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Iron Maiden - Twisted Metal Black 2 (Read 5545 times)
Reebok
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Iron Maiden - Twisted Metal Black 2
05/15/10 at 13:03:29
 
Name: Adrian

Age: 17 years

Diagnostic: Evasion of the reality, imaginary friends

Treatment: Nothing. Is a lost case.

History: A normal teenager with a severe case of reality evasion. Was sent to the Blackfield Asylum, and didn’t receive a single visit since he came. Has two imaginary friends that he calls Rebok and Broke. It seems to be that Rebok is the manifestation of his kind side while Broke seems to be his dark side. It also seems to be that Broke is an anagram of Rebok. His actions and conduct seems to be affected by these two, and it sometimes lead him to riots with other inmates, so he was been moved to a solitary cell.

Vehicle: Iron Maiden

This vehicle has been especially modified by Calypso itself. It’s a Chevrolet Cobalt SS modified to fight in the contest. This car has two machine guns to both sides, a missile depot hidden under the bonnet and two barrels full of Nitro. His special attack consist of launching a spike ball thanks to a robot arm hidden in the porter towards the enemy, incrusting them in the car to make a big explosion seconds later. If the ball is missed, then it will explode if a car passes near.

Prologue:

Adrian: I once had a life…

(Camera pans to the Blackfield Asylum sign.  Camera scrolls through the desert)

Adrian: Maybe my life wasn’t perfect, but I was happy…

(Camera slams through the security fence and reaches the run-down building)

Adrian: I don’t know why they left me here… Maybe they just wanted to get rid of me.

(Camera is seen going down a hallway full of cells.  It passes a guard reading a newspaper to a door marked "C-9 Solitary". It enters to see a white teenager with short and spiky black hair, wearing a jeans jacket with wool sleeves and a t-shirt with jeans, both black. His complements include a chain in his jeans, a pair of spike bracelets and a dog-tag, and he is wearing glasses)

Adrian: Rebok and Broke have been with me since I can remember, and thanks to them I’ve been able to wait my chance to escape from here.

(Camera shows Adrian with two brown anthro hedgehogs at his side. The first one, Rebok, has green eyes and wears a blue jacket, a red t-shirt with a dog-tag, a pair of fingerless gloves with straps and green trousers and sneakers with white, red and yellow colors. The other one, Broke, is like the first but with a lot of scars around his body. Is wearing a spiked collar and bracelets with a grey t-shirt and black trousers. His clothes are stripped and showing some scars under the stripes. Is also wearing a pair of gloves with grey and red colors with a little skull printed and black sneakers with spikes.)

Adrian: My family stuck me in this hellhole asylum and later they forgot me. All those years, my only company has been mi two best friends: Rebok and Broke.

(Screen fades to black)

Adrian: But one day I received a visit.

(Camera shows Calypso with a scar in his neck left by Sweet Tooth near the cell door, now open)

Adrian: At first I thought that I was having an hallucination, but soon I realized that this man was real. He called himself Calypso. He told me that he was holding a contest, and that he wanted me to join it.

(Adrian is seen facing Calypso in his padded cell)

Adrian: At first I didn’t want to take part of the contest, but Calypso managed to convince me along with Rebok and Broke.

(Shot of Calypso giving him a photo)

Adrian: He told me that he could help me with my problem, and that he could also see and talk with Reebok and Broke, although they only are in my head. Calypso talked with them, and finally the three of us decided to join the contest.

(Adrian is seen receiving a pair of car keys. Then it cuts to outside the asylum as Iron Maiden is seen speeding through, then slamming through the security fence)

Adrian: How could I refuse this chance?

(Cut to black. End movie)


Minion Stadium: I don’t like what I’ve heard about him, but even if he really is a demon he’s not going to beat me with a stupid tank.


Middle:

(Camera shows Minion exploding. As pieces of the tank fly into the air, one big piece flies up and hits Iron Maiden, knocking Adrian out)

Adrian: That hit knocked me out. I couldn’t handle it, but fortunately Reebok and Broke were fine. But of course, being inside my head they wouldn’t be able to receive damage.

(Camera shows Iron Maiden surrounded in flames, then it cuts to Adrian slumped behind the wheel as he is heard speaking)

Adrian: When I was blacking out, the only thing I could hear was Rebok and Broke yelling at me and screaming that we must escape from here.

(Camera shows Adrian with 8 years playing alone in the playground)

Adrian: I was always alone, and to fight that I began to make a perfect world inside my head.

(Camera shows Reebok and Broke with a younger aspect at both sides)

Adrian: They are the only friends I have. The only ones that truly care about me.

(Camera shows Adrian playing alone, far from the other kids)

Adrian: But there was a girl that, like me, was able to see and talk with Rebok and Broke.

(Camera shows a little girl with purple hair and blue eyes playing with him)

Adrian: At first I thought that she also was part of my imagination, but everyone was able to see her, meaning that she was real.

