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Sin-eater 2 (Read 5415 times)
NuN_CHuCK BoY
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Sin-eater 2
06/21/10 at 02:25:52
 
Note: This is a sequel, so please read the first Sin-eater before you read this, it'll help the story experience, plus you'll know whats going on.


Driver Name: Stanley "Jack" Carter Jr.
Vehicle Name: Sin-eater
Vehicle description: A white 1971 Dodge Challenger, basically the same car from the first story, but repaired and upgraded.
Special: same as the first story but the chain guns shoot explodable rounds that impact like frag grenades. This special is stronger then the first sin-eater's special but it would take longer to reload/regenerate.

Bio: The name "Jack" comes back in this story for vengence and revenge. Once thought to die in a car accident, this combatant competes to avenge his family... and his father.

Prologue
Narration
"Three years ago... my family... my mother and two sisters were murdered in the comfort of their own home..."
(The camera shows a cemetary during a sunset, the camera focuses on this hill top where a figure in a black trenchcoat, blue pants, black shoes is standing nex to five graves)

"One year ago my father was shot down right in front of me... by people I called friends..."
(The camera moves in closer to the young man, he is looking at the graves, shows a quick flash of Jack getting killed)

"One month later... their beloved son, Stanley Carter Jr. joined them in a fatal car crash... You can call me Jack."
(Shows Jack laying the flowers down at the graves, he stops and looks at the middle tombstone it reads "Stanley Carter Jr. Beloved Son 1994-2009")

"... And this is the story of Jack's Revenge!"
(The camera zooms on Jack's eyes and he closes them the screen tuns white and a flash-back happens)

"My life used to be good not perfect but the best kinda life you could ask for."
(Jack opens his eyes but the setting has changed to Jack's undergroung home, which is a abandoned subway station)

"Before all this... this horrible shit happened. I used to be quite the scholar, I was a quick learner too, I would just read anything and I would know how to do it... My mind just worked like that."
(The camera moves around in his underground home and shows details like news articles pinned to the walls which reads Family Found Murdered, Killers found of the Carter Family, Man Found slain: shot to death in a abandoned warehouse, Boy 15 dies in Car accident and blueprints to homemade bombs and missle lay scattered on the tables)

"... After my family was killed I was contacted by who I thought were authorities... Coleman and Williams... They told me there was no survivors and they relocated me... to live with a foster family for two years."
(Shows flash back of the family getting killed, and Coleman and Williams talking to the boy, next it shows him in the back seat with Coleman and Williams talking in the front seat)
Coleman: Seriously... you're smoking... in my car
Williams: (lights cigarette) Yeah so what?...
Coleman: (sigh) Nothing, you know smoking kills right?
Williams: Yeah? Well so do you but I don't complain about that.
Coleman: ugh... Its just a disgusting habit.

"But I didn't spend those two years in vain. Somehow I knew the real killers were still at there and when I found them I had to be ready... So I studied Black Ops, Tactical stategics, Hacking, tracking, guns, homemade bombs, cars, everything... I even found my own gun and practiced with it."
(Shows Jack reading up on that and differant clips of him making bombs working on a car and finally him stealing a gun from his foster dad and shooting it at the docks)

"The two years had passed... and the day had finally come where I could be with my dad again... Only to have him taken away..."
(Shows son and father hugging, then Coleman showing up, then Father getting killed again)

"After that they sent me back to that foster home, but I couldn't stay there knowing who the real killers were... So I faked my death in a car accident with a little help from a bomb... The name Stanley Cater Jr. went out in a blaze... He was declared deceased"
(Shows Jack planning the fake death, He steals his foster parent's car and drives it straight off a cliff diving out the last minute and the car would explode)

"One year later and here I am... Shame only half my mission is done, but one day I was contacted by a man named Calypso. He said my dad was a great competitor in his contest last year and he wanted me to join this year's contest and fight for his glory."
(Scene goes back to Jack in his makeshift underground home, He walks toward his mission wall which had information on his targets except for one, he picks up a piece of paper titled "Kill List", which had four names on it Lynch, Smith, Williams, and Coleman. Lynch and Smith were already crossed out)

"He also promised that I would avenge my family by finding Williams and Coleman for me, if I were to win this Contest... Music to my ears."
(Shows Jack walking toward a car shaped figure covered by a tarp, he takes the tarp off to reveal a shiny and weaponized white Dodge Challenger with the word SIN painted on the hood)

"I agreed of course... Last time My dad was willing to die for me... This time I'm willing to kill for him."
(Jack gets into the car starts it and revs the engine then speeds off into the abandoned subway tracks.

