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Xizor Is A Dick (Read 313659 times)
Magnum
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Re: Xizor Is A Dick
Reply #30 - 09/29/09 at 14:42:10
 
Ehhh.....well it looks like a camaro to me. Cuda's had a longer front end but whatever.

Still fucking weird.
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Re: Xizor Is A Dick
Reply #31 - 09/29/09 at 16:52:22
 
Who gives a shit? This thread is about ME!
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Re: Xizor Is A Dick
Reply #32 - 09/30/09 at 17:48:30
 
look at this spoiled bitch.. ok, I got another cake pic but I gotta find it again

and yes, regardless of the car, that pic is weird
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Re: Xizor Is A Dick
Reply #33 - 09/30/09 at 18:17:46
 
XIZOR wrote on 09/29/09 at 16:52:22:
Who gives a shit? This thread is about ME!


No one gives a shit about you. You're like my aunt, no one loves you and when you die we're going to leave you out in the backwoods in a ditch so some meth head can shack up with you later.
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Re: Xizor Is A Dick
Reply #34 - 09/30/09 at 19:08:56
 
Who are you again? Oh yeah, someone who doesn't matter at all. Try harder and next time maybe Ill acknowledge your pitiful attempt to brawl with me and entertain you with a masterpiece from the Brawl Master.
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Re: Xizor Is A Dick
Reply #35 - 09/30/09 at 20:06:31
 
I thought Scold was the brawlmaster?
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Re: Xizor Is A Dick
Reply #36 - 09/30/09 at 21:39:24
 
I am "Brawler of the Fucking Universe", "Brawler of the Century", "Brawler of the Year", and now since SCoLD is gone "Brawl Master".
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Re: Xizor Is A Dick
Reply #37 - 09/30/09 at 23:20:32
 
XIZOR wrote on 09/30/09 at 19:08:56:
Who are you again? Oh yeah, someone who doesn't matter at all. Try harder and next time maybe Ill acknowledge your pitiful attempt to brawl with me and entertain you with a masterpiece from the Brawl Master.


Case of mistaken identity I'm sure. If you want to see someone who doesn't matter, look at the reflection in your shitterbowl. The only pitiful attempt that was made was you trying to sully my good name by saying I don't matter. What WOULD your masterpiece be? A shitsmeared paragraph about how I get eaten by a somesort of creature that is supposed to be you? Listen asswipe, the only way you could actually come close to being recognized is if you ran out in front of a train wearing a gay pride flag and wearing a helmet with a dildo on it.
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Re: Xizor Is A Dick
Reply #38 - 10/01/09 at 01:18:17
 
Ghastly wrote on 09/30/09 at 23:20:32:
Case of mistaken identity I'm sure. If you want to see someone who doesn't matter, look at the reflection in your shitterbowl. The only pitiful attempt that was made was you trying to sully my good name by saying I don't matter. What WOULD your masterpiece be? A shitsmeared paragraph about how I get eaten by a somesort of creature that is supposed to be you? Listen asswipe, the only way you could actually come close to being recognized is if you ran out in front of a train wearing a gay pride flag and wearing a helmet with a dildo on it.

Good name? Ha! You can't get a good name if you've only been around for about 3 months with 40 posts, none of them scraping the paint of the TMAlliance legacy. Try harder!
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Re: Xizor Is A Dick
Reply #39 - 10/01/09 at 02:58:46
 
this is actually kinda funny.. it reminds me of Xizor vs. I Eat Babies
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Re: Xizor Is A Dick
Reply #40 - 10/01/09 at 03:23:49
 
Quote:
Good name? Ha! You can't get a good name if you've only been around for about 3 months with 40 posts, none of them scraping the paint of the TMAlliance legacy. Try harder!


Who the fuck are you and why are you talking to me? HA! I've been here for longer than 3 months, jackass. If we had the regular TMA you'd know I've been around for a solid 3 years or so. Take your veteran status and shove it up your ass til you can feel the purple heart in your gut.
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Re: Xizor Is A Dick
Reply #41 - 10/01/09 at 04:28:40
 
Ghastly wrote on 10/01/09 at 03:23:49:
Who the fuck are you and why are you talking to me? HA! I've been here for longer than 3 months, jackass. If we had the regular TMA you'd know I've been around for a solid 3 years or so. Take your veteran status and shove it up your ass til you can feel the purple heart in your gut.

