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"Labrat" (Read 2591 times)
Oddz
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"Labrat"
06/26/10 at 09:24:07
 
This is another for my list. I whipped this one together real quick. Not too happy with the way it turned out, but I really liked the idea. Anyone wanting to expand on this, feel free to do so.

CAR NAME:
LABRAT

DRIVER HANDLE:
#MH0122

DRIVER NAME:
DWAYNE OWENS

CAR DESCRIPTION:
GRUNGY TOYOTA COROLLA TERCEL, WHITE TOP WITH LIME GREEN SIDING. LIGHTLY ARMORED, WITH A ROCKET PACK ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE FRONT BUMPER, AND A MINIGUN ON THE RIGHT SIDE. SEVERAL ROOF-MOUNTED CHAMBERS MAKE UP THE SPECIAL, FIRING A RANDOM CHAMBER UPON EACH USE.

SPECIAL:
PLACEBO -
A TAZER-LIKE CABLE FIRES STRAIGHT OUTWARD AND ATTACHES TO AN ENEMY UPON CONTACT. THE EFFECT IS RANDOM, RANGING ANYWHERE FROM REVERSE STEERING TO RANDOM WEAPON MISFIRE, WEAPON OR HEALTH THEFT TO VEHICLE STALLING, OR TURBO DRAIN TO CRIPLING DAMAGE.

CAR STATISTICS:
SPECIAL:▀▀▀▀▀
SPEED:▀▀▀▀▀
HANDLING:▀▀▀▀
ATTACK:▀▀▀
ARMOR:▀▀
MELEE:▀▀



+++
+++

I had a life once.

It wasn’t much, but it beat the hell out of this little hole.

But one day, I got a visitor. He was a peculiar man, in the most peculiar of ways. Said his name was Calypso. Sounded familiar. Now why did it sound so familiar? Think, Dwayne, think. So peculiar…

Now where was I? Ah, yes.

He told me he had a spot reserved for me in his competition. He also told me that if I won, I could have any one thing I desire. I could get an iguana! Or finally answer the long-standing question of how many raindrops have hit the earth to date. Oh, the possibilities!

+++
+++

Things were intense, at first. Then the effects started to take their toll. After that, things get exhilarating.

That blow from the tank would have hurt, if I had more than a fraction of feeling left in my face.

The few times my twitching settles down enough for me to sleep, I sometimes dream of times before my imprisonment. Strapped to a steel slab, one day epinephrine, the next, something purely experimental. Then they’d lock me in a little room, and just watch.

Those were the good days, or at least the best of what I could remember. Making friends with all the pretty colors that danced before my eyes, and talking to the people in the walls. You’re rambling, Dwayne. Such a bad habit.

What’s peculiar about these memories, though, is that none of them explain how I wound up in Blackfield.

+++
+++

Ah, ha! I’d done it!

It came time for me to claim my prize, or better yet, to think up one to claim.

Upon meeting Calypso, it finally occurred to me why he seemed so familiar. He told me what a success I was, and how he learned so much from my part in the competition.

Then, he shot me.

Right in the neck, with some peculiar dart. As he approached me, I started to slip into a daze. I could recall Calypso, standing outside my little box, watching, taking notes and talking to the scientists. When I came out of my box, he spoke to me.

He said…

He said…

I can’t… I don’t…



I had a life once.

It wasn’t much, but it beat the hell out of this little hole.

But one day, I got a visitor. He seemed so familiar…
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I'mm'a be what I set out to be, without a doubt, undoubtedly And all those who look down on me: I'm tearin' down your balcony.
 
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Reebok
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Re: "Labrat"
Reply #1 - 06/26/10 at 10:44:39
 
Not bad. I liked the bucle ending. It would be like Marcus Kane, always trying to wake up from this "nightmare".
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maxamillionaire
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Is the answer to this
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Re: "Labrat"
Reply #2 - 06/26/10 at 21:56:11
 
Bravo, you fleshed him out pretty well. I liked his personality and all his random druggieness. I can see why you would say you're not totally satisfied with the finished product, it seems a little unrefined. But you're still at a level so much higher than most of the stuff on here
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And like a fly to the fire, you lie Consumed by desire, confused by the sky And like a moth to the flame you came Broken and mesmerized
 
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Oddz
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ginger midget

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Re: "Labrat"
Reply #3 - 06/27/10 at 05:46:28
 
Thanks. You about summed up all the issues I had with myself when writing this one.

What's funny is that this is the only character profile that I actually drafted, as opposed to just sitting at the computer and typing as it came, like I did Brimstone, Rogue, and Overkill.

The thing was, though, is that I try to follow a couple of my own rules when writing them. One is that the first line of the middle segment can have a dual meaning. It's not always certain if they're talking about their life before Blackfield, or if they're talking about their actions in the contest. They're always talking about their prior lives, though. It's a way to ease from one side to the other.

The second is that the last segment always has a callback to the first or second. Overkill talks of having humanity although being part machine. Rogue reiterates his training and all of his planning, Brimstone comes face-to-face with Mordechai, and in this one, he has to constantly be introduced to Calypso, since his continuous drug testing requires his memory be wiped as clean as possible. Then they throw him back in Blackfield until the arrival of the next tournament.

The third is that there is always a twist. But trying to follow all three of these rules with what I wanted this twist and callback to be (his re-use in the competition, and repeating himself in the end), it just got tough. That on top of trying to develop his story and character as a whacked-out druggie (while never having done a drug myself) just got difficult. This bio is too short, underdeveloped and for the most part, unclear with lopsided story telling.

This is why I invite anyone to expand on this one.
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I'mm'a be what I set out to be, without a doubt, undoubtedly And all those who look down on me: I'm tearin' down your balcony.
 
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maxamillionaire
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Is the answer to this
question no?

Posts: 139
Re: "Labrat"
Reply #4 - 06/27/10 at 18:29:08
 
You put so much thought into all this, I wish I could put the level of thinking into mine that you do. I guess I've always gone for more quantity over quality, I had so many ideas for cars and characters that it was tough to come up with a truly deep storyline for each without getting dull or redundant.

And that invitation is quite tempting. I'll probably feature him somewhere along the line if that's okay.

And by the way I forgot to say it earlier the vehicle choice for the driver fits perfectly
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And like a fly to the fire, you lie Consumed by desire, confused by the sky And like a moth to the flame you came Broken and mesmerized
 
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Shovelhead
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Re: "Labrat"
Reply #5 - 03/02/11 at 19:33:46
 
Oddz wrote on 06/26/10 at 09:24:07:
Then, he shot me.

Right in the neck, with some peculiar dart. As he approached me, I started to slip into a daze. I could recall Calypso, standing outside my little box, watching, taking notes and talking to the scientists. When I came out of my box, he spoke to me.

He said…

He said…

I can’t… I don’t…



I had a life once.

It wasn’t much, but it beat the hell out of this little hole.

But one day, I got a visitor. He seemed so familiar…



I like how the story restarts itself, it emphasizes the insanity aspect of Labrat,

Now we just need a character illustration made up..  Grin
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