Welcome, Guest. Please Login or Register
TMA - Temporary Board
 
  HomeHelpSearchLoginRegister  
 
Page Index Toggle Pages: 1
Send Topic Print
New Outlaw/ Eliot Parker-Prologue and Epilogue (Read 6233 times)
Tack Sanada
Champion Bullfighter
**
Offline


I Love Space Jam!

Posts: 11
New Outlaw/ Eliot Parker-Prologue and Epilogue
04/07/10 at 08:03:22
 
TM : New Outlaw / Eliot Parker
Sorry for late but , I’m going to telling the story of my Outlaw driver, Eliot Parker. On last post, I said I can’t decide which ending-Twisted, bad ending or Happy ending- should be suitable for him, but finally, I’m going to write both version. It’s up to you which ending is better. Ok, let’s start! In this story, Eliot is not Blackfield’s Patient, but he is LAPD’s cop who filled up with revenge. First is Prologue and Middle!


Car Name: Outlaw
Car Description: 70's Style Ford Mustang Boss Police Car. Red and blue Police signal was removed, Gatling Gun Mounted on right side of car and Spike shooter mounted on front grill.
Special Weapon:Spike bomb. When spike hits to opponent, Electrocute the opponent for while. Then, after 5 seconds, it explode and give pretty good damage!

Driver Profile
Name: Eliot Parker
Age: 25
Story: Eliot is the Cop of LAPD, and he had the dark past. His family and girlfriend was killed by the serial killer when he was the rookie of squad.  Recently, he found that killer was the clown on the Ice Cream Truck....Sweet Tooth. He attend the contest to kill Him, so as Calypso, who targeted as FBI's most wanted list......

=Prologue=
“From that day, I was changed”.
After this quote, We can see LAPD’s Lietenant Eliot Parker is sitting in the Outlaw-custom Mustang Boss Cop Car at garage of LAPD.
“I lost everything for that bastard. I still remember that day……”
Eliot is crying for remember the day when he lost the precious person..
“I recently found that Clown was killed my precious. I was searched him for long time.”
Scene turn into black.
“Untill that day is coming.”
Scene show Calypso.
“Calypso….That basterd. He is FBI’s most wanted criminal. Two hours ago, our squad’s boss told me he held a Twisted Metal contest this year. So, I decided to attend it, because not only that bastard, but also I can get even for that One-eyed-jack-Wacko.”
Eliot was accepted, and his 1970 Mustang “Boss” squad car-Outlaw is drove off from LAPD.
“Now, It’s time for revenge……”

=MIDDLE=
Eliot’s Outlaw was fight against the Minion, the Oil Tanker. Outlaw shot the spike bomb at Minion. Minion was exploded after electrocute for a while. Minion’s fragment flew into Outlaw and Eliot was fainted.
He was dreaming that day……
“After a battle against tanker, I was fainted. I thought I can saw a good dream, but it was wrong. I’m starting to remember my past……”
Screen shows Eliot at LAPD.
“Once, I was the rookie cop of this LAPD. But although I’m a rookie, I had a shrewed cop of this squad.”
Next, screen show the Girlfriend of Eliot.
“Also, I had the nice girlfriend. Name is Alice McGee, coworker of LAPD. She was not only my girlfriend, but also a sidekick for solving the murder case. I confessed to Alice how much I love her. Her answer was yes, and me and her became a “more-than-friend”.”
Screen show the Eliot and Alice walk around the park.
“We promised about I invite her to my house and introduce to my family on Christmas Eve. I thought it was good idea.”
Screen shows Mask Of Sweet Tooth, and Eliot went to his house.
“However, that clown was messed up my that moment. On Christmas Eve, I was worked hard and late for party, so I told Alice to I go to my house after you. And after I done the job, I went to my house…..but it was the worst time of my life.”
Eliot enter the house, and found out dead body of his family and Alice…..
“I found the dead body in bloody mess……It was my mother. Not only that, father, brother and sister was dead! And so as Alice…….her throat was slit, and her face was cold as ice…………….”
Eliot was burst into tears. And Camera shows Eliot in LAPD. He saw a photo of Sweet Tooth.
“I was crying. I turned into the cop who trying to find the bastard who crashed my everything. And recently, I found that the Ice Cream Truck Killer is killed my lover and family! So I waited for chance to get even for him.”
Eliot was wake up from coma.
“This is why I entered this contest. When I woke up, I sware to go back to that day and save my family and Alice, then I kill Sweet Tooth!”
Gate of Arena is open, and Outlaw is Drive in hurry to exit…….

