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Message started by NightShade on 01/19/16 at 21:40:41

Title: How's Life?
Post by NightShade on 01/19/16 at 21:40:41
I dunno how many people are lurking around here but I figured it might be interesting to catch up with you bunch of bastards since it's been a few years. How's life? Careers, relationships, travel, hobbies, passions, moves, etc.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 01/19/16 at 22:12:01
*clears throat*

About a year ago I dated my highschool sweetheart, she got pregnant left me for another man.manipulated me and broke me. I lost my job at walmart became a alcoholic. Few months I tried to move on with a new girl and my roommate ended up cheating on his old lady with her and I kicked her out and quit being his friend. Went jobless for a few months then my daughter was born on October 31st I straightened all of my shit out for her and got a job at taco bell to get back on my feet. That little girl means everything to me. I recently started dating a older woman which is new to me, but its better to date someone who has their shit together and is mature than those crazy ass young girls.

Hobbies are game design, book writing and world building.

Feel like I'm applying for a dating site.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by NightShade on 01/20/16 at 00:05:35

†Adonael wrote on 01/19/16 at 22:12:01:
*clears throat*

About a year ago I dated my highschool sweetheart, she got pregnant left me for another man.manipulated me and broke me. I lost my job at walmart became a alcoholic. Few months I tried to move on with a new girl and my roommate ended up cheating on his old lady with her and I kicked her out and quit being his friend. Went jobless for a few months then my daughter was born on October 31st I straightened all of my shit out for her and got a job at taco bell to get back on my feet. That little girl means everything to me. I recently started dating a older woman which is new to me, but its better to date someone who has their shit together and is mature than those crazy ass young girls.

Hobbies are game design, book writing and world building.

Feel like I'm applying for a dating site.


*Swipes left*

Really though, that sounds like quite a rollercoaster, but it sounds like being a father is certainly a positive thing, so congrats!

Here's me - one of these following things is not true. Can you tell which it is?

As for me, last summer I started taking improv classes which have been pretty awesome. I'm currently in level 4 (of 5) and may be joining a troupe soon. I'm still pretty self-conscious and not especially confident on stage, but you don't have to look at the audience and can say any sort of ridiculous bullshit you want and your scene partner(s) have to play along. I've been in and out of relationships but in the process of doing this improv, I happened to meet the sister of someone I'm in classes with that seems pretty awesome. We've been out a few times but it seems promising. I've been out with a number of other people lately too, but the girl from improv is definitely the most awesome. My company got bought by a massive Fortune 500 company and restructured, so my role is kind of bouncing around, but there may be a promotion to "eCommerce manager" incoming. I'm not entirely how excited I am about that because I like the creative aspect of web design, but I'm sure I'd have a lot of control over that in that role too. Also it could be smoke and mirrors anyway - there has been a lot of uncertainty and instabliity here. I've been doing some comedy writing with the friend I have the podcast with, but he's in LA now so some of our collaborations have become trickier, though the concept we're working on and what we've written thus far I'm kind of excited about. Got a new apartment recently too, which is pretty nice. However, this one time a salesman came to the door and I was SO not in the mood, so I kicked my own door down on top of him, and before he could react, I wrapped an extension cord around his neck and tossed him over the handrail of the stairs, hanging him. I let him go after a few seconds, but his neck was definitely permanantly damaged. He was pretty cool about it though, and we've become good friends. I still play Xbox One and PS4 and PC games pretty regularly, though I'm fairly backed up from Christmas. I'm probably going to get on board the VR bandwagon, but I haven't decided which one yet. I swam with manta rays in Hawaii last summer too which was badass.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 01/20/16 at 06:49:23

NightShade wrote on 01/20/16 at 00:05:35:
*Swipes left*

Really though, that sounds like quite a rollercoaster, but it sounds like being a father is certainly a positive thing, so congrats!

Here's me - one of these following things is not true. Can you tell which it is?

As for me, last summer I started taking improv classes which have been pretty awesome. I'm currently in level 4 (of 5) and may be joining a troupe soon. I'm still pretty self-conscious and not especially confident on stage, but you don't have to look at the audience and can say any sort of ridiculous bullshit you want and your scene partner(s) have to play along. I've been in and out of relationships but in the process of doing this improv, I happened to meet the sister of someone I'm in classes with that seems pretty awesome. We've been out a few times but it seems promising. I've been out with a number of other people lately too, but the girl from improv is definitely the most awesome. My company got bought by a massive Fortune 500 company and restructured, so my role is kind of bouncing around, but there may be a promotion to "eCommerce manager" incoming. I'm not entirely how excited I am about that because I like the creative aspect of web design, but I'm sure I'd have a lot of control over that in that role too. Also it could be smoke and mirrors anyway - there has been a lot of uncertainty and instabliity here. I've been doing some comedy writing with the friend I have the podcast with, but he's in LA now so some of our collaborations have become trickier, though the concept we're working on and what we've written thus far I'm kind of excited about. Got a new apartment recently too, which is pretty nice. However, this one time a salesman came to the door and I was SO not in the mood, so I kicked my own door down on top of him, and before he could react, I wrapped an extension cord around his neck and tossed him over the handrail of the stairs, hanging him. I let him go after a few seconds, but his neck was definitely permanantly damaged. He was pretty cool about it though, and we've become good friends. I still play Xbox One and PS4 and PC games pretty regularly, though I'm fairly backed up from Christmas. I'm probably going to get on board the VR bandwagon, but I haven't decided which one yet. I swam with manta rays in Hawaii last summer too which was badass.



I believe the attempted murder of the salesman thing but the X-box One is bullshit no sane person would buy one of those right now.

Glad to hear you hit it off with a coworker! Work related tension has a way of not just breaking the ice but fucking evaporating it! Plus you build a lot of trust right off the bat since you can already depend on each other in the workplace.

I can defiantly seeing you doing improv and also having issues with a large audience haha. My advice for the audience is to just not worry about having to impress them. Do what you think is cool and funny and you'll have better results than if you worry about what other people think. Also don't fret about getting a groan or in anyway fucking things up. The more you focus on that the more forced everything you do is going to come off. After all at the end of the day improv comes from you, and if you aren't comfortable being you, then your improv will suffer for it.

Though i can totally get the anxiety you feel. When i work now i have to do it knowing I'm speaking to more people than a football stadium can fill. Personally i get around it just knowing that most of them think the apex of entertainment is watching some jackoff play Minecraft and get pretend afraid. Nobody is going to be a more apt critic of your work than yourself. Also some people are just going to flat out hate you no matter what. It's just how audiences work. Do what you think is good. It's the only honest bar of measurement you can count on.

If i ever take a vacation from my current jobs i'll have to drive over and see one of your shows.


†Adonael wrote Yesterday at 22:12:01:

*clears throat*

About a year ago I dated my highschool sweetheart, she got pregnant left me for another man.manipulated me and broke me. I lost my job at walmart became a alcoholic. Few months I tried to move on with a new girl and my roommate ended up cheating on his old lady with her and I kicked her out and quit being his friend. Went jobless for a few months then my daughter was born on October 31st I straightened all of my shit out for her and got a job at taco bell to get back on my feet. That little girl means everything to me. I recently started dating a older woman which is new to me, but its better to date someone who has their shit together and is mature than those crazy ass young girls.

Hobbies are game design, book writing and world building.

Feel like I'm applying for a dating site.



Oh man getting your highschool sweetheart pregnant is a fucking horror story. I mean the kid is cool. But god damn I've never heard of that working well for anyone on an emotional level. Glad to hear you are taking it better now though. Plus like you said the kid is awesome. So while that is a fucking tremendous responsibility. At least you got a little clone of yourself you can be proud of and happy about.

Though that cheating roommate is just twisting the knife. But i commend you for dealing with those low wage jobs and picking your self up by your bootstraps for your kid. Too many deadbeats out there as it is.

Also you're probably smart to date an older woman. They've dealt with a lot of younger men that aren't any different from your former girlfriends. The older people get the less prone they are to infidelity because they're sick of games and bullshit. So while young girls are tempting, even if you do find a loyal one, their lack of life experience honestly makes them a bit boring and far more prone to doing crazy shit out of sheer emotional weakness.

Keep working on your hobbies. If you really love doing that stuff you can defiantly turn it into a career and find some happiness of your own. If you're happy you can make a woman even happier.

Though i really gotta give you props for braving the taco bell gig. Most people would just give up and go on welfare or some shit like that. Good on ya for taking the harder route and providing for yourself and your kid. A lot of people don't have that gumption. Keep working hard and like i said work hard on your hobbies too. Indie development can be very lucrative if you have a great idea.




As far as myself. The bar is doing well. Though the more successful it gets the more work there is. It's surprisingly hard to find employees that don't have some kind of fucked up issue. Having access to all that liquor and money brings the worst out in people almost instantly. But the money is solid and they are dumping tons of money into the tourist area I'm at. So it looks uphill from here. I hope to lease the place out someday for around $6000 a month, if the employees can't make it work without my help anyways. I'd make more running the place but I'm fucking sick of the bar business. Too much violence and drama for a tender lil fella like me.

Other than that I've been giving the whole YouTube thing a strong effort and it's paid off pretty well. In addition to my own channel I'm doing lots of freelance voice work. My portfolio kicks ass now. I also have a permanent position with a popular countdown channel. Which is a blast since they let me add whatever i want over the scripts. They've even made an animated character for me that'll be featured soon on the animated Q&A channel targeted at younger viewers. Just a few glimpses of the character has already resulted in a torrent of offensive and crude fan art. I fucking love that.

I'd say the best part is I've made friends with some seriously talented people. Hit it off with a voice actress. Made good friends with 3 very talented animators. I consider everyone there good friends at this point. One of the script writers is going to have me do the trailer for his indie film. Also the guy that runs the whole operation is easily the nicest boss I've ever had.

Ideally I'd like to make the whole YouTube personality thing work and do that for a living. Even if i manage to lease the bar out or get it operating on a level that I'm not constantly needed up there. I have so much fun with voice work and running a little talk show. I'd want to succeed at that even without the financial incentive.

I find being an entertainer is the most rewarding work I've ever done. I can let loose whatever is on my mind, and also provide entertainment to people who just need something to listen to after a hard day of work. It's a nice boost to hear people say the entertainment actually helps them get through the day. Much more rewarding then when people say the same shit about my beer prices. I hate that the bar contributes to horrible shit like alcoholism.

Got over my drinking and prescription medication abuse about a year ago. I miss just getting smashed whenever depression kicked in. But i have to admit good friends goes a lot farther than good drugs when it comes to coping with things. I feel a lot less effected by my mortality after all the near death experiences. Anytime i get reminders of the violence of physical pain. Just having a group of people who all share the same interest of being entertainers is a good relief. I feel better about mortality knowing i get to work with a bunch of talented people to create entertainment instead of just consuming it.

I don't embrace the chance of being killed anymore thanks to that. I like the money from the bar and being able to buy fancy shit. But I'd trade all of that for a meager living being a legitimate entertainer. Things as they are i might have both in the end. So I'm doing everything i can to get away from the violence and embrace entertainment. It's a happier way to live.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 01/20/16 at 12:07:05
I know what thing isn't true from Nightshade! He forgot to mention he's got a Godzilla egg on incubation in case shit goes to hell. That's why he strangled that guy. CIA operative looking for it.

Adoneal has had some tough shit happen and got back up. Good to see man.


Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Pyrinder on 01/20/16 at 18:11:13

NightShade wrote on 01/19/16 at 21:40:41:
I dunno how many people are lurking around here but I figured it might be interesting to catch up with you bunch of bastards since it's been a few years. How's life? Careers, relationships, travel, hobbies, passions, moves, etc.


Hi Night! Toasty here...

Yeah I've had an eventful 2015 with despairs, setbacks, frustrations and the sort. But, everything found it's own redemption some point towards the end of the year. Like getting hired at Wal-Mart during the summer and lasting for one whole night and a half before quitting. Then getting picked up by Dollar Tree for the seasonal haul and staying the whole 2 1/2 months before being dropped.

Spent about $222 even between the Autumn/Winter 2015 Steam Sales, coming out with $500 left to sit on until I can secure another job. I'm setting myself up with a possible job in the IT field where $28/hr is the pay. So, things are just surfing along for 2016.

Figure I'd drop by here really and put up some activity before possibly disappearing again somepoint. Still love TM and nice to see some of you guys still keeping it where it matters.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by NightShade on 01/28/16 at 22:23:43
FYI, anybody that doesn't reply to this is gonna get murdered.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by XIZOR on 01/29/16 at 03:24:41
Nightshade, you aren't seeing a female. Stop lying to us. I would believe you choked a man with an extension chord before I believed a female would let you near them though I liked how you tried to throw everyone off with the salesman story.

"I'm probably going to get on board the VR bandwagon, but I haven't decided which one yet."

Also, I don't want to derail this thread with VR talk but we should do that else where because I'm totally on board.

As for me I'm probably the most stable I've ever been in my adult life right now.

I manage a Jimmy John's at the moment. I said I would never get back into the food service industry but after taking a second job at a Jimmy John's for some extra cash I eventually ended up working there full time after I realized the family who runs the franchises that I work at are really fucking cool and wanted me to help run their business. It's not a glamorous job, but I'm able to get up and do it day after day because it isn't that hard and I mostly just work with a bunch of cool people. We work hard to run the business well because we all want money but we also like to fuck off and insult each other and talk shit all day.

We have this ongoing gag at work where we try to turn every new male employee gay by pushing the boundaries of what is acceptable/comfortable behavior between two or more straight males in the work place. The running joke in our franchise is that you have to be a bisexual male to work there. We consider it a badge of honor when we've "gay'ed up" a fellow male employee to the point that they just accept it and join in. Sometimes it gets out of control and we end up creating a huge flaming fag monster that just constantly tries to play grab ass and then we end up threatening to fire him for being a fucking homo. 

And when we aren't doing that we are just talking about video games, movies, Star Wars, or whatever other cool nerd culture shit we want. It's basically like going to work at Brawl on the Wall everyday. I could probably find a better paying job, and the hours can be rough (I'll probably end this week with around 68 hours though that isn't usually my normal work week) but working with awesome people goes a long way for me. My position does pay well enough though that I'm finally able to rent out a nice condo, pay for a car and bills, and then buy pretty much whatever I want within reason. And since I don't have any debt or kids I splurge a lot on myself. Don't know if I'll do this forever, but going to work every day and not hating my job goes a long way for me in keeping my sanity and stress levels manageable.

Nothing else major other than I got engaged to my girlfriend of about four and a half years a couple weeks ago. Someone could probably go back and find quotes of me saying on TMA that I'd never get married and I did feel that way for a long time but I guess it just takes the right person to change your mind, though I'm still proud of the fact that I never rushed into that at a young age like so many other people.

We don't actually have a ton of shit in common but I think the reason why our relationship works so well is she is always down to fuck but also totally willing to give me my own space and has never once asked me to give up or stop doing anything I love to spend time with her. I can be a pretty uncompromising asshole when it comes to how I spend my limited free time so its nice to know that I can just go home and play video games all day if I want and she is perfectly content to do her own personal shit. Because of this understanding we never really fight about anything so it was easy to see myself being in this relationship indefinitely. At my age I don't have time for drama or insecure females that either don't know what they want or need constant validation so the idea of getting married was actually a pretty easy conclusion to come to.

Not sure when we are actually going to do it yet and honestly neither one of us really cares but I'm really just waiting until we can find a cool way to do it like running off to Vegas to get married by Elvis or something equally stupid and memorable as we don't want to have a big traditional wedding. Besides, who fucking cares anyway.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 01/29/16 at 11:54:40
but also totally willing to give me my own space and has never once asked me to give up or stop doing anything I love to spend time with her.

That's a winner 4 shore!

Hey! I replied! So I didn't give up a lot of info. You with the fookin FBI or sumtin?

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by NightShade on 01/29/16 at 16:30:38
That's not good enough Magnum. Spill the beans or get murdered. That's the deal. IT'S BONDING TIME GOD DAMNIT!

HB: Congrats on the show, I'll have to go on some time and draw stupid shit. I think it's great that you're able to make money doing something where you're not in mortal danger. Being an 'entertainer' is a lot of fun. Personally I'm finding that as nerve-wracking as it is, audience laughter (and even moreso laughter of peers / fellow improvisers / people whose opinions you respect) is awfully validating.

And especially congrats on kicking drinking and pills. I'm sure that's not easy but it sounds like you're in a much better place as a result.

Toasty: Some jobs just suck. I remember working at JC Penny for a week before quitting with no notice. IT is a much better field to be in for a plethora of reasons, so I hope that works out for ya.

Xizor: I'm a damn ladies' man; in fact, I recently heard that the girl I had a meltdown on Brawl about years ago is getting married and it didn't even bother me that much. I really hope this thing with the improv girl works out. Very few women I've dated are genuinely funny, such that they can make me laugh hysterically, so that's pretty amazing. My last girlfriend was very attractive but she did have schizoaffective disorder, which is schizophrenia + bipolar disorder. I think I almost got murdered.

I think managing is probably a different animal than just being an employee, and working with cool people dramatically improves any job. I'm not sure how I'd do as a manager. I'm being pushed in that direction, but I don't know if I'm going to like actually "managing" people.

Also, as funny as that stuff sounds, it also sounds like a harassment lawsuit waiting to happen.

And of course congratulations on the engagement! I definitely remember you swearing off women altogether, but like you said, it just takes the right person to turn it around. My only advice is that instead of being married by Elvis, you get married TO Elvis in a polygamous relationship.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by XIZOR on 01/29/16 at 17:23:18
Yeah congrats on finding an outlet for yourself Hellbent. I sort of wish I had the foresight a bit earlier to get into online content creation, especially with the rise of youtube, twitch, and streaming. I could still give it a go as I've had ideas bouncing around for a while now, but its hard to find the time to get anything going when I work so much.

And good for you for giving up pills and booze. So far, you seem much more balanced. I quit all the unhealthy drug use some years ago now though I still enjoy drinking quality beer. I still smoke weed or do psychedelics on occasion (usually a few times a year) but I think more than anything most people, no matter how much they enjoy that stuff, just arrive at a place in life in growing up and maintaining a steady life style where getting fucked up just doesn't really have a place in your life any more. I know I definitely don't feel as creative as I used to when I was doing more drugs but that's always a hard thing balance.

"My last girlfriend was very attractive but she did have schizoaffective disorder, which is schizophrenia + bipolar disorder. I think I almost got murdered."

Let me tell you from experience that its best to just walk away from these kinds of things for your own sanity. I think we've talked about this on here before, but I've been in a couple relationships with chicks who had some mental shit going on. As much as you feel bad for them and want to help them and look past it you'll probably never be able to maintain a healthy relationship.

"I think managing is probably a different animal than just being an employee, and working with cool people dramatically improves any job. I'm not sure how I'd do as a manager. I'm being pushed in that direction, but I don't know if I'm going to like actually "managing" people."

Well, clearly I'm a natural born leader, an alpha, so it's easy to fit into that role. Lording over people and making them bend to my will is actually pretty fulfilling. But in all seriousness managing a sandwich shop, even though it can be stressful at times, is probably a lot easier than whatever role you are being pushed towards at your job but I have no idea really. Personally I find myself drawn to these types of positions as I do much better when I'm in charge or have more responsibilities instead of having to put up with someone else giving me orders considering that, at least from my experience, most people in positions of power don't actually deserve them or use them properly.

"Also, as funny as that stuff sounds, it also sounds like a harassment lawsuit waiting to happen."

Meh, it probably comes across as way worse than it sounds, and too be fair on paper there has been a lot of inappropriate shit that has happened in the work place, but from my experience this kind of shit just happens at most jobs like this. It's why I think we've always managed to keep and maintain a pretty cool core staff as I think most people appreciate a crazy and funny work environment. It makes coming into work interesting to say the least even if a dude did lick my neck one time. If you've ever seen the movie "Waiting" I'd say that's a pretty clear picture of what goes on at most restaurant/food service establishments. We are toying with the idea of making this our training video for new employees:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6QOLBHPF18

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 01/30/16 at 01:44:57

XIZOR wrote on 01/29/16 at 03:24:41:
Nightshade, you aren't seeing a female. Stop lying to us. I would believe you choked a man with an extension chord before I believed a female would let you near them though I liked how you tried to throw everyone off with the salesman story.

"I'm probably going to get on board the VR bandwagon, but I haven't decided which one yet."

Also, I don't want to derail this thread with VR talk but we should do that else where because I'm totally on board.

As for me I'm probably the most stable I've ever been in my adult life right now.

I manage a Jimmy John's at the moment. I said I would never get back into the food service industry but after taking a second job at a Jimmy John's for some extra cash I eventually ended up working there full time after I realized the family who runs the franchises that I work at are really fucking cool and wanted me to help run their business. It's not a glamorous job, but I'm able to get up and do it day after day because it isn't that hard and I mostly just work with a bunch of cool people. We work hard to run the business well because we all want money but we also like to fuck off and insult each other and talk shit all day.

We have this ongoing gag at work where we try to turn every new male employee gay by pushing the boundaries of what is acceptable/comfortable behavior between two or more straight males in the work place. The running joke in our franchise is that you have to be a bisexual male to work there. We consider it a badge of honor when we've "gay'ed up" a fellow male employee to the point that they just accept it and join in. Sometimes it gets out of control and we end up creating a huge flaming fag monster that just constantly tries to play grab ass and then we end up threatening to fire him for being a fucking homo. 

.....


Congrats on the solid work and relationship! It takes a lot of searching and sacrifice to get that golden combination. Any couple that doesn't have respect for each others spare time is doomed to be miserable. Good on you both for being happy without that insane codependence bullshit.

Two people who are happy on their own and enjoy each others company are pretty much set for life. When you're all fucking old and gross you'll have something besides sex and crippling fear of loneliness.

The Jimmy Johns gig sounds pretty sweet too. I like what I do. But there is something to be said about dependable work like that. I wager massive decreases or increases in customers isn't a huge concern where you are located. That kind of security along with a laid back work environment is honestly about as good as it gets. Plus your employees sound like good people which is a huge fucking plus.

Congratulations on all your success man! Looks like we all grew up a lot over the past 4 years. Amazing how success can change a person on a personal level. One moment you think marriage is bullshit, next moment you're planning out weddings in your head.

Yeah getting smashed doesn't do much for me anymore. As fun as it is, that shit gets old. Especially after a few nights of vomiting blood. Drugs made me feel good, but the cost of that feeling was just too much. I can't blame it all on the drugs though. But the stress caused by trying to keep my high up didn't make me a nicer person.



NightShade wrote on 01/29/16 at 16:30:38:
That's not good enough Magnum. Spill the beans or get murdered. That's the deal. IT'S BONDING TIME GOD DAMNIT!

HB: Congrats on the show, I'll have to go on some time and draw stupid shit. I think it's great that you're able to make money doing something where you're not in mortal danger. Being an 'entertainer' is a lot of fun. Personally I'm finding that as nerve-wracking as it is, audience laughter (and even moreso laughter of peers / fellow improvisers / people whose opinions you respect) is awfully validating.

And especially congrats on kicking drinking and pills. I'm sure that's not easy but it sounds like you're in a much better place as a result.


It'd be great to have you on! I really enjoy the talking shit and drawing format. It's not fancy, but it encourages a lot of creativity compared to just playing video games and making everyone else watch. No pressure to perform or fill air. Just having some fun on mic and drawing fucked up shit.

