Welcome, Guest. Please Login or Register
TMA - Temporary Board
 
  HomeHelpSearchLoginRegister  
 
Pages: 1 2 3 4 
Send Topic Print
twisted metal 50cal:fan fic (Read 25326 times)
Magnum
Admin
*****
Offline


On the plaza of eat and
shit.

Posts: 5954
Alcohol Coma
Gender: male
Re: twisted metal 50cal:fan fic
Reply #30 - 01/31/10 at 15:00:08
 
yes. good stuff. keep rolling.
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)

---===THE Applejuice Guy===---
Wtf does a guy got to do around here to get a fucking beer? FUCK A FRUIT BASKET!!
WWW  
IP Logged
 
Mr.SLaM
The offspring of Tom Selleck’s and Burt Reynold’s Mustaches
**************************************************************
Offline


I make videogames for
a living or something

Posts: 1031
PA
Gender: male
Re: twisted metal 50cal:fan fic
Reply #31 - 02/02/10 at 21:29:47
 
A big tire rolls into the shot, and it slowly pans up to Sgt. Morris behind the wheel. It is now early morning and there’s very few competitors left.

Sgt. Morris: That fucking clown has had this coming for a long, long time! (As the ice-cream truck music fades away)

He punches the gas and the Humvee-Tank hybrid rips through the already cracked asphalt. Warthog ketches up to Sweet Tooth quickly, almost about to hit him…Sweet Tooth saw him way back on his radar. Needles flips up a cover and smacks a red button,” Special acquired “ Sweet Tooth’s speakers blurt out.

Sgt. Morris:  What the hell does that mean?

Needles: This!

Sweet Tooth transforms into his robot mode, and jumps at the same time, landing on Warthog. The robots head leans over the driver-side window and says “Minion? No. Sgt. Morris, well how do you do?!”
“I think the question at hand is…how’s your head! ” Sgt. Morris hits his special, launching three Patriot Missiles right at Sweet Tooth’s mech head.  Sgt. Morris, stunned drives into a gate, his head spinning. As his head spins he sees Sweet Tooth stand up, he’s laughing! The melted clown head laughs as its whole head gets covered,  his shoulders, what would be his 2 back doors, open up reveling 8 fire missiles on each shoulder.

Sgt. Morris: (in a low groggy voice) FUuuckk…gatta do something!

Sweet Tooth fires all 8. The blast is so powerful as they fly toward Warthog , that it smothers the Sweet Tooth’s melting head. The explosion is fast and bright, the two parts of what used to be Warthog fly in two directions.

Needles: And people call me crazy! Ooohahahaha!!!(Creepy laugh)

At that moment a homing missile hits Sweet Tooth ‘s head, blowing it off and half his chest. The robot falls to the ground, a flaming wreck! It was Sgt. Morris, he hit the switch before his demise!

::Camera pans up to the roof tops::

::A blue Roush Stage 3 Mustang with a white pin stripe rolls into the shot::

Scott: Now that’s fucking funny!

Back down on the street  Manslaughter smashes through the wreckage, Black, alive and well!
!!Next one sooN!!
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)

TM2 Modder (Maps 'n Vehicles)
Wannabe Game Dev
Appropriate shiller.
 
IP Logged
 
Mr.SLaM
The offspring of Tom Selleck’s and Burt Reynold’s Mustaches
**************************************************************
Offline


I make videogames for
a living or something

Posts: 1031
PA
Gender: male
Re: twisted metal 50cal:fan fic
Reply #32 - 02/05/10 at 20:40:49
 
I've typed my ass off but here it is! My biggest instalment yet!
:: the smoke clouds cover up the small amounts of early morning sun, making it still feel like night::

Manslaughter rolls past the flaming car bodies, he stops.

:: The smoke hovers through the truck’s headlights::
Black: Where did they go?! (As he smashes the dash board with his fist)

Black flips up his Radar but doesn’t see anything. “Gaaaaa!” he yells in anger.

::up on the roof::
Scott: Stupid ass sped.

Scott flips a switch, and a barrel comes out of the mustang’s trunk.”Eat this!”, but before anything happens a huge gush of water fills the Canal across the street.”What the?”  Storm clouds roll in and a huge rumble stops Spectre from firing. “O no not Megaton! Maybe, I could sit this one out.”, as Scott looks down at Manslaughter. Then a huge semi flies out from the slanted walls of the canal.

Dread Wind: I am Lord Dread Wind master of the wind!