First off, I never said anything about me having veteran status. Second, if you've been around for a said 3 years, how come I don't ever remember you?
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Re: Xizor Is A Dick
Reply #42 - 10/01/09 at 05:31:58
 
Then how the hell are you going to call me a fucking noob? You don't remember me because you're a fucking tool. Had some awards from Scold for my my fan fics. If you don't beleive me that's your own damn fault.
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Re: Xizor Is A Dick
Reply #43 - 10/01/09 at 05:44:33
 
Ghastly wrote on 10/01/09 at 05:31:58:
Then how the hell are you going to call me a fucking noob? You don't remember me because you're a fucking tool. Had some awards from Scold for my my fan fics. If you don't beleive me that's your own damn fault.

Going to call you a noob is right, seeing as I haven't said that yet. Second, I don't fucking give a damn if -SCoLD- gave you belts. They're just a strip of text -_-
-------------------------[Has a Dick]------------------------------
True, but it is a fucking strip of text. What am I supposed to say? Yippee, you had belts. Fuck I have a belt on my shelf that looks like a Chevy seatbelt, but I don't brag about that. And I never said I didn't believe you, you bundle of sticks. When you mature, you will find out what a 'bundle of sticks' is. And unlike what you may believe, it is not a homosexual orgy.
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Re: Xizor Is A Dick
Reply #44 - 10/01/09 at 08:48:41
 
Oh goodie. Noob bashing is so much fun. Especially two-dimensional posters that have nothing to say and have no originality. It just means I have to be more interesting since there is nothing about you that stands out. The normal shithead bashing simply wont do here. I guess Ill start by showing you some true writing skills. I’m just gonna whip this up fast so it wont be my best work, but it should be far beyond your pathetic attempts at fanfics or that little short story you posted about your father beating your mother and her stabbing him or whatever it was. I’ve got to get back to ODST after all.


Xizor awoke to the sound of his phone ringing loudly; looking right and left and noticing the still sleeping hot babes on either side of him, he couldn’t quite reach the phone. Two hotties, he thought to himself; must have been a wild night last night. Or maybe it was just Tuesday again. Sitting up on the bed he brought his hand up and slapped the still naked brunette to his left across the face. “Bitch, hand me that fucking phone. What are you deaf? You don’t hear my phone ringing in your fucking ears?” Rubbing her now reddened face the attractive young girl handed Xizor his phone just in time for him to answer. She looked irritated to be struck like some ho being slapped by her pimp for not paying up on time, but she knew better than to talk back to the amazing Xizor. If she was lucky she might get invited back to his Italian Mansion again in the future to get fucked a second time.

“What,” he answered somewhat angrily, not appreciating in the slightest being awoken from his drunken slumber as he grabbed the brunette by the hair and shoved her head in his crotch. She started sucking as Magnum spoke.

“Xizor, its Magnum. We have a problem. There is this new shitty poster named Ghastly. He fucking keeps posting these god awful fanfics and replies. TMA is gonna need you to take care of this mess before it gets out of control. And do I hear a girl sucking your dick?”

“Of course a girl is sucking my dick. Why wouldn’t a girl be sucking my dick? And did you say his name is Ghastly? The name alone is worth killing him over. Just upload his information to my account and Ill take care of him.” Xizor waited patiently as Magnum uploaded the files and then he opened the links to Ghastly’s posts and quickly skimmed over them, appalled at how terrible they were. “Damn Mags, this is fucking awful. I’ll take care of this shithead free of charge. I can’t allow TMA to be tainted by losers like this. This guy is worse than PureNRG except he doesn’t blab on about cars.”

“I agree, this guy makes PureNRG seem cool and hip. Just watch your ass….and your cock. This guy is known to try to suck and fuck both,” said Magnum relieved to hear the worst poster in TMA history was about to be dealt with free of charge by Xizor, the most bad ass fighter, multiple girl fucker, and poster of all time.

“Don’t worry, I’m used to people trying to suck my cock. Isn’t that right sweetie,” Xizor said as a faint muffled uh huh could be heard in the background over the sound of wet saliva filled slurping and sucking. “Just let me bust this nut and Ill get right on killing Ghastly.”

An hour later Xizor’s stealth combat fighter was on auto-pilot circling in a random juke and jink pattern over the drop zone of the last known location of Ghastly; his newly acquired target and enemy of the Twisted Metal Alliance community. He was in the back weapons compartment putting the final pieces of his armored suit together, checking and cleaning his weapons before meditating briefly; the calm before the storm he always called it. After centering his Chi flow and bringing his mindset into what could only be referred to as “kill mode”, he took one last glance at the data on his target before settling into his drop pod. Satisfied that everything was in place for the mission he pulled the “release” lever and was instantly jerked forward in his harness as the one-man orbital pod jettisoned from the bottom of the stealth craft. Xizor closed his eyes and took a lasting deep breath; he knew this would be the last relaxing moments before undertaking the easy, yet serious assassin mission ahead.