I totally know the nerve wracking feeling. Luckily I get to perform at home without an audience giving me instant feedback. I can edit and all of that. But one of those videos is at 27 million views, with most averaging around the 2 million mark. So as confident as I am, it's hard to shake the fact that many people are going to hear whatever I save and send off as "complete". Any fuck up I make will be noticed and brought to my attention thousands of times over.

My trick is to just keep fun as a priority over pleasing the audience. If my priority is pleasing the audience I end up going overboard due to the massive amount of feedback I have to consider. Which I wager is similar to having a live crowd applaud or no sell a joke. You want to keep the ball rolling but if you focus too much on that it's easy to lose the charm that made everything entertaining to start. Or you can get into and endless loop of crap.

As far as being an entertainer in general goes. It's a much more rewarding line of work. There was a bit of that when I was a key component in keeping the bar running, and I liked that. But any joy I got out of making sure the band sounded good or entertaining customers was soured by all of the other shit. Felt great to lure in a line of 20 people. But the violent confrontations ruined it. Not to mention all the alcoholics, lunatics, and gangs just made the environment depressing and threatening.

Thankfully the bar pretty much runs it's self right now. I have some good employees and I don't have to be up there every day it's opened to make sure shit doesn't completely fall apart. At this point I'm able to pay myself well, and I keep the employees and musicians paid well too. Still ultimately I'd just like to lease the place out so I never have to mess with the drama of the bar industry ever again.

What I really want to do is make the whole online personality thing work. Possibly get my hooks into the talk show format, maybe mix in some video game stuff for fun. Still hitting the angles on that with my personal channel. But the freelance work right now is solid and the promotion I get is amazing. So if all else fails I have a decent enough portfolio and connections that I can legitimately freelance for fun and extra cash.

It was actually pretty easy to quit drinking. All the bad experiences with alcohol made cutting it out of my system easier than I expected. The prescription pills were rough though. Those things are extremely effective, easy to take, and seemingly designed to be addictive. I still crave them to this day. Because I know I can pop a benzo and the rest of my day is going to be amazing.

What keeps me from relapsing with the pills is knowing that the effectiveness dies out real fast. Eventually I just end up taking them to maintain a feeling of normalcy. Turns me into a bitter person no matter how well things are.

Another thing that helps is that my plan at the moment is to be so far in the black financially. That I can just move to Colorado and smoke pot legally. Can't do that anymore where I'm at due to cost and the huge level of risk now that people are literally trying to get me. If I still smoked and someone swatted me I'd be fucked. So I had to drop pot as well sadly. All I have now is caffeine, and I'm careful with that shit too because like every drug it loses it's effectiveness if you use it all the time.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 01/30/16 at 13:23:05
Read my quote under my gif. Well murder me then! I'm kinda kidding. If you said that back in November/December of 2013, I almost done the deed for you! That's also something that is difficult to bring yourself back from a edge, along with alcohol. You all also know that I'm a very private person, and alot of what has gone on with me over the last 15 years would make alot of you go "seriously wtf?" I know Nightshade knew about me getting kicked out of my apartment. That was a grain of sand in the beach of shit that has been my life. Scold knows alot about my life but, Xizor knows much much more because well.....he's muh bromie. So yea. It's not easy. It would take alot of text and time to put 15 years into an explanation. If I were to do it, you would all understand why I've kept everything to myself for so long. Especially here. I sure as fuck didn't need someone mouthing off to me even jokingly about things going on. Not even Xizor. I had a line that shouldn't be crossed, and it was just better to keep anyone from being even close to it by not giving them the ammo to do it..

It also seems to me reading from at least Nightshade, Xizor, and Hellbent/Thrillho that if I were to info dump, I might actually start a road to recovery in a way that you guys have. I have been a plutonium bomb for so long, I just don't know. It's really personal shit, and even putting 1/4 of what is/has been wrong tears at me. 

Just for the record though. Serious congrats to Hellbent for getting off the pills and Alcohol. I quit drinking for one year just to get myself strait. that was back in 2009 before I realized that I shouldn't give up something I truly enjoy. Now it's moderation. I don't get as smashed as I used to.

Also in the female companionship department for any of you. There is nothing more to life than having a good woman have your back and be your best friend that allows you to be who you are. Nothing. You cannot replace that kind of stability. Even more emphasis on that point when both of you are fighting through some of the toughest trials in your lives. There is no doubt in the world you will argue and disagree but, it's how you 2 go about it that is important, and how those problems are resolved that will make all the difference in the world.

Nothing, nothing in the world is worth stupid drama, jealousy, mistrust, or any of the other crazy shit I read and hear about what people go through in relationships. I honestly believe it's better to be alone than have any of that to tolerate. Of course it seems some people are addicted to it, or just so used to it that they don't know anything else. That's really sad, and I really feel bad for the kids that get caught in it because they grow up thinking that's just how it rolls.     

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 01/30/16 at 22:41:43
Seems like we all share a common demon.

I hear you on being private about things. I've only recently started being semi-open about things as a means to keep it at bay. I've managed to keep it moderated, but at times I do fall on the crutch for a few days depending on whats going on. Life has been hell ever since my ex and not all of it is her fault, most of it. Not all of it though.


Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 01/31/16 at 16:44:35
I guess if I hit the reply button and not just type out everything and delete it, I guess you people can consider yourself lucky. I do that a lot honestly. I did it in that last reply I did. I will type out responses, and then delete them because in a way, I've "talked" it out, or "released" what was bothering me without actually telling anyone. So a small run down.
Biological father lost job in 1982 not because of just the recession, but because he was addicted to coke, (like most 1970'ers) alcohol, and infidelity. So after about 2 years of him not working and no money, him cheating straining my parents marriage, he was taking his anger out on me. 10-12 years old getting beat up pretty much every day for most anything. What made it even more fun was he was flip flopping Catholicism like religions like suits. Protestant, Catholic, The Way, Christian Science, you name it, he worshiped it if it fit his needs at the time. Always saying that God will save us, and whooping up on me because I forgot a fucking obscure line in the fucking Bible, when each branch of that secular religion has different interpretations. So for the 1st time ever lays a hand on her and, beats my mom up, (after letting me get my ass kicked for years wtf?) she throws him out. She has no job, no money. We go on welfare. So for 4 years of my teen life, I'm white trash to everyone that knows who I am.  So of course since it's the 80's, I grew my hair long and became a metal head smoking cigs and weed, drinking at roughly 13-14 years old. So eventually my mom meets my step dad and things get better, and my therapy sessions help channel my anger. So there is the back story. Never had much money ever, and always had to fight the demon that told me I was worthless and wished I was never born, and that no matter HOW HARD YOU TRY, YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A FAILURE.

So lets keep that in mind because for very large portion of my life, I stayed a very irresponsible person pretty much up to 25 years old.   

So the year is 1993 and I move to Baltimore MD because my best friend and Bro for life mom was originally from here, than in upstate NY where I met him and where his dad lived (near town near me) and kicked him out because well.....we're long haired freaky people. So I grow some roots here, and eventually get tangled up with my eventual wife. That is a very unique story in it's self and save that for another time. So my parents don't like her at all. I tried to get her to live with me because I moved back in with my parents for a year and they were not having that. So I move back to Baltimore with her, and I have my 1st son in 97. I clean my act up alot actually when that happened.

So in November 22 2000, I have my 2nd son. Things are tough because now I'm working 2 jobs to try and make ends meet. So when he's about 3 years old, I switch jobs to a trucking company to make way more money. I'm now overnight and have to sleep during day. Did it for 6 months until I could get an afternoon shift. we potty train our 2nd son like we did our 1st and of course there is no problems with our 1st. what does that have to do with me being overnight? Well, for those 6 months in order for ne to get sleep, my wife had to get hers for work but, my 2nd son kept sneaking out at night, taking food and snacks out of our kitchen and hiding perishables, and trash remnants of what he took under the bed. So imagine when we figure out WTF is smelling why the hell are you doing this? Hide stuff under the bed, under cushions, in his clothes draws. So much so we had to buy new stuff. Well, I only make so much. She had to leave her job because it got so bad, and I was making enough at the time to cover what she made in overtime. working 50-60 hours a week. So to keep him from stealing more food and having it rot in his bedroom, (where my 1st son always had to suffer sleeping in as well) we reversed locked the door. So what he would do is constantly in the middle of the night to get out, knock and say he needs to go to the bathroom. so much so we barely got enough sleep, yet he could sleep all day! My wife had to sometimes force him to stay awake during the day to get him to sleep at night, to keep him from getting out, and taking food to rot under his bed. So she gets so fed up she doesn't let him out anymore at night. I didn't find this out until a couple months ago. She was really ashamed of it but, we didn't know WTF else to do. 
So he starts shitting himself. That now starts all of us on a very painful path. He realizes it upsets us, and continues to do it. We now have to buy diapers for a 4 year old. Trying to retrain him and get him to understand that he needs to "grow up and be a big boy" NO! No...he keeps doing it.  We think he's sick maybe. We take him to doctors, who charge us out the ass with drugs and hospital stays, barrage of tests for food allergens, constipation medication, tests upon tests to receive medical bills for 10,000. So it comes to now WTF do we do because now he's set to go to school. 5 years old and still crapping himself everyday. Also still stealing and taking anything he can get his hands on that he wants as well. This is why you guys see me joke about throwing dirty underwear at people. It was my twisted humor for dealing with it. That's where it comes from.

The best (LOL!) is coming. So now my employer opens up 2 new terminals near our area taking away alot of our work. I go from making 50-60 hours a week to 30-32. So now not only do all my bills stay same, my kids is now going to a public school still doing the things he does at home and the school is now blaming us for his problems of course. . WE WARNED THEM and tried to explain it with all the doctors diagnosis and shit. Ohhh no. The prissy Principle and Nurse that staffed that school had it out for us. Would have my wife go down to the school 5-6 times a day with fresh clothes because he soiled himself again. Mrs Magnum, your child is stealing other kids snacks. Mrs Magnum, your child is doing whatever  he wants and this is unacceptable, so we are going to try our best to not only crucify you both, but try and take your kids from you too. Is that fair to my 1st son? Obviously not so, we go through EVERY FUCKING THING that the school demands we do. Psychologists, drugs for ADHD, OCD. My kids was a walking pharmacy at one point taking at least 5 different drugs. Went through 5-6 different kid psychologists because they had no idea WTF to do with him either. Ohhh BTW I'm a horrible dad because I work and can't come to the meetings. They actually sent CPS for us twice. As the years droned on, I almost wish they did take him but, again is that fair to my 1st son? No.

So I decide to better myself and get a Class A licence because drivers are still making 50-60 hours making a dollar more than a dock worker. I get roped into a 2 year contract that I cant quit if I get trained. Boy I got fucked. So that was in 2007 and I'm rolling in the money again and guess what? 2008 recession hits and I'm fucking roped in. I'm back down to 30-32 hours because we're slow, there is no freight, and I'm a fucking low man. So I tough that for a year. In the end, I got out from under that, and then went to where I work now. Making enough to get by because of how much I make, but now the wife has been home all this time because no one would hire her for all the times she would've had to leave to come to the beck and call of our son at school. (still trying to take them from us) So she has this great idea to start online college for a degree. We borrow money to help live on too. Never realizing that when the time came to pay, no one would give my wife even a glance for a job because she was out of work so long.

IT JUST KEEPS GETTING FUCKING BETTER!!

So my car blows up, I get kicked out of our apartments we were living in because a POS neighbor we didn't like made a story about our youngest son pissing at their door. Since it was documented he was a problem kid because he went into peoples cars, apartments that were not locked stealing money and food. That was when I was drinking the heaviest and literally lost my mind and kicked the shit out of him. Shades of my father where I stopped drinking for a year. Yea. So yea. We had to live at her dads for a year. So to get back on our feet, we take out more student loans and empty my 401k because we need the money for a car and a place to live. With a little help from her mom kicking the bucket and her dad hooking us up with some life insurance money, we are where we are now.

Problem. The last 3 loans we took out to help pay for college and just help with life like food, and utilities for a year, my mom cosigned for. Again, never believing the fact the economy would still be shit all these years, and her staying at home would be a huge detriment. All the while here it is, my 2nd son is almost 10 years old still shitting in his fucking pants, stealing any food or possessions he wants, hides what he steals until it rots or we find it, breaks things because he's mad. Some of the things he's broken were priceless to me, my wife and my 1st son to the point where we have pretty much given up on the fact he cannot change. After all the doctors, drugs, yelling, screaming, crying, begging, teaching, or whatever.....nothing gets through. So now after 5 years are up, the loans are coming due. Well, she's not working!! Who fucking cares?!?! I can't pay you guys. WE DON'T CARE!! Threats to my mom. My mom is broker than me. she can't handle the stress and drags my sister into it. This is roughly September of 2013. So it gets so bad that I'm not even on speaking terms with my parents or my sister.

So the Wednesday before that Thanksgiving, the pain of cutting my youngest son out of my heart, cutting my family out of my life, crushing fucking debt, was to much with the bullshit holidays for me to take. I almost ended it there. That was the lowest I've ever been

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 01/31/16 at 16:55:23
So I ran out of fucking room. Deal with it.

So after not doing the deed obviously, I tried to recover. It's helped. This is normal for us. When I say On TMA or BOG that things are going normal for me, it's a tongue in cheek thing really. I'm fucking fine. SNAFU.

But still all the while getting fucked with at work. If it wasn't General joe public out to fuck me with 4 wheels or 2 legs, it was my dispatchers and my bosses. Now these assholes where fucking with me in ways to try and get me to quit. So up untill a year ago, it all stopped. My youngest son has for the most part stopped being what he is but, he continues to test the limits still. My boys hate each other because my 1st son has had so much taken and broken by my 2nd, he has not lived a normal life. None of us have.

We can't have things in our house that normal people would have. I can't have cookies, or ice cream, or anything that is of desert status. We are lucky to any of it at all. It is a constant struggle to even have regular food in the house because our 2nd son has strange fetishes that come and go. One week we can have 2 loaves of bread in our cupboard, for the next couple months we can't keep a fucking slice of bread in the house and have to hide the fucking loaf because he'd eat it all. He will be what everyone knows as the proverbial "Man Child" and it really breaks my heart that me and the wife tried and struggled so hard to get him "normal" and failed. We are blamed for everything that he has done from those outside our circle of close friends and family. Why the hell would I want to speak of any of this with some stranger to only get some ignorant comment, or advice that I haven't quite literally gone into 100,000 of dollars in debt medically or financially? It hurt even more cutting my parents and sister out because I had no one to turn to but my wife, my best friend here in MD and honestly Xizor and Scold.

You guys are lucky I even spilled this shit honestly. I can't believe I even did. I swear to God if anyone thinks of being funny with it I'll fucking nuke you. Fucking try me. As it stands right now, if I can cut my 2nd son out of my heart, I have no qualms about smoking a mother fucker out my life that wants to disrespect me.

So yea. Nicest guy at TMA still right??  whats crazy is there is still some more that I can drop but I've taken enough time already.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 01/31/16 at 17:44:38
Damn Magnum. It honestly surprised me you opened up so much. I'll respect you and do the same.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by NightShade on 01/31/16 at 23:02:13
I'm sure that was difficult to type out Magnum, and I have a lot of respect for you doing so. I hope it was a little cathartic, at least. I have a cousin who is going through something similar with his son, and they don't know what the hell to do either. He goes to the bathroom in his pants at school, he doesn't understand the concept of ownership, he doesn't respond to discipline in a predictable way, etc. They're told he's autistic and needs to go to a special school, but that isn't feasible for them. Life can be a load of bullshit sometimes. I don't know all the details of the story, but I don't think it's fair to blame yourself for your son's behavior - if it's anything like my cousin's son, he was just born that way.

And just for the record, I totally understand why people are wary of over-medicating their children (especially considering how expensive it can be), but sometimes it can lead to a dramatic improvement in their life. I was diagnosed with depression as a very young child and have been on antidepressants for most of my life. At some point years ago when everything in my life was going great, I decided to try getting off of them because I didn't even remember what it was like not being on them. And it was horrible. I was depressed for no reason. It ruined everything I was previously enjoying. Medication like that isn't a crutch, it's a way to deal with something you shouldn't have had to deal with in the first place. I can't imagine what my life would have been like if I'd been that depressed the whole time.

The financial stuff sounds like a complete nightmare, and I really hate how people are hesitant to hire people that have been out of work for a while. It sounds like your wife had a completely valid reason for it but they still wouldn't give her the time of day. What kind of work does she do? Some careers are a lot easier to do in a freelance / work from home fashion, which sounds like the ideal scenario.

This post was sort of inspired by an exercise in improv class where 2 students would sit in chairs facing each other, and one would imagine the other is someone they need to talk to, alive or dead, and just vent. People really just unloaded and everybody in the class was crying and hugging each other. It was very emotionally draining but at the end of the class, we all felt closer to each other and a little better about what we were going through in part because we knew everybody else had our backs. And it seemed kind of ridiculous that I knew more about people I've known for 6 months than I do about people I've known for more than a decade and a half.

I like to think we've outgrown being assholes to each other, but of course if somebody crosses a line Mags, do what you gotta do. And if you opt to delete the message(s), that's fine too - I won't even murder you. I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of that but I'm very glad you're still with us. If you ever want to talk let me know.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by XIZOR on 01/31/16 at 23:25:07
Even though I already knew pretty much all that stuff Mags, reading through it again is mindblowing and really rips my heart out since I consider you one of my best friends.

The fact that you've dealt with all that and never once let it shine through on here or while playing games online together, always being a nice, stand up guy, is a testament to how incredible you are as a man, a father, and a fucking human being. I know its pretty scary putting that out here and why you probably never wanted to because shit like that could and would be used as ammo when brawling on TMA, but honestly I don't think anyone would have ever, even now, make fun of you for any of that because you don't deserve it.

I do know what its like to struggle financially so I know what its like to weather those storms, but I have no idea how you dealt with the problems with your son. I don't think I would have been able to. I've tried to imagine myself in your shoes and how I would handle all that and I'm pretty sure all outcomes would have been harrowing and resulted in loss of life in some form so the fact that you can push all that aside and have such an upbeat mentality and maintain that for years is truly amazing.

I do feel a little bad for all those times, even though I was mostly just fucking with you, that I told you to shut your kid up or that he was annoying in party chat. I had no idea what you were really dealing with there and why you seemingly had no control over the situation. I know there were quite a few people over the years that didn't always like having you in party chat because of the loud kids, so once I knew your situation it was tough trying to get across why people should be a little bit more sympathetic to you without telling them all the stuff you told me in confidence. Hell, even Nightshade prodding you to spill the beans about your life I almost wanted to just say "hey, you should probably just leave that alone" so I'm a bit shocked you actually posted all that.

Even if putting all that out there doesn't necessarily make you feel better or change anything, if anything I think everyone can now view you in a completely different light and will probably have way more respect for you. Not just for saying all that, but also dealing with and never dragging anyone or this site into it.

Anyway, we still need to plan my trip up to come see you this year. Its going to happen bro. We've been friends a long time now. Its time we fully express our love. I'm still a little bit jealous that SCoLD got to tap that sweet old ass before I did.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 02/01/16 at 09:02:37
Magnum I know you don't know me that well, but Im always around if you just need someone to shoot the shit with and destress.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Serpentine on 02/01/16 at 10:41:15
Magnum, I came back here just to tell you how much I respect you for typing your heart out on here. I've always liked you and knew you were a cool dude but I never really realized how much you've gone through in your life, it just blows my mind.. It has made you into an incredible human being and father you are right now, big kudos to you. There are some things I feel like I can relate to, like getting my ass beat when I was a kid and going through financial struggles, etc..

I'll probably post my story if I feel comfortable enough or not.. I've never been that articulate with my words and I hardly ever open up about myself or my life because I usually end up either being heckled at or shrugged off.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 02/01/16 at 11:22:51
Well, your shop class seemed to have worked Night. Thank You really. I find it extremely rare to see someone else having the same exact problem as me. I have also found 1 other person that has a very similar problem with his daughter, and me and him have had very long discussions, and respect. It's mind blowing when you find you are not alone because, this sh8 cray cray yo. When I ran out of characters, I sat here for a minute couldn't believing I had done so. Wasn't expecting that. So at that moment, it was either post it or delete it like I have always done. I looked up at the clock to realize I spent 2 hours of my life thinking it all out and wasn't really done. I grappled with the question did I really just waste all this time, to just delete all this? That's alot of shit I've been carrying around so I said fuck it and posted it all. It did feel good just to put it down in a post and proverbially walk away from it.

See that's the thing. I had no escape, no retreat, and no surrender, with no mercy. Between my son being who he is making my family a wreck, my jobs sucking ass because of the people in control, just money in general all my life, and the fact that it's my struggle to fix all this and me and the wife still don't know how. It was so many dr's and psychs, and school personnel that knew about us, and actually sometimes  made us the bad guys because they knew the situation intimately. If I can tell doctors in private about this whole shit, and then the school system just doesn't want to hear it, WTF makes anyone think I'm going to anyone else in the world with this looking for understanding? So for you guys to apologize makes me respect you because it is the decent thing to do but, since no one knew and there might have been some fun made, I can't get upset because how the hell could I tell anyone? You see?    

My 2nd son is now "trying" to change, and he's made improvements on his own but, I feel it's far to late. His brother hates him. He is what you would call a normal 18 yr old boy. He's what his brother should be. He's got problems too. He was also getting medicated because he would have anger issues and ADHD. He's had to suffer sleeping in the same room with him, with food, or him not showing for days. Struggling to get sleep because he'd be up at night making noise. we can't go anywhere special because when we get there, we couldn't stay long because we'd run out of spare clothes because he'd shit in them to. How would you as a kid like  always going somewhere you wanted finally, to be told we have to break it off and go home? Or get told we can't go at all because of that problem? THEN.....can't take you by yourself because if he finds out, he will retaliate. Breaking his things because he wanted them and didn't want him to have them, taking the snacks he'd hide, steal money he has earned out of the safe he would lock because he'd purposely try and find the key,and even up until recently, stalking his GF on FB and shit. If any of you had to grow up with that happening to you with your sibling for 10 years, I don't think there would be much family love either. For us, we have to lock alot of things, and hide the keys or keep them on us at all times. If it is something we can't let him have, we have to lock it in my wife's office. My controller for my X-Box, my phones, my tablets, if I want popcorn I have to keep it in there if I'm not eating it immediately. I personally had to remove myself emotionally because it's to much, and the wife is the one that gets all the stress and blame for alot of it. In the early years she took the brunt of it because I was the only one working and that pig principle had the nerve to blame her for a lot of the problems because she wasn't working.      

I really hope that is about to change though. She starts a 90 day trial job that's she's always wanted. She's been begging for a chance, and now she has a huge one. If she gets permanent, our financial aspect of our lives might finally start to get straitened out. Then that domino can fall, and I can fully repair my relationship with my parents because they have been paying my loan for over a year now. Then maybe since we can go and "enjoy life" by even going to a dinner or something, maybe my core family can heal.   

Again, thanks for reading me out. I still didn't want to type out even this much again but, I'm running out of time for work, and our biggest fear is that now she is too, our younger son will fuck this up somehow.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 02/01/16 at 13:19:04
That is a raw deal. Bad parents poison the well by raising children poorly. So when a child actually does have a legitimate problem, people are still quick to blame the parents. Which means people like you have to suffer with some of the school faculty thinking you're a neglectful fuckup. Because they put you in the same basket as all of the legitimately neglectful fuckups out there.