End of the prologue

I'll post the middle and ending soon!  
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maxamillionaire
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Re: Sin-eater 2
Reply #1 - 06/21/10 at 02:32:27
 
Nice way to start it off. The only problem I can think of is that I don't know how you'll be able to write a revealing middle since you already went into so much detail. And I liked that little dialogue interlude between Coleman and Williams. Smoking kills, yea well so do you.
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NuN_CHuCK BoY
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Re: Sin-eater 2
Reply #2 - 06/21/10 at 04:44:02
 
Middle
Now this is what I would plan on happening in this game, each character would have their own differant individual sub-bosses that would be involved in someway with their story. Example Crazy eight's would be Dr. Hatch coming for revenge, or Sweet tooth's would be a former victim or maybe Marcus Kane, etc.
So Sin-eater's sub-boss would be Williams, who would be sent by Coleman to stop the contest and kill all the contestants, unfortunate for him his first battle is with Sin-eater, and his vehicle is a mdified Tank with a Bulldozer blade on the front with some spikes sticking out of it, and a chaingun turrent on top.
Williams would have 3 specials: First would be Darkside's Ram, Second would be the chaingun turrent, which works like Sin-eater's chainguns, but he only uses it if you stay to close to him for a time, and finally ground torpedo missiles which work like sub-marine torpedos but on ground he shoots them underground and your only warning is when a certain area of the ground starts to rumble for a couple seconds, your cue to get outta there.

(After the Lifebar of Williams goes down a cutscene plays where Williams tank stops, badly damaged, Sin-eater can be seen driving away but Williams sends in a torpedo missile. Jack barely dodges it but the car still takes the impact flipping Sin-eater over 360 degrees the car lands back on its wheels, but Jack is knocked out... cue dream)

Narration
"...And I was out like that... Oh the dreams... I always hated dreams like this... everything is perfect until...
(Shows the kid with his family again, playing with his sister, laughing with dad, talking to mom, then Coleman and his men bust in and shoot everyone dead, the last being his dad left dying in his arms, Then Coleman and his men leave the boy to sob for his now slain family)

"They took everything away from me... Now I'm left without a family... Revenge is the keyword here"
(Shows young Jack left in the Dark alone, then flashes of death and anger appear)

"During those two years... I had learned a lot, about killing, about sabotage, and about my own father"
(Jack is seen hacking a government computer and he finds differant intel and he browses to find a folder named Stanley Carter, He clicks on it)

"I learned so much about my father, like former alias, missions, partners, everything. I learned he used to be a hired mercenary and that he actually killed for a living."
(Jack  scans throught the folders reading bios, looking at pics and info, and a list of aliases; Stanley Carter, Michael Engelschwert, Ethan Domblue, and finally Jack Kowalski, which may be his real name)

"After he was killed it turned out he gave me one last gift... all the money that he had recieved, while being paid as a merc, he put it into a bank account and when he died I got the money, faked my death and I live off that money and even used it to upgrade the car... Thanks Dad..."
(Shows Jack finding the abandoned sub-way station and making a lab/work area out of it)

"With no other purpose in life I decided to get revenge... for my family."
(Jack makes the death list)

"I remember all those men, their faces, and all those stupid code names... I put my new found skills to the test and Smith was the first. Heh these skills proved very useful, I found info on everything about this guy, what his name is, where he lives... and his family... No... it wasn't there fault so I took it out on him by placing a special suprise in his car."
(Jack is seen at smith's house at night placing a bomb to ignite with the ignition, The next day Jack watches from across the street as Smith gets in his car and BOOM the car explodes and Jack drives off crossing Smith's name off the list)

"Next up was Lynch, this guy was a little harder, but eventually I found where he lives and where he works. For days I studied where this guy takes his route to work and fortunately it was a quite an isolated one high above in  moutains and cliffs with 100ft drops... One day I striked, ambushed him... two down, two to go."
(Shows Jack in Sin-eater following Lynch until they get to the highest cliff points, now tailgating Lynch, Sin-eater reveals its chaing guns and opens fire tearing lynch's car up. Sin-eater rams the car, sending it down the 100ft+ cliff drop. Jack stops and gets out of the car and looks at the mangled car at the bottom. He crosses Lynch off the list)

"After these deaths were reported as homicides... The other two, Coleman and Williams have now went into complete hiding and are now impossible to find."
(Shows Jack in his lair getting frustrated about this fact, he kicks a table over and picks up a knife and throws it at a picture of Coleman across the room, the knife hits dead-on on the face)

"Now here we are... stuck in a rutt... But its time to quit dreaming and face reality! Come on!! Get up Jack!! GET UP JACK!!!"

The screen is black for a couple seconds then the scene goes to Jack waking up in his car from his point-of-view, his vision is blurred and cloudy while he is looking around his dashboard, then he is finally woken up by the honk of Williams car.

