Superman, dressed in his infamous blue and red tights and riding the gentle wind of a cool autumn night, descended elegantly in the direction of the window to Lois Lane's apartment. It had been five years since their last meeting, and Superman was especially delighted at the prospect of seeing her once again.

"Lois, my love, come out to me!" he called lovingly whilst hovering over her living room rug. There was no immediate response, so he snatched a pair of slippers and tossed it at her bedroom door.

"For crying out loud, you freak!" exclaimed a sparingly-dressed Lois Lane, emerging with great haste from the bedroom. "What are you doing here anyway?" she demanded of him in a high-strung voice.

"I have come to see your beautiful face, my dearest," insisted Superman, his index finger nonchalently curling his hair into little ringlets whilst speaking.

"I am no longer a young harlot, Superman; I am in my forties, and I have a child. So just leave me alone! I don't have the time or will to go flying about the clouds drenched in that nasty combination of their precipitation and your perspiration." Lois replied breathlessly, "Why not go pay Jimmy a visit instead?"

"His mother said he was out and kicked me out the house with kryptonite shoes," said Superman, sadly shaking his head. He hovered lower and approached Lois, trying to slip his arms around her waist and lift her off the floor of her apartment.

She kicked him between his legs and Superman crumpled to the floor.

"I had to have hip replacement surgery after you dropped me off that balcony five years ago!" Lois growled at him, clenching her fists, "All because you simply had to swoop lower to say 'hi' to Jimmy."

"But I am Superman!" he protested, still clutching his injury, "how could you even make me twinge?!"

Lois rolled her eyes and hissed, "I asked for Kryptonite hips. I knew you would try to steal me away sooner or later."

Suddenly, the door adjacent to Lois's bedroom flew open and a little boy, barely older than a toddler, walked into the fray rubbing his eyes to combat weariness.

"Mommy, who is that man wearing the tight pants?" asked the little boy, pointing to Superman.

Grinning stupidly and vainly projecting his barrel chest, Superman replied, "Why little boy, have you not heard of the mighty 'Superman'? I am He. I am also your fa-"

At this point, Lois smashed a kryptonite coffee mug on his pterion and left him seeing stars. She then urged the boy to tighten the drawstrings of his pyjamas, return to his bedroom and lock the door.

"How dare you lie to my child! You know all too well that you are too ugly to conceive with, and your race of Kryptonians are probably incompatible as a species anyway."

Superman still lying on the floor, gasped and demanded of her, "What? You shared our quarters with someone else? How dare YOU!" Almost out of breath, he persisted, "Which man have you slept with, you dirty harlot?"

"Many of them," Lois replied, tossing her weave before continuing with a promiscuous smile, "but do you mean to ask which is Lex Jr's father?"

Without hesitation, Superman boldly declared, "Stop playing games, you wench! Reveal the identity and whereabouts of your boytoy!"

"His name is Lex Luthor, and he is currently in my bedroom," Lois replied. "Would you care to pay him a visit? He has had kryptonite implants as well, I feel obliged to tell you."

"Not even kryptonite can stop an enraged Superman!" he yelled on his way to Lois' bedroom. He tore open the door and dashed inside, but presently emerged with a horrified expression.

"Why is it glowing?!" he demanded of Lois, tears emerging from his eyes and streaming down his face. "What sort of sick people are you!"

A whiny voice whispered through the spaces around the door in its frame, and then a fat, bald head slowly emerged from within Lois' bedroom.

"I have been waiting for this... moment for a long time, Superman," exclaimed a visibly exuberant Lex Luthor, his speech completed by deliberate pauses for effect. "You had always enjoyed my... company... in high school. Why run away now... Super...Man? Why... deceive yourself?"

"Stop trying to hint things! We never had a homosexual affair in high school, Lex. And I only call myself Super-"Man" because it is easier for kids to remember!"

"For the... kids... you say?" said Lex in his usual accustory manner, "Why is it that you like to spend this much time with the... kids?"

"Lexie Poo Poo, stop teasing the poor fool. It is like prodding ants with a stick; he hasn't the mental capacity to defend himself."

"And you!" Superman shouted at Lois, pointing directly towards her, "Don't call him that. I am your Super boo-boo-man, I have come to take you away to paradise!"

"Emergency trips to the Nursing Home to rid myself of diseases you carry is not exactly my idea of paradise."

"You are only remembering the negative memories, woman. There were many bright spots to our blossoming relationship besides-"

"-besides the gonorrhoea and syphillis?" interjected Lex, neglecting to pause for effect.

"Hush you!" cried an agitated Superman, "I will show you what our evenings used to be like, darling Lana!"

"My name is Lois," said Lois, her voice filled with sarcasm and hinting of lost patience.

"Alas! it is inconsequential, for I have found the magic lever! The magic lever that fills the room with disco lights and will make you fall in love with me, purely on the basis of my sexy, sexy dance moves!"

And then Superman realized he was the gayest super hero ever and stuck a large piece of cyptonite in his eye, killing himself.

While the Cyrpto-cock is tearing up the city, His Cyrpto balls are rolling ahead making sure to inpregnate every female they contact by spewing super nut in them.

Lois gets drowned in the the 1st swallow.

oooooops....I mean.......slavo.

Quote:


Lana, a one-time slut of Krypton, emerges from the sewers after General Zod's defeat and cries out,

"NOT MY ASS MAN! HE BRINGS ME TACOS!"

Chloe, her butch lesbian cousin, heard her and burst into sobs and tears because with General Zod's defeat, the world also lost her only claim to a vagina.

Out of Jimmy's foul vagina, flew a blurry red streak. Everyone thought it was its period, but Lex knew better. After all, Lex had eaten every one of Jimmy's menses for the past year, he KNEW what they looked like, and this wasn't it.

Somewhere down below in the city, a retarded child pointed and screamed to his mother:

"It's a bird! It's a plane! It's..."

But before he could finish his dumbassery, Superman grabbed him by the shorts and violated him.

"Fuck that spunky mass, son! If the world's gonna end, I'm gonna leave a little bit o'me in your ass Blaire."

It appeared as suddenly as diarrhoea, that planet sized penis in the sky. But while everyone else was cowering in fear and trying to hide under rocks, Superman rose to the occasion with a dumbass grin and a wagging tongue.

..... he sticks his penis in to serve as a gonorrhoeic plug device.

But then it dawned upon him: he had sold all his meat to Jimmy, who had since died.

Whose penis was he clutching?!