You're a good guy for hanging in there and honestly trying. A lot of people wouldn't give their kid that long to get it together. You'd think showing the money you've spent to try and remedy the problem would be enough to convince anyone you aren't just letting it ride. But there is always a lazy authoritarian asshole who thinks all problems are caused by lack of effort. Ironically those people are the lazy ones because they don't have the tact to handle each situation uniquely. They just treat every problem the same way. Typically by passing the blame to someone they have power over. In this case good parents like you because they have the power to fuck with your life.

If you were a neglectful fuck who didn't have an ounce of empathy for his kids. Their threats wouldn't mean shit. Which just highlights how fucked up the system is. Because you are trying to do the right thing. You get hammered by the system the hardest.

I hope your job situation gets better. In my experience getting a good job isn't so much about how hard you work. But how lucky you get. You can bust your ass for decades and still get the rug pulled out from under you. While some fuck knuckle who can barely work a cash register winds up winning the employment lottery. Working a steady job to the point they can actually retire.

I doubt you really need my advice on any of this. It sounds like you are already hitting all the angles and going after any opportunity you see. I encourage you to keep doing that. At the end of the day it's still a numbers game. The more opportunities you chase the more likely you are to find that one that actually works.

Whenever i feel like i can't keep going. I remember sage words that a homeless crack head told me once. "I'll have plenty of time to quit crack when I'm dead". Or in other words, no sense in giving up while you're still alive.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by NightShade on 02/01/16 at 22:48:06
Some school systems are just the shits. I really do not understand how after going through all of that they still think you guys are to blame. Maybe it's because doing so shifts the blame away from them.

I guess it's impossible to really know what he's feeling or thinking or how he's seeing the world, and I would have no idea how to deal with that. That said, I think the fact that your son is "trying" to change is significant. That seems to demonstrate that either he's feeling empathy and/or guilt, or he is making the connection between his bad behavior and bad consequences, both of which seem like steps in the right direction.

My cousin is having some success with certain specific kinds of discipline, like I know routine is a big part of it - things have to follow an exact routine that he can follow and understand - but he still has meltdowns pretty regularly. I know they have trouble because they have to treat him differently in just about every way than his older sister because he doesn't learn/understand things the same way. She has none of those problems, and thus far only really seems to feel pity for him (at least that I can tell), but as they grow older I'm sure the resentment will come too. Still, even if rifts form, as have (understandably) between your sons, perhaps time will allow for some additional perspective and understanding.

Just to be clear, this is anecdotal and I'm sure you've already gone through everything under the sun so I'm not trying to give you advice. I don't know shit. Well, except that you're a hell of a guy for powering through all of this and the fact that you've managed to raise a relatively stable 18 year old in the midst of all of this is fantastic and commendable (ADHD is no fun but it's manageable - I don't even take anything for it anymore).

Congrats on your wife's job, that's awesome! I'm sure she'll knock it out of the park, in the same way she saws the locust horde into pieces with a lancer-chainsaw. The fact that you and your wife have endured all of this and are still together and sane speaks a lot to how strong you are as people, but you guys definitely deserve a break.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 02/02/16 at 01:29:32
Here's more than a short paragraph out of the respect for mags.

Going as far back as I can remember I use to live in a split level condo thing. My uncles lived on the 2nd floor,  Grand parents on the first and my family in the basement.

Living there was constent drama. My uncles and thier ilk were always drinking and doing things from heroin to cocaine. I was exposed to a lot of violent situations because of this. My father often took it apon himself to resolve the situations by kicking everyones ass.

In this house was where I was molested by a female cousin. It didn't cause much issue for me. I was too young and had no idea what was going on. I didn't realize it was wrong until later in life.

My mother also caused a constant stream of her own drama by sleeping around and leaving my father broke then coming back after she coked up all her funds and try and be a family again.

Most of this time I was rasied by my sister. My dad worked a solid 22-24 hours a day so we could have whatever we wanted. Fuck if I know what my mother was doing. Despite my father working so much when he could he'd sacrificed sleep just to spend a hour or two with us kids.

Once I started school I started in a public school in south city saint louis. Being the only white kid and being a emotional child I was subject to a lot of abuse until I said fuck it and started fightong back. I ended up suspended a lot because of this and the teachers were less forgiving brcause I was white It would be a constant trend until 5th grade when I was removed and put into a private school.

I ended up getting jumped by 5 black kids from my old school because I whipped thier asses. I got my ass handed to me and my two "friends" at the time just watched.

Not long after that my father had a heart attack and stroke.  My mother ditched him in the hospital and ran off. I got sent to a uncles. Before I left I grabbed my dad for a hug sobbing and he pushed me away saying he didn't know who I was.

Stayed with my uncle for a year. Once my dads memory recovered we moved around a bit until my dad and mom decided to get back together and move to east saint louis.

My mom became even worse. Degrading everyone and at some points physically abusing me and my sister. When I hit my teen years I could really see who she was. I begged my dad to leave several times, but he just wouldn't do it.

I became severely depressed and the internet became my escape. Playing games with a friend or chat rooms. I ended up meeting a girl on the nets and we would talk for a year or so. I was 18. I flew all the way to Washington to see her I thought I was inlove. When I turned 19 I moved to Washington. Lived on a farm for while begain working nights at walmart fulltime.  Our relationship started to devolved from there. I'd get home at 7am and try and sleep she'd turn up the tv to try and wake me up.

We ended up moving into a apartment, I bought her a computer to keep her entertained while I worked because she didn't. This is around the time I found TMA for a second time and signed up.

As we grew distant the fun I had on brawl was a fun place to destress and take my mind off of things.

We ended up moving into another apartment
More affordable. Came home for lunch one night to her sucking another mans dick. I basically just walked out and went back to work.

Next day I lost my shit. She started attacking me and xalling me a worthless fuck. Which I've always felt like because of my mother so that set me off. She slapped the shit out of me and I reflex smacked her. She then ran around telling everyone I abused her. The people that knew me knew it was a lie. Few holes in the wall and a lot of mental scars later I left TMA, I left Washington and went back home.

Few months later I met Holly we started dating. I got atrached to her two week old son. No matter how hard I tried her mother hated me because I didn't make good money and she swore I was retared. I switch jobs several times to try and please them both. We ended up moving a while later to a apartment, got engaged and things were going good for awhile. She lost her job, I started working two jobs and the 4 hours I had off I had to clean house and take care of my stepson. I also sold my whole gaming collection to by her wedding ring.

Despite doing all this for her it came to a point where she wanted a break. I found out later she found a man with a bigger pocket book. So we ended up splitting up. One night not soon after she called him right next to me and said some pretty ignorant stuff. Next day I bought two bottles of vodka and started drinking. I finished one whole bottle and half of the other before it hit me. She came home and laughed at me as I layed on the ground in my own vomit. I kept trying to tell her I needed to go to the hospital but I couldn't speak. She ended up calling my father.  He came and cleaned me up and took me home. All I remember was saying I didn't want to live anymore. I've only seen that man cry three times. One was when someone shot his dog and the other was when my Grandma died.

I lost everything when me and Holly split. Car home, etc.

Few months later my highschool sweetheart  came back into my life.  I was a little weary about dating her at first, but those old feelings came back and I feel inlove. Deeply.

At one point I walked five hours to her house just to comfort her because her abusive ex was threating her.

My fathers girlfriend started giving him grief about me living there and she would text me at work and tell me I was killing him because I needed a ride at 4 am to go to work. I moved out because it was coming to the point my dad would have to choose between me or her, so I removed myself from the equation. A don has no right to come inbetween him and his woman.

I ended up living with highschool at her mothers and her true colors started to show. She was drinking and popping pills left and right. One night she told me she smoked some fake weed and I said "I'd rather be in a little pain than be high all the time.
 
Segway:

When I was 15 I fractured my knee and tore a ligament. I never got it looked at. From time to time it would hurt so bad I couldn't walk, but I managed anyway.

She said I was being ignorant, told me she loved someone else. Next day she told me she was pregnant and didn't want to be with me any longer.

I moved out. Moved in with "friends", started working at walmart and drinking constantly. I would text her everyonce in a blue moon to tell her I loved her and I still wanted to fix our family. Somehow this equated to me being a manipulative controlling piece of shit who was no better than her abusive ex.

So I said fuck it I was done. I talked to this girl at walmart and she was alright. She told me her parents kicked her out so I offered her my bed and I slept on the floor. I woke up and she was talking to my roommates and they moved her in assuming she was my girlfriend.

That lasted all of a week untill my roommate fucked her. She got kicked out by his pregnant old lady and I cut them both off I said fuck it I'm done with people.

By this time me and my ex were talking again. She needed help with her son so I rode my bike 10 miles a few times to help her out. Wrecked my bike once on the way at 35 miles an hour. After that I still went anf helped her orgnize her room for our child and set up the crib. She asked me to stay the night two nights in a row. We cuddled.

The third day I was sitting in the living room and some random guy showed up. My stomach wretched. She told me she was fucking him and if she decided to stay with him he would be my daughters step child.

I went home that night and drankmore than usual. The next day I was wasted, sitting in my floor trying to load my beretta. The girl that fucked my roommate showed up to pick up some of her stuff and caught me in the act.

I went unemployed for a few months and sold of a lot of my belongings to make ends meet. Quit drinking completely and started trying to rebuild myself. I cut off all ties with everyone except for my dad, my sister and my best friend who lives too far away and completely relied on just myself to get my head straight for my daughter.

Her mother is a pain in the ass and puts me in emotional situations and stresses me out.

Most recently my roommates seperated. I didn't have anywhere to go so I was homeless for awhile. She told me I was a piece of shit father for not watching our daughter so she could go party when she knew my fucking situation. I had to get myself off the street. I needed a home for me and my daughter.

I love her to death. I've walked 4 hours for that little girl to see her every day until my health got to a point I could no longer do it. I bought her diapers and formula untill her mother got on welfare and started living of the state.

And just today, I got a apartment, my car is getting fixed. I have a 34 yearold woman I am quite interested in and see her as much as possible. Things are looking up, but highschool wont let it stay that way for long. She doesn't understand that I only keep contact and deal with her because I love my daughter not her.

A problem I have is I struggle with who I am and who I use to be. I was a lying thieving prick who only cared about himself, but as I got older became empathetic, and a all around better man trying to improve myself.

But the reason is I feel like a worthless piece of shit who doesn't matter. So I do what I can to change that. I like to entertain people keep them happy so they don't ever feel like I have. It's a strange thing.


There you go. There is everything

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 02/02/16 at 12:29:15
Which means people like you have to suffer with some of the school faculty thinking you're a neglectful fuckup. Because they put you in the same basket as all of the legitimately neglectful fuckups out there.

They just treat every problem the same way. Typically by passing the blame to someone they have power over. In this case good parents like you because they have the power to fuck with your life.

Thanks Bent. Your 100% correct. It's bad enough that we can't control him doing that, than me and the wife getting grilled with questions like are we physically, mentally, or sexually abusing him? These are just standard questions. I must've gotten asked about sexually abusing him more than a dozen times before I got really angry and made sure they understood the answer was undoubtedly no.   

That said, I think the fact that your son is "trying" to change is significant. That seems to demonstrate that either he's feeling empathy and/or guilt, or he is making the connection between his bad behavior and bad consequences, both of which seem like steps in the right direction.

This is true. That's what we have been looking for 10 fucking years ago. It's all well and good but, There has been so much damage (even me personally) I feel it can be to late. Sure time heals. It's going to take alot I'll tell you that.

Your cousin is going through exactly what I have been dealing with. It's so fucked up to know there is another set of parents dealing with this. My sympathy and heart goes to them because I'm quite sure they think they are alone with this unique issue. They are not. I think I said I found someone I work with that has a similar problem with his older daughter, and his youngest is perfectly fine. At least his daughter didn't shit her pants until she was 10. He couldn't believe we dealt with that.

Routine is a huge part of my son's life, and it keeps him docile but, having your face crammed into a console, or phone playing games isn't the fix. We've tried to get him into other things to no avail. He ruins shit on purpose to not do anything but games, and we don't have the time, money, or resources anymore to try and change it. 

Just to be clear, this is anecdotal and I'm sure you've already gone through everything under the sun so I'm not trying to give you advice. I don't know shit. Well, except that you're a hell of a guy for powering through all of this and the fact that you've managed to raise a relatively stable 18 year old in the midst of all of this is fantastic and commendable (ADHD is no fun but it's manageable - I don't even take anything for it anymore).

Thanks Night. Don't worry about any kind of advice or whatever. All you're doing is trying to objectively understand, and that's all I can ask for. We have thought, tried, heard it all, and I would be blown away to hear of something new that could solve this. Deprogramming, Psychological, or even medication. Problem is, he's taken alot of drugs and some of them have had really bad side effects. One was he didn't sleep for a couple days. We had to argue tooth and nail to get him off that shit. We also had to fight to keep my oldest son of meds because they were trying to medicate him, and he didn't really need it but, lashing out because of whats going on.

A problem I have is I struggle with who I am and who I use to be. I was a lying thieving prick who only cared about himself, but as I got older became empathetic, and a all around better man trying to improve myself.

But the reason is I feel like a worthless piece of shit who doesn't matter. So I do what I can to change that. I like to entertain people keep them happy so they don't ever feel like I have. It's a strange thing.


There you go. There is everything.

Like I said in a previous reply. No amount of head games, drama, or what have you is worth the pain. You have to find someone that is stable. (If that's the right word) Unfortunately you have a child in the middle of it but, so long as you show to her that she means the world to you like you say she does, what her mother says or does won't means shit in the end really. Just like when you grew up to see your mom for what she was, or my dad.

It's a different road of suffering but, it still leads in the same direction of self destruction. I keep being told it will get better, and things will change. I've always had to quietly laugh at that because I have a very hard time believing it. I know have a spark with my wife FINNALY having a chance a company is giving her to have a stable job after 15 years. I guess I can cliche' you and say hang in there man. You say you also have that small spark as well.
I get told to make it brighter. I'd love to but I'm working with 2 sticks here.

Can someone toss me a match maybe?? LOL

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 02/02/16 at 19:34:14
I know all about how shitty the schools are. When i was in high school i skipped class frequently. Because it was fucking boring and at best it was daycare for teenagers. So what did the school do to stop me?

They gathered all of the parents of kids like me who skipped in an auditorium. Then basically threatened to throw them all into jail if the kids kept missing class.

Was it legal? Who knows. The parents there couldn't afford legal advice. I'm sure if you were rich enough you could just pay a fine and skip whatever bullshit they were pushing. But they knew most of those parents couldn't afford it.

Honestly I'm sure that legal threat resulted in a lot of beatings. Cause what else could you do? If your kid isn't going to listen to teachers, and if you telling them not to skip doesn't work. How can they expect you to remedy that situation non violently? These weren't kids with disabilities either they just flat out didn't give a fuck. Most of them were from poor families and probably only even showed up at the start of the day for the free government sponsored breakfast.

I was just an anti authoritarian prick who didn't see the value in learning history out of a government regulated book. Personally the legal threat against my family pissed me off so much i researched home schooling solutions. Then I finished off High School via a distance learning program. They mailed me the assignments and i took tests at the local university. Since i knew proctors through some of my offline shenanigans. It worked out perfectly.

But it's not like you have that option. You and your wife have to work. If you gave your kid those studies and assignments it probably wouldn't go anywhere. Also if you could afford a tutor/babysitter. You probably wouldn't have him in publics schools at all.

The whole situation is a god damn disgrace. The school system has been shit since before i was even born. But it's clearly only getting worse. I bet that administrator cunt makes twice as much as any of the teachers too. It's literally just minimum security prison for teens at this point. They pay the admin more money because it's not about education anymore. It's about power through authority.

Power over the kids and especially the parents. They want you under their thumb. They want you to beat your child just to the right degree so he isn't visibly harmed, but still terrified of being disobedient. They want to twist your arm until you apply just the right level of corporal punishment. So it makes their jobs easier.

I have nothing but hate for our countries educational system. Even colleges are starting to go fucking crazy. These kids won't be prepared for anything. At best we're raising a generation of "Yes men" who cannot handle conflict because they aren't smart enough to.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Skywalker on 02/02/16 at 22:26:26
Work full time and school full time.


I also stopped paying my internet bill months ago. Sucks but on the bright side I discovered my school has the fastest internet I ever experienced. What use to take 6-8 hours for uploading 1 gig now takes a few minutes. Even if I had internet I'd still come here for my uploads.

Good news to hear others are doing well for themselves. Unfortunately I was only able to scan over it because I'm very crunched for time but wanted to respond. As it is I have to study for a computer class but look forward to reading it sometime. It's also uncomfortable here in the library since I'm sure other people are reading this. Not only that but the computers are closely monitored too, but the biggest thing is time.

I'm finishing my 2 year then moving onto a 4 year.

Still work with a crew for a contractor restoring antique houses.

Haven't met the girl of my dreams yet but I'll try to remember to post when I do.

I miss gaming very much. Think I might move to steam entirely when I get back into it. The prices of being on console now is just flat out wrong.

I'm still in the middle of doing the engine swap. I got the cavalier motor out. Now need to pull the grand am motor which has a auto trans, which, turns out to be so big it's nearly the size of the engine. The manual trans that dropped out of the cavalier only weighed 80lbs and can be picked up. Didn't see that coming, so that project is on hold until spring or summer.

I also miss Twisted Metal and noticed I missed a few tmbo events :'(


Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 02/02/16 at 23:41:46
Good to see you back Skywalker. I missed youuuuu.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Skywalker on 02/03/16 at 18:26:18
I feel like I should apologize for my lame post but it's the truth. At home I would pour over this site and write out good or decent replies, but I can't see doing that here with so many students and staff looking on. I'll try to read everything though.









I missed when HB came back. How come you're not using your original avatar/screen name? Btw you're my idol in a lot of ways on YouTube. Great work.

Magnum I'd like to hear that story of when you met your wife. The situation with your 5 year old sounds insane. The dirty underwear analogy was hilarious though.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Luis on 02/03/16 at 21:01:37
Hellbent was banned that's why.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 02/04/16 at 01:45:08

Skywalker wrote on 02/03/16 at 18:26:18:
I missed when HB came back. How come you're not using your original avatar/screen name? Btw you're my idol in a lot of ways on YouTube. Great work.



Thanks! It's a fun hobby. The fact I'm making money doing what I used to do for free is incredibly fortunate. If you want to get where I'm at. Just put out tons of applications online and seek out freelance work for people you want to work for. Don't wait for it to come your way, cause that rarely happens.

What Luis said. Got banned for intentionally stirring shit for a few months straight. Or a year. Hard to remember all of the details. I was on a downward spiral of drug abuse, it makes a lot of the finer details tough to remember. I don't blame the drugs however. People often like to scapegoat personal issues as the reason for why they do bad shit. I was just a hateful person at the time. Rather than take it out on random strays on the sidewalks. I caused misery here to sort of vent my emotions on society, for the most part.

I wouldn't blame anyone for holding a grudge. I'm beyond trying to defend that shit at this point. Pushing peoples buttons here was petty and a tremendous waste of time. You can't pull people's chains and expect forgiveness just because it's been awhile.

It'd be nice to bury the hatchet with everyone I agitated. But I don't expect everyone to just get over it. Besides it'd be supremely hypocritical to deny people their right to hate me.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by XIZOR on 02/04/16 at 04:07:53
"In this house was where I was molested by a female cousin." -- Adonael



Sorry. Had to.

"I also sold my whole gaming collection to by her wedding ring." -- Adonael



Your story is fucked up dude, no doubt. I feel for ya. There is one thing I noticed as a through-line of your whole life story and that is being abused or taken advantage of by women from your cousin and mother all the way to the preset with girlfriends and such though I'm sure you've probably come to the same obvious conclusion.

I don't really know you, and far be it for me to try and give out advice to anyone so forgive me if I'm speaking out of turn, but it would seem like you'd benefit from not continuing to let women take advantage of you (though that's easier said than done sometimes). You've got to break that cycle. Even in the most seemingly harmless ways I've watched many dudes and friends over the years just give in to women and pussy and it always makes me sad. I know that isn't necessarily in the same ball park as all the things you've described but it is on some fundamental level. I feel like I have a huge point to make about this inside my head that would result in a huge wall of profoundly insightful text that I don't really feel like working through right now so forgive me if this reply seems a bit brash, assuming, unsympathetic, or off base but the thing I realized early on about myself is that I'm a guy who really loves females, pussy, sex and all that jazz--all guys do really, but I have a dirty mind that could destroy my life if I'm not careful--so its very easy to just let the idea of simply "being" with a female (or multiple females) and all that that entails dominate my thought process and could cause me to sacrifice what I want to do in life ultimately causing me to compromise who I am as a person in the process. It took a couple girls breaking my heart early on when I was young to figure out that I would never again let a female cloud my judgement or rule my life. I'm not trying to sound sexist or like a bad ass who just loves 'em and leaves 'em but that one rule has allowed me to have a healthy dating life, knowing when a girl wasn't right for me and when it was time to move on, until finally finding someone who was right for me.

Even now I have a friend at work who is in what I would consider an unhealthy relationship. He is dating a younger chick who is definitely cute as fuck and I don't blame him for fucking her for a bit but now he's trapped in some endless cycle of breaking up and getting back together with a chick 8 years younger than him who wants completely different things than he does and who doesn't really respect his interests or passions. I keep trying to get him to just be done with it but he always goes back because he is too weak and inexperienced (hasn't really dated anyone in 8 years) to understand when its time to get the fuck out. He's a nice guy, as you sound like Adonael, but women take advantage of that sometimes and I don't care what anyone says but I think, even deep down on some subconscious level, that girls see that sometimes as a sign of weakness.

So before I get off the rails with this thing I'll just say that as someone who also almost self destructed in life, the best thing you can do is help yourself first and then worry about the rest (females in this case) later. I took a year and a half off from dating and everything else when I needed to rebuild my life and get back on track and then, by having a solid foundation, it was easier not to become trapped in something I didn't want or need to be in.

Again, I'm not even sure I made the point I initially set out to make or helped you in any way--I've worked an obscene amount of hours the last week and I'm just buckshotting random thoughts here--but hopefully you get what I'm trying to say.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 02/04/16 at 08:33:35
I appreciate it Xizor and yeah I've learned the hard way, but I've learned my lesson. I'm not quite same person I was a year ago and in a way its kind of sad.

I was a very romantic person who believed deeply in love. It might sound cruel but now you've got to earn it and show me you are worth it. Im not going to chase you and prove to you I want to be with you. Fuck that.

"I guess I can cliche' you and say hang in there man. You say you also have that small spark as well. 
I get told to make it brighter. I'd love to but I'm working with 2 sticks here."

Thanks for the words Magnum. It helps. Sometimes I feel like I am working with two pieces of concrete though. Haha.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 02/04/16 at 12:21:39
I can give Ol Hellbent a pass. He said he's sorry so if he really means it, it will show.

"is that I'm a guy who really loves females, pussy, sex and all that jazz--all guys do really, but I have a dirty mind that could destroy my life if I'm not careful--so its very easy to just let the idea of simply "being" with a female (or multiple females) and all that that entails dominate my thought process and could cause me to sacrifice what I want to do in life ultimately causing me to compromise who I am as a person in the process.

I took a year and a half off from dating and everything else when I needed to rebuild my life and get back on track and then, by having a solid foundation, it was easier not to become trapped in something I didn't want or need to be in."

The 1st thing Xizor mentioned is way fucking true for me as well. I'd chase most any female if I could if I find them attractive. The 2nd thing is pretty much on target as well. I was in a relationship that really crushed me, and I didn't want any female relationship in my life besides sex. A good amount of time off from a relationship can help focus yourself to what you'd want in a person. Everyone deals with that differently. I went swinging and slinging my dick in as much as I could for 2 years. Got a damn good amount of pussy but, It was empty emotionally. I also made it quite clear to them that's all it was. I was at least a nice enough guy not to string them along. The 2 years off from popping and dropping them helped me find what I wanted. Ironically it turned out to be the wife.