That’s all! Next post is epilogue! I’ll post Both Twisted and Happy end!
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)
 
IP Logged
 
Tack Sanada
Champion Bullfighter
**
Offline


I Love Space Jam!

Posts: 11
Re: New Outlaw/ Eliot Parker-Prologue and Epilogue
Reply #1 - 04/07/10 at 08:11:42
 
Oops. I made mistake. I post Prologue and Middle!
I'm terribly sorry. Well, Epilogues is next post.
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)
 
IP Logged
 
Tack Sanada
Champion Bullfighter
**
Offline


I Love Space Jam!

Posts: 11
New Outlaw/ Eliot Parker- Epilogue
Reply #2 - 04/08/10 at 04:52:45
 
New Outlaw-Epilogue
Hi, Everyone. Today I’m going to post a ending of New Outlaw/Lt. Eliot’s story.
I hope you Like it Wink
I post two types of ending: Bad & Twisted one, and Good one.
It’s up to you which is better!

=Epilogue 1=
Eliot fires a Missile from Outlaw and destroy the Warhawk.
Pilot of Warhawk was falling down with screaming.
Then Camera cut into the Eliot in Calypso’s lair. He sitting at the throne made by Junk Car parts.
“I won the contest of Mr.-Most-Wanted-Man. I went to see Calypso to grant my wish. I wanted to kill or arrest him, but it is second objective. I asked him what I wish for, and He granted.”
Camera shows Eliot warped into the day when his family and girlfriend dead, but he arrived early before happened it. Scene turned into he told them to hide into their room.
“I found myself I was in the day tragedy happened. I entered to the house, and I told Alice, and my family to the Killer will come later, so go to your room!”
Camera shows Sweet Tooth Enter at Midnight.  He searched for his target, but suddenly, Eliot who hidden at stair jump out and fight against him.
“Then, at Midnight, that clown was entered. I thought it is time…..And I jump out from stair, and I beat him up.”
Camera show Eliot shot Sweet Tooth. Then Camera show unknown figure enter the house.
“Finally, I shot the Sweet Tooth. He was turned into the cold corpse of clown. I got my justice finally…….But suddenly, somebody is entered.”
Eliot aiming a gun…..To Calypso!
“My god! Calypso was entered to my house!! I dunno why, but he told me I was the murderer who killed wrong person! I asked him to who killed my girlfriend and my family! Then Calypso said…..”I Killed”. ”
Camera show the day when Calypso killed Eliot’s family and girlfriend.
“He said he killed Alice and My family at that day. Reason why he killed them was just test my mind when I lost somebody important! And he gave our squad to wrong info about that Clown killed my important persons. He said I was the good pawn for this game.”
Eliot trying to shot, but Bullet is run out. Then screen shows Calypso aiming his gun to Eliot’s head.
“I tried to shot him……but bullet was empty, because I shot all bullet to kill that Clown. Calypso thanked me for attend the Contest, and Also told me he going to kill my treasures, but I’m the first target for me. God…..I should be just who killed my family…….”
Screen goes black, as gunshot ringing. After that, camera shows Eliot lay on the floor with pool of blood.
“I gonna curse you, Calypso………..”
Screen turns to Shows Logo, and credit rolls. Song is Breaking Benjamin’s “The Diary of Jane”.

