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How about a wanna be super-hero character? (Read 3235 times)
NuN_CHuCK BoY
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How about a wanna be super-hero character?
05/29/10 at 05:20:11
 
Character name: The Judge
Vehicle name: Judgemobile? I don't know, I'm not really good with the names.
Vehicle description: Basically like the batmobile from the 90's movies, but modified to be in a twisted metal contest and no bat wings as it is the Judgemobile(horrible name)
Special: The Judge's Hammer. Three javelin missiles appear on the back of the car and you can target one car for max damage or three cars f0or min damage.

Now this character could work good for either a Head-on or a Black sequel. I personally think he would be better for a Black sequel, so I'll start with his Blck storyline.

Bio: Edgar Reed was just a normal man, who owned a convenient store. Until one day, he witnessed a couple get murdered and this inspired him to don a cape and mask and fight crime. Like the other competitors he was caught and was sent to Blackfield Asylum for reasons of insanity.

Movie poster tagline: The Judge - Crime-stopping Hero or Psychotic Vigilante?

Prologue
"These people... These so called law bringers... They put me in here, locked me in here with all these psycho nutjobs!"
(Camera shows blackfield asylum and zooms in and cuts to the inside.)

"I don't belong in here, I belong out there protecting my city from that evil scum... The judge needs to protects its people."
(Camera cuts to the room and shows a man standing with his back against the camera, we see his tattered, blood-stained cape. He turns his
head toward the camera to deliver that last line, he is wearing a mask that covers his face except for his mouth.)

" My name is the Judge and I'm er was doing God's work, but I can't... not while I'm stuck in this hellhole with killers and psychos!"
(Camera zooms out to show all of his costume, he wears a tattered suit lined with kevlar and old knife wounds and dry blood spots all over the suit, he has a utility belt and a logo an his chest resembling a Hammer and the colore of his costume are Blue and grey.)

" But this all changed, when one day I had a visitor. Calypso is what he called himself. He had a proposition for me, he said If I won his competition then I would be free to destroy all the evil in this world with no one to stop me."
(Shows calypso and him meeting The Judge )

"So I agreed to participate in his contest, good thing to... I was feeling the need to strangle someone... looks like I'll get my wish."
(Shows The judge leaving the asylum in his car)

Middle
Minion explodes and a piece of the vehicle falls and hits The Judge's car knocking him out.

" I used to be a normal peson once, with a normal job and a normal name, a normal everything like you. But that all changed when I witnessed a murder right outside my shop and no one did a damn thing about it... not even me..."
(Shows a flash back of the Judge without his mask on and serving a couple. They walk out of the store and they get jumped by a gang. Edgar jumps to help but then he sees the gang pull out knives and they start stabbing the couple. Edgar instead runs to his doors and locks them instead and looks down shamely as the reflection of the massacre is showing on his glass doors.)

" After that I decided to do something no one else would, to stand up against the evil of the streets, so I made my own protective costume and mask, I even came up with a name The Judge to serve and protect the people when no one else would. After months of crime fighting, I was getting the hang of it beating the criminals to a pulp and letting the cops pick them up."
(Shows Edgar making his costume and mask and putting them on, next it shows random clips of him getting beat up of stabbed then shows clips of him punch a hoodlum and figting two more and a last one of him fleeing the scene as cops find three criminals tied up and beaten.)

" Everything was going great until I came across this one case, I was investigating a teenage kidnapping, several in fact"
( Shows the judge looking at several missing people posters)

" I tracked my way to this man's house and I broke in and I found hundreds of photos of teenage girls all over his kitchen table some of which looked familiar, then somone attacked me from behind, but it wasn't long before i wrestled him down and handcuffed him to the wall."
(shows him breaking down the door to the man's house and walking in, the camera shows him snooping around and he finds the photos and he gets attacked, but he ends up handcuffing the man to the wall by a chain.)

" I continued to investigate and I found my way to the basement, and what I saw that day was what showed me the light... my true calling. I can't believe what this sick man had done... and what I will do to him."
(Shows him looking down the basement and he sees several naked dead teenage girls face down. The camera zooms in on his facial expression from horrified to angry. he makes his way back to the man, who happens to have a evil grin and he lifts his hands up as to be tooken away to the police.)