That's another damn thing Adoneal. You know what you want so, you shouldn't have to compromise to much to get it, and she shouldn't have to do that to much for you either. You also can't let a woman walk over you and shit. That shit needs to be stopped at the door before she even walks into your life, and in return, you can't do that either. What that dude that works for Xizor is going through, every guy has gone through. Even more so for the "nice guys" like I was at one point. Sometimes you have to be an asshole, and not budging on certain things that make you you, will make you and her happier in the long run.

Another crazy thing that also works even though you might not believe it is stop fucking looking for it. Seriously. I'm not lying, and those who know WTF I just said, knows WTF I just said.

Did that make sense? Duh fuq I jus say? Anyway.....

Ok Skywalker. You have a deal. I'll spill that to TMA as well. I don't have the time for that now. It's a perfect example of WTF I said last sentence. That is a story I like to tell because me and the wife still don't believe it to this day honestly.

22 years later.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by NightShade on 02/04/16 at 16:47:22

Magnum wrote on 02/04/16 at 12:21:39:
Another crazy thing that also works even though you might not believe it is stop fucking looking for it. Seriously. I'm not lying, and those who know WTF I just said, knows WTF I just said.

Maybe that works for some folks, but you have to already be within certain social circles for that to actually work. I tried that for years and years and got jack squat because I wasn't regularly interacting with women. But like now, I start improv and within a few months meet somebody there that's pretty awesome while doing something I really enjoy.

Anyway, I'm really sorry you've had to go through all of that Adoneal. My take is similar to Xizor's but a little different. I can't help but think that perhaps your history, how you interacted with women growing up has sort of subconsciously stilted your view such that maybe the women you seek out are kinda fucked up to begin with? That's more a question for a therapist I think but it seems plausible given what you've been through.

I don't know that you have to fundamentally alter how you interact with women by becoming more distant, but you definitely need to be able to detect red flags and hit the eject button once you see them. When it's clear that the relationship is toxic, get the fuck out. I've learned that the hard way. The girl I dated that had schizoaffective disorder had all sorts of red flags - heard voices all the time that told her to hurt herself, and got mad at me because the imaginary version of me in her head said something mean. She told me she loved me really early and wanted to move in together. She cut herself when I was out of the country. She seriously contemplated suicide on a regular basis. She saw things that weren't there. She thought I turned into a demon. I should have got out sooner than I did, but god damnit she was gorgeous.

I'm definitely a "romantic" too, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that when it's applied with the right woman, but I agree it's important to not lose yourself in your quest to find love. If it falls apart you have nothing left, but more importantly, even if it doesn't, you probably won't be as happy as you could be. I think you're wise to not chase people to prove yourself - if they want you to do that, I think the ceiling for happiness in a relationship with them is low.

Obviously you've been through some serious shit, but I'm glad to hear things are looking up! Congrats on the new apartment, and of course, your daughter.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by SynthR on 02/04/16 at 20:37:36
Fuck me. I just read this whole post and what I've read is unreal. I learned pretty quick in my writing career that people tend to suffer in silence. Everyone has a story, but most of us are afraid to tell it. It's the fear of being judged and ridiculed. In my experience, yes, there are those who will bash you down, but for every individual who's like that, there are hundreds who will listen and will want you to succeed. Kudos to Night for creating this thread as an outlet for many of us who have known each other only as a screen name.

Magnum - I'm glad you shared your story even after living it for so long. You didn't need to apologise for keeping me out of the loop. I respected your decision then and I still do. My heart goes out to you and your family. I hope the positive changes that you guys have seen lately are only the beginning. You all deserve it. Hang in there.

Adoneal - Your story enraged me with the way you've been treated, especially the cheating bit. I would have committed murder right fucking there in the living room.  No word of a lie. You're a better man than me for not resorting to violence on the spot. It's good that you've learned from your mistakes and you're at least trying to grow from it. You don't have to feel guilty for your past and don't let it hold you back from your future self. Life is filled with beginnings and endings. You are in control of making a change to how your story unfolds. Get the respect you deserve and don't let anyone treat you otherwise.

Congrats to Hellbent for making changes. I have no doubt it was a trying time in your life.

I want to say more but I'm out of the country and using a Kobo for Internet. It's rough typing with this thing. I will write more later and share my story. It's not nearly as engaging as any of yours, but I have a unique spin on parental abuse.

One last thing: this thread is very sobering and an interesting exercise in maturity. A lot of us have known each other on some level for 15 plus years. A lot has happened behind the scenes during that time. It also shows how little you really know some people when you can't physically be a part of their life. I find it all interesting on a strange and curious level.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 02/05/16 at 12:13:56
LOL @ Night. I know what you mean but, you still have to talk to a few of them dude. That made me laugh. Of course everyone has their way of going about it, and not one single way is always the best. I've personally experienced it, and have had many others say don't look for it, or along those lines. I can see you now walking up to a woman and be like, "Excuse me mam. Would you like to buh dum chink?" Now that would be funny.   

I'm not a Dr either but, what Night also said about you Adoneal, and your position with women can be true. My position with authority driven men is due to my father. Don't much care for being told what to do and how to do it. Even more so when threats or vague threats are introduced. It's why I had problems with my job. Just some insight from me. I'm just sure that what you told us has had an unintentional effect for you. 

Yo Synthr! Good to see you dude! Like I said. It really just boils down to when not only when I felt like I can trust someone, (that wasn't the problem for you) it was when I felt I could just gather my courage to do so, then have the time, and then the person I wanted to tell to be there for that time. As you can see, this wasn't going to be a quick 10-15 minute chat, and you Amigo deserved a better explanation, and "face time" than a small tid bit. My only small regret is that you found out this way but, time, life, and stuff just didn't line us up dude. So now you know, and I appreciate you replying. 

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 02/05/16 at 20:09:53
That's why I've had six months without a relationship or a woman of any kind. I took a good time to work on myself.

I know what my issues are and try my best to deal with them. I've got it mostly sorted out, but like anything you have a bad day every once in awhile.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Serpentine on 02/06/16 at 12:51:01
Well, I guess I can tell my life story here thanks to Nightshade for creating this thread.

Well, I went deaf at 18 months old when my dad was calling my name and realized I wasn't paying attention and had me tested. To my parents' surprise, I've gone deaf. I became sick at that age enough to put me at the brink of death but I came back but the price was being deaf. I was so sick with whatever it was, it destroyed my hair cells in my ears.

I got my ass kicked a lot by my mom, she had a lot of resentment and hatred toward me. She had a C-section and it screwed her up because back then, C-sections incisions were done vertically. That generally caused problems because layers inside the body wouldn't heal properly and that would cause certain health problems. She would kick me in the ribs and smack me in the mouth if i tried to talk smack back like "no" or whatever. I would witness violent arguments between my parents as a kid often. Right now, me and my mom are on good terms, she constantly apologize for her part in how I was raised in this world.

My dad were always there for me, he would comfort me and hop in my small bed if I asked him to sleep with me, he didn't care how uncomfortable he was, he'd actually fall asleep with me while I watched late night shows on Cartoon Network, mostly consisted of anime.

I never really had friends growing up, I was kind of sheltered growing up. All I had were video games to play after coming home from school. I grew up on NES, SNES, Genesis, Saturn. Once in a while, I'd have friends over to play games together. In a way, I think that fucked with me a bit how I would interact with people.

In high school, I experimented with almost every drug, I abused painkillers, I smoked weed(nothing wrong with that, I still smoke weed), I snorted cocaine and enjoyed it. I went to every party I could find and partied it up. Often, I would just do everything at once in one night and wake up the next morning surprised it didn't kill me. This happened a lot and I'm still here.

I struggled with an alcohol addiction, I would just drink a lot and make a fool of myself a lot. I generally didn't give a fuck what I did most of the time. Sometimes, I would feel guilty if I offended certain friends I valued the most to me, I would apologize a lot. I still do work on my alcohol addiction to this day. Still a lot better than a few years ago, though.

I don't know what else to put here.. just wanted to get this off my chest, I don't give a shit if it's in the open now. I feel better typing all this and getting it out now.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 02/06/16 at 14:54:04
Yea. I know what you mean Adoneal. some just last longer than others.

It's cool Serp. I also feel better just dropping this shit. it completely goes against the grain of everything I feel is private but, I can't explain why it works. It also helps when you don't have to defend yourself, or justify how or why it happened.

So I guess Nightshade gets some wings and a Halo I guess?   

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Spag on 02/06/16 at 15:32:56
Cool to see everyone sharing things like this. Sorry for all this unfortunate shit that happened to all of you though. There's some pretty rough stuff I read in this thread.

I plan on venting here in a bit about a certain person in my life so stay tuned I guess.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Serpentine on 02/07/16 at 11:25:12
Yeah, Nightshade definitely gets wings and halo for this one. Now, that's an idea for a belt, Mags.

We might have to keep an eye on him though in case he decides to wrap an extension cord around our necks..

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 02/07/16 at 17:01:45
Well then. I guess he can belt himself. WHIP IT BABY!!!! He's like a supremo Admin so, he can remember how to do it.  ;D

So I said I'd explain how I came across getting together with the wife. I still to this day can't explain how or why things turned out. They just did. Also knowing that one decision might have changed everything completely.

Back in the 80's and early 90's, the best Rock/Metal club in Baltimore (East Coast as well) was called HammerJacks. If you were into that scene, this place was really cool. When I got to Baltimore in spring of 93, it was still jumping. Me and my Bro from another mom would go there every now and then on Friday or Saturday nights depending on who was playing at the time. It also had 2 separate sections that you could go to if you wanted to. So long as you paid the door fee, you could go to "The Concert" side, or "The Club" side. Now the club side didn't play dance music all that much. Maybe the REALLY popular stuff here and there but, it remained all rock/pop/or metal. So from about April to December of that year before the main show would start, we'd go to the club side sometimes. Now the thing about Hammerjacks was girls sometimes getting up on the bar top to dance to certain songs. Literally on top the bar. The DJ would say it was starting and play Crue "Girls Girls Girls" Poison "Nothing But a Good Time" and stuff like that. Since it was such a long standing tradition, regulars knew what to do and the girls that went up there to do it, were also expected to be responsible. No stripping, and not wasted. (different era huh? No one would allow that shit now a days) The wife was one of those girls. When they didn't dance on the bar, they'd of course be on the dance "stage" and she'd be there a lot of the times with her friends shaking and wiggling.

Now I'm a stupid sucker for Redheads. This girl has fire red hair all the way to her ass. She was always dressed in a tight dress. She was 6ft all the time with her heels on but actually 5-10, and even though she was tall and skinny at 115 pds, I was mesmerized. I did get a few close looks at her and saw she also had Emerald Green eyes.  ::) So for awhile I always watched her on the club side, and always see her on the Concert side. I knew from the start that she had to be with someone. (she was engaged actually) It always seemed the case and at that time, and I was on my fuck em and leave em binge of 2 years so it was no big deal. So around the beginning of December 93 on the club side one night, they decided to shut it down because there wasn't enough people to justify it to stay open, and wanted more people on the concert side. Little did I know that night the wife saw me watching her dance and thought I was really cute. I didn't think she saw me.

Her and her friends were able to get out kinda 1st because they were closer to the doors that led people out that way. Like herding cattle. I went near the back to find my buddy, and started to head to the door. So as we are cramming ourselves to the other side, a blonde girl bumps into me and knocks most my beer out. (I was told later on she did this stuff on purpose to meet guys. She was one of my wife's friends at the time) She literally says, "OMG I'm so sorry. Holy shit your cute! Can I buy you a beer? I'm so sorry." In my mind I'm like well she's easy, and she was too. So we go to the bar and she buys me AND my buddy a beer because she liked him too, and told us to join her near the front of the stage. We're like fuck yea, so we follow her through the crowd. She's holding my hand pulling me to the front, and headed in the direction of "The Redhead" I always told my buddy. We keep getting closer and I'm thinking, she can't know that girl. No fucking way. sure as shit, she tugs her dress and she turns around. She's wide eyed because she knew it was me watching her, and she thought I was hot. I'm wide eyed because I can't believe I'm even going to meet her. She we do intro's and she intro's me not so enthusiastically to her fiance`Figures.

We had a great time honestly. we didn't talk much but now I had a reason to keep going back because I wanted to fuck the blonde, but I would now get to at least hang out with The redhead.So another week goes by and we go to Jack's again. This time I'm slightly dating the Blonde so I'm looking for her, by finding The Redhead. Sure enough, we find everyone and I meet more of her friends, and we hang out. So her it is, I'm actually talking to her and getting to know her without making any moves. She was hands off to me because she was engaged. She does mention that she isn't happy, (a flag I missed) but we kept talking and we became at least fast friends. So much so that I called her every now and then to say whats up, and to see what we'd be doing this weekend since we all have had fun chilling out together. She also really helped me out by keeping me from fucking her Blonde friend. She had Herpies guys, and didn't really plan on letting me know. My wife actually saved me, and of course I wasn't to happy with her Blonde friend anymore, and of course her friend wasn't to happy either but, she was enough of a type of woman that warranted getting Herpies if you get my meaning. Sad really, and I'm grateful to her to this day she saved me because.....she really liked me. I had no idea she breaks up with her fiance a week before Christmas because I was busy traveling back and forth to my hometown in NY for the holidays. She was really sick of his shit long before she met me but, it did have a little influence.

So on New Years Eve of 93 I had a choice to go to a party in some hickville town in PA that another friend of mine was from, or go to a huge New Years Eve concert that was going to happen at Jack's. For those of you that don't know, WTF do you think you'd even pick???? Come the fuck on dude. I told my Bro from another mother, and that friend of mine I'll be going to Jack's and you guys can have fun in the fucking cornfields or some shit. Afterwards, I chose wisely because my Bro was so fucking pissed it was basically almost a hick sausage party with the few ugly women that were there, and they ran out of beer before midnight. Then when they drove back to Baltimore, it was to late to get to Jack's because bars in MD close at 2am and they were an hour 1/2 away.         

So I'm dressed to the 9's in my 80's get up. Styled long hair, Ripped jeans, Black dress shirt, Snakeskin Cowboy boots, and my trusty leather biker jacket. So I get into Jack's around 9, and the wife and her friends (the blonde too with a guy she's trying to fuck) were already there. I had no idea where they were so I went to the bar to get a beer. One of the wife's friends spots me from the 2nd floor, and points me out to her and she rushes to come get me. I get my beer and see her rushing down the steps, and decide to see where she's going. I can see she's looking around but didn't know it was for me. So when she almost walks past me, I grab her and say "Looking for me?" She immediately jumps at me and bear hugs me. "I'm so happy to see you!" I'm like....whoa.....ok...wow. So she grabs my hand and demands I hang out with them. we go upstairs to where they are and it's a really good spot to watch the show.   

The place opens at 8, and her x-fiance is already wasted feeling sorry for himself. Literally drunk hanging onto the railing of the balcony of the 2nd floor. Her reason for wanting to leave him because he's always mooching, and always to drunk before anything starts. I feel kinda bad for him honestly, and still don't want to mess with her because they recently broke up and I sure as fuck don't need any drama. So he pretty much passes out before the concert starts. So I'm just chatting with her the entire time about nothing really, not knowing she's trying to hook up with me. So after the 2nd time of going to the bar, she wants to go with me. I want to buy her a drink out of courtesy, and she just really loved that, because her X never bought her shit. She was always buying all the time, and paying his way into places. She's explaining all this to me as we are apart from everyone else, and I'm FINALLY getting the hint she wants me than more of a friend.

To this day, I still can't explain it. It really felt like a "Back To The Future" moment with Mcfly needing to kiss her at the dance. It's the only description that I can use that makes sense. She's looking at me, and I just said fuck it in my head and said "Can I kiss you?" Her eyes lit up and she said yes. after I kissed her, I just blurted out "I feel like I could love you for the rest of my life"

Nothing to this day can explain what I said, and I sure as shit didn't think it would be that profound. Just like "Back To The Future", knowing if I didn't do certain things, how the fuck would stuff turn out? Especially after explaining everything about my life in the last replies, and how we struggled.

So there it is. A real life fucking romantic fairy tale honestly. So if anyone that can travel back in time, thanks for convincing me to go to Jack's that New Years Eve. Hell......even moving to MD, and giving me the guts to ask her that. I know something strange happened that night, and you all can call me crazy.....because I am.

When we tell people, they are pretty amazed and happy to hear a story like that. Hope you guys enjoyed it. It's definitely one of the highlights of my life. 

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 02/07/16 at 21:11:29
That is pretty cool. Sounds like an 80's romance.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 02/08/16 at 13:05:28
Lil tip from Uncle Hellbent. If you aren't able to find happiness on your own. You will make any significant other you find miserable. Sort your shit and get your self out there. You'll find someone special.

Not special as in a codependent sad sack as lonely as you are. A person you can share your happiness with and work toward a better life.

Don't live a gimped life using another person as a crutch to keep you standing.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by NightShade on 02/08/16 at 17:02:08
God, that's rough Serp! I'm sorry to hear that. I had no idea you were deaf. Have you grown to cope with it? I wonder if it was better that it happened at a young age so you don't really remember it enough to miss it. Sounds like you have a pretty great dad - are you guys still close?

Do you mind me asking when you were born? I ask because in 1984 my mom DIDN'T have a C section and because she didn't, she got kinda screwed up and still has problems to this day. I was apparently a freakishly large baby. But she has always talked about how she should've had a C section, the doctor was a fuck up, etc., but it sounds like that hasn't always been a great option.

Mags, that's a hell of a story. You saying that line seems kind of out of character for you, which make it seem all the more like... well, destiny. I don't tend to believe in that kind of thing, but that's a pretty crazy stars-aligning-just-right kind of situation. I'm sure you don't feel like it all the time, but in at least that respect, you're a lucky guy.

I told you guys this would be cathartic. Or maybe I didn't, I don't remember. Maybe it was the threat of murder. Regardless, the reason it works is because underneath the occasional bullshit this is actually a safe space, and you're surrounded by people that care about you and in many cases, long time friends.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 02/09/16 at 12:24:46
Serp's story is rough man. I remember Serp posting he was deaf a long time ago. When he 1st got to TMA, I always wondered why he "typed" a certain way and couldn't figure it out. At least he was very understandable unlike some of the fuck wits that came through here. My wife told me that signing doesn't have "is" or "the" in it. I guess that's correct? In any case, Serpentine has been a really cool dude since he got here, and I personally wouldn't give a fuck if he was blind too.

j/k no jinx, no jinx, no jinx.......LOL   

Hellbent is absolutely right about what he said there. I guess it's also a very good insight as to how much he's changed really. You wouldn't get that out of him really. Maybe in a private AIM or something but, not exactly here at TMA. Shit.....I don't think that what we've all written down would've been privy info on these boards. I guess your right Nightshade. I have felt better since I just cut it loose in text.

And yes, me saying that when I was pretty much "just interested in sex" and have always been a cock slinger when single, was a massive WTF when that came out my mouth. She remembers me even standing there for a few seconds and then saying "I can't believe I just said that" I can't remember what she said. Now it's bugging me. And with what Hellbent said yes, I am a lucky guy. Very.

I'm still a stupid enough dog though to chase after some other tail  but, so long as I don't touch, I'm ok.

Scold knows about my 2% theory.  ;)

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 02/10/16 at 02:41:40
I hit the ceiling with drug use. So it's not as fun anymore and the repercussions aren't worth it to me. Also instead of pushing peoples buttons for fun. I entertain them like I always wanted to.

Other then that I'm the same person I've always been. I haven't matured. I'll still openly argue with people who think they are helping society by limiting freedom of speech. Or those who try and use labels as valid arguments. I have no love for people who can't handle words. Those people will gladly hand the government the keys they need to make "wrong think" a crime.

But I'm over debating about video games. I suppose if I matured in any sense. I've realized at the end of the day I don't care who likes what. The real threat are those who want to silence you just for not agreeing with them on serious issues. Like the dickweeds out there saying people are limiting their freedom of speech by using freedom of speech.

I'm thinking of getting into a little bit of political work on my channel. Not so much the gender/race charged bullshit. But just the absurd sensitivity. The fact a disagreement is now an "attack". That proving someone wrong is "harassment".

Perhaps it's misguided to think I could help by just giving out my opinion on those issues. But at least I could die knowing I tried. Even if said opinion becomes illegal and is removed.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by SynthR on 02/11/16 at 12:34:01
I just blurted out "I feel like I could love you for the rest of my life"  - Magnum

What a sorry sack of hopeless romanticism. You really wanted to get laid that night, lol.


My favourite Hellbent contribution over the years will always be the term "baby frolics".

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 02/12/16 at 02:24:03
I'm not doing this for a pity party. I feel like drinking tonight and maybe a vent to you guys will stop that urge.

My mother is trying to move in with me after I finally got my own place, after being homeless and she didn't help me one bit. Never there for me. Finally got my own place and wants to pull a fucking pity party on me. Guilt trip me.

My ex finally flipped out saying shes going to kill herself because she finally realized we are just business not friends. I cant do the drama anymore and I don't have to I'm done. It's not my fault you showed up at my work after I was at home. You did not contact me. Don't tell me ill never see my daughter because I wasn't there. I didn't fucking know you'd randomly show up.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Serpentine on 02/12/16 at 07:08:50
Nightshade- Yes, I'm still close with my dad, we share a bizarre sense of humor. It happened at a young age so it didn't affect me at all because I don't remember sounds or anything like that. It was relatively easy growing up for me, learning sign language and go to a school for deaf kids like me back then. There were times when I actually wanted to have the ability to hear but I couldn't, the closest thing I can do is read lips and interpret for my other deaf friends. I'm fairly good at reading lips as long as they don't mumble like they lost their fucking dentures.

I was born in 1988, the doctor was a fuck-up which is ironic because he's chinese.. He's supposed to be good at his job. After my mom was released to go home, that was when they realized the doctor fucked up big time, he didn't do the stitching correctly and messed up certain layers inside. So, my dad went back to the hospital and demanded all records of my mom and the doctor's name.. Turns out, the nurse tells her there's no records anywhere to be found and the doctor does not exist. They had gotten rid all of the records just to save the doctor's ass and the hospital's shiny "5-star" reputation. My parents couldn't afford a lawyer, they were not rich so they were stuck with the outcome. I was also a freakishly large baby, I actually almost killed my mom during the C-section process.

Mags- You feckin' wot m8? Blind what? What did you just say? Speak up! But yeah, the current version of American Sign Language doesn't include the words "is" and "the". It's sort of summarized. With ASL, you could easily read aloud a paragraph with a few signed sentences. Back then, the older version was much more drawn out and had to sign word for word so that was a pain in the ass for people back then. That's why my posts back then read a bit different because I'm used to conversing in my primary language. Sometimes, it's just because I was shitfaced and posted what I thought was hilarious to me at the time.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 02/12/16 at 12:18:57
Sometimes, it's just because I was shitfaced and posted what I thought was hilarious to me at the time.

You don't have to be deaf or blind to do that. I do it all the time. My wife was talking about a character in a book she reads that is deaf. His friends say you can tell when he's drunk because he slurs his signs. I had to LMAO imagining that.

That's a really amazing bullshit deal you and your family got dude. Back then it was easier to cover up shit for sure. Damn man. That's so fucked up. 