Ok, That’s all of Bad end ver. And Next is “Sickeningly Sweet” End……

=Epilogue 2=
Eliot fires a Missile from Outlaw and destroy the Warhawk.
Pilot of Warhawk was falling down with screaming.
Then Camera cut into the Eliot in Calypso’s lair. He sitting at the throne made by Junk Car parts.
“I won the contest of Mr.-Most-Wanted-Man. I went to see Calypso to grant my wish. I wanted to kill or arrest him, but it is second objective. I asked him what I wish for, and He granted.”
Camera shows Eliot warped into the day when his family and girlfriend dead, but he arrived early before happened it. Scene turned into he told them to hide into their room.
“I found myself I was in the day tragedy happened. I entered to the house, and I told Alice, and my family to the Killer will come later, so go to your room!”
Camera shows Sweet Tooth Enter at Midnight.  He searched for his target, but suddenly, Eliot who hidden at stair jump out and fight against him.
“Then, at Midnight, that clown was entered. I thought it is time…..And I jump out from stair, and I beat him up. But also, I doubted did this Clown killed my treasures.”
Eliot shot Tazer to Sweet Tooth and make him stanning.
“So I used the Tazer, which my colleague, Sergeant Roberts gave me. I make that clown fainted up. So I asked him who killed my girlfriend and my family. He answered…..”
Camera shows Sweet Tooth in fainted. Sweet Tooth says:
“I didn’t killed your girlfriend and your family. I asked by Calypso to enter your house.”
Eliot carrying Sweet Tooth’s body into his Outlaw.
Then, Calypso is appearing.
“After Clown fainted, I carried him into my car and Tied him tightly. And suddenly, Calypso was appeared. He was seems like pissed off.”
Calypso told Eliot about all tragedy made by him.
“He said he killed Alice and My family at that day. Reason why he killed them was just test my mind when I lost somebody important! And he gave our squad to wrong info about that Clown killed my important persons. He said I was the good pawn for this game…….Until I just stunned that Clown.”
Calypso was aimed gun to Eliot.
“He said when his plan messed up, so he going to kill me. But he didn’t know the another reason why I entered this contest……”
Eliot aimed a gun and shot the Calypso. It hit into body, feet, and head.
“………To Kill Calypso. My wish was fulfilled.”
Camera shows Eliot contact to LAPD to Kill Calypso by CB.
”I told my boss to hunt down that Clown and Killed Calypso. Boss was praised me, but he said strange thing…..You should be kill the Clown……”
Camera shows Sweet Tooth trying to cut the rope. But Eliot find it soon, and he whipped out the remote.
“Then I turned and find out that Clown going to escape…..But he was fool.”
Eliot pushes the button of remote and activate detonator in Outlaw. Sweet Tooth was dead, and Screen shows burnt body of him, and Calypso’s body was blown away into garbage.....
“He didn’t know my car has remote bomb. I was able to fixed up my life. I felt it was better day for me.”
Eliot smiles, and he entered to his house.
Screen fade into black, but we can hear the voice of Calypso…..
“God……….I was totaled….but I don’t care, I gonna vengeance for that Officer!!!!”
Screen shows Logo, as Calypso laughs maniacally.
And credit rolls. Song is Breaking Benjamin’s “The Diary of Jane”.

So that’s all. I made Calypso survive miraculously because I don’t want to disappoint the every TM fans, also Eliot able to save their Family and girlfriend.

Ok, My post is end. I hope you enjoy it!!
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)
 
IP Logged
 
ThumperMan3000
Ex Member


Re: New Outlaw/ Eliot Parker-Prologue and Epilogue
Reply #3 - 04/08/10 at 05:47:21
 
One, learn proper grammer.  There are places where the word "the" is missing.

Two, use the right words. On the bad ending, you said bullet was empty when it should be gun was empty.
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)
 
IP Logged
 
DoktorStrychnine
Urn containing the ashes of Billy Mays
********************
Offline


Go green: Use both sides
of the toilet paper.

Posts: 622
Orange County, California
Gender: female
Re: New Outlaw/ Eliot Parker-Prologue and Epilogue
Reply #4 - 04/08/10 at 08:16:30
 
As a Writing assistant, I am deeply offended.

Spell check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Back to top
« Last Edit: 04/09/10 at 05:41:15 by DoktorStrychnine »  

(Attachment deleted)

...
Damn, Kratos. You's good looking. I'd love to orbit your dick.
LazyEyeRasputin  
IP Logged
 
Tack Sanada
Champion Bullfighter
**
Offline


I Love Space Jam!

Posts: 11
Re: New Outlaw/ Eliot Parker-Prologue and Epilogue
Reply #5 - 04/08/10 at 09:37:12
 
Thanks for advice, Thumperman3000, DoktorStrychnine.
I'm terribly sorry for Bad grammer and use the wrong word.
But I haven't post for this fanfic forum for long time, so seems like both my grammer and word is completely wrecked.
I'll be careful about those things when I write next fic.

Anyway, did you enjoy my story? Is it cool, or suck?
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)
 
IP Logged
 
ThumperMan3000
Ex Member


Re: New Outlaw/ Eliot Parker-Prologue and Epilogue
Reply #6 - 04/08/10 at 13:42:30
 
Tack Sanada wrote on 04/08/10 at 09:37:12:
Thanks for advice, Thumperman3000, DoktorStrychnine.
I'm terribly sorry for Bad grammer and use the wrong word.
But I haven't post for this fanfic forum for long time, so seems like both my grammer and word is completely wrecked.
I'll be careful about those things when I write next fic.

Anyway, did you enjoy my story? Is it cool, or suck?


Its okay, which is in between cool and suck. The tone of the story redeems the spelling and grammer mistakes, and the muntiple ending idea was cool.
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)
 
IP Logged
 
DoktorStrychnine
Urn containing the ashes of Billy Mays
********************
Offline


Go green: Use both sides
of the toilet paper.