The truck is an armored Purple semi with lighting decals, a cow-catcher attached, and some weird weather equipment. After he says that an armored old blue woody comes through the hole in the fence Dread Wind caused.

Shaun: Ya right on bro!

Dread Wind: Yes indeed

::In the semi’s cab::

Dread Winds eyes lids are low, and has dark bags under his eyes. “Let’s , Let’s …” He hits the steering wheel, passed out. In a few seconds he climbs up.

:Yo  Shaun, you there, I…I passed out again.

Shaun: That was the longest time yet, but you came to in time for use to waste this guy!

Dread Wind: (To himself) I wish my other personality wouldn’t get in the way, or I’d like it if I could remember what he does! (To High Tide) Let’s get this big motherfucker!

Dread Wind hits a red button, and a tornado siren flips out of his roof. It goes off, and the clouds above the truck spin downward. The tornado engulfs Dread Wind and lifts the semi up into the clouds. High Tide drive right into it, and a wall of water shoots out of the canal into the tornado. In mere seconds the twister becomes a dark aqua color and sharp water “sickles” spin around violently.

Black: What is this? I will obliterate them.

Manslaughter starts driving backward as the twister rips up the street a few hundred yards in front of him. Black launches  3 homing missiles, all heading up into the tornado, but they all get wiped out; one hits a bridge, the second hits a parked van, and the last one wises by into the already flaming Sunoco.

Scott: (slowly)  Holy shit.(as the Sunoco sign flies up on Spectre’s right to roof-top level  and flames shoot up.)

Manslaughter is finally sucked into the twister. The wind flings him around as the water rips chunks of his armor off, After 30 second,  the war-torn dump truck gets flung  a few miles away. The tornado takes a sharp turn toward the builds to the right.

Scott: O shit!

Scott Puts the mustang in reverse , then takes a hard left, then he floors it. He hops off and on roof tops at 60mph, and the twister rips through all of them, trialing close to Spectre. Scott looks to the right.

Scott: A fucking underground parking garage! Halleluiah!

Spectre takes a hard right , jumping off the rooftops, and swerving into the parking garage.

Dread Wing: Damn, disengage.
The  truck and woody lower to the ground as the tornado subsides back into the clouds, and the water goes back into the canal.

Shaun: (out the window) Hey, we got one.

Dread Wind: (out the window)Ya I guess.

Just then a blue formula-1 car slowly pulls out of the alley to their right. She sees Dread Wind hanging out the window, and she pulls closer.

Miranda: Max? Is that you?

Dread Wind sees her and memories come back.

Dread Wind: It’s all coming back to me, you’re my sister? Why are you here in Twisted Metal?

Miranda: You’ve been missing for over a year, so I couldn’t tell you this but… Amanda is dead.

Fucking amazing if I do say so myself, Its funny how much story you could get out of 2 new characters
Back to top
« Last Edit: 02/05/10 at 22:07:15 by Mr.SLaM »  

(Attachment deleted)

TM2 Modder (Maps 'n Vehicles)
Wannabe Game Dev
Appropriate shiller.
 
IP Logged
 
Mr.SLaM
The offspring of Tom Selleck’s and Burt Reynold’s Mustaches
**************************************************************
Offline


I make videogames for
a living or something

Posts: 1031
PA
Gender: male
Re: twisted metal 50cal:fan fic
Reply #33 - 02/07/10 at 04:30:28
 
Miranda: I entered the contest to get her back.

Max: Well I had amnesia, and I still do. I don’t know how I got my tornado powers, or why I keep changing personalities.

Miranda: well we could both run together!

Shaun: Hell no! Are we goanna cap this bitch or what?

Max: Sorry Shaun, but you and your car High Tide are out.

Max picks up a mini Uzi and aims through the window. He fires a whole clip into the side of High Tide, killing Shaun, and his head hits the horn.

Miranda: (over the horn) let’s get out of here.

Twister turns left, and Dread Wind drives along side. Miranda flips 2 switches, one up one down, which fires a rear power missile. It hits High Tide, blowing up the front and setting it on fire.

:: Charlie’s Scrap Yard:: :: Morning sun shines through the mounds of cars and trucks::

Simon is seen putting the last touches on his bull dozer after him and Minion’s dispute. The claw is now fixed and ready for “public service”. Simon hops in the cab and starts up his maniacal beast.

Simon: listen to that, beautiful, and my claw is ready for work!

Marcus Kane: (on the radio) This is all a dream! We will all be out of it once I win, I’ll wish for everyone to be free!

