::::

Host -- Bon Jour! Please follow me.

Dim -- Hey garchon. Make sure we get a nice table ok?

Host makes a annoyed face. “Certainly sir”

Angel-- It’s Garcon` You have to be a little more polite. Us French Canadians are proud.

Dim -- Yea yea. Sticky Maple syrup and all that, and boy….you look sticky.

Angel rolls her eyes -- You American males are all the same.

After they get settled in and they get their drinks, Dim says he has to go to the bathroom. When he gets around the corner, he goes over to the host.

Dim -- Hey Garbon. I need to impress my date over there. Is there something French you can tell me that’d impress her? Nothing really difficult mind you. I like my 1st amendment English.  

Host smiles deviously. “You can say this. ’Je amier vos dairyair”   (so I spelled it wrong. Fuck you)

Dim -- Awesome! That’s perfect! Thanks Gatchon. ::::::::slips Host a $5::::::

Host -- Thank you…….you American bastard….

So Dim gets back to his seat to sit down as Angel smiles at him. They chit chat for quite sometime over a small, and outrageously overpriced dinner. After the meal is over and before the check arrives, Dim Shades has one small surprise left to impress.

Dim -- I got a surprise for you.

Angel -- Really? Should I be scared?

A disco ball drops from the ceiling and turns on as the room gets dark. Dim Jumps up on the table and rips his pants off revealing Chuck Bronson Boxers. He starts to gyrate his hips and starts singing Phil Collins

Dim -- I can feel it commin in the air of the night. Hold on. I’ve been waiting for this moment, for all my life.

Angel is shown face palming. Not giving up easily, Dim snaps his fingers and another Phil Collins song comes on

Dim -- She’s an easy lover. She’ll grab your heart like you don’t need it.

Angel just stands up and makes a chopping gesture. Lights immediately come up and disco ball shoots into ceiling. At the same time the sound of a record is heard scratching loudly.

Dim Still gyrating….”She’s like no other. Before you know it………HEY!!!!!

Angel -- I’m sorry Dim. Our lives can never intertwine in a deep romantic love. I’m just not this type of girl. My Maple Syrup just won’t mix well with your American Pie.  

Dim -- Awww Angel. ::::.Dim jumps down from table and stands in front of her::::: “Let me impress you with my French!”  Angel raises eyebrows.

Dim -- ::::::::spreads his arms out for a hug:::::::  Je amier vos dairyair!!!

Room suddenly gets a little darker….Angel -- You dirty American dog!  ::::::::swift kicks Dim in the nuts::::
Dim Falls to the floor with tears in his eyes. “You sure know how to talk to a girl!” Then she storms out of the resturaunt.

Host runs over  to stand over Dim -- FATALITY!!!

Dim -- FUCK YOU GABRONE!!!!!!! Awwwwwww you motherfucker….fuck this shit. Hookers from here on out.

Fleetwood Mac’s “2nd Hand News” starts to play.

Scene now goes to Hellbent hidden in some bushes just outside X-Man’s house. As he gets closer, his sence of smell seems to be misleading him.

Hellbent-- WTF? That makes no sence at all. If I didn’t know any better, Blair must’ve been here. I need to make sure that my Gyroscopic Anal Ripper is calibrated right. I should take a few test shots. ::::::::X-Man’s car explodes into pieces.::::::: That’d do it. Where to next?

Hellbent puts on Duke Nukem goggles and marches back towards town . “Time to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I’m all outta gum”

Now scene goes to Xizor and Magnum in the lobby of the local brothel. In the background “Love By The Streetlight” from Devistation Inc plays. An old oriental woman is standing there listening, fingering at her crotch.

Xizor -- Yea. I’m gonna need 10 fresh hotties. I got a weeks worth of frustration to do in 1 day. You down with that mama-san?

Madam is fingering at her land clam, and nods head. She points to rooms on left side with other hand.