Hopeless romantic indeed! When you Swashbuckle like I do good sir, getting laid is only a matter of time! Seriously though, I didn't even want to do anything with her because she felt so special to me. So I left it up to her to make the decision when it was cool to do the deed. I know that also sealed the deal because I wasn't looking for just a piece of ass like her friend.

It took a month but, man it was worth it.  :D

So Adoneal. I can give you a bit of advice and you do not have to take it. I really try to mind my own business when it comes to this site because I sure know I try and keep to mine. Since we've been putting our shit up on the table for all to see and comment on, I can't help but to feel like shit for you.

The problem with people never being there for you when your down and at your lowest, shows brightly when your able to get back up and now all of a sudden they want to be with you.

Totally fuck that shit. All these years of my struggles with what was going on with me, I've cut some people out. It sucks, it hurts, it's bullshit, it's cold hearted. Given the history of these people that want to get back into your life, do you really think it is worth your struggle to FINALLY be happy, and live at least a less stressfull, drama free life?   

Your a grown ass man, and you do what you want dude. I had to have this same convo with my best friend many years back because his wife is a fucking loon, and he was close to leaving her. I told him flat out he should Unless you BOTH can work it out. Not every situation is hopeless all the time but, from what you've put out to us, you should keep these people out your life as much as possible.

Again, if I stepped out of line with you just say so dude. I will gladly apologize.   

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 02/12/16 at 15:52:41

†Adonael wrote on 02/12/16 at 02:24:03:
I'm not doing this for a pity party. I feel like drinking tonight and maybe a vent to you guys will stop that urge.

My mother is trying to move in with me after I finally got my own place, after being homeless and she didn't help me one bit. Never there for me. Finally got my own place and wants to pull a fucking pity party on me. Guilt trip me.

My ex finally flipped out saying shes going to kill herself because she finally realized we are just business not friends. I cant do the drama anymore and I don't have to I'm done. It's not my fault you showed up at my work after I was at home. You did not contact me. Don't tell me ill never see my daughter because I wasn't there. I didn't fucking know you'd randomly show up.



Your mom and ex sound like cunts. Don't let people bully you with suicide and guilt trips. It's never going to end on a positive note with people like that. They'll just keep chipping away at you until there is nothing left, and then they'll leave you to rot.

If your ex kills herself because you don't want to be on a tight leash. Then that is her fault. You aren't responsible for her happiness or wellbeing. Keeping a good friendship is a 2 way street and threatening to kill yourself isn't what a friend does.

As far as your mother. I'd say she's less of a cunt. But I don't see where she gets off asking to move in after leaving you to rot on the streets. I'd close the door on that shit.

There are always going to be more people in your life. It's not the end of your social or family life to cut out the people causing you problems. I'm not saying to be a total introvert. But those two women are just going to take away from your wellbeing.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 02/12/16 at 18:12:31
Here's a bonus piece of advice. If your relationship is control based. Then you're both fucked.

If she has to check your phone to make sure you aren't cheating on her. If she is worried when you go out after midnight. If it bothers her that you have friends who are women. If she gets literally angry that you miss a birthday or valentines. Then her love for you hinges on her ability to control you.

Same applies for women. If you don't like her going out with her friends without you. If you can't handle that she is still friends with an ex. If the fact she finds some dudes on TV or Movies hot makes you feel inferior. If a few days go by and she hasn't even texted you and you think she's not interested anymore. You'll make her miserable with your clingy domineering bullshit.

If you are in a relationship like that. Break the control right now. If you both stick together after breaking the chain, then you'll be peachy. If not and he or she thinks you hate them. Then you just got out of a doomed relationship.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Pyrinder on 02/14/16 at 04:39:29
I don't approve of guilt-trips. I always try working with them until it plays in my favor and hold them to it. That's the only time I don't feel really bad about doing it.

Anyone who's going to threaten suicide to get their way - call their bluff. Just start piling on them with "what ifs" until you find an inconsistent and contradicting answer. The more they get gradually irritated with being interrogated, the more they're bullshitting.

Otherwise, if anyone I didn't care for necessarily wanted to commit suicide so badly - say nothing, walk away and let them. Fuck it. If you need to cover your ass in anyway, leave them a suicide hotline number or call a suicide hotline on them. That way, you'd say that your ass was covered and you tried to do shit.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Mecit on 02/17/16 at 13:25:50
I think everyone feels like a worthless piece of shit at some point in their lives. Hell, my last five years or so has been like that. I will be 30 in three years and when I look back, all I see is I don't really have any sort of achievements, yet. And that's all there is about my life.

Magnum - I'm really sorry that you had to go through all that shit, man. I most likely wouldn't have had the same patience and strength to endure it. Also, given that what a laid back, tolerant and funny guy you are, I would have never thought you'd have a past like that. Interesting stuff. Props for opening up so honestly. Experiencing fucked up things is one thing, talking about is also feels as bad. I'm also glad you didn't end up a stray outcast, you know. People with a shitty past have a tendency for that. Instead, you founded a family with the woman you love and raised two kids. You're a good man.


I feel sorry for Adonael, too but not as much. You shouldn't ever have let a girl manipulate you and treat you like shit, in the first place. They can be (and usually are) much more fucked up than guys in relationships.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 02/17/16 at 13:37:33
I appreciate eveyones input. It helps just to show you care enought to say something even if its calling me a dumb ass. Ehm... mecit

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Mecit on 02/17/16 at 13:52:08
Sorry if it sounded like I'm insulting you. It's true that when you have feelings for someone, you tend to not see them for who they really are. However, you gotta learn to say "Okay, that's enough. This is as far as you go."


Otherwise, you'll have to give up on who you are and turn into a loser who's exploited by those around you.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 02/17/16 at 15:15:35
You didn't at all mecit. I was trying to joke on a all too serious thread.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 02/18/16 at 13:14:18
Thanks Mecit. Me and you have had some great times in chat and shit like that. If anything, your really fucking cool for tolerating all the slurs I've ever called you joking around. And that's what makes it really cool because we know we're just fucking around. I mean, that's what made those years bearable for me was dicking around in TMA chat, or posting dumb shit on Brawl. 

The other thing that has kept me around honestly is the wife. If not for her, I probably would not even be here. She was the only thing that grounded me all these years, and me to her. I know a ton of couples would've divorced easily through many parts of it. Even with the fights we had, it was very difficult to stay angry for very long.    

I guess I could call it a "Robin Williams" syndrome. I know that sounds fucked up but, the only way I could deal with my life was by laughing at it, and making others laugh. Seriously. I felt if I didn't laugh at it, I knew I died inside, and that was when November 2013 rolled around. I still to this day have to thank the man who unknowingly "saved my life" by just telling me "I'm a nice guy, and I appreciate you being so cool."

That's another hook to the story as well. After my father got kicked out, it was tough to be "cool" I had a difficult time being funny because I was so shy. Because of some of the people that have crossed my life, I have been able to be the sarcastic wise ass you all know now. Quite a few of you at TMA are responsible for it.

So yea. Thanks you guys. I need another beer.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 02/18/16 at 18:56:12
If you do kill your self. Don't do it out on a freeway or anything it's a dick move to make traffic stop like that.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 02/19/16 at 13:33:38
Hell yea man. If you do do the deed, do it by yourself. Involving an innocent person in your suicide is a shitty move. I knew a dude who was driving that had a guy just walk right out in front of him. No chance to stop. Truck turned the guy to paste.

That really fucked him up. Not physically from crashing the truck to try and avoid him, (that could've killed him too BTW) but the mental trauma of having to deal with that.   

That's some fucked up shit.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 02/21/16 at 10:28:47

Magnum wrote on 02/19/16 at 13:33:38:
Hell yea man. If you do do the deed, do it by yourself. Involving an innocent person in your suicide is a shitty move. I knew a dude who was driving that had a guy just walk right out in front of him. No chance to stop. Truck turned the guy to paste.

That really fucked him up. Not physically from crashing the truck to try and avoid him, (that could've killed him too BTW) but the mental trauma of having to deal with that.   

That's some fucked up shit.


It is really fucked up to force someone to help you kill yourself. Killing yourself is fucked up to begin with since pretty much everyone has people who care about them on some level. But forcing someone to be intimately involved in your death is, at best, extremely selfish.

Unless you're already dying and all you have left is a short period of extreme agony. You should see life through to the end.

You'll have plenty of time to rest and forget the pain when you die. It's going to happen eventually so why rush it? What is a few more decades in the grand scheme of things? May as well see where it all ends. Even if it's nothing but a downward spiral. Interesting shit happens. There are laughs to be had. It's very unlikely there won't be another moment of joy in your life. So you may as well just tough it out till the end.

Or at the very least do something crazy that is interesting. Like sell all of your shit and move to a different state. Try and reinvent your life from the ground up.

Don't be so afraid of failure that you won't even let failure occur. Most of the time it's not half as bad as you think. It's just the anxiety of knowing your life is going to crash that makes people do stupid shit like kill themselves.

See it all through to the end. If you've got nothing to lose. Then what is the rush in killing yourself? Nature will do you in eventually. Drink a beer, eat a cheeseburger, smoke some pot, do something crazy that doesn't involve death.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 03/10/16 at 22:30:15
Taking classes for a promotion. Fun stuff

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Muddeh on 03/13/16 at 10:37:36

Thrillho wrote on 02/21/16 at 10:28:47:
Don't be so afraid of failure that you won't even let failure occur. Most of the time it's not half as bad as you think. It's just the anxiety of knowing your life is going to crash that makes people do stupid shit like kill themselves.

See it all through to the end. If you've got nothing to lose. Then what is the rush in killing yourself? Nature will do you in eventually. Drink a beer, eat a cheeseburger, smoke some pot, do something crazy that doesn't involve death.

+1

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 03/16/16 at 04:28:55
I'm gonna apologize to you guys. I've been drunk the last three days.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 03/17/16 at 11:58:42
Shame on you apologizing for getting drunk.

You should apologize for apologizing.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 03/19/16 at 20:53:38

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by XIZOR on 03/27/16 at 10:05:56
I've been thinking about my job and life a lot recently so I'm going to spew a bunch of random thoughts into this thread as a way of getting out some unfiltered crushing realizations and feelings so there won't be much structure to my ramblings but just broad thoughts and concerns. I started this as a reply to Hellbent's "Work" topic but quickly concluded that it was a much broader life topic.

I like my job a lot for what it is and that is the only reason I can work 55-60 hours a week at it. But sometimes, I just want to quit and start over somewhere else or maybe even pursue a career or artistic venture that would be more fulfilling even if it meant a loss in income because I hate living life on someone elses schedule and time. I hate having to be enthusiastic about a job that ultimately goes against my natural anti-corporate/establishment mentality, even if deep down I do enjoy it and believe in some of the core tenets of the company I work for overall and so I always find the drive to do it because deep down I'm a loyal hard working person but lately I struggle with the duality of the young idealist who hates what I've become and the older veteran of the world who realizes how shit has to be sometimes.

I spent most of my 20's doing whatever the fuck I wanted; partying, playing games, playing music and being creative all of which I don't really regret because god damn I had a good time and I look back on my early 20s fondly and with great nostalgia. I also grew up with a nice financial family support net where I was allowed to do what I wanted without ever falling into complete poverty  but part of me realizes that I wasted so much of those formative years and didn't always put all that energy and time into doing things that would have allowed me to have a more interesting life now where work doesn't necessarily feel like work.

My main problem I would say is that I have an addictive personality and that once I get into something I go all the way no matter what that is whether it be drugs, art, music, games, self-expression..whatever. If I like something I'm going to do it as much as possible until I'm great at it and its a sustainable part of my life, or more likely a destructive path of self fulfillment, indulgence, pleasure and enjoyment.

I was a killer artist and more importantly a killer musician and could have really made something of that but instead abandoned my talents for the simple life because the carefree sex, drugs, and rock'n roll lifestyle wasn't sustainable anymore and due to how expensive it is to live these days, even where I do in the south with the cost of living, gas, and all that jazz being perhaps the cheapest and best, I still compromised who I am for the sake of a stable life and income.

It doesn't help that the things I enjoy most other than artistic stuff like writing, art, and music are really expensive luxury hobbies like tech, toys and collectibles, and video games. In order to maintain that lifestyle you pretty much have to have an above average income just to stay relevant and current but I suppose its the same no matter what you are ultimately passionate about. Had I known earlier that maybe I could have also tried to make a living out of that stuff as well I could have maybe taken steps to future proof my life/job/hobbies and spin all of that into something meaningful but the ever changing landscape of games, tech, media and the coverage of such things as they have evolved and changed over the years makes it hard for an old schooler like myself to even know how to stay ahead of the curve. I would love to do the youtube/twitch/podcast thing as a job and lifestyle but even that isn't future proof and honestly as I get older and see how the world is changing so rapidly, there really aren't as many secure jobs these days to begin with.

Part of me just wants to quit life sometimes and just "live". I remember about 5 years ago I met this couple from Canada that spent a year or two just traveling around in a van, staying where the could, scraping by on what little money they had and the good will of other human beings to make a trek across the US. At the time I thought this was completely stupid and irresponsible but as the years go by I look back at that couple and I'm jealous that they had the balls to just LIVE in the moment and not need or want for a necessarily luxurious or comfortable day to day life even though I'm sure they went back to that eventually. Truth be told, its not that different from how I lived during my 20s but now I long for that type of excitement.

For instance, I'd love to just go on a drug bender for a week here and there just to relieve stress and do something crazy but my job/stable life doesn't allow for that. My occasional drug use is so premeditated and planned that it almost defeats the purpose as I'm still worried about fitting it into a schedule that I can never fully relax and enjoy it.

As I get older part of me just wishes I could travel more. I've spent a majority of my life living in one small area of the world and while I like living where I do for many reasons, the thought that I may never get to travel to foreign places and experience completely different ways of life looms over me in a way I never would have thought as someone who has been mostly content to just hang out at home playing games and doing shit online. I've made it a point to finally go visit Magnum this year seeing as how we've been online friends for so long, but even that is just a drop in the bucket for what I'd really like to do travel wise and sadly I'm not sure my career path will ever allow me to travel outside this country or visit exotic places.

The other downside of my job is that I work with a lot of younger people and it's so surreal seeing that optimistic nature of being young and carefree again, knowing that anything can happen in life and then realizing how I felt at that age and how those people most likely see me as a huge failure because I just make sandwiches for a living, and then in turn remembering being in those exact shoes and thinking my life would never turn out this way only to realize that it has.

The problem with most jobs is that they just ultimately make you feel trapped in living your life a certain way and that is what I'm currently struggling with. There is a certainty and comfortability that comes with a simpler job and life that I really enjoy compared to my crazy 20s lifestyle that is stress free and satisfying, but I can't shake this urge to just throw it all away and live in the moment and do more interesting things on a whim even if most times I probably wouldn't do more than just chill at home.

The sad realization that the best years of my life are probably behind me and that I'm stuck merely working for the rest of my life is pretty sobering at this point. The fact that I'm pretty excited that my store is closed today for Easter and that I'll have an extra day off this week just to fuck around, eat a pizza, and maybe watch a movie and have some extra time for games is embarrassingly mundane when I used to look forward to a road trip to a concert with friends and drugs as something as equally exciting as an average day off from work.

Trying to come to terms with the fact that younger people just think I'm old, don't get my references to even things from the 90's or early 00's, and the fact that its hard to stay in shape and live a healthy life, attract and hook up with young hotties, is really difficult at times. I feel as young as ever in a lot of ways and sometimes I look at a 20 something year old girl and think how I could totally hook up with her with just a modicum of effort given how sure and aware I am of myself as a person at this age and then realize that its just borderline weird and creepy. 

I took for granted so many things, so many opportunities, so many people, friendships, and relationships. People I thought would be my wolfpack for life have just faded away into obscurity making me realize that maybe I should have worked harder to express how important they were to me and my life at certain points and how my selfish needs and desires for instant pleasure in all the many forms in which I indulged in it might not have been the most important at the time even if the fond memories of playing in a band, banging the shit out of a hot girl while we were all coked up, or going to war with my best mates in TMBO, Halo, or L4D seemed like the greatest things I could be doing with my time and how fondly I look back on those moments as shaping me into the person I am today.

I put so much time and energy into this site and the people I became friends over the years and I certainly don't regret any of it, but clearly this could all go away and any one of my supposed best friends could stop talking to me, playing games with me, or communicating with me at any time and it would almost seem like the most/least important thing ever because life just moves on that way.

Its hard trying to express to someone young that they should probably take the time during their early 20's to find themselves, understand who they are, so that they can be a fully functioning self aware adult that can maintain a relationship with a significant other, co-workers, and friends while also sternly telling them to continue to buckle down, maybe go to school, and at least focus all your energy into what you are interested in and passionate about so that you don't waste your life away in the pursuit of immediate happiness versus long lasting comfort, peace of mind, and prosperity.

This is where I arrived at for a post about life before losing steam due to mental and physical fatigue-- another side effect of working a lot--but I have trained my body to go on the least amount of sleep possible these days because how else will I drink beer and sprinkle in the things I love in between 10-12 hour work days.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 03/27/16 at 15:26:06
Think about what you wrote from the perspective of a 44 year old man who did alot of the same shit you did. Bang on drums, bang in bitches, smoked weed like a fiend, drank beer by the case, video games, never really caring in a way wtf the future could be, or what I would become.

So when you realize your life needs to be put on hold because your gonna have a kid, that really fucks you up. It's really kind of over then. I know it sounds like a bad thing saying it that way but, if you want to be at least a half respectable parent you need to be there. So it was great for quite some time honestly. If I can leave out what I spilled about my life in this post, I think it'd be a normal one.

That's the fucking problem though. Like Xizor was saying about being able to look back and maybe not regret things, or regret not doing things....it's just the reflection of looking back kind of going wtf was wrong with me and I should've tried that, or done this, or not done this.

This must be mid life crisis shit. I've busted my ass to get to where I am now, and I'm pretty damn sure that I can pan out the rest of my life and be comfortable. I'm just not sure my body can take anymore of it though. I often work injured. At one point pretty badly but, I couldn't take off work or be put on light duty. (half of pay) I have to continuously battle myself on physical because of what I do, because the fucking government says so. I also cannot fathom making less money than I do now because, I sure as shit couldn't live at all if I cannot work being a CDL driver. Even though the wife is looking good at her temp to permanent job now. 

I dunno. I'm kinda at a loss of words here. I didn't think I'd even write at all.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Spag on 03/27/16 at 21:57:06
So I mentioned I would post here but never did. I was going to vent about my aunt, but I found her dead this morning.

Drug overdose, she was hospitalized recently but they sent her home too soon. She acted like she was fine and went to her room but didn't leave for hours.

Come today I just found her in there, I thought she had died and I was right. I didn't properly check but my sister did and confirmed.

You know when you have a feeling something will happen and it does? I just knew one of these days I would find her in there dead. I knew I'd be the one. I have been fortunate with family lives in my life but this is the first time I have seen someone die.

I wasn't fond of her because she caused me a lot of grief and problems. Her drug habit often led to me having to babysit her and it always frustrated me.

But this still sucks either way. I wouldn't say I am sad even I mean, just weirded out in a way.

Having to tell others it what sucked even more. I got asked a bunch of questions from the police since I am the one who found her in there. She just died in her sleep, my guess was between 3-7am or so this morning. The rigor mortis was there so it was at least 2 hours that she had been dead for...

The fucked up part is the police on the phone made us MOVE her off the bed for no fucking reason. That was completely unnecessary and she isn't exactly light. She was dead and bloated all right there.

But yeah, this is new to me. It's a weird feeling... I always hate when my gut tells me something and then it happens.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Silent_Scream on 03/28/16 at 12:26:13
@Spag:Man,that sounds terrible...
Very sorry for your loss..   :(

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 03/28/16 at 18:08:27

Spag wrote on 03/27/16 at 21:57:06:
So I mentioned I would post here but never did. I was going to vent about my aunt, but I found her dead this morning.

Drug overdose, she was hospitalized recently but they sent her home too soon. She acted like she was fine and went to her room but didn't leave for hours.

Come today I just found her in there, I thought she had died and I was right. I didn't properly check but my sister did and confirmed.

You know when you have a feeling something will happen and it does? I just knew one of these days I would find her in there dead. I knew I'd be the one. I have been fortunate with family lives in my life but this is the first time I have seen someone die.

I wasn't fond of her because she caused me a lot of grief and problems. Her drug habit often led to me having to babysit her and it always frustrated me.

But this still sucks either way. I wouldn't say I am sad even I mean, just weirded out in a way.

Having to tell others it what sucked even more. I got asked a bunch of questions from the police since I am the one who found her in there. She just died in her sleep, my guess was between 3-7am or so this morning. The rigor mortis was there so it was at least 2 hours that she had been dead for...

The fucked up part is the police on the phone made us MOVE her off the bed for no fucking reason. That was completely unnecessary and she isn't exactly light. She was dead and bloated all right there.

But yeah, this is new to me. It's a weird feeling... I always hate when my gut tells me something and then it happens.


It's rare that I don't have anything to say towards a situation. I'm sorry Spag.

It takes a awhile to soak in that weird feeling is probably a state of shock. Death has a weird way of doing that to us.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Spag on 03/28/16 at 23:51:57

Silent_Scream wrote on 03/28/16 at 12:26:13:
@Spag:Man,that sounds terrible...
Very sorry for your loss..   :(


It definitely is rather shitty. Thank you though.


†Adonael wrote on 03/28/16 at 18:08:27:
It's rare that I don't have anything to say towards a situation. I'm sorry Spag.

It takes a awhile to soak in that weird feeling is probably a state of shock. Death has a weird way of doing that to us.


It's new to me, completely odd. The worst part is I think her friend might have died too. They both had the same drug, apparently a bad type of Vicoden.
The police mentioned to my cousin that they received a similar call the same morning nearby. My other aunt happen to mention that there was something about drugs like this roaming around on the news recently. I sure as hell didn't see it but either way, there was no helping my aunt.

She has lived with my family for 5 years and she never contributed anything but stress to us because of her addiction. Her kids are the only ones that could have helped, she should have been sent to rehab but now it's obviously far too late.


Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 03/29/16 at 10:12:56
No matter how bad things get. Remember there is almost always another joke to laugh at. A new friend to make. Another opportunity to grasp at. Even when you feel like an old fuck past your prime. You're not done yet. There is important work to do. New opportunities are all around us. Keep your chin up and eyes open for the next good thing. Otherwise you might miss it.

But when things really are over for good and your life is finally over. If nothing else, you'll have all the time in the universe to rest. So there isn't any point in letting yourself lose sleep over it. Grieve when you must. But don't let grief sabotage your future.

It's best not to spend too much time agonizing over loss and failure. In the moment it can feel like that crushing defeat or loss will sting you forever. It can feel like it's too late for any real life changes. Sometimes all of that is true.

But don't let your self doubt and depression psyche you out. Life has a way of making people give up way before they should. People feel like the end is just around the corner. Spending years with that feeling and never snapping out of it. Letting opportunity and happiness pass right by because they've basically rage quit life.

I'm not saying don't feel bad. Those feelings are real and are important. But don't give up. When you give up you're allowing failure to happen. Even if your body is falling apart. Even if people are dead. Even if most of your life has been spent. That doesn't mean that there isn't anything good waiting in your future.

I know people say this way too much. But it's true. You have to take your licks and move forward. Roll with the punches and strike back when opportunity allows it. Even if you are totally fucked, completely alone, and won't go anywhere no matter how hard you try. We're all going to die eventually. You'll have plenty of time to rest in the end.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by NightShade on 03/29/16 at 16:59:46
Re: Spag - That's horrific. I've had a lot of deaths in my extended family, but none I've come across myself. I think it's completely understandable to be numb right now though; there's no right or wrong way to deal with death. All I really know to say is to just to allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you are feeling. It sounds like it was a complicated relationship and I'd imagine conflicting emotions would come out of something like that, which is totally normal.