Simon: Now you rely gone nuts, you were once a nice bum off the street, now you’re a crazy ass bum!

Marcus: Your ignorance is shadowing your logic! Even a respectable scientist shadowed by this dream’s curse, now I know I must win!

Simon: not in your old junk-…(interupted)

Marcus rolls out from behind a pile of cars reveling Roadkill, a Buffalo mine remover.

: er, shit!

Marcus: I will save us my friend!

Roadkill turns towards Slam, and flips out his spiked arm. Marcus hits on the gas perpetuating the 50,000 pound 6x6 truck up to break- neck pace. Slam has no time to react and the spikes pierce into Slam’s front. Simon lowers its claw and latches itself to Roadkill’s hood. It gets stuck in Roadkill’s

Marcus: big mistake my friend, see you once this over with.
A homing missile flips out of Roadkill’s roof, and Marcus fires straight at Slam’s cabin. Boom, direct hit, the claw’s pressurized grip is released as the engines fail, and it falls to the ground. Roadkill backs up, ripping the claw out of Slam.

Marcus: I will save these innocence from Calypso’s contest!

Roadkill barrels out of the scrap yard, enabling it to do a small drift.

I like this fucking truck!
...
Back to top
« Last Edit: 02/07/10 at 16:25:45 by Mr.SLaM »  

(Attachment deleted)

TM2 Modder (Maps 'n Vehicles)
Wannabe Game Dev
Appropriate shiller.
 
IP Logged
 
Mr.SLaM
The offspring of Tom Selleck’s and Burt Reynold’s Mustaches
**************************************************************
Offline


I make videogames for
a living or something

Posts: 1031
PA
Gender: male
Re: twisted metal 50cal:fan fic
Reply #34 - 02/10/10 at 05:04:12
 
:: Dimension #B.3456/7.8::

High atop Calypso’s tower Calypso is making an offer to some “business partners”

Calypso: Black, as far as I know is dead, and all I have to contact is you. I need you to go through the portal and locate my twin.

Sid Burn: and what’s in it for us huh?

Calypso: oh say… all 3 of your vehicles’ weights in gold?

Sid Burn: (waving his arm up) Molo! Go fill up the cars with cinder blocks!

Calypso: A-a-a, not until you do the job.
Sid Burn: You slippery bastard, ah! You got a fuckin deal.

:: Dimension #A.3456/7.8:: ::Hammerheads cab::

Calypso comes up onto the dashboard video-screen. His face smile ling devilishly, his face burn and red.

: Aaaah Stew!  How are you, were’s Mike?

Stew: Dead

Calypso: Do you want him back?

Stew: but I dropped his body hours ago!?

Calypso: (Can help but grinning at his stupidity) Well you’ll get him alive in your truck.

Stew: What’s the catch?

Calypso: well...

:: La Bea shopping plaza, LA:: ::early morning::

A green swirling portal appears in the parking lot, three vehicles armed to the teeth come barging through, each swerving into each direction.

Sid Burn: You know the mission, so get to it! (Posses for a second) And kill any mother fucker who gets into your way.

Loki: I’ll do my best!

As he says that Hammerhead runs through half of Pink’s and clobbers over Loki’s jeep. Molo pulls forward a bit trying to maneuver his school bus, but Hammerhead has his homing missile locked on. Bleep! The rocket bursts out of the chamber ,and it hurls towards the bus. KABOOM! The bomb blows Molo’s bus in half and Hammerhead rolls over what’s left.

Sid Burn: NO! You’ll never get me!

Sid Burn flips up an orange switch, and a barrel comes out of the Corvette’s trunk. Hammerhead pulls a 180 and races towards him.
Sid Burn: see ya slick!
Hammerhead runs over the Corvette right as Sid pulls the lever up, exploding under Hammerhead and on top of the Corvette, destroying both vehicles. Seconds later Mike appears a few feet off the ground, and falls, “oof”
Mike: Wow, shit what happen here? Stew,  Hammerhead; He’s dead and Hammerhead’s destroyed? O shit dude, hey there’s always next year!
A small shadow grows over Mike, its gets bigger, and bigger until, SMOOSH! Manslaughter lands on Mike breaking, ripping and smushing every part of his body, and the truck just sits there, a flaming ripped up wreck.
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)

TM2 Modder (Maps 'n Vehicles)
Wannabe Game Dev
Appropriate shiller.
 