" No not this time... I've been calling myself the Judge, now its time act like one, to convict, to Condem!"
(Shows him walking toward the chained man slowly with an intent on killing. He picks up a knife from the kitchen and goes to the man. The man's face goes from evil grin to a horrified and pleaing face, as The Judge brings the knife up and he stabs the man from the man's point of view, this goes right with the condem line. The screen flashes fed and it shows a quick couple of seconds of the Judge slicing and dicing this man up and then it goes to black.)

" That was the first time I ever took a man's life, but God did it feel so great. After that night I had become the Great Avenger, The Killer of killers, a true hero... I was doing God's work."
(The screen stays competely black for the first line then it shows three clips, the first of him throwing a junkie off the roof of a 10-story building, the second shows him sliting the throat of some hoodlum in a dark alley, and the third clip of him throwing a criminal on subway tracks right as a train is coming.)

" Then these so-called peacemakers found me one day and charged me with murder... Why? I deserved a F*ckin medal, then they tried to take my mask away but I wouldn't let them not without a fight... I'm the real peacemaker not these fools!"
( The camera shows the police breaking into his home and taking him down, one officer tries to remove his mask but Judge assaults him and three others before they finally take him down.)

" They all said I was crazy, so they stuck me in that rathole, but I'm not! I'm a protector of the innocence and when I win this contest I will enforce the Judge's laws!"
( shows The judge wake up in his car and he drives away.)

Epilogue
Dark Tooth explodes as The Judge's car drive away

" I won the contest like I knew I woluld"
(Shows him standing at calypso's throne)

"Calypso had congradulated me and asked what I wanted, I told him I wanted to be in a world with out evil, I told him I wanted to be unstoppable, unkillable."
(Shows Judge grabbing at his head at the thought of evil and requesting his wish with demand)

"Very well he said your request is granted"
( Calypso pulls out his gun and shoots The Judge in the Head)

" I awoke with a slight headache, but I was in my own city again and I saw a group of familiar people, when I realized it was the gang that murdered that poor couple"
(Shows Judge wake up in a alley somewhere and he spots the gang)

" It was time to show them the new and improved Judge, as I got closer they noticed me and they all fired at me with their guns... the fools... I didn't feel a thing... Its time for justice to be served!"
(Shows the gang open fire on him as the bullets impact his body, he still stands and he gets his blades from his utility belt and he slaughters all of them.)

" The scum of this world has something new to fear... I can now finish my destiny starting with that clown... heh heh wait until they get a load of me."
(The judge drives away in his car, the logo appears and the credits roll.)

Thats all I got for now, so tell me what you guys think.
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ThumperMan3000
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Re: How about a wanna be super-hero character?
Reply #1 - 05/29/10 at 05:29:25
 
Nice.  Sound almost like my stories.
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Oddz
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Re: How about a wanna be super-hero character?
Reply #2 - 05/29/10 at 09:25:28
 
"The Judge" was a name I was considering for one of my characters, if I can ever come up with good enough stories for them.
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I'mm'a be what I set out to be, without a doubt, undoubtedly And all those who look down on me: I'm tearin' down your balcony.
 
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maxamillionaire
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Is the answer to this
question no?

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Re: How about a wanna be super-hero character?
Reply #3 - 05/30/10 at 02:34:01
 
When I saw the title of this thread I was honestly not expecting the best, but you pleasantly surprised me. It was a good character idea, I like the name "The Judge," maybe a name for his car could be like Arbiter or Peacemaker or something along those lines. I like how you showed the character progression in the middle sequence, how he snapped when he saw the girls' corpses. Your style parallels Thumperman's a little but it's a good formula and easy to write with and entertaining to read so I'm not complaining. Good job. I'd like to see more of your ideas.
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And like a fly to the fire, you lie Consumed by desire, confused by the sky And like a moth to the flame you came Broken and mesmerized
 
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NuN_CHuCK BoY
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Re: How about a wanna be super-hero character?
Reply #4 - 05/30/10 at 05:32:16
 
Thanks for the comments guys. I have read some of Thumperman's stories and they are pretty good, but I don't mean to copy his style and call it my own, its just that I can't find a better or easier way of telling it. So yeah I was just thinking about the characters of twisted metal the other day and I was thinking, they have a clown, a cop, a preacher, a farmer, and even the grim reaper, but why not a super-hero of sorts so I came up with his story.

Max I was actually thinking about calling his car "Peacemaker" but like I said I'm not really good with names.
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Baldwin
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Re: How about a wanna be super-hero character?
Reply #5 - 06/16/10 at 10:59:21
 
Intersting story.Good experience for me.Thanks to share us post...
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