(The camera shows the two kids playing with RC cars while Rebok and Broke watches them)

Adrian: Her name was Seiline, and she was the only real person who wanted to be my friend. She never ran or get scared when I was fighting with other kids.

(Camera shows them embraced, and we can see that Adrian has some bruises and blood in his clothes)

Adrian: The time finally passed, and she asked me to be his boyfriend. Why I would reject her offer?

(The photo that Calypso gave him at the beginning is now shown. It shows Adrian and Seiline in front of a Christmas tree opening their Christmas presents. At their side we can see two presents with the names Rebok and Broke written on them)

Adrian: I, Seiline, Rebok and Broke were like a big family. But unfortunately, it didn’t last too long.

(Camera shows Adrian with 13 years saying goodbye while Seiline takes her head out of the windshield while the car goes to the end of the street and disappear)

Adrian: Her family didn’t want her to be with someone “crazy” like me, so they decided to live in another city far from me. I wasn’t able to forget her, and that lead to my imprisonment in the Blackfield Asylum.

(Camera cuts to Adrian waking up with Rebok and Broke in the rear seats, then showing Iron Maiden surrounded in flames)

Rebok: You’re finally awake.
Broke: I couldn’t handle more your snoozes.
Adrian: Sorry boys, it wasn’t my intention. But now I’m awake, and we’re gonna win this contest.

(Iron Maiden is seen leaving the Arena as the camera fades to black. End movie.)

Death Port: I heard that Calypso was waiting the winner in Harbor City, so I sailed in the first ship I saw. Unfortunately I wasn’t the only one to have this idea.

When the ship gets to the city, Iron Maiden goes down in a ramp while the remains of the defeated vehicles fall to the water. While the rest of the drivers are waiting, suddenly, the pieces that have fallen in the water and get together in a big explosion. When the smoke fades away, a monster made with parts of the other vehicles appear. ¡Piecemeal is here!

Piecemeal Beach: So now I have to fight against a monster made with part of the other drivers? Fine, because when I destroy it I’m gonna show them all who is the real monster here.

Epilogue:

(Piecemeal explodes and the parts rain from the sky and into the water as Iron Maiden drives off of the harbor and into town)

Adrian: I had won the contest!

(Iron Maiden drives to a large garage. Camera shows Adrian, Rebok and Broke in front of Calypso sitting in his throne made of broken car parts)

Adrian: I went to Calypso and demanded my wish. I wanted Seiline to be again with me. He then gave me my prize.

(Camera shows Seiline, now with the same age as Adrian running from behind Calypso’s throne towards Adrian to embrace him)

Seiline: I knew that you would find me again.
Adrian: Of course. I promised you that we would be together again. By the way, I had some help in this contest. Do you remember about Rebok and Broke?

(Camera shows Rebok and Broke behind him with a happiness smile in their faces)

Seiline: Of course. How could I forget them? We were together like a big family.

(Camera shows them making a big hug while Calypso watches from his throne)

Adrian: Thank you, Calypso. I owe you one for this.

(Camera shows them riding Iron Maiden and then driving out)

Adrian: While I was driving, Seiline and I were talking about what we done with our lives all this time. Three years cannot be resumed in only five minutes of talking.

(Camera shows Adrian and Seiline talking while Rebok and Broke are in the rear seats. Then it shifts behind the car as it speeds off. Camera will soon cut to logo, then credits roll as "T.N.T." by AC/DC plays and scenes from all character cutscenes play)

Well, that's all my profile (Yeah, the main character was me. But the girl doesn't exist). Let me know your opinion and if I made any mistakes. And about the history... Yeah, I know a love story doesn't suit very well in Twisted Metal Black, but because Bloody Mary was searching for her perfect husband I think this still works Cheesy I have thought about a bad ending where Seiline died a long time ago, explaining why she left the city, but because the only ones to get a bad ending are cops (Officer Brutality doesn't count) I changed the ending. And one las thing: I have writed the levels like if it was the real game, but because the limit words I couldn't include them.
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« Last Edit: 05/15/10 at 14:10:35 by Reebok »  

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maxamillionaire
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Re: Iron Maiden - Twisted Metal Black 2
Reply #1 - 05/15/10 at 14:07:52
 
It was good, well written. Once or twice you said outlaw instead of iron maiden though, I don't know where that came from. I notice this borrows heavily from the style of Thumperman, and Bizzaroking too with Piecemeal in the harbor at the end, so I hope they're okay with  that. In my opinion, the ending was weak and too happy, not fitting with Black. I would have made it so Seiline came back but was only a hallucination this time like rebok and broke, or something. And I would've played down the fact that Reebok and Broke were only imaginary, made it less obvious. I liked how Calypso had a scar from Sweettooth.