Posts: 622
Orange County, California
Gender: female
Re: New Outlaw/ Eliot Parker-Prologue and Epilogue
Reply #7 - 04/08/10 at 21:36:20
 
Tack Sanada wrote on 04/08/10 at 09:37:12:
Thanks for advice, Thumperman3000, DoktorStrychnine.
I'm terribly sorry for Bad grammer and use the wrong word.
But I haven't post for this fanfic forum for long time, so seems like both my grammer and word is completely wrecked.
I'll be careful about those things when I write next fic.

Anyway, did you enjoy my story? Is it cool, or suck?

The multiple ending thing was quite interesting. I really liked that.  You also made Outlaw really bad ass. Sweet! Keep up the good work! I work as a writing assistant for the English Center at my college. If you need me to check out your story or any of your school papers (if you're still in school) I'm here to help!
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)

...
Damn, Kratos. You's good looking. I'd love to orbit your dick.
LazyEyeRasputin  
IP Logged
 
The Dizaster Child
Tiger Woods' golf club (which is also his penis)
*
Offline


Your dream girl is my
fuck buddy.

Posts: 7567
The Catastrophe Factory
Gender: male
Re: New Outlaw/ Eliot Parker-Prologue and Epilogue
Reply #8 - 04/09/10 at 04:02:44
 
DoktorStrychnine wrote on 04/08/10 at 08:16:30:
As an Writing assistant, I am deeply offended.

Spell check yourself before you wreck yourself.



LOL... take your own advice, sweetheart

dude, where are you from? you type the Dominican woman I work with talks. not saying its bad
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)

...
---===Pavlov's Dog of Fanfics===---
---===DNF===---
---===The Car Guy===---
[center]
WWW EcoCaviZ24 TheDizasterChild  
IP Logged
 
DoktorStrychnine
Urn containing the ashes of Billy Mays
********************
Offline


Go green: Use both sides
of the toilet paper.

Posts: 622
Orange County, California
Gender: female
Re: New Outlaw/ Eliot Parker-Prologue and Epilogue
Reply #9 - 04/09/10 at 05:37:24
 
The Dizaster Child wrote on 04/09/10 at 04:02:44:
LOL... take your own advice, sweetheart

dude, where are you from? you type the Dominican woman I work with talks. not saying its bad

Me? I'm from OC, California, but I was born on a goat farm in the middle of fucking nowhere, China. It actually is 'As a writing assistant...' My bad, fingers slip when you're secretly on TMA in class. I know the rules, but people make mistakes. Way to rub it in like Blair's shit smear.
"A" goes before all words that begin with consonants, with one exception: Use "an" before unsounded h.
"An" goes before all words that begin with vowels, with two exceptions: When u makes the same sound as the y in you, or o makes the same sound as w in won, then a is used.

What the hell does this even mean? "you type the Dominican woman I work with talks. not saying its bad".

Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)

...
Damn, Kratos. You's good looking. I'd love to orbit your dick.
LazyEyeRasputin  
IP Logged
 
The Dizaster Child
Tiger Woods' golf club (which is also his penis)
*
Offline


Your dream girl is my
fuck buddy.

Posts: 7567
The Catastrophe Factory
Gender: male
Re: New Outlaw/ Eliot Parker-Prologue and Epilogue
Reply #10 - 04/09/10 at 07:19:51
 
I meant to say, 'you type the same WAY...' as in, when reading his posts, if I were to read it out loud, I'd hear an accent. I work with quite a few ppl from other countries.. Dominican, Puerto Rican, El Salvadorian.. thats how it came off to me, or he has piss-poor grammar

it was funny that you pointed out his grammar flaws, mentioned spellcheck, but then misspelled something yourself. irony is hilarious
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)

...
---===Pavlov's Dog of Fanfics===---
---===DNF===---
---===The Car Guy===---
[center]
WWW EcoCaviZ24 TheDizasterChild  
IP Logged
 
Magnum
Admin
*****
Offline


On the plaza of eat and
shit.

Posts: 5954
Alcohol Coma
Gender: male
Re: New Outlaw/ Eliot Parker-Prologue and Epilogue
Reply #11 - 04/10/10 at 23:17:54
 
Spell check is a must. I don't ever expect anyone to be perfect but, sometimes it does get in the way if it's really bad. So long as you can get sentance structure right, and spelling, you'll be good to go.

And if English isn't your 1st language, make sure you point that out. That way we'll know why it's written the way it is, instead of just dumping hot sauce down your pants.
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)

---===THE Applejuice Guy===---
Wtf does a guy got to do around here to get a fucking beer? FUCK A FRUIT BASKET!!
WWW  
IP Logged
 
Page Index Toggle Pages: 1
Send Topic Print