Re: Xizor - I can definitely relate, but in a slightly different way.

I went to college studying what I thought would be my dream job. With the benefit of hindsight, I regret spending so much time studying and not spending more time dating and partying and enjoying myself. Aside from just being fun, those kinds of experiences give you confidence, help you learn how to interact with people, help you figure out what you want from your life, etc. I've traveled extensively all around the world too, but would probably trade all of that for a loving relationship. The grass is always greener, I guess.

I went to school with two people who went on to direct movies. At the time, I was pretty jealous. I was still trying to move up the ladder to become a game designer and they were actually directing movies that were in festivals and stuff. Now I'm just kind of sad. They're both now doing decidedly non-creative jobs. "Following your dreams" doesn't always work.

My dream job was game designer. It started out just being a dream to work in the videogame industry in general, but after taking a few programming classes, I learned that I hated programming. I took game classes where I did some level design, but that was pretty boring too, especially when you're working on somebody else's vision, and even more so if that vision is stupid. I tried 3d modeling - one of the instructors decided to show us his reel. His greatest work. His life's work. I think more than half of it was an explosion from X-Men 2. I don't want to spend my days rendering a patch of feathers on a talking duck. I might have done character design, but I'm not a good enough artist. Even that, though - my friend works in animation doing some of that and when you're working on a big inoffensive family movie, your options for creative expression are limited. That kind of exhausted most of my potential paths towards the "game designer" position. In hindsight, this was a blessing in disguise because the volatility of the videogame industry is horrifying.

My major was very broad, though. I had photography classes too, and I discovered I had a bit of a knack for that. I took photos that I thought (and still do think) are pretty striking. But then it occurred to me that virtually everything I was shooting had been shot many many times before, probably at the exact same angle and lighting conditions.

I'd also taken some web design classes. I'd been creating websites all the way back to middle school. I could create designs that were visually interesting and unique that would make sites stand out. But then I learned that people don't want unique and interesting sites, they wanted to stay true to conventions and best practices. My excuse of this being a "creative outlet" doesn't hold that much water anymore. This is what my current job is, though it's kind of ballooned out to encompass other digital marketing strategy stuff I don't give a shit about.

And then there's comedy, which was really WHY I enjoyed working on my website - the content, not the design. Music, podcast, video, drawing, writing, etc. This I've been actively doing on the side all along, but much more so now that I'm actually doing improv comedy (and I'm probably going to start taking sketch comedy classes after I graduate the improv program in the next month or two). Especially now, I feel like even if I'm not getting paid for it, I'm making strides toward doing what I want to do. Even if I never get paid for it, I'll probably still keep doing it.

So here's what I've kind of concluded. I've found something I really enjoy doing. I can and will continue to do it and spend time doing it. A very few people are able to make a living doing it, but most never will. Instead, I PAY to take classes to do it. I could move to LA and devote all of my time and energy to it and strive to make a career out of it, but I would probably still fail and end up feeling bitter and rejected. Instead, I have a 40 hour a week job where I'm respected and appreciated. The pay is pretty good, I have good benefits, paid vacation, unlimited sick days, and I can come in a little late and leave a little early without consequence. I have the potential of upward movement in the organization;  I struggled a bit with this because theoretically the higher up I get, the less creative I'm being. But more money gives me more leeway to do the things I enjoy. I can finance my passions, and not have the added pressure to make sure my passions are "marketable". If one of those passions eventually becomes a way to make a living, all the better, but I don't want to kill myself worrying about it.

If you still want to be a musician and/or artist, why not practice in your free time? Write songs and draw stuff and publish them online. Maybe somebody will see them and give you a career, or maybe not, but the worst thing you can say about it is that you'd be practicing and working on what you really care about, and every day you'll be a little better than you were the day before. Consequently every day you'll be a little more prepared for the potential opportunity that may arise. You may not feel like your job is providing you with new talents, but if you continue to practice your passions on the side, you can still be improving yourself. That's a big part of why I draw, animate, write, work on the podcast, learn improv, etc - I'm improving skills I care about. I don't care that they have nothing to do with my existing career.

People figure themselves out at different times, but once you find something you like, you ought to dive in. You can't go back in time, but you can make sure you don't waste any more. I really like the quote: "The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now". We're what, in our early thirties? We could live another 50-60 years. Even old man Magnum (congrats on your wife's job by the way!) has plenty of time left, though obviously additional responsibilities (i.e. children) throws a huge wrench in this. Still, I think it's silly to declare that our best days are behind us and we're in dead-end jobs that we can never escape. Maybe today sucks, and maybe tomorrow will too. But if we try every day to be a little better than we were the day before, who knows what the future could hold? Even if we don't get paid for it, we can still use the money and security from our less glamorous jobs to allow us to do really fun and awesome things.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Skywalker on 03/29/16 at 20:46:03
Nice post Nightshade. There's a lot of advice and lessons that can be drawn from there.

I've always wanted to have, and still do, a career in the gaming industry, though mostly because that's where I felt my people were at. I known since I took a programming class in high school 11-12+ years ago I could not stand programming, fuck no. I'd rather be shot in the head. Although I'm fairly confident I would make a phenomenal level and even game designer, but that's at the top. Most people don't get to that and even when they do, it's not what they thought. Chief reasons being "Working on someone else's vision"

My intended path should take me in several directions. Which is a good thing apparently. I have things I want to do but still hope to end up in gaming somehow. That can incorporate a lot. Not necessarily a career either, but that would be the ultimate, to earn money through gaming. I would love to just shove that in all the peoples faces that are against gaming and think it's a waste of time.

I will never regret time spent gaming, ever.

And yeah I wish I planted a tree twenty years ago. It would be a very nice tree by now, I think.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 03/30/16 at 07:44:51
So, A new update on my life is I have a date sometime this week. I don't know how I feel about it. It's been years since I've dated a woman.

Before we get there though I'll put up some progression and part of the reason I think I am an asshole, but to each their own.

A few months ago a older woman around 35 and I begun a flirting and it eventually turned into us texting and talking. I have some kinks like tying up with rope, being beaten, whipped, etc, etc.

I made some jokes so we ended up in a sub and dom relationship. Her being the sub. I played around with it for a while and tried, but that type of relationship takes too much effort on my part and during this time I was going through a lot.

I felt trapped in it so I flirted with a 19 year old girl to piss her off. No to mention I was drinking at the time, Not that is a excuse.

We moved passed all that and I told her I just couldn't be in a sub dom relationship because it's too taxing on me and goes against what I am. So she decided to try a regular relationship with me, which lead to her getting bored and losing all interest in me all together. That went on for about 3 months?

A ex of mine and old friend of mine came back into the picture. We both told one another we didn't want a relationship. We ended up fooling around and she ended up getting emotionally attached. So I sat her down and explained that I only wanted to be friends and to not get wrapped up in a relationship etc. etc.

Few days later a girl around my age started talking to me and I enjoyed it. So I asked her out and we will be going on a date soon.

Am I at a place where I can date? I don't know. Am I willing to open up emotionally to someone and be committed to them in a relationship?

To a extent, but I don't know how much remains to be given. After you go through a lot of emotional things you kinda have to sit down and count the broken pieces to try and find out how much is exactly left.

Maybe I should sit back and analyze weather or not I'm going to be toxic for this person.

Or just say fuck it and jump in knees deep.


Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Spag on 03/30/16 at 23:59:54

NightShade wrote on 03/29/16 at 16:59:46:
Re: Spag - That's horrific. I've had a lot of deaths in my extended family, but none I've come across myself. I think it's completely understandable to be numb right now though; there's no right or wrong way to deal with death. All I really know to say is to just to allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you are feeling. It sounds like it was a complicated relationship and I'd imagine conflicting emotions would come out of something like that, which is totally normal.


It's just bizarre to me. Almost doesn't seem real actually but it is.

It's just weird not seeing someone I saw everyday anymore.

Thanks again though, but unfortunately I just now found out what really killed my aunt. It wasn't a bad type of street Vicodin like I was told. It was actually Fentanyl pills disguised as common Norco pills.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 03/31/16 at 11:20:56

†Adonael wrote on 03/30/16 at 07:44:51:
So, A new update on my life is I have a date sometime this week. I don't know how I feel about it. It's been years since I've dated a woman.

Before we get there though I'll put up some progression and part of the reason I think I am an asshole, but to each their own.

A few months ago a older woman around 35 and I begun a flirting and it eventually turned into us texting and talking. I have some kinks like tying up with rope, being beaten, whipped, etc, etc.

I made some jokes so we ended up in a sub and dom relationship. Her being the sub. I played around with it for a while and tried, but that type of relationship takes too much effort on my part and during this time I was going through a lot.

I felt trapped in it so I flirted with a 19 year old girl to piss her off. No to mention I was drinking at the time, Not that is a excuse.

We moved passed all that and I told her I just couldn't be in a sub dom relationship because it's too taxing on me and goes against what I am. So she decided to try a regular relationship with me, which lead to her getting bored and losing all interest in me all together. That went on for about 3 months?

A ex of mine and old friend of mine came back into the picture. We both told one another we didn't want a relationship. We ended up fooling around and she ended up getting emotionally attached. So I sat her down and explained that I only wanted to be friends and to not get wrapped up in a relationship etc. etc.

Few days later a girl around my age started talking to me and I enjoyed it. So I asked her out and we will be going on a date soon.

Am I at a place where I can date? I don't know. Am I willing to open up emotionally to someone and be committed to them in a relationship?

To a extent, but I don't know how much remains to be given. After you go through a lot of emotional things you kinda have to sit down and count the broken pieces to try and find out how much is exactly left.

Maybe I should sit back and analyze weather or not I'm going to be toxic for this person.

Or just say fuck it and jump in knees deep.



Dude just jump in and don't worry about it. If someone you're interested in doesn't like you in your default state. Then it won't work out.

Focus on having fun. When you gotta work on a façade and dance around to keep a person happy. You wind up in a fiercely co dependent relationship and those are very rarely sustainable. Even when they are sustained it drives the person carrying the most weight insane.

Also don't get caught in the trap of getting entangled with someone who is way into you who you are indifferent about. You will be bored and everyday interaction will turn into work.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Skywalker on 03/31/16 at 21:22:21
Spag I wasn't going to say anything but I commend you for sharing. A dear friend of the family died from drug overdose back in October 2013. Only in mid 40's, and this is said about every deceased loved one but he was truly a unique one of kind great person. His only fault was drugs. He didn't lie, cheat, steal, or selfishly fuck with vulnerable people. He had lethal amounts of crack and cocaine in his system when he was found dead on a couch and it was ruled overdose eventually. It was under investigation at first because all of his personal belongings were missing, wallet, phone, ect. Not only that but he described being at this very place one time and waking up to random people going through his pockets and when he was like wtf they actually started holding him down and punching him, but he managed to fight them off and get the hell out of there. It's also no coincidence that he had just gotten a large bonus check that night. To me he was somehow murdered (it can easily be covered up in these environments)  to take his drugs and 1,500-2,000 bucks. When I first heard I couldn't believe it. It took 2-3 weeks to fully set in and the grieving process to get going. I guess that's how I am, but I'd rather stay off the subject of death because it's only guaranteed to strike again and for the world to only get cold and darker as time goes on and with the acquisition of more suffering and truth.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 04/01/16 at 12:43:42
Drugs will get you no matter how good or bad you are. There were a couple of points I abused diazepam and alcohol to the point that I had to prop my self up against the wall and force myself to continue breathing.

It wasn't due to being suicidal or anything. I just wanted to hit a new apex. If I weren't aware of how that combination will halt your natural breathing. I'd probably have died. I'd have let my self fall asleep and I wouldn't have been able to force myself to keep breathing. In fact it may have caused damage unforeseen till this point. Liver cancer or heart disease risks aren't out of the question.

Especially when you factor in the times I put down a couple of bottles of liquor. Once to the point that I was vomiting blood the next day. Used to smoke an entire pack during each shift running security. Also as much as I love pot smoking that at home all the time probably wasn't great. Vaporizers weren't an affordable or easily accessible choice back then.

But who knows I might be one of the lucky ones that went way out of control multiple times and narrowly avoids long term damage. Even though I'm off that shit I'd consider living past 40 to be amazing.

Not terribly afraid if dying either. I'm sure it'll hit me harder once it creeps closer. But I'm just happy to have done a lot of fun and interesting shit. If I lived a boring life all the way till my 90's. I'd consider that more of a failure than having a blast and checking out at my 40's.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 05/03/16 at 09:56:06
I'm just going to jot this down as a disclaimer.

I'm not doing this for attention. I'm just jotting down things on my mind to get them off of my chest. Not really to tell anyone. More of a silent talk with myself.

The suicidal thoughts are back again. When I sleep I dream about it. This is how I know my depression is cycling back in. My productivity has halted completely.

I bought a new set of ropes for bondage, because its something I'm obviously into. My mind keeps playing myself hanging myself over and over again. It's a struggle I deal with quite often when I'm depressed.

I was fine there for a minute, but then life happened and boggled shit up again. My mind is in a state of  decay. I'm feeling the urge to drop everything and move again. Go as far away from this place as I can but if I do I know I'll end up in the same situation somewhere else.

It's a constant struggle. I really don't know what to do anymore. I know I will get better at some point. I was alright there for a minute. I don't  know. Life is pretty fucked up sometimes.

I could do without the loneliness that sets in every once in awhile. Call my family more often.

Truth is I died at age 13 and have been struggling  to live since.

Don't get me wrong. I love my daughter with all my heart. She means everything to me, but that doesn't stop the pain and depression.

I think it's just time to accept that my life isn't going to be what I thought. Let go of that fantasy I loved to hold onto. That one thing that always gave me hope and invest some hope in myself instead.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 05/05/16 at 09:48:03
The worst thing you can do when dealing with depression is pondering and agonizing over the feeling. As hard as it may be to do. When you recognize that feeling looming in your mind. Do everything in your power to have fun.

Personally i'll watch a show, YouTube video, play a game, or most importantly endeavor in creative works.

There isn't a solid cure for this kind of thing. The pills don't work on most people. Drug addiction is a dead end. But you can nullify it by knowing when it's gripping you and having tools ready to evade the experience.

Good luck.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by LCampoy8 on 05/10/16 at 14:35:34
I'm mainly just a lurker but this thread sort of spoke to me in a way and feel like I can relate a bit. I also can't sleep and felt like type out how my life has been.

Started abusing a fee stimulants since mid last year and sort of developed into quite an addiction. Early this year I started hearing voices. They would  talk about every little thing that I did. At first it just seem like it was the people around me, which i assume i was a little bit too high and was just misinterpreting things incorrectly but it later became apparent to me that it constant problem and that I would hear it even in silence. They would insult me or just say the strangest things. At first I thought it was stim psychosis but it seems like I may have schizophrenia. I just get the feeling of being watched, heard, filmed or even that people can see what I saw or read/hear my thoughts. Cause of this my addiction got a far worse. So much paranoia that I have become a bigger recluse than ever before. I don't even like going out of the house anymore (not that i went out much anyways...) because i get the feeling that I'm being followed/talked about. Would even try talking as little as possible (although I wasn't much of a talker to begin with) even with family. It's so bad that I would even avoid going on must website because I think they are about me in some way. TV, radio, any online multiplayer game, even porn... I try to rationalize the situation and tell myself that what I believe would be impossible and illegal. Why would I, a friendless loner with very little connection to anyone,  why would I be the center of attention? Why would anyone care about me, when even I cared very little about myself, give a shit about what I'm doing. I would continuously say to myself to try and keep my composure and keep what little left I had of my sanity but sadly these feelings will just not go away. This has been on my mind since the beginning of February. It caused me to quit my job and just isolate my self even further. I am currently contemplating seeing a doctor but I worry what being labeled a schizophrenia might do for me in the future or that it may hinder me in someway. Plus the feeling that the doctor is "in on it" as well... Still trying to make sense of it all, recovery will be difficult.


Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by NightShade on 05/11/16 at 17:36:39

†Adonael wrote on 05/03/16 at 09:56:06:
I'm just going to jot this down as a disclaimer.

I'm not doing this for attention. I'm just jotting down things on my mind to get them off of my chest. Not really to tell anyone. More of a silent talk with myself.

The suicidal thoughts are back again. When I sleep I dream about it. This is how I know my depression is cycling back in. My productivity has halted completely.

I bought a new set of ropes for bondage, because its something I'm obviously into. My mind keeps playing myself hanging myself over and over again. It's a struggle I deal with quite often when I'm depressed.

I was fine there for a minute, but then life happened and boggled shit up again. My mind is in a state of  decay. I'm feeling the urge to drop everything and move again. Go as far away from this place as I can but if I do I know I'll end up in the same situation somewhere else.

It's a constant struggle. I really don't know what to do anymore. I know I will get better at some point. I was alright there for a minute. I don't  know. Life is pretty fucked up sometimes.

I could do without the loneliness that sets in every once in awhile. Call my family more often.

Truth is I died at age 13 and have been struggling  to live since.

Don't get me wrong. I love my daughter with all my heart. She means everything to me, but that doesn't stop the pain and depression.

I think it's just time to accept that my life isn't going to be what I thought. Let go of that fantasy I loved to hold onto. That one thing that always gave me hope and invest some hope in myself instead.


Don't do it. Just because things feel one way now doesn't mean they'll feel that way forever. Life has ups and downs, and you may yet find true happiness, so don't give up.

Also, antidepressants. They make a world of difference. At least try them.


LCampoy8 wrote on 05/10/16 at 14:35:34:
I'm mainly just a lurker but this thread sort of spoke to me in a way and feel like I can relate a bit. I also can't sleep and felt like type out how my life has been.

Started abusing a fee stimulants since mid last year and sort of developed into quite an addiction. Early this year I started hearing voices. They would  talk about every little thing that I did. At first it just seem like it was the people around me, which i assume i was a little bit too high and was just misinterpreting things incorrectly but it later became apparent to me that it constant problem and that I would hear it even in silence. They would insult me or just say the strangest things. At first I thought it was stim psychosis but it seems like I may have schizophrenia. I just get the feeling of being watched, heard, filmed or even that people can see what I saw or read/hear my thoughts. Cause of this my addiction got a far worse. So much paranoia that I have become a bigger recluse than ever before. I don't even like going out of the house anymore (not that i went out much anyways...) because i get the feeling that I'm being followed/talked about. Would even try talking as little as possible (although I wasn't much of a talker to begin with) even with family. It's so bad that I would even avoid going on must website because I think they are about me in some way. TV, radio, any online multiplayer game, even porn... I try to rationalize the situation and tell myself that what I believe would be impossible and illegal. Why would I, a friendless loner with very little connection to anyone,  why would I be the center of attention? Why would anyone care about me, when even I cared very little about myself, give a shit about what I'm doing. I would continuously say to myself to try and keep my composure and keep what little left I had of my sanity but sadly these feelings will just not go away. This has been on my mind since the beginning of February. It caused me to quit my job and just isolate my self even further. I am currently contemplating seeing a doctor but I worry what being labeled a schizophrenia might do for me in the future or that it may hinder me in someway. Plus the feeling that the doctor is "in on it" as well... Still trying to make sense of it all, recovery will be difficult.


Go to a doctor, this isn't even something to contemplate. You need medication. As I understand it, schizophrenia can just happen in early adulthood, and you really, really, need to treat it. You can live a perfectly normal life, or things can get really bad. I dated someone with schizophrenia, and that's not something to fuck around with.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Skywalker on 05/11/16 at 20:16:36
I like to help, not hurt people. It's the main reason for this reply. I have to be careful though I have my own issues I'm dealing with, but heres a fact: something like 10 out of 10 people have mental problems. The difference is those that get help for it and those that don't. You don't start off with medication you start by talking about the issue. You do this with a professional in a safe environment. This is not exactly a safe environment ( you could be trolled, incorrect info, ect ) 

You should know that most issues can be cured with weeks or months. If it goes on too long you will start to have physical effects. Your body has neurons that are affected by how you feel and effects your whole body. When depressed neuron production slows. When active and happy it increases. Give yourself a hug it will actually increase production.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Methid Man on 06/26/16 at 07:27:29
I moved to South Carolina some months back and am now living with my girlfriend. Yes, the same girlfriend I've been with for 5 years now. Our relationship is just as strong as ever~

Other than that, I'm still pretty much the same guy. I'm still a fan of anthro stuff (though now I'm also a brony along with that) and I still love Twisted Metal. I'll admit that I don't watch as much anime as I used to but I still think it's cool. I've recently gotten into digital coloring and editing. Photoshop is awesome. Glad to show up here again.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 06/26/16 at 15:02:53
Good to hear man, and good to see you get out on your own.

Good luck.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 06/27/16 at 01:32:20

Methid Man wrote on 06/26/16 at 07:27:29:
I moved to South Carolina some months back and am now living with my girlfriend. Yes, the same girlfriend I've been with for 5 years now. Our relationship is just as strong as ever~

Other than that, I'm still pretty much the same guy. I'm still a fan of anthro stuff (though now I'm also a brony along with that) and I still love Twisted Metal. I'll admit that I don't watch as much anime as I used to but I still think it's cool. I've recently gotten into digital coloring and editing. Photoshop is awesome. Glad to show up here again.


We never really a one on one interaction but good to have you back.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by XIZOR on 07/03/16 at 21:52:19
We still need to hang out some Methid since you basically live across town from me at this point. I haven't really seen you or talked to you since you stopped by my house a while back briefly, though that's mostly my fault since I've been so busy and keep forgetting your in town now.

So I have a suggestion. Tuesday July 12th at the Hollywood 20 movie theater they are reshowing the Mystery Science Theater Reunion show, which they did last week but sadly I had to work, but I WON'T miss this one. I'm trying to get some people together to go watch it if you're interested. Its a one showing thing that starts at 8pm I believe. Reply or text me if you are down to go.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Methid Man on 07/06/16 at 06:22:07

XIZOR wrote on 07/03/16 at 21:52:19:
We still need to hang out some Methid since you basically live across town from me at this point. I haven't really seen you or talked to you since you stopped by my house a while back briefly, though that's mostly my fault since I've been so busy and keep forgetting your in town now.

So I have a suggestion. Tuesday July 12th at the Hollywood 20 movie theater they are reshowing the Mystery Science Theater Reunion show, which they did last week but sadly I had to work, but I WON'T miss this one. I'm trying to get some people together to go watch it if you're interested. Its a one showing thing that starts at 8pm I believe. Reply or text me if you are down to go.

Really? Well that's definitely a cool offer although I should mention that I'm right now back in NJ visiting family for a week. My train trip back to SC is on the 11th and should arrive in Greenville at 5AM on the 12th which should be plenty of time so I'll see what I can do.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Skywalker on 07/06/16 at 17:19:44
I'd go to that shit in a heartbeat. SC is kinda out of my driving range though. Max distance in time for me would be 3 or 4 hours one way. I'd like to return on the same day . I got shit I got to do like everyone else. An overnight thing would take more time and planning ect. If I was even invited that is.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by XIZOR on 07/07/16 at 14:20:38
FUCK YOU, YOU AREN'T INVITED!

It's probably not worth it to drive that far for what is essentially just a "movie". Unless of course you wanted to make a day out of it by grabbing a bite to eat and maybe some drinks before or after. I also don't know you as much as I do some people on the site, which isn't a big deal I'll hang out with anyone, but you might be a rapist.