IP Logged
 
Mr.SLaM
The offspring of Tom Selleck’s and Burt Reynold’s Mustaches
**************************************************************
Offline


I make videogames for
a living or something

Posts: 1031
PA
Gender: male
Re: twisted metal 50cal:fan fic
Reply #35 - 02/10/10 at 19:44:22
 
:: Early Morning:: :: Twister and Dread Wind driving away in the distance::

Spectre slowly rolls out of the underground garage, Scott grips the steering wheel tentatively.

: I hate tornadoes.

Spectre peels out into the opposite direction of Twister, Scott looks around looking at the destruction left.

: Holy shit! I mean damn, it’ll take years to fix this, too bad when I win I’m move’n to Vegas.

Spectre stops at an intersection and Scott looks over into a blockbuster with a gaping hole in it.

: Pit Viper…Who drives weak ass vehicles like that any ways?

An armored police SUV pulls out behind Spectre.

Carl: I think you do!

Scott: Fuck you Outlaw.

Spectre picks up speed to draw some distance between them, then
Scott flips 2 switches, one up , one down. A panel flips out of the mustang’s roof to reveal a fire missile, then it spins around.”FIRE”, the computer reads out, and the Fire missile hurtles at Outlaw.

Carl: whoa!

Outlaw jerks right, and the missile explodes feet away, pushing asphalt and debris up onto Outlaw’s hood. Carl pulls out a switch, and two rods come out of Outlaw’s bumper. A shock of electricity jolts out of them zipping towards Spectre, striking him in the bumper. Spectre’s car says “Energy weapons enabled”, and Carl stairs in horror.

Scott: Ghosts drain electricity dumbass!

Scott flips down a clear blue switch, and a freeze missile hits Outlaw, stopping him instantly. Spectre does a 180, facing him.

Carl: No every thing’s down, NO!

Scott: See ya!

A power missile flips out of Spectre’s side panel, and he fires. Carl desperately tries to break out of the cab but the ice is too thick. Boom, the power missile rips into the radiator and explodes on the inside, causing the windows and ice to blow out everywhere.

Scott: There’s an important lesson learned here Carl, hehehe.

Spectre races down West Pico Blvd. (there’s actually a blockbuster in LA on this street)into the early morning sun.
(outlaw's suv)http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_AYaFFddDnhA/SicOPNJH42I/AAAAAAAAADM/Q1y4kzh8h10/s400/s...
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)

TM2 Modder (Maps 'n Vehicles)
Wannabe Game Dev
Appropriate shiller.
 
IP Logged
 
Magnum
Admin
*****
Offline


On the plaza of eat and
shit.

Posts: 5954
Alcohol Coma
Gender: male
Re: twisted metal 50cal:fan fic
Reply #36 - 02/11/10 at 13:38:44
 
Not bad. Not bad.

Keep rollin.
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)

---===THE Applejuice Guy===---
Wtf does a guy got to do around here to get a fucking beer? FUCK A FRUIT BASKET!!
WWW  
IP Logged
 
Mr.SLaM
The offspring of Tom Selleck’s and Burt Reynold’s Mustaches
**************************************************************
Offline


I make videogames for
a living or something

Posts: 1031
PA
Gender: male
Re: twisted metal 50cal:fan fic
Reply #37 - 02/12/10 at 18:46:05
 
::Afternoon::

Spectre races through roadblocks and boarded up buildings, Scott constantly scans the radar knowing the contest only has 3 people left. After jumping over an armored bus barricade Spectre finds himself surround by the only nice part in California left, Beverly Hills.

Scott: To bad I’m goanna have to fuck it up.

:: Supermarket in Beverly Hills::

Dread Wind and Twister sit outside the store, Max has gone in for food and Miranda waits for him. She checks the radar a few times knowing  there’s only a few competitors left. After a few minutes she hears a rumble in the distance, before she can turn around a blue mustang cracks into the formula 1 car. The mustang flips around doing a 360.

Scott: Ketch me if you can bitch!

Miranda: That’s not a problem!

Scott pushes the throttle past Elat Market(In Beverly Hills)  onto Beverly Blvd.(actual street) Miles later Twister is still on Spectre’s tail, she layers bullet after bullet, Miranda’s getting suspicious.

Scott: (to himself) I’ll take her right into hostile territory, those scavengers ‘ll rip her to bits.

Spectre turns right onto Sunset Blvd. ,Twister still on his tale. “Dodgers Stadium” the half burnt sign reads, Spectre turns left into the parking lot. Scott looks for an entrance -There!- Spectre aims for the flipped over freeway sign, and jumps over the destroyed bus and cement blockade. He then proceeds to drop a low powered energy mine right where he lands. The mustang climbs into the bleachers and jumps out on the other side rolling away.