Turbulence hit the small craft hard and the updraft from the windy weather below slung the craft back and forth in and endless erratic dance in the sky. His metal armored shoulder pads slamming left, right, left, left, right, left, right, right into the sides of the seat in an offbeat rhythmic pattern that soothed his soul. Xizor hit the thruster pads just as the pods tradgectory failsafe systems kicked into overdrive to try and maintain the proper course he’d laid out earlier. He planned on going in hot and basically crash landing right on top of the projected target’s hideout.

Ten thousands meters till impact. Nine Thousand, eight thousand, seven thousand, he checked the ammo count on his weapons one last time as he cocked back the levers; briefly he touched the handle of the blade strung across his back. Four thousand, three thousand, this was it, all or nothing. One thousand, he braced for impact as the small shuttle pod slammed through the roof of Ghastly’s shanty town-esq domain, crashing down in the center of a large room that appeared to be the center of a massive orgy of all-male humans and animals. Goats, chickens, donkeys, sloths – yes I fucking said sloths – ran in every direction possible to get away from the fallen meteorite of doom that had just come crashing down from the heavens into the mist of this gay human slash animal orgy he had fallen into.  Most of the naked male humans sat in awe at what had just transpired, to afraid to make a move in any way in fear they would be trampled by the massive ass rape zoo stampede that was running rampant throughout the establishment. Obviously, Xizor had just upset the perfectly maintained balance of a delicate unnatural multi-species homo-erotic fuckfest that had been going on long before he came crashing through the ceiling like the ever amazing dinosaur killing comet that supposedly struck earth all those years ago; taking with it an entire established pecking order of a simple yet lavish prehistoric food chain.

As the dust settled on what could only be described as “the gayest thing to ever happened on the planet earth” the front panel of Xizor’s pod blew off across the room loudly slaying a random goat instantly in a quick audible mesh of metal and wet bloody flesh sounds. The bad ass stepped out of the pod and spoke with a death defying voice that was projected by the external speakers of his enhanced suit of armor and said simply, “where is Ghastly.”

A pale skinny, nerdy looking fuck who was covered in a makeshift gay vest of various animal skins pulled his dick out of a chicken and proclaimed with unexpected confidence, “I am Ghastly. And how dare you interrupt my gay man and animal orgy. Who dares break down the headway of thy humble abode,” the man asked fully erect as he gently fondled the scrotum of a nearby donkey.

With one simple all encompassing line that summed up the full extent of such an outlandish aerial assault Xizor simply said, “I did you gay ass shitty fanfic posting son of a bitch”. He said this as he lit up a cigar…which made absolutely no sense considering he couldn’t smoke this Cuban beauty with his high tech headgear on. So instead he threw the cigar off to the side and put away his custom made gold plated Zippo lighter in a secret chest plate compartment normally reserved for ammo. Xizor was just that bad ass that he could do something like that and it wouldn’t fucking matter. James Bond couldn’t have pulled such a smooth move off even if he’d been jacked up on Extasy and Cocaine.

Xizor quickly removed the large sword from the sheath on his back and pointed the shiny blade directly at Ghastly. “I will end you boy, but first Ill take away your weapons….both of them. First, the small one….the one that you had in that chicken….that is still erect as you gaze into my eyes….” As awkward as this was Xizor didn’t dare move his visor an inch, keeping completely calm and controlled as he confronted what was apparently just a young sexually confused adolescent male with a lot of money and a love for writing fictitious Twisted Metal fan love poems. This guy was nothing to fret or lose sleep over, but he had to be dealt with all the same; put out of his own misery and that of every respectable poster within the Alliance community.

In reality, what happened next only transpired over a span of time that was perceptive to someone completely attuned to a higher force; a spiritual plane that only the most advanced forms of the human race ever truly managed to achieve with their minds. Brutally artful dissection of limbs transpired in slow-motion as they often did, the reactions of others seemingly almost infantile, predictable in their every wave.

In moments Xizor was across the room with the handle of his sword held tightly between both hands and the blade fully extended outward to his right side. He quickly slashed the midsection of Ghastly’s body open and pulled the smaller intestines out and wrapped them around the young mans neck as if to choke him. Possessed by the spirit of the late David Carradine, he quickly hung the young man from his neck and listened to much pleasure and enjoyment as the poor unfortunate soul coughed and gagged as he struggled to maintain a steady air flow to his lungs. Just as he was taking his last breath Ghastly climaxed and then hung limp from the rusty metal pipe that resided openly from the less than up to FDC specification ceiling…which, was odd because gays of this magnitude usually had very elaborate tastes in decoration. I mean, there was no way a fag like Ghastly was going to allow metal pipes to just be hanging loosely from the ceiling like this…in the room where he and others performed falacio on animals and other guys....
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