Magnum -- I only need 2 and I’ll be good to go.

She points to another set of doors on the other side of the stairwell. As soon as the men turn around, Madam stops fingering, and a little demon is hanging off her hand. She quickly bites it’s head off.

A few moments later, both men are settled in to their respected rooms. Camera cuts to Xizor laying in bed, and 10 beautiful women are naked and arranged in pairs facing him.

Xizor -- Ok now. You 2 are Monday, You 2 are Tuesday, and so on, and so on. If your nice, I’ll rotate the week and we can start all over again.

Hooker #8 -- I wanted to be Monday!

Hooker #2 -- Shut up bitch! Only the best get to Alpha 1st!!!

Hooker #4-- You fucking cunt!!

Hookers start to move tward one another as angry cat sounds begin.

Xizor -- Bitches better calm down and get on this dick when called. I’ll boot all ya’ll out, and start over.

All hookers stop immediately realizing their mistake.All chant “We’re sorry JedI Master Xizor. We will not disobey again”

Xizor -- Good girls. Now…..IT’S MONDAY BITCHES!!!!

Camera now cuts to Magnum’s room. 2 beautifull women can be seen laying on bed with a look of incredulity in their faces.

Hooker #1 -- Are you serious?

Hooker #2 -- That was funny. Can you do that again?

Magnum with his pants around his ankles, and a load of nut pooled at his feet. “Just gimmie another 15 minutes. I’ll be reloaded in no time hotties. It’s been awile, and I’m not used to any strange pussy”

Hooker #1 -- And you are strange….

Hooker #2 -- LOL…reloaded….

Scene now cuts to liquor store Nuts to Butts, Butts to Nuts. This time EA has his shotgun ready for trouble. The guy that just walked in sounds and looks like a girl, but smells distinctly like FAG. “Lola” from The Kinks is playing in the background.

V-Wing -- Are you sure about this? I dunno if that guy is gonna give me what you want. I look to underage.

Voice of Blair -- Just STFU and get everything we need! We need a pound of coke, and a large bottle of grain alcohol. It’s the only way I can get hookers to fuck me.

V-Wing -- Ok. I just don’t understand why we need this. Can’t you just try to do it naturally?

Voice of Blair gets louder -- I NEED IT BECAUSE THEY HATE ME!! THEY HATE ME!! YOU HEAR?!?!?

EA quickly pulls shotgun up into ready position and starts to point it in the direction of V-Wing. “Hey fuckface! Best buy something soon, or I’m gonna  blast you into next week!”

V-Wing grabs the merchendice and quickly makes it to the counter. EA holds his shotgun a little higher as V-Wing nervously puts the coke and bottle  on the counter.

EA -- That’d be 1245.75 Cash, cash, or cash?

V-Wing -- I got credit right here. ::::::goes and digs for wallet::::::

EA -- Best be carefull and don’t make sudden moves.

V-Wing -- Come on maaaaaaaaaan. Don’t be so paranoid.

EA-- How bout I give you the daily special?

V-Wing smiles happily -- Ooooooooo. What’s that?

EA -- How bout a size 12, with a side order of knee deep in your ass? Now fucking show me some ID before I blow your nuts off.

V-Wing quickly phases into Blair -- Blow nuts?????

EA’s eyes widen in surpize, and quickly aims the shotgun at Blair. Then as he blinks his eyes, V-Wing is now phased back and standing in front of him.

EA-- Dah Fuck dude? You looked just like that fucker that ripped me off a few hours ago. Fucking FAG!!!

V-Wing slides card, and quickly dings the approval sound. “GTFO NOW!!!!” as  V-Wing is hauling ass out the door with the goodies, EA fires a round off missing my centimeters.

V-Wing -- Why did you do that? You could’ve gotten us both killed!!!

Blair’s voice -- Just get me to the brothel and give me my body back. I need to take my frustrations out on real women. They must know of the frustration I must endure.