Williams begins to move closer to Sin-eater, he launches another torpedo missile. Jack realizing he is in trouble, shifts the car in reverse and narrowly dodges the missile. The debree of the missile just rains on Sin-eater who is still in reverse.

Williams thinks of one last attack, a Ram kamakazi! His tank begins to charge at Sin-eater, who by now has its Chainguns out and is fireing nonstop at the tank chaging at it. William's tank begins to catch fire so he jumps on his turrent and begins firing at the driver of Sin-eater. Jack swerves the car just enought for the bullets to impact the passenger seat instead of him.

With Sin-eater going full-speed in reverse and Williams in front gaining on him, the two are still exchanging bullets. Jack looks in the rear view mirror and to his horror theres just a concrete wall, which he would be crushed between that and the tank. With quick thinking Jack whips out his pistol and sticks out of the window and begins firing at the turrent shooting finally one of the bullets hits williams causing him to fall off of the tank.

Jack then spins his car out of the path of the tank letting it hit the concrete wall exploding on impact. Jack looks back and williams can be seen trying to limp away, Jack speeds up to Williams and does a tight hand brake causing the back of the car to spin around and hit and throw Williams down to the ground. Jack steps out and confronts him.

Williams: (on the groung half-dead, looks to see who the driver is) Ahh... You..You little Spit-Fu*k!! Your going to die for this!!

Jack: You killed my father and my family... You Fu*kers took everything away from me!!

Williams:... You little shit... I wanted to kill you the moment I saw you, you just got lucky Coleman stopped me! Heh heh just be lucky that we spared you kid.

Jack: Yeah thanks for sparring me... and giving me a chance to kill you freaks and avenge my family!! (He says while aiming his pistol at Williams boddy)

Williams: Fu*k You Buddy! FU*K YOU!!... Just who the Fu*k do you think you are?!?

Jack: Who am I? I am Jack's Surviving Vengence... I am Jack's Boiling Rage...(smiles)I am Jack's Smirking Revenge!!! (Pulls the trigger and shoots him dead)

Jack: I am Jack. (he says while crossing Williams off the list)

Jack speeds away to the next battle

End Middle

Ending coming soon!!
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NuN_CHuCK BoY
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Re: Sin-eater 2
Reply #3 - 06/21/10 at 07:53:54
 
Alright here's the ending.

Ending
Dialogue
(Dark Tooth explodes and Sin-eater speeds away to Calypso)

Jack: I did it Calypso... I won your contest.

Calypso: Ah... Well if it isn't Jackie-boy Jr., Your father was a great competitor. It was a shame he had...

Jack: Spare your small talk Calypso!! You know what I want... Its time to deliver!

Calypso: Hmm very well Boy... Here is your prize! (Calypso throws a small package at Jack which he catches)
(Jack opens it up and looks inside and he finds a folder filled with information about Coleman, Jack had his whole life in one folder, Jack noticed there was something else in the package, it was a GPS system that would lead him to Coleman)

Jack: Thanks for the intel Calypso... Greatly appreciated.

Calypso: No thank you young man, oh and one more thing... I do wish you more luck than you father had... Don't be a fool.
(Jack gets into his car and drives off looking at the GPS)

"Is this it?... Revenge finally coming to a close... I can't wait... I'm going to kill him."

(After sometime of driving Jack finally makes it to Coleman's house, which didn't look like much just a nice house in a surburban neighborhood kind of like his own home)

"After a year of looking I finally found this guy, though things ran through my mind, like what if this is just a trick... maybe he is waiting for me or if he just up and left..."
(Shows Jack park his car across the street and he walks toward the house)

"Then it came to me... Images of my family flash through my head and out of anger I contemplate on just shooting up the place then go inside and kill every living thing inside!... but no... he is the only one I want."
(Jack is walking up to the house as images of his dead family members keep flashing on-screen making him madder everytime, then it shows him snapping as he brings up a assualt rifle and shoots at the house, kicks the door open and runs inside and shoots the place up, but then we learn that was all in his head as he is standing on the door step slowly calming down)

Jack: (knocks on the door)
(After a moment)
10 year-old: (answers the door and just stares at Jack)

Jack: Hi... you must be Eric...(the boy just keeps staring)..My name is Jack...yeah uh... Is your father here?

Eric: He is in his office right now... Down the hall to your left.(The boy goes back to the couch and plays some vehicular combat game)
(Jack just walks through and straight to the office, Jack knocks on the door and walks in)

Coleman: What is you want Eric I'm very busy!(Coleman looks up, his facial expression changes from angry to shocked)

Coleman: Oh well if it isn't little Stanley...

Jack: Stanleys dead... you killed him along with his family.

Coleman: Ah back for revenge are you... Who let you in anyway? was it Eric? Damn, sometimes I wonder about tha..