Not bad overall, but could use some polishing. You have some good ideas, and if you keep workin on these I think there's a lot of potential
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And like a fly to the fire, you lie Consumed by desire, confused by the sky And like a moth to the flame you came Broken and mesmerized
 
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Re: Iron Maiden - Twisted Metal Black 2
Reply #2 - 05/15/10 at 14:09:32
 
maxamillionaire wrote on 05/15/10 at 14:07:52:
It was good, well written. Once or twice you said outlaw instead of iron maiden though, I don't know where that came from. I notice this borrows heavily from the style of Thumperman, and Bizzaroking too with Piecemeal in the harbor at the end, so I hope they're okay with  that. In my opinion, the ending was weak and too happy, not fitting with Black. I would have made it so Seiline came back but was only a hallucination this time like rebok and broke, or something. And I would've played down the fact that Reebok and Broke were only imaginary, made it less obvious. I liked how Calypso had a scar from Sweettooth.

Not bad overall, but could use some polishing. You have some good ideas, and if you keep workin on these I think there's a lot of potential

Thank you. And yeah, I didn't noticed that. I'm gonna make some corrections.
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BizarroKing
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Re: Iron Maiden - Twisted Metal Black 2
Reply #3 - 05/15/10 at 14:20:57
 
Yea I noticed it had a similar feel to my story with the dialogue and the fact that Piecemeal is the end boss, but it's not too much of a problem with me, though I noticed the way you described his defeat seems very similar, but could just be coincidental.

Also, during the middle where Minion is destroyed, you said Outlaw, not Iron Maiden. And are you sure the level dialogue wouldn't fit? Maybe if you tweaked a little, it could. I think there's like a 10,000 letter limit.
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Re: Iron Maiden - Twisted Metal Black 2
Reply #4 - 05/15/10 at 15:37:24
 
BizarroKing wrote on 05/15/10 at 14:20:57:
Yea I noticed it had a similar feel to my story with the dialogue and the fact that Piecemeal is the end boss, but it's not too much of a problem with me, though I noticed the way you described his defeat seems very similar, but could just be coincidental.

Also, during the middle where Minion is destroyed, you said Outlaw, not Iron Maiden. And are you sure the level dialogue wouldn't fit? Maybe if you tweaked a little, it could. I think there's like a 10,000 letter limit.

About the similarity, I forgot to say that I took the idea from your fanfic, the Judgment Day. Because of the limit I didn't writed it and then I forgot that. I thought that it would be more original to have Piecemeal as a final boss than Warhawk or DarkTooth because a lot of people used them, and I like it as a boss because for me it was very original to make a car made with parts of the defeated drivers. And about writing Outlaw, it was because I copied some sentences I found from the original Outaw from Twisted Metal Black to save some work (The translation was very hard for me) but I forgotten to change the name. I'm sorry about all this.  Embarrassed
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Re: Iron Maiden - Twisted Metal Black 2
Reply #5 - 05/15/10 at 15:59:13
 
Reebok wrote on 05/15/10 at 15:37:24:
About the similarity, I forgot to say that I took the idea from your fanfic, the Judgment Day. Because of the limit I didn't writed it and then I forgot that. I thought that it would be more original to have Piecemeal as a final boss than Warhawk or DarkTooth because a lot of people used them, and I like it as a boss because for me it was very original to make a car made with parts of the defeated drivers. And about writing Outlaw, it was because I copied some sentences I found from the original Outaw from Twisted Metal Black to save some work (The translation was very hard for me) but I forgotten to change the name. I'm sorry about all this.  Embarrassed


No it's OK, I still enjoyed the story. U doing any more?
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Reebok
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Re: Iron Maiden - Twisted Metal Black 2
Reply #6 - 05/15/10 at 16:22:28
 
BizarroKing wrote on 05/15/10 at 15:59:13:
U doing any more?

Well, I'm trying to get any idea for other characters. I was thinking about adding Seiline, but I need a motive for her to be in the contest. I thought about searching Adrian, but I don't like too much the idea.
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Re: Iron Maiden - Twisted Metal Black 2
Reply #7 - 05/15/10 at 16:43:13
 
I think its sometimes easier to come up with an idea for a vehicle you want to do, then spawn a character that would fit with the vehicle.
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And like a fly to the fire, you lie Consumed by desire, confused by the sky And like a moth to the flame you came Broken and mesmerized
 
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Re: Iron Maiden - Twisted Metal Black 2
Reply #8 - 05/15/10 at 16:51:52
 
maxamillionaire wrote on 05/15/10 at 16:43:13:
I think its sometimes easier to come up with an idea for a vehicle you want to do, then spawn a character that would fit with the vehicle.

Mmmh... I think I'm having with an idea for a new car.
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Re: Iron Maiden - Twisted Metal Black 2
Reply #9 - 05/16/10 at 08:20:47
 
Reebok wrote on 05/15/10 at 16:51:52:
Mmmh... I think I'm having with an idea for a new car.

Mmmh... I'm having a cheeseburger. Nom.
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