V-Wing under breath -- Like I don’t.

Blair -- What was that?!?!

V-Wing-- I need a coat! It’s cold….yea…

Scene now cuts to the garden maze that Blair and V-Wing were in hours before. Explosions can be seen flashing brightly here and there. Screams are heard, and bodies are flying dead and in pieces. As Hellbent runs the gauntlet Doom style in the maze, an demon head explodes as he launches another rocket.

Hellbent -- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I’M LEVEL 200 x’s 200!!!! DEATH FROM ABOVE!!!!! ::::::::more explosions and bodies flying. An Alien is seen running for his life::::::  YOU CAN’T ESCAPE PURE JUSTICE!!!

As Hellbent leaves the rampage destruction behind in his search for Blair, a tear runs down his eye. “I swear. I never wanted this for any of us. Good bye sweet baby.” :::::lays empty Metroid launcher on ground::::::

Camera cuts to Blair now in the lobby of the local brothel. As the Madam is clipping her toenails, Blair is impatently shuffling his feet not sure if the old woman understands what he’s saying.  Crack the Sky’s “She’s a Dancer” is playing in the background.

Blair -- I said……I need 2 women for sex. Do you understand dee eeengleesh?

Madam -- Do you have experience?

Blair -- Well… I used broomsticks to poke the holes in the tree out in my back yard to check for squirrels but….HEY!!!!! That’s not the point!!!

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Re: "The Struggle For TMA"
Reply #4 - 08/15/10 at 16:29:01
 
Madam -- It’ll cost you double. No fucky with broomsticks.

Blair-- I DON’T WANNA FUCKY WITH BROOMSTICKS!!!

Madam -- Room in basement. You go now.

As Blair turns around, Madam starts to chew on clipped toenail.

Camera now cuts to Blair in room with 2 hookers on the bed. The coke and grain alcohol all but finished.

Hooker #1 -- I s..ss…swear. I thought you were a girl at first but….you smelled funny.

Hooker #2 -- Yea. He smelled…..I dunno what he smelled like. This coke is good.

Blair -- That’s right. I don’t care what you smell. It’s now time for you to please me!!! . ::::::rips off pants violently and then flexes::::::

Hooker 1-2 start to laugh uncontrollably.

Hooker #2 -- OMFG!!! You just can’t be serious!!! LMFAO!!!

Hooker #1 -- You couldn’t dent a cherry with that 2 inch hammer!!!!

Hooker #2 -- It looks like a little turtle trying to get back inside!!!

As both hookers laugh histericly, Blair starts to shake in rage. “I DEMAND THAT YOU PLEASE ME IMMEDIATELY!!! NOW!!!!!

Hooker #1 wiping tears from her eyes barely manages to speak. “You must be that guy we were told about. Tries to prove he’s not gay, and pisses in the toilet when taking a shower”

Blair -- I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS!!!! I WILL SQUIRTGUN YOU IF YOU DON’T PLEASE ME!!!!

At this burst of rage, his mental stability fails and he now turns into V-Wing. Hookers immediately stop laughing in amazement. V-Wing is standing there covering himself up, looking quite embarrassed.

V-Wing -- Uhhhhhhhhh….hello ladies. Uhhhhhh…I…....I’m a Christian and I’m a virgin. I’m sorry but I have to gooooooo now. Even looking at you naked is a sin. ::::stares hard at both sets of breasts:::::::::

Hookers quickly get up and smile mischievously at V-Wing, pinning him to the door he was trying to exit.

Hooker #1-- You are now huh? Well…..we specialize in Christian virgins. Your fucking toast little buddy. ::::::holds up a large vibrator::::::::

Hooker #2 -- At least he has something to work with than that other guy. At least this guy can make me feel like a lesbian with the way he looks.

V-Wing -- Please…..PLEASE!!! God will damn me!!! I must remain pure!!!  

Hooker #1-- We’re here to pollute you. NOW STFU BITCH!!!