Miranda: Where did he go(as she goes off the jump)

CRACK! Her right tire land on the mine, it rips through the thin wire frame work, and she spins out of control on the soft dirt. As Twister comes to a stop Miranda looks around quickly, “why’d he do all this?’ she asks herself. She gets her answer, Down under the bleachers men and women come out, armed with any type of fire arm imaginable.” You will be punished!” a man yells out. They take aim, Miranda can’t do anything but watch as she’s about to be shot to death. “FIRE!” The hostiles fire round after round into the formula 1 car, seconds later it ketches a blaze, and Miranda is dead.
Scott: (watches the radar as the red blimp that said “Twister” fades away) Now all I gatta do is take care of that big as fuckin truck, this is goanna be fun!

:Elat Market 20 minutes later:

Max: I’m surprised you didn’t come get me, I…

Max looks at tire marks and few pieces of scrap metal on the ground. He climbs into his truck and speeds off, dark clouds trail behind him…
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)

TM2 Modder (Maps 'n Vehicles)
Wannabe Game Dev
Appropriate shiller.
 
IP Logged
 
Mr.SLaM
The offspring of Tom Selleck’s and Burt Reynold’s Mustaches
**************************************************************
Offline


I make videogames for
a living or something

Posts: 1031
PA
Gender: male
Re: twisted metal 50cal:fan fic
Reply #38 - 02/14/10 at 14:51:03
 
should I even keep going?
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)

TM2 Modder (Maps 'n Vehicles)
Wannabe Game Dev
Appropriate shiller.
 
IP Logged
 
Magnum
Admin
*****
Offline


On the plaza of eat and
shit.

Posts: 5954
Alcohol Coma
Gender: male
Re: twisted metal 50cal:fan fic
Reply #39 - 02/14/10 at 15:30:43
 
Magnum wrote on 02/11/10 at 13:38:44:
Not bad. Not bad.

Keep rollin.


Uhhh....didn't I just say this a few days ago? If you don't want to, by all means, stop.
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)

---===THE Applejuice Guy===---
Wtf does a guy got to do around here to get a fucking beer? FUCK A FRUIT BASKET!!
WWW  
IP Logged
 
Mr.SLaM
The offspring of Tom Selleck’s and Burt Reynold’s Mustaches
**************************************************************
Offline


I make videogames for
a living or something

Posts: 1031
PA
Gender: male
Re: twisted metal 50cal:fan fic
Reply #40 - 02/14/10 at 15:51:18
 
Magnum wrote on 02/14/10 at 15:30:43:
Uhhh....didn't I just say this a few days ago? If you don't want to, by all means, stop.

ya but theres no comments what so ever!
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)

TM2 Modder (Maps 'n Vehicles)
Wannabe Game Dev
Appropriate shiller.
 
IP Logged
 
Mr.SLaM
The offspring of Tom Selleck’s and Burt Reynold’s Mustaches
**************************************************************
Offline


I make videogames for
a living or something

Posts: 1031
PA
Gender: male
Re: twisted metal 50cal:fan fic
Reply #41 - 02/14/10 at 17:13:02
 
::FINAL WAR::

The afternoon sun pours through the smog as Dread Wind rages down the road, Max knows she’s dead , the voices inside his head scream for control. “It’s me Max, Lord Dread Wind!”

: That’s not him it’s…it’s a demon.

“Bingo shithead! How else do you think you have these powers.”

: But I…

“Your body and mind were weak, and I needed a place to stay…hahahahaha!”

: You fucking bitch I’ll wish for you to go back were you belong!

“Yup, right back o n your sister!”

: fuck you!

Max hits the brakes, smashing his head off the steering wheel.

: How you like that huh?

“ It hurt you just as much as it hurt me.”

: su…

A blue mustang races by at the upcoming intersection.

: Spectre!

Max hits the gas and shifts to second, he turns right, then runs over an abandoned taxi cab. Third, Max runs the semi hard as he starts to ketch up to Spectre.

Max: I’ve got you know!

Scott: Not quite!

Scott sticks his arm out the window with shotgun, and starts firing off shells . POP! The shotgun gets Dread Wind’s left tire, and it gets stuck, causing the whole truck to stop and lip straight up. Scott laughs as the truck rolls a few times and skids to  the side of the road.