Where do you live? Georgia?

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Spag on 07/08/16 at 00:45:32

XIZOR wrote on 07/07/16 at 14:20:38:
FUCK YOU, YOU AREN'T INVITED!

It's probably not worth it to drive that far for what is essentially just a "movie". Unless of course you wanted to make a day out of it by grabbing a bite to eat and maybe some drinks before or after. I also don't know you as much as I do some people on the site, which isn't a big deal I'll hang out with anyone, but you might be a rapist.

Where do you live? Georgia?


I've played TMBO with Skywalker a few times and I can confirm that he is a rapist.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 07/08/16 at 10:21:57
At this point I think we should have a get together. A BOTW get together with plenty of beers and games.

Too bad that is nigh impossible.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Skywalker on 07/08/16 at 14:45:31
It's likely that there's too much distance involved between everyone. People would need a lot of time to prepare. That would be something though, a bunch of random ass people out partying. Wouldn't know what to expect. I like the idea of games being involved too. Especially since that's what brought everyone here.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 07/09/16 at 11:28:57
It's all good as long as HB doesn't bring any coke.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by XIZOR on 07/12/16 at 03:59:19

†Adonael wrote on 07/08/16 at 10:21:57:
At this point I think we should have a get together. A BOTW get together with plenty of beers and games.

Too bad that is nigh impossible.


TMA peeps meeting up has been talked about for probably a decade or so, I can't even remember. It was always going to be too difficult to actually make happen even when this site was bustling with activity so I'm pretty sure the time has passed for all that.

However, those of us who have always been friends have made the effort to meet other members over the years. So far I've only been able to meet one other TMA'er but I have plans to meet 2 or more in the next year and definitely have a few others I want to meet in the years to come so if you keep in touch and make the effort it can happen.

There is a meetup post related to this somewhere. I looked briefly but gave up.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 07/12/16 at 13:38:40
A random tidbit into my life. I've started working out again. It feels pretty good to be at it again.

I got lazy around 18 and have to start from square one again. It gives me something to do and work on. I like having a goal to achieve.

I've set up quite a few realistic goals. We're going to see how that goes.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 07/12/16 at 21:46:46
If things continue as they are I might be able to fork out enough to fly you cunts out someplace nice.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 07/13/16 at 11:41:48

Thrillho wrote on 07/12/16 at 21:46:46:
If things continue as they are I might be able to fork out enough to fly you cunts out someplace nice.


So long as they're hot as fuck and are willing to........

Ohhh you mean any of us. Rather have the hookers.

THANKS ANYWAY!!!

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Methid Man on 07/13/16 at 15:30:39
@XIZOR
I had fun last night watching that MST3K Reunion film. Was also nice meeting your friend and girlfriend.

The first short they did with the talking cars was cringeworthy but hilarious and was one of my favorite ones. It was also amazing having nine riffers do the last two. I also thought the one where Joel and Jonah riff together (the barber shop short) was kinda special in that it kinda symbolizes the original riffer passing the torch to the new host.

I wish Crystal could've been there to watch with us but it was understandable she couldn't make it since it happened to be right after her work hours. I'm kinda half glad about it though because for the same amount of dollars for another ticket, I'm thinking of pre-ordering the download so I could show her what we watched. According to the site, the downloads will be DRM-free so I shouldn't have trouble sending you a copy of it if you'd like.

...Next time I watch a movie at a theater, I'll be sure to buy a lot less popcorn. XP

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 07/14/16 at 02:03:33

Magnum wrote on 07/13/16 at 11:41:48:
So long as they're hot as fuck and are willing to........

Ohhh you mean any of us. Rather have the hookers.

THANKS ANYWAY!!!



Dude Vegas is a blast. They are all honest outside of the Casinos. They just want your money in exchange for fun.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 07/14/16 at 11:42:24
It's a pretty good thing I don't live near Vegas.

I'd probably be pretty broke.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by XIZOR on 07/15/16 at 04:59:06

Methid Man wrote on 07/13/16 at 15:30:39:
@XIZOR
I had fun last night watching that MST3K Reunion film. Was also nice meeting your friend and girlfriend.

The first short they did with the talking cars was cringeworthy but hilarious and was one of my favorite ones. It was also amazing having nine riffers do the last two. I also thought the one where Joel and Jonah riff together (the barber shop short) was kinda special in that it kinda symbolizes the original riffer passing the torch to the new host.

I wish Crystal could've been there to watch with us but it was understandable she couldn't make it since it happened to be right after her work hours. I'm kinda half glad about it though because for the same amount of dollars for another ticket, I'm thinking of pre-ordering the download so I could show her what we watched. According to the site, the downloads will be DRM-free so I shouldn't have trouble sending you a copy of it if you'd like.

...Next time I watch a movie at a theater, I'll be sure to buy a lot less popcorn. XP


Yeah, that was a good time, though a couple of the shorts like the barber one were just really boring and there didn't seem to be any good jokes to make about such mundane activities like cutting hair.

I still think the main three (Mike, Kevin, and Bill) are the best though Trace and TVs Frank seemed just as good as I remembered and also a bit edgier so I definitely want to see what they're up to with their new gig.

Not my favorite Rifftrax outing in terms of the content but it was good to finally go with some cool friends who love it as much as me as I usually end up dragging someone along who doesn't even know what the hell it is. I'll let you know if I decide to see Mothra next month, but the next time something I know will be a hit comes around like Birdemic, Starship Troopers, Sharknado, or any of other classic MST3K flicks like Manos we are definitely going again.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Dim Shades Forever on 07/20/16 at 03:59:19
Holy shit. First time I've checked here in about 2 years. Glad to see that BOTW bounced back from death. It's been so long that I forgot my password.

To scale back to 5 years ago and bounce back to now:
I broke up with my ex and got entangled in a custody battle that lasted over a year. I ended up getting joint legal custody but the every-other-weekend screwjob + half the Summer and split holidays. That put me in a deep depression for a couple years where I just lost my will to do things I enjoyed doing whether it was coming on here to harass V-Wing and Blair or writing those crazy ass stories I always posted. On the flip side, though....I was better off because I no longer had the bitch behind my back telling me to "grow up" constantly because I play video games or enjoy writing stories.

I got married a couple years back and my now-wife is awesome: loves video games, encourages me to hang out with my friends, doesn't get embarrassed by my humor, is good to my kid and loves going to concerts...and puts up with my eclectic music taste. If she sits through a Monkees concert with a smile on her face, you in return have to sit at a Bryan Adams concert for her sake. Haha. Our first date was a Buckcherry concert (her friend was drummer in the opening band and got her free tickets.) I one-upped that and got us really close seats to Alice Cooper :D

I'm a lot happier now than I was. You really learn to appreciate what you have when you lose almost everything. I was stuck living with relatives for 2 years but I worked my ass off, paid off my debts and ended up getting my own house. I mean, 9 more years of debt slavery but my house will be paid off.  ;D

I'm just happy that a site that was part of my childhood (14/15) still exists when I'm nearly 31! I've always loved TMA and glad to know it's not completely dead. It just really hits you in the fucking feels when you see all the old faces come out of the woodwork.

I'll try to chime in here every now and then but...damn,  I'm just glad to see everyone again. I missed you fuckers!

Take care.

- Dim



Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by MoshfieldAsylum on 07/20/16 at 05:29:24
Nice to see a post from OG (Old Goon) Dim Shades.

Very true that after times of extreme stress we learn to appreciate life more

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 07/20/16 at 07:34:02
I picked up a new hobby called free diving. I enjoy the hell out of it. Next time I go out I'll share some pictures with you guys. Unfortunately, nothing underwater. My phone isn't water proof.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 07/20/16 at 08:25:16
Good to see you Dim. Gotta get you on my Stream sometime an old fuck like you deserves to have a platform.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 07/20/16 at 11:40:28
Hah! Dim Shades!

This dude is what "Classic TMA" was about. You didn't go around BOTW spewing dumb shit in the day, and not run into a golden recipe for Bash Soup.

I have you on FB dude and even though I never commented much, I knew alot of what was up with you. As you could read with me, I had a lot too so

STFU AND WEAR THE GAY JACKET!!!

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 07/20/16 at 12:26:34
Fun fact. Blair contacted me about the "suck yo dick off" cartoon a couple of years ago. Asked me to delete it because it might effect his employment. I told him I removed it from existence. But it's still sitting on a hard drive somewhere I just can't be bothered to find it.

You'd think breaking into a password database and vandalizing a website would be a larger concern. Nope. His true fear is that his boss might see an obviously doctored picture of him talking about sucking V-Wings dick and terminate him for being a homo.

I think he has a job in IT now. Which is probably a great gig for a hyper obsessive autistic.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 07/21/16 at 11:39:59
Wow. That's funny.

It's not like any of them can't find TMA. It's not hard to do.

Been quiet round deez parts. You speaking up deh devil? Really don't need none of that fussy business in here. 

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Thrillho on 07/21/16 at 13:15:24
You know what he might not even be that bad of a guy now. People change over the years. Always bothered me when someone drags up some shit from 5 years ago and represents it as you in the present. As if none of us change.

That being said you don't see that too often in the autism spectrum. Especially online. Those people and SJW's tend to double down. Because they can't betray that retarded teenager attitude of "I figured out life when I was 16".

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 07/22/16 at 03:30:20
Here's some photo's of the area I went diving in. The upper part of the stream was shallow so we had to go further down stream.  The deepest part was only about 10 feet, but that was deep enough.



















The lake I first dove into I don't have any pictures of. I do plan on going there again at some point. There is no telling how deep that lake is.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 07/22/16 at 11:39:25
Looks like pictures from scenes of TWD.

Blair actually be cool now? Yea. Could be possible.

The fact people probably believe he didn't change would be why he wouldn't come back.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Methid Man on 08/05/16 at 16:11:58
I was recently hired as a custodian at a high school that's just a block away from where I'm currently living, which is sweet because I can just walk/bike there without having to split a vehicle between me and my girlfriend who works her own job. Pay and benefits are decent too and the co-workers seem pretty cool. I feel lucky to have scored this job.

@Adonael
Those are some soothing photos. I've always liked bodies of water, whether it's the shore or a river. So what exactly is free diving anyway? (Yes, I know I can just google it, but I'd rather hear your answer)

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 08/10/16 at 07:01:44
It's basically diving using only goggles and fins. You rely on your lungs and your ability to control yourself in situations that would otherwise cause you to panic.

The free diving comes from the fact you don't have to tote huge amounts of equipment and it could be done anywhere.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 08/25/16 at 10:53:26
I could of died tonight.

I was walking home like I do everyonce in awhile. I was listening to music like I usually do, on low volume of course. Once I got so far I got a feeling to turn it off so I did. I could hear dogs barking and that was clue one that there was activity in the forest. Heard some twigs breaking, so something was out there, BUT something is ALWAYS out there. About to the stop sign to turn on to my road I heard loud and strong panting. I jumped back and froze looking at the woods. Logic says it was a buck, Snorting and warning me. My eyes couldn't see anything but black passed the trees. I slowly backed down the hill behind me and then continue on my way checking to make sure I didn't piss it off.

oh well. It was probably a rabbit

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Aic on 05/09/17 at 22:42:04
So, I valeted cars for about 9 years, the first half of that was back in the tm2pc days.  After a while I got sick of parking cars.  I did my prereqs for physical therapy assistance school and went to PTA school from 2012-2014, graduating at 30years old.  I got married after graduating and live in my hometown with my wife who is a flight attendent from Texas.  I've been working in a nursing home for 3 years now and I really like the work itself, but sometimes the business side gets annoying and really borderline ethically. 

I got into pretty bad car crash in 2010, and I had no direct injury at the time, but I think something got messed up in my spine because I slowly developed ongoing pain in my left neck/shouder/hip over the next several years and I've been trying to work it out of me for the past 2 years, I've seen a chiropractor and 3 physical therapists.  I'd say its about 70% better, but not perfect and it still bugs me everyday.

My brother Afro from TMA also, lives in Orlando about an hour away, and we race go karts in real life, and we played GT5/6 on ps3 for several years and now we play a little project cars on ps4.  However, we have both expressed interest in playing tm2pc again, although we don't have near the time we did 8 or 10 years ago.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 05/12/17 at 08:09:30
I'm alive. I can't complain.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Aic on 05/16/17 at 12:44:24
You're still alive... yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!!!

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Dim Shades Forever on 05/16/17 at 13:55:49
Holy shit! The return of AIC3D!

Now we just need Minion's Grandpa and CodeMatt to come out of the woods too and we'll be back in fucking business.

Did ENOS die?

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Aic on 05/17/17 at 23:57:43
I'm just strolling around seeing what everyone's up to and hoping that someday we'll run into an improved version of tm2pc or a new generic version.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Infernal on 06/16/17 at 00:15:54
Still alive here...I can't seem to access the other site anymore. Is it done for?

Life-wise, it's changed a bit. Headed back to college and just working for the most part. These past few years, my interest in gaming has waned greatly. Just looking for other horizons in life. Generally, I tend to still play games but on a minimal basis. There's a spare PS4 in my room from a friend but don't have anything to play for now.

I will buy a PC sometime soon so I can attempt to try out TM2PC. I gave up on that venture long ago since my PC crapped out on me. I've been using laptops for a few years now and wish to get back onto a desktop.

Hopefully you guys have been fine this whole time. Assuming you remembered who I am.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 06/16/17 at 11:31:22
Yea. Still here at least. Other site didn't make it.

Anyways, we're pretty much lurking here now. You can't tell but you are the most recent activity for the last couple days.

Congratulations!

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Infernal on 06/16/17 at 18:12:22
Well, isn't that special? I kinda got the idea seeing as how some threads have its most recent replies dating from months back. Good to see that you're guarding this place from the spammers and such, Mags. Also cool to see that you're alive.

Does anyone attempt to do anything along the lines of Xbox/PS4 parties?

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 06/18/17 at 15:24:58
I ain't guarding this place LOL! I'm like the dirty hobo pan handler on a street corner begging for change in here.

I'm still X1. You've been away for so long, I had to clean my friends list.

Got a dollar?

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Mr.SLaM on 06/18/17 at 23:50:21
God, I've been on this website since middle school. I'm on my last year of college come September.

I've done a lot of growing up since then, but decided to go for a career in game development.

I still feel like such a jackass for my racist remarks back when TMPS3 almost out. I can't believe I wasn't banned for it. That is not me anymore, and I am almost embarrassed of how much of a little shit I was all those years ago. I was in a bad spot in my life. Bad home life really, and I was just angry at the world. I still am, but not in the same blatant disregard it was 5+ years ago. I went to college in Philly, and really realized what diversity was, and to not be such a close minded piece of shit. I can never take back the stuff I said, but it's something I feel bad about.
I still think new rap is awful though, that will never change.

I went to school for something I love, and I hope I can be successful at it. The more I grow up though, I tend to still be cynical as hell. People treat their lives so recklessly. You have one life to live, and people tend to just settle on shit, or treat themselves horribly. I had terrible anxiety the past year, and had to see a cardiologist for a heart arrhythmia. Luckily my heart is healthy, but that stuff really scared me, and put stuff into perspective. This is life, this is it, make the best of it. Take chances, and do what makes you happy. I think we should all try and move society forward. You guys have seen how sensitive we have been the past few years in the media. The irrelevant shit we fight about, while the world could be so much further ahead. We all need to work together for a better tomorrow.

I've always posted stuff regularly, and the community, as small as it is, was always helpful. I'll continue to lurk and post a few things here and there. I hope you guys get to play my games one day, and I hope success and happiness for all of you guys as life goes on. 

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 06/19/17 at 00:39:54
I have a ps4. The only thing thats always kept me from playing with most TMAers.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Infernal on 06/19/17 at 01:42:04
Technically, I don't own any of the newer consoles. My friend let me borrow one of his PS4's for some online co-op in F1 2016. Reason for not owning one is that these consoles come out so quick. One day, they bring the XBone slim and now... Xbox One X. It does sound good but for now it'll be PS4 for me.

As long as you don't hang with the wrong crowd, then the rest of your college (perhaps Graduate too?) life will be ok. Some of the people that go to my school, the tuition here is pretty pricey and there was this one dude in my class who has about three probations or something like that on him and treats it like it's nothing. At least he's rich.

Dollar? How about a sammich? Or a six-pack? Bewbs?

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Methid Man on 06/21/17 at 10:08:12
I realize I've been off this site again. Oh well.

I mentioned in my last post from several months back that I had gotten an RV. Still living in it, still working as a custodian at the local high school, still alone and depressed... I don't really see myself making much progress. I'm just...chilling pretty much. Taking prozac, though I don't really notice anything different with it, been seeing a therapist, though right now I can't get too far because even though I have a truck that's driveable, it's still not registered and I'm still trying to get that sorted out...

Still trying to look for a broad ever since Crystal broke up with me, but I'm having no luck there whatsoever. Tried applying for food stamps but no response yet; I'm probably not eligible for it anyway.

Although I admit I do kinda miss living in New Jersey, where I am now is still better than living with my family... I do love my family but they're just too stressful to live with...

There's really not much else for me to say. I hope you guys are doing okay.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Trichocyst on 07/19/17 at 21:38:48

Methid Man wrote on 06/21/17 at 10:08:12:
I realize I've been off this site again. Oh well.

I mentioned in my last post from several months back that I had gotten an RV. Still living in it, still working as a custodian at the local high school, still alone and depressed... I don't really see myself making much progress. I'm just...chilling pretty much. Taking prozac, though I don't really notice anything different with it, been seeing a therapist, though right now I can't get too far because even though I have a truck that's driveable, it's still not registered and I'm still trying to get that sorted out...

Still trying to look for a broad ever since Crystal broke up with me, but I'm having no luck there whatsoever. Tried applying for food stamps but no response yet; I'm probably not eligible for it anyway.

Although I admit I do kinda miss living in New Jersey, where I am now is still better than living with my family... I do love my family but they're just too stressful to live with...

There's really not much else for me to say. I hope you guys are doing okay.


I know it's been ages, but sorry to hear, man. But keep doing makes you happy and I'm sure things will get better.

Don't know who is still around, but i appreciated the TMA community when i was younger and TMB was a new thing. Hope everyone's doing alright.

Not sure if there's any point to it, but I've had a lot of family tragedies in my life, beginning with my dad dying in a car crash when i was seven.

My mom raised my brother and i as a single parent and a housewife, but managed to make ends meet, largely without us ever having our childhood innocence compromised.

We moved a few times, including renting in a somewhat sketchy neighborhood soon after my dad's death.

Flash forward a decade or so, my brother's become a lawyer and I'm in medical school. He worked and taught while in University to help with experience as well as finances. Within a year of him graduating, he also died in a car accident.

It's just my mom and I at this point, but i go on to finish University myself and am lucky to find a wonderful girl who makes me happy, and we get married.

Not long after moving out, i get the strangest of calls from my mom and realize something's not right, and i rush to pick her up and bring her to the hospital for a check up. My original intention was to make sure it wasn't a heart attack: turns out it was a form of stomach cancer.

Thankfully it's relatively early and I knew everyone who could speed things up at the hospital, and within 3 months she's formally diagnosed, has had her surgery to remove the tumour, and recovered extremely well from the ordeal and can live independently again as she's accustomed to. If anyone's ever doubted it, my mother's got the strength of a lion.

So I'm still working at the hospital, unfortunately my hours are not the best. I basically work 7 days a week, but i realize it's more important to be thankful for what i do have, including health and family.

I guess i probably should mention that I'm from Trinidad & Tobago, if isn't known already. And incidentally, i keep my sanity with art.




Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Methid Man on 07/20/17 at 21:04:01
Good to hear from you again, Trich, it's been a while~ Sorry to hear about your family, though...

As depressed as my post was, at the same time, I really don't have it too bad either. Even though it's not the best, I am glad I live in an RV. I used to be so fascinated with RV's when I was a kid (they don't call them "Recreational Vehicles" for nothing).

I'm also starting to feel okay with being single. If a girl whom I like and likes me comes my way, great, otherwise, I think I'll just try to make friends instead. That's probably how I might meet someone like that anyway.

And I may be having trouble with getting the truck under my name, but as long as that's taking, even that won't last forever. Even if it ends up never happening, I can always just buy another cheap vehicle and get that under my name instead.

My job still has shit pay but I have some really great co-workers and I do get plenty of time to chill whenever it's not very busy. I'm also thankful that I live cheaply enough that the pay I do get does help me out a lot and at least I'm not in debt like a lot of people are these days.

I still need to do something about my depression, though, that's the main thing that's really holding me back as it really corrupts my thoughts big time. That's why I'm shifting priorities to making friends rather than finding a date.

Sorry if I scared anyone here.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 07/24/17 at 03:51:31
You guys ever need me Im here. And I mean that sencerly  as someone who has struggled with suicide and cronic depression.

I'm glad though you guys are atleast still trucking on.

I haven't seen my daughter in a year. My ex ran off with her and some days are worse than others, but Ive managed to cope on my own. Ive learn to manage my self destructive patterns. I still enjoy a drink here and there in a rare occasion to relax but for the most part Ive manged my alcholisim.

My job is shit. I get treated like shit, but I keep trucking on being the best I can because thats a relfection of my character not theirs.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by DeathStrikesBack on 08/01/17 at 17:55:51
So uh...Hi.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 08/02/17 at 09:14:32
WTF?!? WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY?!?!

Quick! Hide your outdoor furniture before he steals it!!! 

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by DeathStrikesBack on 08/02/17 at 14:41:41
It's crazy, this board says my last post here was a little over four years ago. Yet somehow I was still logged into this thing when visited. The thing that reminded me to see if this was still going was seeing Xizor posting screenshots of Final Fantasy XV. Nice to see the occasional ghost still popping up to keep the embers stirred. Y'all let the music thread go downhill something fierce though.

I've actually kept pretty busy, coming up on my eleventh year working for the same company and I know I spoke about it a little bit, but I've become further ingrained into the heavy metal world, as part of an enthusiast press blog. I won't say journalist since I feel that might insult people who are actually journalists, but I do a ton of review work and news for the site I'm at when I have the chance to do so. It has resulted in some amazing opportunities though. I'm on my second year of traveling to Baltimore for a death metal festival at the end of May, and have been visiting Seattle twice a year both to meet up with other metal writers and also attend a bunch of shows. Other than that, things have been fairly quiet. I know a lot of the old guard have bailed and likewise, its difficult to keep up with people as you get older and there hasn't really been a new game to unify around either. I still figured I'd check in just to see how some of the characters around here were doing.

Still, though, that music thread. What the hell.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Spag on 08/03/17 at 05:34:32

DeathStrikesBack wrote on 08/02/17 at 14:41:41:
It's crazy, this board says my last post here was a little over four years ago. Yet somehow I was still logged into this thing when visited. The thing that reminded me to see if this was still going was seeing Xizor posting screenshots of Final Fantasy XV. Nice to see the occasional ghost still popping up to keep the embers stirred. Y'all let the music thread go downhill something fierce though.

I've actually kept pretty busy, coming up on my eleventh year working for the same company and I know I spoke about it a little bit, but I've become further ingrained into the heavy metal world, as part of an enthusiast press blog. I won't say journalist since I feel that might insult people who are actually journalists, but I do a ton of review work and news for the site I'm at when I have the chance to do so. It has resulted in some amazing opportunities though. I'm on my second year of traveling to Baltimore for a death metal festival at the end of May, and have been visiting Seattle twice a year both to meet up with other metal writers and also attend a bunch of shows. Other than that, things have been fairly quiet. I know a lot of the old guard have bailed and likewise, its difficult to keep up with people as you get older and there hasn't really been a new game to unify around either. I still figured I'd check in just to see how some of the characters around here were doing.