As hookers start to molest V-Wing against his will, Blair’s voice can be heard screaming in the netherworld.

NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

A camera cuts to Bloodshed hacking heads off chickens in a local grocery store.

“Heh…….and I swear I heard a little pussy queef”

Scene cuts to the lobby of the brothel as Xizor and Magnum walk down the grand staircase.

Xizor -- Man. I swear to god man. I had those bitches so wet, they needed to bring in a sqeegee to clean up the floor. 10 pussies just gushing pussy juice. How’d yours go Mags?

Magnum -- It took some time but I got back into the swing of things. I think I knocked the one girl out when I took my pants off. I forgot I had the extra shit shell in there for emergencies.

Xizor -- Jesus Christ Magnum. I dunno why I waste my money and time. It’s like Red Dead in real life or something.  

Magnum -- Hey! Is that Dim?

Both men walk over to large exotic recliner, with a man in Hugh Heffner robes and a cigar reading a newspaper. A pretty woman is giving him a light shoulder massage while old blue eyes is playing quietly in the background.

Dim Shades -- Awww fuck. My shares in pussy pops have gone down. Fucking hurricanes in China. Fucking communist assholes.

Xizor -- Hey Dim. What’s up? Weren’t you out on a date with Angel?

A dark cloud comes over Dim Shades -- You could say that. That’s ok though. I’m all done with trying to get serious anymore. My time is now more valuble making women I don’t care about scream my name.

Magnum -- So what did you do here?

Dim -- I just went and broke the world record for making the most females orgasm  within the span of “Gimmie All Your Lovin” from ZZ Top. I beleve the number was 50.

Xizor and Magnum raise their eyes in surprize. Xizor finds his voice first. “Wow man. That’s pretty fucking awesome”

Dim -- Thank you. I needed to work out my frustrations after……after….you guys smell fag?

Xizor -- Yea. I swear I thought I smelled it but, in here? It makes no sense. Even Blair couldn’t get in here without a lot of support.

Magnum -- I don’t smell a damn thing. WTF are you guys talking about?

Dim -- Maybe we should get back to my apartment. If we’re smelling fag here, it could get pretty dangerous pretty quick.

Magnum -- WTF are you guys talking about? I don’t smell a fucking thing.

Dim -- Mags…..are you sure you were with women?

Magnum -- Yea Dim. Fuck dude. I know what a woman looks like for fucks sake.

Dim-- Blair disgused himself as a woman a few years back in here. It wouldn’t surprize me if he did it again. You don’t seem to smell it when he’s around. I need to make sure.

Xizor -- Well. The way Mags passes gas, I’m surprised he smells anything at all.

Dim -- Lets roll. We need to meet up with Ed And X. We gotta get him stopped.

As the trio leaves, the hookers all wave goodbye to Dim with posters and banners. “BYE DIM!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!!!”  Madam is behind the counter picking her nose.

Scene cuts to Hellbent at Nutts to Butts, Butts to Nutts. Him and EA are standing a few feet apart in a Mexican standoff. Their weapons are aimed at each others faces.

EA -- So. You the buddy of that little fag running around?

Hellbent -- I’m just here for the water. Gimmie some fucking water or your gonna find a bowling ball up your ass.

EA -- That sounds pretty gay. ::::::Good Bad Ugly whistle plays::::: You don’t want me to get angry.

Hellbent -- Awwww fuck this. ::::::Blasts EA’s head off::::: This can be so much more. I think I’m gonna start a bar in here. It’d be better than this trashy establishment. FREE DONKEY PUNCHES FOR THE FIRST 50 PEOPLE!!!! I need to get a liquor licence. That means killing Blair. :::::::Steps over EA’s corpse and walks down the street.::::::::  

Scene cuts to Blair leaving brothel with clothes torn and marks all over his body.

Blair -- You fucking bastard. You took my one opportunity to prove myself. I should make you suffer.