Jack: Enough! I'm here to kill you for what you did to my father my...

Coleman: Oh please, your father!?... Your father had it coming. He was a killer Jr. He killed hundreds of innocent people... a man like that deserves hundreds of bullets in his chest.

Jack:... A KILLER!!... You killed my entire family... You ruined my LIFE!!

Coleman: Shh!! Not so loud. I don't want Eric freaking out...

Jack: (pulls out his pistol) Oh I think Eric is the least of your problems.

Coleman: (gets up from his desk) Heh heh I like you kid... always eager to die... just like your father...

Jack: (Points the gun to Coleman's head) You Son-of-a-bitch! I'll blow you away right now!...
(After a moment Jack hears something from behind, he looks from the corner of his eye and its Eric, quickly he pulls his gun back and holsters it)

Eric: Hey Dad is there something wrong?

Coleman: Not at all boy, me and my buddy here are just playing, go get back to you video game.

Eric: Oh well... Okay.(He leaves)

Coleman:This tale of Revenge... Whats the purpose of it? All your proving is that your just another killer in the world, like you father... I mean does it make things fair?

Jack: Fair!?! You want to know what fair is?! Me hunting down and killing everyone you love and everyone close to you right in front of you forcing you to watch!... Now that would be Fair!... eye for an eye... Family for a family...

Coleman: (starts to walk to the side of the room) Ah I see... It seems I can't change your mind. But I'am sorry about your family, I truly am, but you gotta break a few eggs to make a omlette and if that means the death of a few innocents to save hundreds more then I will do it. It is my Job. (Coleman picks up a pack of cigaretts and offers Jack one, he declines) Don't smoke huh?... well its good to be healthy... So are you sure you won't change you mind, if you do we can just drop it right here right now. (Jack just glares at him) Well alright then (plops a cigarette in his mouth) excuse me while I get my lighter...

At this moment Jack realizes something, then a quick flash back to when Jack was in that backseat of that car and Coleman was complaining about smoking, then we go back to the office and Jack looks at the reflection of a picture of Eric on the wall and quickly does a somersalt roll just in time when Coleman turns around with a gun in his hand and fires two shots that hit the exact spot where Jack was just standing, and as quickly as that happened Jack quickly fired two shots back both making contact forcing coleman to hit against the wall behind him and fall to the floor.

Jack stands over him pointing his gun at him.

Coleman: Heh heh Your going to die for this kid... Mark my words.

Jack: Ah Coleman you deserve a much worse death than this!

Coleman: Look at you just like your father... a cold-blooded killer... You kill like your father and your going to die like your father... heh heh Die with no respect and... Die... alone

Jack: Goodbye Coleman... This one is for my family. (Jack competely unloads the whole gun clip on Coleman's chest, and then he just stands thereand looks at His dead body)

Jack again notices someone behind him and its eric, For a moment the two just look in each others eyes until Eric finally looks at his dead father.

Eric: Daddy!!...(Jack backs away from the body as Eric runs up to it crying over him)

Jack: (Walks toward the door and stops with his back turned against the kid) Sorry kid... when you grow up... and you still feel tough about it... Come Find me... And we'll talk it out.

Jack starts to walk out of the house, he looks at the TV screen and it says GAME OVER RETRY?
Jack: No thanks.(He says as he walks out)

The scene then cuts back to the cemetary where Jack is closing his eyes and he opens them.

Jack: Well I did it dad... I killed them... I'm not sure if you wanted this kind of life for me... But I think I discovered my true calling... To be a hero a symbol of hope this sin-ful world needs... I want to help people... and make sure nothing like this ever happens to anyone again.
(Jack takes out the list from his coat pocket and all the names are crossed out, he folds it up and lays it on his father's grave)

Jack: Well farewell... I love you all... Maybe i'll see ya guys someday.
(Jack walksto the car and gets in)

"A wiseman once said , Revenge... Revenge is nothing but a never-ending battle, where nobody wins, but everybody loses"
(Shows Jack start the car he looks back at the hilltop for a moment)

"But my battle is far from over... Its only just begun."
(Jack then drives away into the sunset and the screen fades to black)

End-Credits Roll

Well thats the end for Sin-eater's tale... For now.

So what did you guys think about it?
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Re: Sin-eater 2
Reply #4 - 06/21/10 at 09:16:54
 
That was excellent.  I hope you'll make more soon.
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Reebok
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Re: Sin-eater 2
Reply #5 - 06/21/10 at 20:59:43
 
I loved the "Game Over. Retry?". A nice quote, and when he says that to the child it remembered me Killl Bill when Uma Thurman kills Vernita.
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maxamillionaire
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Re: Sin-eater 2
Reply #6 - 06/21/10 at 21:15:51
 
Pretty dark stuff. Good job though.
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