“It’s my turn now.”

Scott: What?!

Dark clouds spin over Dread Wind, A Twister comes down and picks the semi up. The tornado turns towards Spectre.
Dread Wind: If you’re fucked and you know it clap your hands!

Scott: Shit!

Spectre takes a sharp right and heads down the road, but in a few seconds the twister picks him up. Scott starts fumbling around and he hits the radio. “Round and Round!” ,Scott looks in amazement.

Scott: What are the odds of that?!

Dread Wind: I always did like RATT.

The mustang is flung miles away, unknowing to Dread Wind, but he lands into a power plant. The shock over stimulates Scott and the whole mustang explodes in blue flames.

::Minutes later, Calypso’s hideout::

A wrecked purple semi crawls to a halt inside Calypso’s palace, and Max climbs out.  He looks at a clean cut man in a suit and tie.

Max: Where’s Calypso?

: I am Calypso young man.

Max: Calypso, I want this demon out of me, please!

Calypso: I can’t do that sir.

Max: Why the fuck not?

A Buffalo has been sitting there behind Max, claw drawn. It stabs him right as Calypso says that, and flicks him off into a balcony.

Calypso: There was one more left! Hahahahaha! But the demon is gone!

Marcus climbs out of the mine clearing truck and stumbles to Calypso.

Marcus: I want it all normal again! It’s not real and you know it. I wish I was out of this nightmare!

Calypso: Your wish is granted!...Needles

Electric sparks fly around, and Marcus passes out on the floor. He wakes up in a bear white room, a police officer walks out of the room after saying something, but Marcus is too disorientated. A man sits across the table, and he speaks.

DR. LONG: I am Doctor Malcolm Long. I am a psyche evaluator here at the Blackfield Asylum. First off, I want you to know you have nothing to worry about.
I am a very easy-going guy, here to help.
END
Smiley
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)

TM2 Modder (Maps 'n Vehicles)
Wannabe Game Dev
Appropriate shiller.
 
IP Logged
 
maxamillionaire
Hurricane Wrangler
*****
Offline


Is the answer to this
question no?

Posts: 139
Re: twisted metal 50cal:fan fic
Reply #42 - 04/18/10 at 02:43:21
 
Overall, it was good. You're writing improved as the story progressed. I'll do positive things then negative things

Positive: I like how you included a lot of characters, including some unique original ones. My favorite was Dread Wind. I also liked the V8 reference  Cheesy   It was fast paced and had a lot of action. I liked the differing viewpoints to show many sifferent skirmishes.

Negative: At times it seemed rushed and confusing, because it jumped around scenes so much. It was hard to find some continuity because there was not one main character that you followed, and just touched around all the different characters briefly. Due to this, there was really no character development or dymanics, it was just a jumble of missiles and cussing.

Overall, good job, keep writing.
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)

And like a fly to the fire, you lie Consumed by desire, confused by the sky And like a moth to the flame you came Broken and mesmerized
 
IP Logged
 
Mr.SLaM
The offspring of Tom Selleck’s and Burt Reynold’s Mustaches
**************************************************************
Offline


I make videogames for
a living or something

Posts: 1031
PA
Gender: male
Re: twisted metal 50cal:fan fic
Reply #43 - 04/18/10 at 18:23:11
 
maxamillionaire wrote on 04/18/10 at 02:43:21:
Overall, it was good. You're writing improved as the story progressed. I'll do positive things then negative things

Positive: I like how you included a lot of characters, including some unique original ones. My favorite was Dread Wind. I also liked the V8 reference  Cheesy   It was fast paced and had a lot of action. I liked the differing viewpoints to show many sifferent skirmishes.

Negative: At times it seemed rushed and confusing, because it jumped around scenes so much. It was hard to find some continuity because there was not one main character that you followed, and just touched around all the different characters briefly. Due to this, there was really no character development or dymanics, it was just a jumble of missiles and cussing.

Overall, good job, keep writing.

good I plan on doing a new one soon.
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)

TM2 Modder (Maps 'n Vehicles)
Wannabe Game Dev
Appropriate shiller.
 
IP Logged
 
ThumperMan3000
Ex Member


Re: twisted metal 50cal:fan fic
Reply #44 - 04/19/10 at 03:27:30
 
Mr.SLaM wrote on 01/28/10 at 23:52:14:


Transformers are beter, especially the G1 version.
Back to top
 

(Attachment deleted)
 
IP Logged
 
Pages: 1 2 3 4 
Send Topic Print