V-Wing voice -- I DIDN’T WANT TOOOOOOOOO!!!!! THEY FORCED ME!!!! I’M GOOOOOOOONA GOOOOOOOO TOOOOOOO HEEEEEEEEEEL!!!!!!

Blair -- I SHOULD SUPLEX YOU AND THEN TIE YOU IN THE ROPES TO ASS RAPE YOU!!!

V-Wing voice-- Blair…..that’s…..that’s not being like a man. Are you finnaly gonna admit…..

Blair -- SHUT UP NOW!!! I MUST MAKE MY REVENGE ON TMA!!! I will go to Dim’s house and kill them all. Then when all is said and done, I will give you all the belts you deserve.. Then finnaly be rid of your cursed spirit.

V-Wing voice -- This hasn’t been all fun for me either.

Blair-- Not as fun as watching you bite the turnbuckle padding.

V-Wing -- What?? What was that??

Blair -- Fighting. For TMA….yea…

Hellbent shows up at brothel a little after Blair has left. As he walks through the lobby, hookers give him batted eyes and flashy smiles. He walks up to the Madam who is currently digging into her belly button.

Hellbent -- Hey look. I’m looking for someone that is slightly mental, crazy, and has very little self esteem.

Madam -- You go to 2nd door on third floor.

Hellbent -- No dammit. Was there a guy that looked like a woman in here?

Madam -- You to to first floor, 5th door on left.

Hellbent pulls out rocket launcher -- Either I smelled him in here or you queefed. Now what’s it gonna be?

Madam pulls out lint from her bellybutton and flicks it at Hellbent -- So Sorry!! Fag down street now! He no nookie nookie. His friend no good either! Man in woman body! Like Shang Tsung on bad hair day!

Hellbent -- I’ll leave you in peace. My friends like this place. Your lucky.

As Hellbent walks out door, Madam makes a sour face. “Roundeye so cocky. I want boom boom him so bad”

Camera now pans to Xizor, Magnum, and Dim arriving at his apartment pulling up in a fabulous strech limo. Beautiful women are seen inside and hanging out the sunroof. As our heros exit the limo, all the women wave goodbye as it drives off.

Magnum -- My God. My pants are sticking to my legs.

Xizor-- Dammit Mag’s I told you to spank it before we left.

Dim -- Forget it. I can’t blame him. Lets see what Ed and X are doing. I think they’re inside.

Ed and X-Man are heard shouting cheers and jeers. The show Celebrity Deathmatch is on. Hilary Clinton vs. Sarah Palin.

X-Man -- That shit was awesome! Gruesome fucking death!

Ed -- They should’ve had more melee weapons.  

Our 3 men enter the apartment with nods and greetings. As everyone catches up with what has transpired over the last couple hours, Venom is seen sneaking down the allyway twards the apartment all out heros are in. As he gets closer, he pulls out a small vile of perfume. He gets to the front steps and pours a few drops on the bottom most steps. As soon as he does that, he also manages to pull out a 5 gallon bucket of colonge.

Venom -- That should do it. Perfect.

X-Man -- WTF? I smell FAG. Who the fuck is the little bitch in here??

A few minutes later, Blair is seen sneaking around the corner.

V-Wing voice -- I dunno Blair. This isn’t a good idea. We don’t have anything to get them with.

Blair -- I don’t CARE about that. I will find something to make them pay. I can FEEL it. It’s close.
The smell is drawing me to whatever victory I will have!

V-Wing -- I’ll admit Blair. I don’t smell anything. What are you talking about?

Blair -- I’ve been tracking it for days! It’s the smell of Victory! I know it. It’s been elusive. I just didn’t tell you because I knew you would never understand!

V-Wing -- Your right about that. I just hope you know what your doing.

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Re: "The Struggle For TMA"
Reply #5 - 08/15/10 at 16:31:12
 
Blair is now just outside Dim’s apartment. He sneaks forward and starts to sniff the step Venom sprayed perfume on.