Still, though, that music thread. What the hell.



Welcome back!


Also yeah wish that music thread never died. Where the hell is Innately anyways?

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 08/06/17 at 15:46:35
Baltimore for a death metal festival at the end of May

So I'm guessing that's May 2018 right?
If you tell me where and when, maybe I can finnaly hit you with a Plantation Pattern pillow, or a football. Whatever works.

You do realize the era we are living in DSB right? Maybe this is how our grandparents felt when the Golden oldies were being wiped out.   

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Ripzsaur on 08/06/17 at 21:46:26
Music is so diverse and polarizing it's insane. In 20 years, the late 90's early 2000's kids will be talking about how music isn't like it used to be and no one has made good music like Lil' Wayne and Birdman used to make. On the other hand there are some cool artists these days if you look hard enough. I  listen to a lot of older rap and most of the shit playing on the radio is garbage, but I like a few. There's this one kid named XXXTENTACION that's pretty polarizing. I'll post some stuff in the music thread. May not be something you guys are into by any means, but he's cited a lot of lo-fi punk and thrash metal as inspiration. I'll be the first to admit that it's not relevant to the genre, but he's very diverse.

As far as metal, I don't listen to as much as I'd like to, so I don't have much to say. I've always fucked with the generic shock-rock shit, i.e. 90's Manson, Rob Zombie and random bands here and there that are just weird, not metal in any way i.e. Primus. On the other hand, I always liked black metal a lot though. Conqueror, Revenge, Mayhem. Also, enjoy your festival DSB.

I haven't been doing much, but I have a lot going on. got a job doing IT work with a senior care company. My daughter was born this past January and my fiancée and I are trying to save up as much money as possible to get prepared for the turn of the year where we'll be looking for a new place and all that. I've tried to make some music, but it's not really my thing. Other than that, I've just been collecting video games/blurays/physical media when I can at flea markets.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by DeathStrikesBack on 08/07/17 at 03:11:49

Magnum wrote on 08/06/17 at 15:46:35:
Baltimore for a death metal festival at the end of May

So I'm guessing that's May 2018 right?
If you tell me where and when, maybe I can finnaly hit you with a Plantation Pattern pillow, or a football. Whatever works.

You do realize the era we are living in DSB right? Maybe this is how our grandparents felt when the Golden oldies were being wiped out.   



Yeah, its May 2018 now.  Already did this year's trip out there. They have it in the Power Plant Live section of town over Labor Day weekend or Memorial Day, or whatever one is at the end of May. I honestly don't remember, as messed up as that sounds because I used to not get it as a day off of work so it never stuck out to me until the day of. They take over Ram's Head and Soundstage and trot out a bunch of underground ugly dude death metal, grind, and black metal. It's become something of a heavy metal pilgrimage for a lot of folks, I've just been lucky to tag along for two of them now.

In regards to the music thread, I'm fucking around. I know music is incredibly diverse and tastes can be insanely different, people are allowed to be wrong...which in this case, hoo boy. We may need to have an intervention.

Ripszaur, I actually saw Revenge in Oakland last year as part of the California version of the festival I'm talking about. They were playing alongside two under appreciated 80's thrash bands on the second night to close out the day and I've never seen a crowd completely fall apart like that, everyone was so devastatingly drunk. I'm also not a huge Revenge guy. I finally got to see Primus last year in October after what felt like a years long quest.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Ripzsaur on 08/07/17 at 04:13:39

DeathStrikesBack wrote on 08/07/17 at 03:11:49:
Yeah, its May 2018 now.  Already did this year's trip out there. They have it in the Power Plant Live section of town over Labor Day weekend or Memorial Day, or whatever one is at the end of May. I honestly don't remember, as messed up as that sounds because I used to not get it as a day off of work so it never stuck out to me until the day of. They take over Ram's Head and Soundstage and trot out a bunch of underground ugly dude death metal, grind, and black metal. It's become something of a heavy metal pilgrimage for a lot of folks, I've just been lucky to tag along for two of them now.

In regards to the music thread, I'm fucking around. I know music is incredibly diverse and tastes can be insanely different, people are allowed to be wrong...which in this case, hoo boy. We may need to have an intervention.

Ripszaur, I actually saw Revenge in Oakland last year as part of the California version of the festival I'm talking about. They were playing alongside two under appreciated 80's thrash bands on the second night to close out the day and I've never seen a crowd completely fall apart like that, everyone was so devastatingly drunk. I'm also not a huge Revenge guy. I finally got to see Primus last year in October after what felt like a years long quest.

I know, intervention on the way. I can stop whenever I want to, I just don't want to.

A friend of mine went to go see Slayer last year (I think) and got knocked out in the pit. People started throwing punches and it got way out of hand. I've never been to a metal show at all, the closest I've been to is Death Grips which was fucking awesome. I'd go a million times over, they're going on tour this year again and going everywhere but the South East. If you get the chance to go, please do. They're like Punk mixed with Rap but really experimental. That's badass you got to go to Primus though. They were touring near here but it was on my fiancée's birthday so we opted out. Did you hear about their new album coming out?

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 08/07/17 at 17:38:16
So that's what that was all about leading up to Memorial day weekend. I was wondering wtf because I thought I was being transported back in time with all the long hair in the city at the end of the week.

Because I mainly work in the city I know where all that is. Next year dude, message me and see what we can do.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by DeathStrikesBack on 08/09/17 at 02:22:17

Ripzsaur wrote on 08/07/17 at 04:13:39:
I know, intervention on the way. I can stop whenever I want to, I just don't want to.

A friend of mine went to go see Slayer last year (I think) and got knocked out in the pit. People started throwing punches and it got way out of hand. I've never been to a metal show at all, the closest I've been to is Death Grips which was fucking awesome. I'd go a million times over, they're going on tour this year again and going everywhere but the South East. If you get the chance to go, please do. They're like Punk mixed with Rap but really experimental. That's badass you got to go to Primus though. They were touring near here but it was on my fiancée's birthday so we opted out. Did you hear about their new album coming out?



Slayer pits are the goddamned worst. The band appeals to the lowest common denominator so they wind up being giant machismo filled clusterfucks. I've seen them three times now and enjoyed it every time but I'm not dumb enough to even go near a Slayer pit.

And Death Grips are very much familiar territory for me; one of the guys involved in the project used to be the drummer for a Sacramento based group called Hella - so they've been a known factor for a long time. They're opening for Ministry, which is about the smartest thing Ministry have ever done since Death Grips is just basically angular rap for hipsters and metalheads.

And Mag, if I'm still floating around the forum by then I'll absolutely get ahold of you. Mdf is basically a giant party and its fun to meet up with the east coast internet writer crew, especially considering I travel in with a scumbag posse of my own. Its basically five days of concerts and eating at every place that seems interesting, and then I go home an absolute wreck. We'll see if I have a system in place by next year if I get the chance to go again, third times the charm.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Ripzsaur on 08/09/17 at 04:58:10

DeathStrikesBack wrote on 08/09/17 at 02:22:17:
Slayer pits are the goddamned worst. The band appeals to the lowest common denominator so they wind up being giant machismo filled clusterfucks. I've seen them three times now and enjoyed it every time but I'm not dumb enough to even go near a Slayer pit.

And Death Grips are very much familiar territory for me; one of the guys involved in the project used to be the drummer for a Sacramento based group called Hella - so they've been a known factor for a long time. They're opening for Ministry, which is about the smartest thing Ministry have ever done since Death Grips is just basically angular rap for hipsters and metalheads.

And Mag, if I'm still floating around the forum by then I'll absolutely get ahold of you. Mdf is basically a giant party and its fun to meet up with the east coast internet writer crew, especially considering I travel in with a scumbag posse of my own. Its basically five days of concerts and eating at every place that seems interesting, and then I go home an absolute wreck. We'll see if I have a system in place by next year if I get the chance to go again, third times the charm.

Oh shit, I didn't even notice you were from Sacramento. Yeah, Zach is insane. Have you heard their third project, the i.l.y's?

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by DeathStrikesBack on 08/09/17 at 17:09:36
Nah. Not out of any dislike for the genre but moreso because my dalliances across musical genres this year have been strange. I've found my time oddly limited with work so I've been electing to just stick to the tried and true onslaught of a billion different metal releases this year, and if I catch something else in passing then that's great. I just spent like, 50 bucks on music picking up a handful of different 2017 metal albums alongside Anathema's new one. Of course now that I've said so, I'm sure all of my other writer friends will jump my shit for not knowing about it.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 08/10/17 at 00:24:07
Yea dude. If you know you'll be in the area, let me know ahead of time and I'll PM you my info like I've done for Yellowjacket, Scold and Xizor.

I'll have a dirty pair waiting.....

And BTW, if you never log out of TMA you'll always stay logged in even if it's years like you did. Lucky Blair didn't break into your house!  :D

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by ヒロ・ハマダ on 08/10/17 at 11:16:42
SO...

this is where things have been going?


Recently turned 18. Not as scary as I thought.
Just somewhat ignore the law of 'Adult' and you wil be fine.

SO...

How's Life?

Recently graduated High School, took Japanese classes, been a Hiro Hamada nut since 2015, my old account still lurks here...
and I'm enjoying the PC Version of TM2, as well as modding it...
i recently got TM1 off amazon, and beat the game with Hammerhead (SERIOUSLY... Who goes to TM just for TIRES?!)
back in december, we got a brown pomeranian puppy...
My mom got sent to the hospital in May, and got out A MONTH later...

And since September 2016, I have been having a MASSIVE online war with a woman from Japan about 3d Models of Hiro Hamada for Miku Miku Dance (Look at my avatar and signature), combined with a MASSIVE character shipping war over Hiro with her as well. It is STILL going, and the war is not looking pretty for either sides.

So, My 2017 has been...

...'Well' [smiley=shocked.gif]

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Ripzsaur on 08/11/17 at 07:45:33

ヒロ・ハマダ wrote on 08/10/17 at 11:16:42:
SO...

this is where things have been going?


Recently turned 18. Not as scary as I thought.
Just somewhat ignore the law of 'Adult' and you wil be fine.

SO...

How's Life?

Recently graduated High School, took Japanese classes, been a Hiro Hamada nut since 2015, my old account still lurks here...
and I'm enjoying the PC Version of TM2, as well as modding it...
i recently got TM1 off amazon, and beat the game with Hammerhead (SERIOUSLY... Who goes to TM just for TIRES?!)
back in december, we got a brown pomeranian puppy...
My mom got sent to the hospital in May, and got out A MONTH later...

And since September 2016, I have been having a MASSIVE online war with a woman from Japan about 3d Models of Hiro Hamada for Miku Miku Dance (Look at my avatar and signature), combined with a MASSIVE character shipping war over Hiro with her as well. It is STILL going, and the war is not looking pretty for either sides.[smiley=shocked.gif]

Im gonna be honest, I dont know what that last paragraph means.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by ヒロ・ハマダ on 08/12/17 at 20:09:02

Ripzsaur wrote on 08/11/17 at 07:45:33:
Im gonna be honest, I dont know what that last paragraph means.

I have been in a massive internet battle consisting of me and a japanese woman, and we have been arguing and fighting over a 3D Model of Hiro Hamada (look at my signature).

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Ripzsaur on 08/13/17 at 16:00:03

ヒロ・ハマダ wrote on 08/12/17 at 20:09:02:
I have been in a massive internet battle consisting of me and a japanese woman, and we have been arguing and fighting over a 3D Model of Hiro Hamada (look at my signature).

No, I mean I can read, that's not what I meant. How are you having a war over a character model for almost a year?

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by ヒロ・ハマダ on 08/14/17 at 21:19:12

Ripzsaur wrote on 08/13/17 at 16:00:03:
No, I mean I can read, that's not what I meant. How are you having a war over a character model for almost a year?

Oh, god... It's a long story.

Let's just say it had to do with a petition I had to help out with, a new Big hero 6 character that people seem to be hating called 'Karmi',  a massive character love shipping war, and one of the members of Gorillaz. :o :o :o

And sorry to be a bit rude to this japanese woman...

But let's also say, that when it comes to Hiro, and things do not go her way, this Japanese woman... She can be quite a b***h.

This war is likely to end in November.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by DeathStrikesBack on 08/15/17 at 13:03:48
I am enjoying the deeper philosophical repercussions of the 'yes, but why?' conversation that is happening here in this thread.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Ripzsaur on 08/15/17 at 15:12:55

ヒロ・ハマダ wrote on 08/14/17 at 21:19:12:
Oh, god... It's a long story.

Let's just say it had to do with a petition I had to help out with, a new Big hero 6 character that people seem to be hating called 'Karmi',  a massive character love shipping war, and one of the members of Gorillaz. :o :o :o

And sorry to be a bit rude to this japanese woman...

But let's also say, that when it comes to Hiro, and things do not go her way, this Japanese woman... She can be quite a b***h.

This war is likely to end in November.

Yes, but why?

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by ヒロ・ハマダ on 08/15/17 at 22:43:15

Ripzsaur wrote on 08/15/17 at 15:12:55:
Yes, but why?

I wish I knew.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 08/17/17 at 05:26:57
I did not understand a damn thing in the last 5 post.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 08/17/17 at 15:36:54
Got to remember boys and girls, what's important to you might not be important to others!

And that is how nukes get dropped! 

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 08/17/17 at 20:27:34
I'd like to know whats with all the kanji floating around.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 08/18/17 at 18:52:54
I'll be honest with you, if it wasn't for the fact I've seen him around the last couple of months before he changed his name to oriental script, I almost would've deleted him thinking he was a bot off the Chinese www.

YOUR LUCKY I DIDN'T DROP THE NUKE!!!

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by ヒロ・ハマダ on 08/19/17 at 10:47:10

Magnum wrote on 08/18/17 at 18:52:54:
I'll be honest with you, if it wasn't for the fact I've seen him around the last couple of months before he changed his name to oriental script, I almost would've deleted him thinking he was a bot off the Chinese www.

YOUR LUCKY I DIDN'T DROP THE NUKE!!!

Chinese?

tis not Chinese!

Tis Japanese!

I wonder why people ALWAYS get confused with it...

And to Adonael:

(Insert Darkside TM1 Lost ending quote here.)


Last note: I've been around here for YEARS... It's just my old account got 'lost'.

I'm this long lost account: http://temp.tmalliance.com/?action=viewprofile;username=BboySelf99

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 08/20/17 at 20:09:19
Ok ok ok........Japanese....jezz Louise please. You wonder why people can't figure out the difference?

IT'S BECAUSE WE CAN'T READ IT DUDE!!!!

Same thing with writing American and British. Can't tell the difference there either right?!?!?!??!   ::)
  ;D  :D

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Spag on 08/20/17 at 20:49:31
I don't know why, but his avatar and signature is pissing me the fuck off.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Mecit on 08/20/17 at 22:36:26

Spag wrote on 08/20/17 at 20:49:31:
I don't know why, but his avatar and signature is pissing me the fuck off.


Same here. That and his whole presence.


(Oh, my! I became Nina)

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 08/21/17 at 05:26:02
Atleast Im not the only bitter old man here.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by HiroHamada on 08/21/17 at 14:36:24
Magnum: 'Ok ok ok........Japanese....jezz Louise please. You wonder why people can't figure out the difference?

IT'S BECAUSE WE CAN'T READ IT DUDE!!!!

Same thing with writing American and British. Can't tell the difference there either right?!?!?!??!'


Spag: 'I don't know why, but his avatar and signature is pissing me the fuck off.'


Mecit: 'Same here. That and his whole presence.'


They criticize the teen...

And the teen MUST obey.  :-X

(Removes avatar)

(Translates everything)

(Forcibly kicks myself out)

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 08/21/17 at 22:11:25
Clearly you missed my sarcasm/joke leaving out my emoji's when quoting me. Back in the days here as some would say, I wouldn't have to do that. People would've gotten the joke.

There's a huge airport here now, because almost everything goes over peoples heads.

Or just because they're leaving. Either or..... 

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by DeathStrikesBack on 08/22/17 at 02:44:47
He's a young'un. Internet's weird when you're in your teens.

That said, for your amusement, what little I remember of my Japanese learnin' is that Kanji lettering is basically Chinese. If I remember correctly it even translated to something like 'han letters'. Japanese writing uses three 'alphabets' (for lack of a better term) and that is one of them. The other two are variants of each other, one being a simplified writing of the other used for foreign words. It was actually a lot of fun to study the language, but when you hit the Kanji part of your education, that brick wall is hard to climb over. I remember hearing that there's over a couple thousand in use regularly in the writing and when one symbol can equal a whole word depending on context, the prospect is terrifying.

That said, watching you guys 'get off my lawn' it up is pretty funny.

Apropos of an airport mention Baltimore airport is weird, what fucking airport makes you hand push your luggage through the xrays. Even podunk-ass Sac intl (which only gets to call itself that because it does flights to Mexico) has belt driven machines.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by HiroHamada on 08/22/17 at 12:20:18

DeathStrikesBack wrote on 08/22/17 at 02:44:47:
He's a young'un. Internet's weird when you're in your teens.

That said, for your amusement, what little I remember of my Japanese learnin' is that Kanji lettering is basically Chinese. If I remember correctly it even translated to something like 'han letters'. Japanese writing uses three 'alphabets' (for lack of a better term) and that is one of them. The other two are variants of each other, one being a simplified writing of the other used for foreign words. It was actually a lot of fun to study the language, but when you hit the Kanji part of your education, that brick wall is hard to climb over. I remember hearing that there's over a couple thousand in use regularly in the writing and when one symbol can equal a whole word depending on context, the prospect is terrifying.

That said, watching you guys 'get off my lawn' it up is pretty funny.

Apropos of an airport mention Baltimore airport is weird, what fucking airport makes you hand push your luggage through the xrays. Even podunk-ass Sac intl (which only gets to call itself that because it does flights to Mexico) has belt driven machines.


'He's a young'un. Internet's weird when you're in your teens.' :
Oh, God, tell me about it. those mentions about that war with Japanese woman over Hiro Hamada 3D Models basically tells it straight out.
Also, it tells that there are INDEED assholes on the internet. (I learned that the hard way a few years back in the Carmageddon community.)

'Three Japanese Alphabets':
You are CORRECT.
-Katakana
-Hiragana
-Kanji

'Apropos of an airport mention'
Last time I went on a plane was about 12 years ago to disneyland. Hell of a kick ass experience.


Magnum:
I could not copy the emojis because I realised that there were semicolins to make them shortly after, and I forgot to add them.

Also, I couldn't tell if you were being sarcastic.
(Heh, Aspergers and autism, I have!...)


(Not being sarcastic. I actually DO have aspergers/autistic.)


Final note... Anybody ELSE think Axel in TM2 PC is an annoying piece a shit as an enemy?

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 08/23/17 at 00:24:23
I am rarely ever serious in here and yes, he's a young-in. Just try and realize that this site is way more relaxed than it used to be. And don't take shit to serious here.

I have never gone through BWI so yea that sounds dumb DSB. I guess I'm lucky......

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by DeathStrikesBack on 08/25/17 at 09:22:11
1,000th post.

bow before my ability to hit the post button one thousand times.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 08/25/17 at 10:55:36
I'm not far behind you DSB. Thats the sad part. Suprised I haven't been banned for spam yet.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by ヒロ・ハマダ on 08/25/17 at 13:20:55
Magnum's still the king for his 5,810 posts.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Marltoro on 08/26/17 at 00:18:41

ヒロ・ハマダ wrote on 08/22/17 at 12:20:18:
Final note... Anybody ELSE think Axel in TM2 PC is an annoying piece a shit as an enemy?


All the enemies in TM2 PC are annoying pieces of shit. They never run out of special attacks or meter.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by ヒロ・ハマダ on 08/26/17 at 01:21:42

Marltoro wrote on 08/26/17 at 00:18:41:
All the enemies in TM2 PC are annoying pieces of shit. They never run out of special attacks or meter.

>:(OH, HOW TRUE THAT IS. >:(

MY ASSHOLE LIST:
-RoadKill
-Axel
-Mr. Slam
-Mr. Grimm
-Sweet Tooth

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by DeathStrikesBack on 08/26/17 at 01:47:58
I forget which game it was, either tm2 or tmbo, but many moons ago we actually had a guy somehow glitch out his game and become one of the non-player combatants and it showed that yeah, the enemies have infinite weapons and never run out of meter. It was a really interesting peek under the hood for how the AI was programmed. I know I never truly enjoyed AI fights at the harder difficulties because it was basically just a rain of bullshit from the word 'go'. Especially in Black, where basically your first gambit for a long time was to run like hell until you could build up some weapons because every enemy gunned for you and only you in the first few minutes. I noticed it less in the ps3 TM game, but mostly because like me, I imagine the AI had no idea what the fuck was going on half the time as it was literally bludgeoned to death by another system or rule set.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by ヒロ・ハマダ on 08/26/17 at 04:31:27
The AI have infinite ammo/weapons in TMB...

ARE YOU SERIOUS, MAN?!

You gotta be kidding me!!

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Magnum on 08/26/17 at 10:08:16
Always say it's not how much you say,
it's the importance of what you say.

I never say anything important.  :D

Loved playing Black/TM2 on the hardest setting. It was brutal but alot of fun.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by ヒロ・ハマダ on 08/28/17 at 03:12:36

Magnum wrote on 08/26/17 at 10:08:16:
TM2 on the hardest setting. It was brutal but alot of fun.


They will TEAR you apart...

I SWEAR...

THE HORRORS!

THE HORRORS!!

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by ヒロ・ハマダ on 09/21/17 at 05:09:34
Well, remember how I was talking about getting some 3D Hiro Hamada Model from a japanese woman?

Here is the final result:



..."Find a modeler who can rework the model"


She did find one in Hollywood, but then it was discovered that the guy was very busy with a movie.

thus I have turned to 2 friends from the Carmageddon community. and one of them is one of the top Professional-level amature modelers for Carmageddon.

Wish Me Luck.

I'm gonna truly need it.

Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by Dim Shades Forever on 09/22/17 at 04:49:41
Damn...has it been a whole year since I last posted?

When I first started posting on TMA (..February(?) 2000) I was a 14 year old punk kid who had just gotten the internet the previous Spring. Fast forward 17 years later...and all the talk about having sex you never really had, thinking anything cheese-related is funny and referencing "All Your Base Are Belong to Us" transforms into "Got a god damn house payment.", "Got god damn married." and "Got the same god damn job."

I'm just glad that in the Summer of 1999 that a 13 year old version of me decided to go to AOL keyword "video games" and stumble upon the Twisted Metal 2 message boards. Some 17 year old dickhead named SN0TT ran a site (*ahem*) ...a geocities page called Twisted Metal World...which then splintered off into TMA.

Then there's dark secrets of your internet past...I seen a guy enter an AOL chat room (probably I Am An Evil Poptart) that had the name JayRock1987. I listened to "J-Rock" for about 3 days, even burning a mix CD of it on my dad's ancient burner...I found it about 3 years ago in a stack of old CD-r's that were mostly warped. That demonic god damn thing still worked...it went in the trash.

I'm still upset to this day that I could never find my copy of "Peaceful Graves" by The Nightmare Asylum (Mosh and Moopster's old band)...but a disgustingly chipper J-rock mix CD from my wonder years was still intact.


Useless trivia for the win.


Title: Re: How's Life?
Post by †Adonael on 10/06/17 at 03:46:21
Quit my miserible job. Got a new and better one. Feel happy and fulfilled.

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