Blair -- Wow!!! This stuff is amazing! I can’t belive that I’ve never came across this before! It’s so…..so……SEXY!!

V-Wing voice -- Your talking about that smell? Really? I’ve smelled that before! When I was changing my little brothers diaper.

Blair -- NO YOU FOOL!!! IT SMELLS LIKE A FLOWERED MEADOW WITH MY UNCLE KISSING ME!!!!

With that, police start to surround Dim’s house and blockade the streets before anyone can escape. Then the police chief blares over the loudspeakers -- We just want the fugitive that stole from Nutts to Butts Butts to Nutts. Please let police do their duty!!

At that same moment X-Man blasts out the door to Dim’s apartment and stands at the top of the steps with arms folded.

Blair -- YOU!!! YOU HAVE BEEN THE DEMISE OF EVERYTHING I WANT TO DO!!!

X-Man -- You can’t fight all of us.

The rest of our heros file out of the apartment and stand at the top of the steps like some kind of Justice League photo.

Dim -- Thanks for the door X. I’ll get Angel back for what she did.

X-Man -- Don’t mention it.

Magnum -- Don’t sweat this. I got him.

As Magnum goes to give a flying kick, Blair quickly sidesteps him. Magnum goes flying past. “Fuck beans!”

Blair stands ready in a stance of Kung Fu abilities.

Then Venom appears from the side ally and douses Magnum with the 5 gallon bucket. “There ya go buddy! That ought to help you out.”

Magnum -- Dude….WTF?? What the hell……..OMFG TEH POWER!!!!!

Then Magnum and Blair start to fight Matrix style. Punches and kicks are exchanged at massive velocities.

Dim -- Looks like we found our other permanent Mod. He’s pretty good.

Ed -- Just keep him out of the beer. And away from footballs.  

Just then at that moment, Hellbent appears with his rocket launcher balsting police cars into oblivion. They try and return fire but, everything is deflecting off of Hellbents super quantum armor.

Hellbent -- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I HAVE SUPER BICEPS MODE!! YOU DON’T STAND A CHANCE!!!!

As Magnum and Blair exchange blows, Blair grits his teeth. “You’ll never defeat me! I have more power than you can possibly imagine!”

Magnum in a low gruff voice -- “It’s your time to die. Your time ends now.“ With a flourish of movement, Magnum creates an air blast from his hands that knocks Blair to the ground. “The power of the Force compels you”

Xizor -- I taught him that.

Blair is laying on the ground bloody and beaten. He then stands with his fists clenched in rage. “ I WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT!!!!!”

Hellbent locks sights on Blair -- “You sure won’t. Not with this up your ass.” Hellbent fires the rocket and blasts Blair into a million pieces.

X-Man looks around at the sky -- Look! It’s raining FAG!!!

What’s left of the police force is seen getting to their feet and walking up to Hellbent. They give him praise and encuragement for a job well done. All the curious bystanders are now cheering and clapping for our hero’s. A float with a dozen beautifull hookers goes down the street waving banners and blowing…….kisses.

Venom-- This is a glorious night. Tonight we all helped to defeat the Blair and V-Wing menace. I couldn’t have done it without you guys.

X-Man-- You don’t have that shitty smelling perfume on you anymore. I was wondering when you’d take that off.

Magnum comes walking over looking very tired. “What perfume?”

Venom -- It’s called “For Any Gay.” FAG for short. It’s what I used to lure Blair around to get him out of hiding. Pretty dangerous to me being around all you strait males. A couple of you almost tried to kill me.

Ed -- I still have footballs to pelt you with.

Magnum -- I don’t get it. I never smelled anything on you.

Xizor -- Magnum you fucking idiot. Your fucking sence of smell is so dulled, no wonder you were immune.

Venom -- That’s right. That’s why I could get close to him and not worry. His ass gas is pretty terrible.

Magnum -- Then WTF did you hit me with in that bucket? It’s FUCKING AWESOME!!!

Venom -- It’s Mod cologne. It’s a mixture of all the best male scents ever put together to counter anything Blair might have. Considering he was powerfully drawn to FAG, and you couldn’t smell it, it was best you were helped out.

Magnum -- Thanks Venom. That’s awesome.

Then a huge gang of 30+ women of all ages, shapes, and sizes tear around the corner with a mad look in their eyes. They suddenly start to sniff at the air walking tward Magnum. A feral look is in each of their eyes.

Magnum -- Uhhhhhhhhh…..hi ladies. Uhhhhhhhh WTF??

Venom -- Ohhh shit Mags. I forgot to tell you. A bad side effect is that any woman will loose her marbles, and want to rape the fuck out of you. You might want to get that off  ASAP

Magnum -- OHHHHHHHH SHIT!!!!!! ::::Runs::::

Whole gang of women screaming and running after Magnum to jump his fucking bone. “VENOM YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!” Everyone laughs  as camera fades to black.

This has been the story, of the Struggle For TMA. For so few had to sacrifice for so many, is why you fucking noobies are here today. Forever remember the heroics of our heros. They will forever be enshrined in the anals of history.

.






















 





















   





 










   

   

 

       
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Re: "The Struggle For TMA"
Reply #6 - 08/15/10 at 17:27:35
 
...

Just kidding. Good shit bro.
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Re: "The Struggle For TMA"
Reply #7 - 08/15/10 at 22:28:25
 
Hahaha holy shit, man. That was pure class.

LMAO@
Magnum -- Damn Hellbent! How’d you do that?

Hellbent -- Just pressed Equip.

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Re: "The Struggle For TMA"
Reply #8 - 08/15/10 at 23:15:25
 
Ha awesome. It was one of those stories where I just couldn't stop reading it.
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Re: "The Struggle For TMA"
Reply #9 - 08/17/10 at 13:25:05
 
Thank you. I appriciate it. I know quite a few people wanted to read about this, and I got 104 hits, but only 3 replies?

Damn......I guess not alot of people were into it.  Roll Eyes
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Re: "The Struggle For TMA"
Reply #10 - 08/17/10 at 16:20:57
 
I'm pretty sure the only people who read it were the vets that were actually in the story and maybe a few others. Most idiots are to lazy and don't wanna read all that text. It herts they brains.

This isn't really a post that's going to get a lot of replies. This isn't a "topic".
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Re: "The Struggle For TMA"
Reply #11 - 08/18/10 at 20:24:07
 
From great pain comes great art! Especially when it's someone elses pain!..lol Good Stuff Magnum. That was a trip down memory lane my freind. Good times, good times. :=8)
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Re: "The Struggle For TMA"
Reply #12 - 08/19/10 at 04:47:45
 
that was hilarious, you should do more of those. i smell a reincarnated tmforever as blair sequel.

ALPHA!!
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Re: "The Struggle For TMA"
Reply #13 - 08/19/10 at 05:54:42
 
Jesus Christ, I think I remember reading one of these on the old TMA.
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Re: "The Struggle For TMA"
Reply #14 - 08/19/10 at 13:26:45
 
Thanks again all.

:that was hilarious, you should do more of those. i smell a reincarnated tmforever as blair sequel.

ALPHA!!"

I currently don't have anything in the works as of yet. Personally I have run out of idea's due to the drought we're currently in. The only thing that I can do that's in this realm is what Dim Shades has been thinking up but, that's his baby. I already agreed to give him any input he would like. I'd be honored.

"This isn't really a post that's going to get a lot of replies. This isn't a "topic".

Erf erf erf. I know that. Just found it a little disheartening that I had 104 views at the time, and only 3 comments. I actually don't mind if someone says they don't like it, within reasonable critisism. (Besides Blair)

At least say something people jeez.......

Something....  
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